We Are The Rebellious Youth - Comments, page 15

Oh gosh. So much going on with Mickey. :O
Awww.... I love how she went to Alex's though. Like her subconscious took her there. :D Just found that sweet.
lol, poor Mrs. Gaskarth though, just confused with what all was going on. XD Don't blame her.
But Alex is so sweet to take care of her. I find it ironic how the roles are briefly switched in this chapter; she goes to him actually wanting some attention, and he's surprised and not really trying as hard as he usually is, as she points out. Which, as late as it is, you can't really blame him I guess.
A few things to point out, technicalities really, not even too major of mistakes (or even debatable):
That didn’t mean I was smart enough to do the responsible and find my way home, whether that be at my parents’ house, or fucking Michael’s house. I, of course, preferred not to have to go back to my step dad, but I also didn’t think of the possibility of just going home.
Okay, so this part was a bit confusing. She preferred not to go back to her step dad? Did you mean her real dad here? Because she later says her parents are out of town...
“Mickey, what the hell are you doing here?” Alex whispered aggressively as he looked around behind me to see if I had brought anybody else along
Just the missing punctuation after "along"
“I don’t know your surname!”
I love how she's drunk and actually could recall the word "surname." lol. This isn't really a mistake but just thinking logically I guess... or maybe not logically, maybe she just thinks more proper when she's drunk? XD Like I would have personally said "last name" probably if I was in her position. So yeah, not technically a correction, but I just found it surprising she remembered the actual word for it. XD
“He’s possibly at a bar, drinking until he passes out in the bathroom or on the street; maybe he’s at a strip club spending all his rent money; it wouldn’t surprise me if he somehow found a hooker and parked his car underneath a bridge; I don’t know whether he’s done any drugs lately, but that’s also a possibility.
I think here I would only use one semi-colon. I would maybe put a period before "I don't know..." I'm just thinking about what I've seen with typical writing. I think I could see what you were aiming for, a kind of list (which is where you can see more than one semi-colon used), so I guess it kind of works... so a bit debatable here I guess. But just something I noted that seemed a little off.
But other than that, great job with the chapter! Hmm... wonder how this will kind of alter her and Alex's relationship. She's starting to let her guard down a bit. :D And she kind of owes him something now for kind of imposing upon him now. :P
Can't wait to see what happens next! :D

@aweirdkindofyellow
Swear, girl, I'll get to your new story soon. For now, I just read this update since it was in my notifs, haha. My week has been rough. :/

@atlfan08
Great job with the update! Happy to see you get a new one posted. :)
Hmm... I find something a bit odd. I realize Alex is pretty tame to Mickey's character, however, I thought he was still a player type of character? Because then in that case, he seems to care an awful lot about school/success. lol. I just found that a bit off; maybe he was meant to be like that since the beginning, but just something I wanted to note.
Or is his behavior emphasizing that Mickey's making him change his ways? Could be that too now that I think about it.
Hmm... I'm thinking the man that picked her up at the end is her real dad? :O But why didn't her mom pick her up? Hmm... weird how he just appeared out of the blue. Unless this is her step-dad, seemed like he was a new character being described though. Really interested in hearing more about this though; maybe Alex will find out since he witnessed it. :O
Couple of things to note:
“Morning, everyone. We’ve got a lot to cover today, and we only have until the end of the week for your test, so let’s begin.”
Nothing grammatical to point out, but I was a bit confused on why this dialogue was italicized. Usually italics illustrate a memory, something in the past, or perhaps text messages. Seemed a bit odd how you did that, and later on, the one jock's dialogue also did the same. Could be a style choice, but I'm kind of stuck in official writing critique mode at the moment, lol, and just trying to make sense of things. XD Just something to consider.
Miss Harper asked, her eyes staring back at Micky in a dumbfounded sort of way.
*Mickey
even if it was a romanc-y story about sisters growing up and finding love.
You would want to spell "romance" out here, so "romance-y"
I flinched at her seething tone, but stood my ground none the less,
"none the less" is generally altogether, so "nonetheless"
She cowered back. flinching every time he moved his hands.
You would just want a comma instead of a period after "back"
But those were the only things. Sorry if I seem super critiquing, honestly feel like I am and it's probably because of the writing class I'm taking right now. lol. But thought everything looked good overall content wise, other than my question with how Alex's acting, but that might just be something I've neglected to pick up on.
Can't wait for more! :)

Holy shit, I wasn't expecting this xD totally a great thing to wake up to. Now, I've gotta get working again.

