Radio Silence - Comments, page 5

Yay, glad you have an idea on where to go. :D
And oh, gotcha, that does make sense when you put it that way, lol. I feel like I'm not thinking my thoughts through when relating them to the story, sorry about that. But that makes sense now that you've explained it.
The main story sites I visit are here and Mibba. :) I actually only found this site through Mibba, lol. You might have better luck on there, because it has a broader audience and not just ATL fans... although I feel like lately mainly original fics are getting love there, but there are also fan fics on there. And your detailed writing may get attention (I remember once they highlighted this story on their main page that was an Alex fan fic, and it was really good as well, very detailed writer, and it was a fan fic and still garnered a lot of attention). I've also found that the fan fics I used to write on there also randomly got attention from readers that weren't even into whoever I was writing about, but still read because they liked the story. Oh, and they also have different forums going, and there are different users on there that you can comment swap with (you read something of theirs, and they'll do the same), and there's contests and stuff that can help generate readers to your stories (prizes include people checking out your stories, and you get ranked up with the more contests you win, etc).
So system and communication wise, I think Mibba does that a lot better than this site is able to.
You can also make your own story layouts on Mibba which is awesome (as opposed to just a header image on here and other sites, like you can create the full background and everything). I feel like it's more creative in that sense. Also makes stories stand out from one another as opposed to all having one background (but perhaps you can do that on Wattpad? I've never been on that site though).
I've visited tumblr a few times to read stuff but not that frequently, mainly because they don't really have a notification/subscription thing going, so it's hard to even follow anything. Plus, the fics on there are, as you said, not really full lengths but mainly just one-shots and short stories. I'm more into reading multiple chapter stories as opposed to one-shots.

@Nanook
I have an idea to combine her being more interested in Alex's career and another reason as to why she wasn't so involved before along with more detailed things about her brother/parents. Well, I'm not exactly sure where to go with her brother just yet, but I might think of it as I'm writing.
With the third person thing, I don't want to make it just follow one character or be divided into parts because then it doesn't seem like the narrator is just rambling on and on about the story. It's supposed to more be like gossip between friends, you know? Only with the story aspect behind it. It comes back to the whole 'hater' view. Also, having it switch between chapters in difficult because the plot doesn't really exist. Like, it would be o much easier to do if I knew what was going to happen next and it was a continuous story line rather than the 'snapshots'. I just felt the messy stuff fit with the narrator.
And I know about people not coming on here anymore. I started putting up my stories on Wattpad, but the only views I get on there are from me right after I post a chapter because you get sent automatically to the page xD I also recently started thinking of going to tumblr, but the layout there is too difficult for full-length stories. So... if you have any further suggestions, let me know ;)

