Breaking the Silence.

The sun shined through my window straight into my closed eyes, I rolled over to avoid it and wrapped my arm around the man in my bed. I opened my eyes and looked at him and smiled, he looked so a peace with everything. Today was the day that we all left for tour, I was pretty excited but I keep thinking about what Chloe said about translating in front of a ton of people and it’s kind of tripping me out. I got out of bed as carefully as I could not to wake the sleepy boy, I grabbed comfy publicly okay clothes and walked out of the bedroom; headed to the bathroom.
“Hey Sam.” Jack whispered coming out of his bedroom.
I waved at him.
“What are you doing?” He asked
“Taking a shower?” I signed.
“Alex still sleeping?” He asked
I nodded.
“Mind if I go mess with him?” He asked with a vicious smile.
I shrugged and walked into the bathroom, I started the shower and stared in the mirror while the water heated up; I looked… well I looked rested for once. When the steam rose out of the shower I pulled Alex’s t-shirt off and undressed and climbed in. The hot water beat down on my back, I looked down at my body and poked at the ugly scars; my constant reminder. As I was staring at them there was a small knock on the bathroom door.
“Sami it’s me.” Alex’s voice came.
“It’s unlocked.” I said
I heard the door click open and then close.
“Sorry baby I needed to pee.” He said
I didn’t answer I just continued with my shower.
“Also you dropped your underwear in the hall.” He chuckled
“Thank you.” I muttered.
“Are you okay?” He asked
I peeked out of the shower curtain and he smiled at me.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just waking up, still a little asleep; didn't want to get up” I said
“Well you can cuddle up with me on the bus.” He said
“I’d like that.” I said
“Well hurry up because I need to shower too.” He said
“Ehh.” I laughed.
“Do you want me to stink?” He asked as he flushed the toilet.
“Do you want to me to burn?” I asked
“Oh stop I know that’s up as high as it can be.” He said
I nodded and looked around the shower thinking, I could do this.
“Lex.” I said
“Yeah?” He asked
I poked out of the curtain again and he was looking at me with his bushy brows raised.
“Why don’t you join me? ” I said
“Are you sure?” He asked
“It’s just a shower… But promise me something.” I said
“Anything?” He asked
“Don’t stare.” I said
“I like to stare at you, you’re my girlfriend.” He said
“Okay I know that, but I’m really insecure about my scars from the accident.” I muttered.
“Baby, I’m not going to stare at your scars.” He said
“You promise.” I asked.
“I promise.” He said
“Well get nakey and get in here. I’ll even turn the water down.” I smiled
He flashed me a smile, and I popped back into the shower and turned the water down to a normal person’s temperature. I liked the water to be so hot my skin was beat red after I was done but I don’t think Alex can handle it.
The curtain pulled back and Alex’s naked body stepped into the shower with me, I couldn’t help but stare at him, I’d seen him shirtless countless times but his still awes me every time.
“Well now you’re staring.” He said
“I know, I’m sorry.” I said
He looked at me and looked down at my body just looking over me.
“These scars?” He asked reaching over and running his finger over the one on my rib cage from the knife.
“Yes those.” I said
“Why would I stare?” He asked
“Because they’re ugly.” I said
“Sami, they’re apart of you now which means they are just a beautiful as you.” He said
I rolled my eyes and he pulled me to his naked body to his.
“Sam I like you just the way you are and that’s not going to change now that I’ve seen yours scars.” He said
“You promise?” I asked
He nodded and I reached up and kissed him.
“You’re mine now Sami, nothing’s going to change my mind.” He said
“Okay.” I said
“Now let’s get through this shower so we can get on the bus with all of those other people.” He said
I laughed and let him have the water, as he washed his hair I checked out his butt; chuckling to myself.
“I feel you back there.” He said
I laughed and he turned around after he finished washing his hair, he looked at me and smiled.