LMAO. XD Yeah, I realized that after reading the other comment back, haha.
And lol, I hate grape flavored things as well, but I don't think it's because it tastes like soap. It's more so just the flavor is too manufactured or something for my taste, lol. I like actual grapes as in the fruit just fine, just "grape flavoring"... meh.
I love Lifesavers! Although only the gummy kind. I don't really like the hard ones. :/

@Nanook
Oh, thank god. The problem of not referring back to which flavor you were talking about xD Kid's toothpaste is also mint, but a much milder version.
Basically, all grape-flavored candy taste like soap. Then there's also some that taste like toilet cleaner (they are often lime mixed with something else). Apparently my parents think that Lifesavers taste and smell like the dish soap they used when they were kids, I actually like them, though.

No, noooo, I was still referring to the mint as a toothpaste, and not as a dessert! LMAO. XD I do not use lemon toothpaste, lol. Although it wouldn't surprise me if there was like a kids flavor that was lemon flavor or something tbh. XD
Now it's my turn to ask, what candies taste like eating soap? lol. XD

@Nanook
Lemon toothpaste? Now that's something that sounds disgusting. What type of weird toothpaste do you have? I can either imagine something very sour or something that tastes very chemical and should have 'lemon' flavor. You know, like those candies that taste as if you're eating soap.

lol. Again, I'm good with it if it's like toothpaste or something. Not as like, something to be eaten as a dessert, lol.
I will. :D
And I try. XD

@Nanook
I hate chocolate and mint together as well! But then again, I hate mint... I used to like it, but now I get sick from the smell. You should try lemon flavoured sherbet/ice cream. It's actually really good and not that sour.
That pun though xD

Oh, haha, do you eat lemons too without making a face? Haha, that seems like it would be your thing too. XD But now see, I don't mind lemon juice or like putting lemon in teas and such. Just like the flavoring in ice cream doesn't make sense to me. It's similar to how I feel about the mixture of chocolate and mint, which I hate together. XD Mint is for freshening breath via toothpaste or gum or a mint, not to be mixed with chocolate. XD Ugh, I hate it so much. lol.
But yes, I can see how it would make sense that Mickey likes it. I mean, she is sort of a sour character. LMAO. Makes total sense! XD
:)

@Newyork_xo
Of course she's supposed to be rude, that was one of the first characteristics I wrote down for her. It's all part of the character development. It will get better soon, I promise.

@Nanook
I love lemon either way. If I get the chance, I don't mind squeezing the juice out of a slice xD I'm one of those people. Maybe Mickey is too. Lemon actually used to be my favorite flavor of sherbet/ice cream a couple of years ago.
Everything is happening for a reason, just wait and see. Hopefully it will happen soon.

I've fallen quite behind on this story but I am all caught up now. I enjoy Mickey's "No BS" attitude but I'm starting to think maybe it's just a little too much. Alex is just trying to be nice to her and she's not having any of it! Comes off quite rude - which I'm sure is the point. But I have a feeling Alex's stubbornness will wear her down in time, right?? Looking forward to more soon!

:)
Ohh, lemon sherbet, yeah, that makes more sense! XD I've heard of it that way. I don't think I've had lemon flavored though, but I have had some form of sherbet, lol, it's been a while though so maybe I'm just not remembering. But I just found it funny that she enjoyed it when all I could think was sourrrrr lol.
And oh, gotcha, understandable with the dad thing. Wasn't sure if you were gonna choose to go into heavy detail or not. Makes sense that you're waiting though. :)

@Nanook
Thanks :D
Trust me, things will be happening soon. I just won't tell you exactly what ;)
Well, normally is lemon sherbet... I've never heard of lemon ice cream before... Everybody around me calls it ice cream, though, so I thought it was more common to say it that way xD It's really good.
Yep, those mistakes should be fixed. It's what happens when you merge sentences together. I'll correct them now.
I have a whole back story for her dad. It will all make sense in a couple of chapters. I just don't want to give it away just yet.