@aweirdkindofyellow
Oh, gotcha. I must have misinterpreted that, then. A way to look at that then is giving her full perspective on his job. By portraying it through the narrator, it makes it seem like she doesn't care. If she does, I wouldn't exactly portray her thoughts on that through the narrator then... if that makes any sense. Especially considering the narrator is overly pessimistic lol.
Oh, haha, I must have missed that about her brother, my bad. A suggestion would be then to delve a little more into his backstory. I feel like he would maybe have an underlying fear of being on his own for some reason, since he takes care of Riley. You know, the love lost thing, or it could even again center back in on her parents. Since you mentioned she sees them and they're not completely isolated from her life, I think the concept would circle more around her brother being afraid to go out on his own for some reason. Although him taking care of her could relate to something going on with the parents (not exactly that they're uncaring, but maybe her mother or father has health issues or something, and so that's why they're not suited enough to have her stay with them).
And oh, gotcha. Yeah, the vibrations thing I really think is the way you're going to make this all work. You could maybe have Riley personally look into it, because she wants to get more involved with Alex's lifestyle/interests. I can picture the narrator now, being like, rambling about something and then all of a sudden cutting off, saying something like, "No... what in the hell is she doing? She's not supposed to gain interest! She's not supposed to learn music!" or something along those lines. LMAO. I could also picture her looking into it after her and Alex have a fight or something, or she begins to feel bad so she wants to try to get into his interests as well since he has been accommodating her this whole time. Just a thought.
And yeah, I think you definitely need to have more of her perspective before she starts coming off as a selfish character. I mean, some of that is needed due to her condition, but at the same time, she's not totally unable to reciprocate. Also, with the third person thing, I would watch that a bit. Because if you're going to focus on one or the other specifically, that should be consecutive throughout the chapter. I know you do that for the most part, but then there are times when you switch over to another character and it doesn't keep it third person Alex, or third person Riley. That can be a really hard thing to nail down, but if you want to keep that sort of focus, you'll need to keep an eye on that a bit. Maybe have it switching off chapters, third person Alex, then third person Riley. Or have some sort of transition kind of like a *** divide or something. Does this make sense? Hopefully I'm making sense, lol.
And I can definitely see the effort you put into these. I think a problem also may be that a lot of people don't really get on here as much as they used to for some reason. So that's why there's a lack of readership/feedback. Or they're looking for Jalex, which, okay, that's their preference, but that's personally not for me lol. I also think there may be hesitancy with reading due to 90% of fan fiction on the web being just... bad, lol. XD But yours is definitely some of the best I've seen, particularly research wise but also with detail/length. Currently, you have to be the most detailed writer that I'm reading from. I'm reading some other stories on here as well but they're mostly dialogue and definitely don't get as detailed or research-based as your stories are. :)

@Jack Bakarat
If I could give you some hints about the things I was thinking about, I would. But, you see, I don't have a clue xD

@Nanook
Don't worry about it ;) I know exactly how you feel. I just happen to have two weeks of vacation now, so I have a little more time than usual.
I really seem to make barely any mistakes in this story so far, which is quite refreshing. Let's see if I can keep it up.
Technically, Riley never said that she didn't care about Alex's job, the narrator did, though. The narrator's pessimistic views sometimes make things seem worse than they actually are. As for the 'just having money' thing, I didn't mean it like that. I meant it as in not really thinking much about it. Like, when I think about my parents I do know they have a job, but I don't always think of specifics, you know? Her brother does have a job (as stated in the third paragraph), but I left it open along with what she studied so people could still ask about that and suggest things. Same with the parents. People can still suggest things for that (like you did, only now I have to think of the answers).
Funny thing about the vibrations, I actually had that as a chapter idea other along with the very first chapter I wrote. I just felt like it was too early on in the story to write it. I don't want to make it unrealistic by making things move too quickly.
I also felt like Riley wasn't reciprocating the everything in the relationship. The problem with that is that I try to stick with one 'perspective' as I'm writing. It's in third person, but if you look closely it's either mainly about Alex or Riley. For now, I've had mostly Alex, but I guess the nxt one will have to be Riley, then.
I'm always thinking of giving up on writing, so there's that. Same for the other two stories I'm working on, especially the sequel to my first story on here. Some people don't realize how much work I actually put into these stories (I should do that for school work as well...). It's not that I don't like writing, because I do, but it takes quite a lot of effort.

