We Are The Rebellious Youth - Comments, page 16

@Nanook
Devon's more like a 'boyfriend', as in a more open relationship. Plus, Devon's the one that called her his girlfriend, not the other way around. Sure, he defends the fact that he won't cheat on her, but if you realize, she only talks about them having sex, not an emotional bond. Maybe I just didn't write it clearly and should change it to make it more obvious. The only attachment she has is how good he is at doing his thing.
Oh, no, I wasn't talking about them copying me, I actually believe that story started just before mine... I don't know anymore xD If I read stories, I often can't stop, so I waste a lot of my time when I should be doing homework...

Hmmm... it kind of does but it just seems like a bit of attachment, which is odd for her character. lol. Idk, maybe it'll make more sense as we see her character continue.
And oh, gotcha. I guess I can see that detachment. But then that kind of brings me back to the point of why does she have the attachment to Devon then, lol. XD But fighting to be on her list thing makes sense.
Oh, yeah, I'm not saying they copied or anything but I just found it funny how two of the stories I'm reading right now have the same character name. XD The story definitely has an interesting concept to it. But yeah, I understand, right now it's the opposite for me, as it has been for so long. :/ Just having a hard time finding writing motivation.

@Nanook
It's all good.
Devon and Mickey are technically together, but Mickey is only doing it so it's easier for her. She's only doing it for sex, not for everything around it. That's why she won't get together with Alex because he's all clingy and wants to be friends, which (to her) means there have to be feelings involved. So basically Devon and Mickey have that friends with benefits deal going on, but took it a step further so he won't be able to just say 'no' to her when he finds someone else. As for the whole attachment to Devon, it's not really emotional, but more because he's fighting for first place on her list. Plus, you have the whole thing about her not wanting to do anything with people at school. I don't know if that makes more sense or not, but it's what I tried to explain with Mickey's speech to Rian before joining Devon upstairs.
All those mistakes are just my brain being stupid again. The last one, however, I tried to make it sound more like she thinks of guys as objects with just casually using 'a guy'. It might sound weird because people aren't considered objects in most sentences, but I kinda forced it here. Using italics puts too much emphasis on it, though, and I believe it's something that is easily said by her, not something she wants to make clear.
Also, I've seen that story come across, but I haven't read it at all. Seems like a coincidence. I took a look at the summary, and their real names are different, though. I might start reading it if I have time. I spend more time writing that reading, honestly.

Great job with the update! So sorry for the delay in commenting... this week has literally been the week from hell and so I only just now had time to get on here and catch up with updates. :/
Haha, that moment with Alex got intense. Like it literally seemed like she was going to choke him, OMG. XD
I'm a little confused with the Devon thing. So they're technically together? I'm surprised that Mickey is allowing him to call her his girlfriend. I understand that he's not being as clingy as Alex, and he was better than Alex, so I guess that's her attraction towards him, but I thought she was totally anti-relationship? So like, just the way he seemed to casually say that and she didn't comment on it too much confused me a bit. So is it just like the cling factor that makes him different? Because Alex was basically offering her the same thing, or was insinuating that's what he wanted initially, kind of.... no? Idk. It also seems like it may hurt her if Devon cheats... it just seems totally different than the way she was acting before.
But it's interesting, don't get me wrong, how she seems to be getting a bit attached to him and not Alex. Perhaps it will come back at her? Hmmm.... perhaps that's where the character growing will progress.
A few other things, grammar mistake wise, to point out as well:
The only reason I was blessed with his presence was because my parents didn’t trust him. Now that’s bullshit.
Do you maybe want to say 'me' instead of 'him'? If her parents didn't trust Rian with her, why is he there? XD Or, thinking about this again, this may have been foreshadowing to Devon coming over, but just clarification there if that's what you meant, if her parents have met Devon.
One I opened the door, rather than seeing the pizza delivery guy,
You'll either want "Once" or "When" instead of "One" lol.
It’s just easier to have a guy so that I won’t have to worry about finding frequent one night stands.”
I think instead of 'a guy' you'll want to say 'one guy.' Or maybe put 'a' in italics. It just sounded a bit off as is.
But those were the only things I caught. Otherwise, great job with the update! Always enjoy reading Mickey's POV, more so than Alex's because she's just so sassy and I love it. lol.
Also, a bit random, but have you read the story Dark Affairs on here? It's an interesting story, it's ongoing right now and I just mention it because the author also has the main character named Mickey. XD So I'm reading two stories with the same main character name right now, haha.