Yay, new chapter! Great job with the update! :D
Oooh, yes, Mickey is breaking down walls. This is seeming a bit promising now. I think the issue seems to be with her that she overthinks things, and let's her mind get in the way as opposed to going with heart. But I guess that could arguably be anyone that has walls built up.
lol, again, her bluntness is just so entertaining. XD Like when she made that comment as she watched Alex eating his ice cream, LMAO. Which, by the way, she likes lemon ice cream? That just sounds a bit repulsive to me. XD Just, lemon flavoring should stick to certain things; I don't feel ice cream is one of them lol.
But just my opinion/reaction when I read she liked what he picked out.
Oh, and his idea of fun. XD An ice cream shop. XD That was kind of lame but just so cute still so I loved it lol.
Just two things to point out:
That much was to be expected; and normally, I would’ve taken the reigns in this adventure of ours, as Alex so excitedly put it, but I didn’t have high hopes.
I think I would get rid of the 'and' following the semi-colon. When there's a semi-colon, I generally think of what follows it being a possible separate sentence, so the 'and' doesn't really fit there I don't think. Something about it just didn't flow correctly as I was reading... but this probably just comes down to preference, lol.
It was just soft enough to not leave a mark, but it painful enough to get him to jump a little in shock.
This one is for sure something, though. XD Maybe insert 'was' for 'it was painful' or just take the 'it' out before 'painful'. Either would work.
But that was all. :)
Hmm... I wonder why her dad tries to keep calling her... does he want something? Or is he simply trying to reconnect? It would be interesting if he's just trying to reconnect, since what he's done so far doesn't seem to have Mickey on his side.
And now she's taking off, sigh... but can't wait to see wait happens next! :)

Haha that would be a typo :P Thanks for catching it! That's what happens when I try to squeeze writing chapters before work. @Nanook

@aweirdkindofyellow
Hmm... I don't exactly remember at the moment but maybe you did? lol. But maybe it was brief which is why I don't remember... hmmm....
But yeah, that's true with the just starting thing. Just getting that clarification will be enough.

As for the new update (just gonna put this all into one haha).
Yay, glad to see you're back atlfan08! :) Great job with the chapter.
Hmm, interesting, so it seems Alex is making somewhat of a breakthrough with her. It's not much, but it's better than what he's been getting, lol. I wonder why she was crying? :(
But now they're going to be hanging out, hmmm...
I keep saying hmmm a lot, I apologize. XD Just my way of showing you my pondering lol.
One thing I spotted:
I wasn’t hoping for much, figuring that where ever Mickey went, she had hightailed it out of the neighborhood ages ago.
'where ever' is usually always one word, 'wherever'. Hardly have ever seen it used as two, but perhaps this depends...? Idk. So maybe this one is debatable, lol.
But loved the chapter and interested in seeing what happens next. :)

@Nanook
Wait... didn't I say something about her having 'boyfriends' that are more like a friends with benefits deal in an earlier chapter? Cause if not, then it's my bad, because I was sort of referencing to that. Their relationship just started anyway, there's still time to figure things out about them ;)

I think that's actually more so the part that confused me, because he said that word and she wasn't, like, totally turned off by it, you know? And she just seems like she would never like that word in reference to her. XD But idk, maybe it's just me. I feel like I'm overanalyzing when I shouldn't be. XD I guess the thing to do there then is just make sure that she doesn't seem clingy to him in a relationship sense? But I guess that's what you were trying to do... idk, I'm probably making it more confusing, I'm sorry. :/ I think you did it slightly but there was just something slightly off about it that confused me.
Oh, haha, yeah, I know what you mean. I've definitely been on story binges for sure. XD