I'M STILL HERE. I'M STILL HERE. *literally screaming at chu*
XD
I'm so sorry girl, as I said in my last comment, just... this last week was hell for me. And now until like May 14th it's going to be because I'm wrapping up my senior year of college. So apologies again if my comments are delayed, it's not intentional, I promise. In all honesty, I'd rather read your stories and give feedback and somehow get a grade for it, that would be great! XD
But anyway, in response to your last comment...
I see how you worked it all in in chapter 4. Thanks for the note/shout-out by the way, in the description part... what in the world is that part of it called, lol.
But yeah, you definitely made Iggy seem like a service dog in that chapter, and did more of what I was kind of expecting the first time, lol. And I can understand now what you mean by the just being trained part and why it can possibly make sense on why she didn't attack Alex before. So you're good there I think.
Mistake I spotted in chapter 4:
“Are you call me dumb?” Alex gasped, his glare turning even harder.
lol, think it's obvious. :P
Chapter 5:
As much as he liked the comfort of home, staying in one place for too long wasn’t really his thing
Just missed the ending punctuation for this sentence, lol.
Okay, now, ideas/things to consider (which may possibly spark a full chapter idea, idk, hopefully something comes out of it):
The whole part with this last chapter where it said about how Riley didn't give much thought to Alex's career... well, to play devil's advocate... why not? I understand music can't really be her thing, but how does she think Alex makes his money? Does she assume he automatically has it?
And then this also got me into thinking about Riley and her brother... what do they do? You briefly mentioned she's taking online classes at a university, but what for? What are her limitations when it comes to jobs? And does her brother have a job? If not, how do they afford their house? Do they have rich parents (another idea you could work with, have her parents come visit her and show what they're like. Have them possibly meet Alex as their relationship progresses...)? If they're rich, are they obnoxious? Do they care about Riley (you would think, but here's the thing... you would think they would be taking care of her instead of her brother)? So why is her brother taking care of her instead of them? May be a way to show their true attitudes or colors. You did mention she seems them quite regularly, which makes me think they aren't bad people, but prior to this, I honestly thought something had probably happened to their parents. It's a bit weird how her brother has given up his social life and his freedom to take care of her. That's a bit bleak to say but it's just something to think about. Thinking from personal experience and what I've seen with other families, the parents usually take care of the impaired child until they can't anymore or if something happens to them. Is there something maybe her brother fears, being on his own? Does he have his own horror backstory (with a partner that suddenly left him, or something like that)?
Okay, and then a last idea, when I got to the part about the whole her not really being able to go to a concert thing... it made me think of a book I read, actually. :D It's called "Five Flavors of Dumb" by Antony John (the title is ehhh but trust me, give it a chance). You don't have to read it, obviously, but it might be something to look into research wise. Basically, the main character is deaf, but she manages a band. Odd, right? It's been a while since I've read the book, but basically to hear music, she feels the vibrations of it and due to those and training herself with that for so long, she's able to tell whether a musician/band has any talent (that is like the really raw summary, so I would suggest looking into the book a bit more to get the better version lol). The main character is really good at reading lips, so that's kind of where she contrasts with Riley, but... the whole music thing with this one made me think of that book and how that character is able to get into music without hearing. So... that may be worth looking into, and another chapter could be based on that (where Riley chooses to learn music through vibrations). The best suggestion would probably be to read the book, but idk if you have that kind of time. But still, it's a good read and there's probably a lot you can take from it in regards to finding inspiration for your story. :)
Okay, so, after reading your last author's note... still want to give up writing this girl? ;) There's still a lot you can work with. Again, I am so sorry it took me so long to comment. I feel like that discouraged you and I promise I am still here reading! And so are others, so keep it going! :)
If anything needs further clarified, let me know, but yes, to sum up my ideas: I think Riley should truly be interested in what Alex does for a career (because just looking at an average relationship, aren't the two people worried about what the other does to some extent, and vice versa? Make it like a real relationship, don't let the impairment get in the way (which is honestly what it seems like if you make Riley not care)), give us more on Riley's parents, more on Riley's potential future career and her brother's background/career, and then maybe look into exploring more with her potential to getting into music. As that book proves, it isn't impossible even if she is deaf.
So weird how I thought of that book. But this story definitely has the potential to be a lot like it and I love how I was able to think about it. :DD
But as for the two updates, great job with both! Thanks again for the mention, and hoping my feedback here helps with continuing.
Alex is such a dork in this but I love it. Haha. You can tell he really cares about her. One other thing I would suggest... I know Riley is impaired, but, maybe shown more reciprocation on her end. He worries about impressing her, but she just seems totally chill about it all, which makes her seem a bit uncaring and it's a bit weird. I mean, obviously she likes him or she wouldn't be with him, but I think it would be good to show more nervousness on her side or maybe look into some of her thoughts where she's worrying, etc. A majority has been Alex so far, which is great with setting it up on his end, but means it slacks on her end. :/
Can't wait to see what's next in store!
And I'm really glad to hear that my feedback is helping you. That is seriously my goal with leaving it and I'm hoping one day you'll be a professional author. You definitely have it in you, with knowing how to take constructive feedback as well as just the writing in general; your writing is the most detailed I've read in a long time. <3

@aweirdkindofyellow
Rip. I'll think of something eventually

@Jack Bakarat
The problem is that I can't either...