@Nanook
It's just over half way done... I think. Depends on what I'm still adding.

lol, no problem. Take your time really. :)

@Nanook
I don't know what it is. They are still very different, though, but it's once again him noticing the girl. The problem is that they have this small difference that I need to keep remembering when I write something.
I have the next chapter planned out, it's been that way for a while now, but I hate having to write an introduction to the events, so I keep procrastinating. I'll try to write a bit more today, but I might have last minute homework to do.

I can see that I guess, because he's on the sweeter side, lol. Or like he's changing from the asshole character to the opposite, lol.
Oh gotcha, lol, yes, unusual makes more sense. XD
And yay glad to hear that. :)

@Nanook
It's so weird writing from Alex's POV. I'm still in the whole Opposites Do Not Attract mood. Alex here is only slightly different, which makes it so difficult to write. I don't know if he also seems so similar when you read it, but to me is definitely feels like it.
Only one mistake :O and it was just a simple typo (it was supposed to say 'unusual thing'). It's a record! But then again, this chapter was three times shorter than what I normally write.
I started writing this story because I was so excited about it, I'm not just going to leave it. Sure, updates might be a little slow, but still.

Yay, it's back! :DD
Sorry to hear about busy-ness. :/ I know how that feels. But I'm still here to read and excited to see what comes next. :D
Haha, Rian being all confident and braggy relying the info, I loved it. XD And Alex does really feel for her, even if he doesn't admit it... ;)
Didn't spot any spelling errors, great job. One thing I did want to point out is the beginning of the chapter though:
I had my fair share of girls being mad at me. It wasn’t a usual thing for me.
I found it a bit contradicting how he said his fair share of girls, yet it's not a usual thing. I mean wouldn't that make it a usual thing then? lol. Getting nit-picky but just trying to understand the logic. The sentences would probably just need to be reworded a little.
But great job with the update, otherwise. Thank you for taking the time and wanting to update this story, you're a dedicated author and that's awesome. :)

lol. XD

@Nanook
I really need to stop editing late at night... it's not doing me good. I always miss stupid mistakes like those.
Btw, I live for Mickey.

Loved the update! Haha, Mickey, her bluntness is just awesome. XD
Ooohh... Alex is pretty far down on her list, that's not too good to get on her good side. XD My gosh, twenty-five? How harsh. XD I kind of would love to see her actually tell him that and see what his reaction would be LMAO.
I spotted a couple of things:
Any friend of Alex was not going to my friend.
There needs to be a 'be' between to and my. lol.
Alex, while I used to think he was pretty good looking, was no longer on that list. Easy at that.
'as' instead of 'at'
I’m definitely going to make sure my grade are good enough for any of the colleges or universities I want to go to.
'grades' as opposed to 'grade' since there's more than one haha.
So, to show that our conversation was officially over, I took my iPod back out of the speakers and listened to music through my earphones. However, Rain continued to talk.
I'm not sure if maybe this was sarcasm since she was messing up the spelling earlier, or a true error, lol, but you spelled 'Rian' like 'Rain' at this part. Could be taken as her sarcastic thoughts though lol.
I think that was all I saw. :P
Great job with the update though! :D Very entertaining, I love hearing her thoughts on everything. :P She just does not give af. :D
Can't wait for the next! :)

@atlfan08 Yay! :D And I understand. Glad you're still keeping it in mind at least. :)

Yeah, he's trying so hard to look out for Mickey :( @Newyork_xo

I did see your comments, and I love that you're enjoying Long Way Home as well...I reaaally need to update that btw. I have it planned out, it's just a matter of finding the time to write-slash-putting it all down on paper lol @Nanook

lol, it's okay girl, take your time, really. I've started back up with college again, so things are going to start getting hectic for me again. So it'll honestly be better for me if there's more space between updates.
And OMG, that's true. Well idk what you have planned. XD You could just make her development like worse as opposed to better, if that makes sense. That's totally probable, although it'd be kind of sad if it went that way, lol.

@Nanook
Now all the pressure is on me to write and post something :o I haven't even started...
Imagine a story without any character development whatsoever, wouldn't that the absolutely horrible? But then again, I have read a couple of fanfics that are like that... and yes, they aren't all that good.

Poor Alex.

Yay, an update! Was beginning to wonder about this story...
Aw, poor Alex. :( I give him kudos though, with trying to warn her even though she didn't want to listen. Although with Mickey's intentions with guys, hopefully that Devon guy isn't much to worry about.
Oh, and @atlfan08, I checked out your other story. :D lol I'm just on a reading binge lately, but I just wanted to be sure you saw my comment on it, I think it's really good. :)
But back to this one, wondering what's going to happen next. Will Mickey ever begin to feel guilt? Hmm...
Can't wait for the next one. :D I don't think I spotted any errors in this one, so good job! :)