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Radio Silence - Comments, page 4
Hmm... I'm not sure which parts of my first comment the first two paragraphs of your comment back were referring to... lol. But just speaking in general, only write it if you feel you can I guess. I was just suggesting things that came into question as I was reading, that I was wondering about. :) So you don't have to approach the topics if you don't want to or are unsure how to. Just trying to spark ideas. They could even be covered briefly again, as I said, within another main point you cover in a chapter.
Upon a Google search, OK is technically alright to use. The only issue there then was just capitalizing it, so you're good. My bad. XD So either is acceptable. Personally, I always spell it out when writing for a story or professionally, and just use the two letters if it's an informal thing.
And awesome. :)
@Nanook
I could go into more detail... but I honestly don't know what said detail would be. I normally don't go into a lot of detail (names, etc.) unless I know it's going to come back. Like, really come back, not just something in the background. Maybe I shouldn't do that?
It's very difficult to put in flashbacks when it's third person, hence why all their backstory is summarized in a couple of paragraphs. I would totally do it, otherwise. I just feel weird having a random break in it... Maybe a separate chapter that's just a flashback could work. I don't know if I'll be too far into the story to still do that, though. Unless I can somehow relate it to the events that happen in the chapter before/after.
Oh my god, so many mistakes. Shows that editing just before I go to bed just doesn't work.
I always thought OK was the actual word, and that okay was the phonetic version? I often use 'ok' in the writing and 'okay' in the dialogue. Maybe I screwed that up as well.
I have Riley meeting Alex's parents on my list for the next couple of chapters, so that should come in a little while ;)
I. AM. BACK. Sorry it took me so long to comment. :( I just have finals this week then I am done. I'm able to comment now since I don't have any to worry with today, lol.
First of all, thanks again for the mention in chapter 6. You rocked that chapter; great job with it! A lot more is clarified now on her background and it's making sense why she lives with her brother.
Something I'm still wondering about with him is just how he's still so willing to give up his own life for hers. I mean, I know that's a noble thing to do, but I'm just wondering if Casper's thought about his own love prospects, if he has a history there, etc. Like, it just seems like a lot to give up. Or maybe you could just mention how he is uninterested, lol. That would at least clarify it... maybe you did an I missed it... XD
But as for her parents, how unfair that they're judging Alex without even knowing him. The whole bad boy, rockstar stereotype I think is a bit outdated, although they are older so I guess you can't blame them for thinking like that. But this whole confrontation had me thinking of something else, or possibly another idea you could work with... what exactly happened with Riley's ex? I would be interested in learning the full backstory there, like what his name was, maybe flashback to a memory, idk. Another idea to just work with.
But it seems like a few people are suggesting things, so yay! :D Glad more people are getting involved.
Okay, so some things I spotted...
Chapter 6:
You see, after having broken up with that cheating ex-boyfriend of hers, Riley wanted to show that she could live independent
You would want "independently" here, since it's describing live.
She did ok at her school.
This may be preference, but I feel like every time I've seen "okay" in a story, it's always written out like "okay." Saying "ok" is a bit slang-y. I'm not sure how proper you want to be though.
A long distance relationship, a brother that wasn’t supportive at all, parents that already hated the guy without even knowing him.
Saying "wasn't" bothers me a bit because it's past tense... I feel like the narrator is supposed to be telling the story in past tense, but there are times when it's present, so with that I would just say keep that consistent... because saying "already hated" after that, almost sounds present tense, so that's perhaps what is confusing me. XD Idk. Just, yeah, consistency there.
Chapter 7:
Homegirl managed to land herself a job at a school for the deaf and hard hearing,
I think you would want to say "hard of hearing." Without the of, it doesn't sound right.
So, she worked in a surrounding she already knew quite well,
"surrounding" is okay, but I think a better word would be "environment." Saying "surrounding" sounded a bit awkward.
A few of the kids were doing really well, while other took some more time.
*others
And while he used to be good at English. Foreign languages never were his forte.
This just needs to be one sentence as opposed to two. You'd want a comma as opposed to a period.
I believe that was all I saw. Great job with both updates! Chapter 7 was really cute, with how he went to visit her and learned with the kids. So I really liked T-What's idea. :)
Another thing that you mentioned in the note that I would be interested in seeing is her meeting Alex's parents. I'm not sure what to suggest there, though. But I hadn't really thought of the reverse, and that will be a factor if they get more serious.
But yeah, really loved the updates, and sorry again for the delay in commenting. I'm still here and can't wait for more! :)
@Newyork_xo
Our Rileys are very different, which is nice. Let's just hope people don't confuse the two xD
I'll add your idea's to the looong list I have (it's very short, only two points that are two words long...). I'll get to your ideas, but first some more drama llama. Now I think about it, I can actually use one of your ideas as a continuation of something somebody else said in the very beginning.
Okay! I've finally caught up with this. I love it. It's definitely a different angle making Riley deaf. I love how Alex didn't let that deter him from getting to know her and he's really set on making it work with her. I can't wait to see where this continues to go.
As for ideas for an upcoming chapter, yikes. I'm having a hard enough time coming up with ones for my own stories, lol
But I think I'd like to see him finally start getting the hang of sign language - at least enough that he can have a halfway basic conversation with Riley.
Then I'd like to see him meeting Riley's parents and they start to see how attentive he is to her - contradicting whatever her brother said negatively about him.
He could do little things, like moving a dish of broccoli away from her because he knows she doesn't like it or bringing her favorite sweets for dessert.
Or maybe her dad noticed all these little things and starts to warm up to him but her mom and brother still don't so the dad starts arguing with them to stand up for Alex.
That's all I have for now, haha. Hope it helps!
Wow, such a cool chapter done with the suggestions! Although you did all the work, I feel a little proud too! ;-))
@T-what
Those ideas are actually really good, I can totally do something with them. I'll put it in the next chapter ;)
Okay, I would like to suggest something but don't know if it's any good cause I can't even come up with ideas for my own fic at the moment. How about she gets a job in a pre school for deaf kids as teacher assistant and teaches them sign language. So when Alex comes to visit her at work he could sit amongst the four and five year olds and learn with them and maybe that would actually help him and make him better too. Also earning her own money would make her more independent from her brother. I would think Alex would be asking to meet the parents and Riley would try to keep him away not telling him that her family already hates him and then they meet by accident and it's super embarrassing. Maybe you can work with that.
Awesome. :D
And yeah, it's a bit trickier. I believe they still have templates for story layouts (to get you started). Also, other users started making unique ones to use. Although idk if they still do anymore. lol.
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@Nanook
Yeah, I get that they could spark ideas, but I everything I come up with wouldn't really contribute toAlex' and Riley's story. Like, I want everything to somehow be about them. I get sidetracked too often normally, so I'm trying to stay away from that xD
And thank god. I would have freaked out if I had been doing the whole OK/okay thing wrong my entire short life and nobody pointed it out before. I hate using OK, though, Ok or ok seems less aggressive. I'm all over the place with that word.
5/10/17