Nooooo don't stop writing I'm actually loving this. I just can't think of a suggestion

@Nanook
I guess all three xD The backstory, the learning ASL, and Jack being better at it... wait, there's four if you count the dog attacking.
That description about the dog was actually so I didn't have to write the attacking part... You know, to say she got to act like a normal dog and wasn't paying as much attention as she should have been doing. I mean, it is still a new dog they got and while they are trained already, they only fully learn when they are actually doing their job. It's like driving a car. You only really learn how to drive and deal with traffic after you've gotten your license.
It could possibly be a bug, but I also used Grammarly for a while and it doesn't save the changes I made with it... which sucks.
I think the critique also helps me. I already feel like I've made fewer mistakes since you've started pointing it all out..

lol, wait, are you combining all three of my ideas? Or two of them? XD lol, you didn't have to do that.
And oh, I gotcha, yeah, that does interrupt the cute moment, reflecting on it. But at the same time, you keep the other things in tact, so why wouldn't you there? I think I would have looked at it differently if her service dog wasn't as described in detail prior to that scene, you know? I think the idea would be then, with that, to just stick with it, unless you're not as detailed about what she's dealing with. If that makes sense... lol.
And aw, that sucks. Yeah, I've heard about there being issues on here with other writers before though about making corrections, it must be a bug with the site or something. :/
And yeah, the critique thing, I can understand people being insulted/annoyed by it, or just not wanting to be bothered. However, the main reason I do it but also like to hear it because it helps me improve as a writer I think, and I like to think it helps the people I critique improve as well (although this is debatable because people take my comments differently lol).

@Nanook
If people want to set up a scene, I'm happy with that as well. I've had to think pretty hard how to write out your idea, but I have something now. It even mentions her background! The great thing about an all-knowing narrator it that those things don't have to be in dialogue and I can just describe them in a paragraph.
I've done my research. Like, honestly, I didn't even know if deaf people have service dogs, but then I found out it was possible, so I was very glad about that xD Otherwise this story would have been very different. Like I said before, I was going to add it because it only made sense, but I also felt like the cute moment would have been interrupted. You know? I hate not following facts, but sometimes creative decisions have to come first. It will happen in the next chapter, though.
I'd rather have critique than finding out way later on that I screwed something up. Like, I'm reading my first story on here again and I find so many typos but I don't feel like correcting them unless it changes the meaning of what I tried to say. I found out all the corrections I made a couple months ago didn't save, so I really don't feel up for that happening again.
I don't think my stories are popular enough for people to see you giving me critique and me replying to it xD I mean, it's always possible, but I believe the decision of not wanting critique comes from something deeper within. I, personally, love the critique because it means you're actually involved!

Oh, okay. :D I was just so lost because I thought you wanted me to set up more of a scene. Because I have seen people do requests like that on tumblr but it's not really my thing, lol, I've never really made as specific requests as those.
And lol, that makes sense I guess with the narrator. XD
But yeah, I'm not sure of the rules with all service dogs, but that factor just seemed a bit off to me. And if you're trying to stick with what it would actually do, it might be important to mention why it doesn't attack at certain parts if it doesn't, or just have it do so, because it would make sense with the training. I mean, not that I would want it to attack, but you know. Just trying to keep your research/knowledge in tact with the story. :) But great that you're already thinking about how to add it in.
Gosh, you're awesome with putting up with my critiques. lol. I feel like if I did this with other people, they would just be beyond annoyed at this point. I saw one story recently where the author doesn't want grammar errors pointed out/corrected, which is fine, but I couldn't help but maybe think it's because they saw my comments on your stories or something. XD LMAO. Being a bit paranoid though.
But it means a lot that you're listening to my thoughts and not just ignoring them, lol. I think that makes a great writer. :)

@Nanook
Those idea's you gave me are perfect. I don't have any idea where I want this story to head towards, so it only makes it easier to add any strange ideas people have. Unfortunately, people love being silent readers here, so I feel like it's just mainly going to be me doing the idea creating. It doesn't have to be specific as in give me the scene, the events, the characters, the whole plot line. But it's a bit too vague for me if people only say 'learn sign language'. I mean, who is going to learn sign language? And then I need to know if it will go well or not. That's all. I can figure out the rest. So your idea with the band and Jack fits perfectly.
About the narrator, he/she/they are going to stay that way the entire time. I guess you could look at it from the perspective of a hater. You know how it is whenever a band member gets a boyfriend/girlfriend. This just shows how stupid it is to deny/hate it all without knowing a thing. So, yeah, it kind of plays with the credibility.
I was thinking of making the dog attack, honestly, but it would have just made the chapter too long. I could try to defend that the dog wouldn't attack, but let's be honest here. I did think of adding it to another chapter if somebody's idea lets me do so. Now that you've pointed it out, I'm going to figure out a way to do so (I already think I know which of your ideas to combine it with).
Only two mistakes... I'm getting better at this ;)

Oh gotcha. Awesome to hear that you're doing your research for this. I mean, you kind of have to to get the full idea out and make it convincing, but you'd be surprised at the number of writers I see that don't bother or just stick with the common knowledge type of stuff.
It would be interesting if she could hear again, but yeah, I imagine that is a long process. And then once she does (if ever), there is the fact of learning the spoken language and getting used to that.
I'm still a bit unsure on suggestions, lol. Sorry if I'm being annoying. Because now I'm just lost on how specific you do want us to get, and if that'll make it deviate too much from what you have in mind...
Let me give the feedback for this new chapter and maybe something can stem from my feedback.
Great job with it! I loved how they went on a date, despite the narrator's protests. One thing I find confusing, though, is that the narrator at the beginning was very insistent that nothing was going to happen. We keep seeing that changing, but it's just like, why are they saying that if they know it's going to progress? It just kind of gets rid of credibility in a sense. Why are we even listening to what they're saying then? But perhaps that is the point, to not listen to the narrator...?
Something specific I wanted to point out: when Alex tickle-tackled Riley. It surprised me that her dog didn't do anything or try to attack him. It's a service dog, so I assume it does its best to protect her. And while it may be getting used to Alex's presence a bit, a move like that suddenly I would imagine would probably be alarming to the dog. Just a detail to consider. Since it is trained in warning Riley of emergencies, I wouldn't imagine it wouldn't do anything if she was suddenly tackled, even playfully.
Riley doesn’t get asked on many dates and if you’re the one to ruin the experience for her, you wish you’d never have seen her walk her dog in front of your house.”
Here I think you would want to put in "you're gonna wish you'd never..." because with just "you wish" it seems improper or not something that someone would say... or like the tense was off I guess, lol.
And if it did end, she’s at least have some experience.
"she'd" instead of "she's"
Those were the only two things I spotted error wise.
And sigh, now we're back to suggestions, umm... again, a little lost on how specific I'm supposed to get. I would like to see the members of ATL learn sign language for Riley. Alex briefly began that in this chapter, so I can only imagine it would be humorous with the others. A twist with that idea: have Jack pick it up quicker than the others, when he's probably the least likely to do so, lol.
Another thing that would be interesting to see or read is Riley at one of their shows or something. That might be moving wayyy ahead but I would find it interesting to see how she reacts to that atmosphere, and what the fans would think of her.
Another chapter could have discussion of Riley's background. Has she been on a date before? Is this why her brother is so hesitant with letting her know? Has she had that heartbreak in the past?
These aren't very elaborative, I know, but I'm not really used to doing this sort of thing. I've had people write one-shots for me, but they've never asked me what they should be about; they've always sort of come up with their own idea, and it would just be my name, maybe some character traits that related to me, and then the requested love interest. lol. So that's kind of what I've worked with. Never really have suggested ideas to others before; my ideas for one-shots I've kind of just always written (not on here, but with Mibba and Quizilla).
But yeah, this story may struggle a bit girl, depending on how elaborative you want people to be. Because I personally am not used to this sort of thing, so many others probably won't be either, so you may have to work with shorter ideas and then maybe just taking one of those factors and putting them into your updates. I would see that as still being inspired by the readers in a sense.
Hoping my thoughts are clear.

@Nanook
Well, I'm still writing the next chapter to set you guys up to think of more stuff. I don't think you'd suddenly be able to let Riley hear. I've done some research, and there, of course, are solutions, but it's not as simple as getting a cochlear implant/hearing aid to fix it. It would take a shitload of time for her to learn the language, especially since she is nowhere near the age when you're able to learn languages in no time. I have thought about it though, as obvious by my research, but I'm still trying to figure out if it would take away from the story rather than add. I guess it depends on how the plot goes.
So, how the whole suggesting ideas would work is that you can request a specific chapter. Like, have it as specific as possible. You know, just like how people write requested oneshots. Somebody says what they want to read, and then another person writes it. So, all the oneshots are going to be connected to each other (but I can figure out a way to do that). I guess you could say it's like a full story, but there doesn't have to be a story arc. It really depends on whether or not people want to build on a previous oneshot. Also, you might think the suggestions might be easier to think of after I put up the next chapter (doing so today).

The first chapter was supposed to be as vague as possible until the end, so good to know that worked out ;) At first, this was just going to be a oneshot, which would have been the first chapter (nothing more, nothing less), but I wanted to go a little further with it. (As for the whole forgetting him thing, that's more for my character Ireland in my story Hospital Beds and Memories :P )
As for your chapter idea, it could totally work, but it might be easier on me if you make it a little more specific. Not because I can't think of something myself (obviously), but then it wouldn't really follow my whole idea of the readers being the one to determine what happens with them. The only thing I'm going to do is make the narrator fit into the idea and to develop the idea into something that is around 2000+ words long.

Hmm, so, yes. I decided to forgo sleep and check this out. XD
It's definitely an interesting concept, as T-what said. I'm a bit confused on how we're supposed to suggest things though.
So the basic things stay the same? Does Riley stay deaf with our ideas, or can we change her? I'm a bit confused on that, it says stay with the two characters but I'm wondering what exactly we can change about them... or suggest about them, I guess.
It's funny, her being deaf wasn't actually my guess at first. At first, I thought you were going to make her like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates. lol. Like, she walks by the same place every day because that's her routine (like how Drew always went to the breakfast diner in the movie), she kept the same greeting up with Alex because she forgot she met him before, etc. That would be an interesting thing to do. But again, not sure if we can change things that drastically... if not, completely ignore this, lol.
As for ideas for this specific plot, I think it would be interesting to see Alex try to learn sign language. Or, maybe have her improve lip reading. Or maybe have a chapter where the different members of ATL learn sign language as a group together with her and/or her brother. That could make for a funny or amusing chapter, lol, just trying to picture that. XD
There is pessimism within the narrator/you (or however you're personifying it) that nothing can happen, but I have hope that something could. :D
That's all I've got for now, tired brain working here, lol, but hopefully something I said inspired? And once you clarify my question, that would help a lot with trying to think of ideas, so that I know how much of a box I'm working with to stay in idea-wise, lol. I guess the overall question is, are we building up one overall full story or is this just going to be like a collection of similar stories with the two characters?
But yeah, I really like what you have of this and I love the narrator parts, it's different than your other stories and so I'm interested in seeing where it goes. :)

@T-what
It would really suck if nobody decides to participate

Okay, I think that's a very interesting concept. I'm curious if it works out! Great idea!