“I love that laugh.” He said
I shook my head at him and he pulled me too him and kissed me again, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pushed against him.
“You push anymore we’re going to have a problem that you’re not ready for.” He mumbled against my mouth
“Very true, I am not.” I said
“I know.” He said
I pulled away from him and I climbed out of the shower wrapping my towel around my body.
“Are you ready for the next few months?” He asked coming out of the shower.
I shrugged at him and dried of; pulling on my comfy clothes for the bus.
“It’s going to be fun, plus you’ve got the other three girls too.” He said
“I know.” I signed.
“Back to signing?” He asked
“I’m not ready to let anyone else know, just you, Jack, and Chloe.” I said
“Ah, so you’re going to be silent on the bus?” He asked
“Just when everyone is around.” I said
“Well that’s okay. I feel like your mom should know before the guys.” He said
I nodded as he pulled on the clothes he was wearing before.
“So before we leave the space. What did Jack do to you?” I asked
“Oh nothing unusual, he cuddled me in the bed like the weirdo he is.” He said
“So any Barakat will do huh?” I asked
“No, no. You’re the romantic Barakat, he’s the other one.” He said
“Jalex will forever live.” I laughed.
“God yes I know.” He said
I kissed him lightly and we left the bathroom, Jack and Chloe were walking down the stairs.
“Did you just defile my baby sister in the shower that she and I share?” Jack snapped.
“No Jack shut the fuck up.” Alex practically yelled.
“Calm down boys.” I signed.
Jack huffed and I gave him a warning look that if he didn’t stop I’d hit him. He flared his nostrils and Chloe smacked him for me.
“Leave them alone, they just got together let them be in puppy love.” She said
I smiled at her and Jack nodded.
“Sorry big brother mode kicked in.” Jack said
“Look man, its fine. I’m not pushing Sam to do anything she’s not ready for. I just want to be with her.” He said
I smiled at my boyfriend and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we descended the stairs.
In the living room the other four were waiting on us, I looked over at Rian who was whispering something is Raelyne’s ear. She giggled and gave him a huge dimpled smile, it was so cute to watch. Teagan and Zack we’re wrapped up in each other’s arms in a big hug; I looked around at all of my friends happily coupled up, it’s the first time we have all been with someone at the same time. As the eight of us stood in the living room my mom came down the steps and chuckled.
“Look at all of my kids.” She said
“Hey mom.” Zack said
“This is Jack and Sam’s mom Joyce.” Rian said
“And who are these beauties?” My mom asked.
“Ma this is Raelyne and he twin sister Teagan.” Rian said
“It is wonderful to meet you.” My mom said
“You as well.” They said at the same time.
“All my boys and their girls, and my girl and her boy.” She said
“Shut up.” I signed
She looked over at me and stuck her tongue out, I returned the gesture and she smiled at me.
“I love you.” She signed at me.
“I love you too.” I signed back.
“Okay the lot of you. I want you all to be careful on this tour. I want at least one call from one of you once a week to let me know that everything is fine. You know the deal, it’s the same thing every tour; this ones a little different. You have my Sam with you and I don’t want her to get hurt.” She said pointing her finger at every single boy in the room.
“She’s safe with us.” Alex said
She nodded and pulled me into a hug.
Soon the loud breaks of the bus stop outside of the house, my mom smiled at all of us as we grabbed our bags. She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into another hug.
“Text me and be careful.” She warned.
I nodded and she kissed my cheek.
“We’ll be back for your birthday mom.” Jack called out as we walked out the door causing her to smile.
We all piled onto the bus and us girls just looked at each other with huge smiles on our faces. We were going to have so much fun on this tour going out without the boys; some girl time is just what I need. Raelyne did a little dance causing Teagan to laugh as the boys went to the bunk house to get the beds together. Alex’s phone started ringing from the kitchen, I walked over and grabbed it; it was an unknown number. I walked into the bunkhouse and he smiled at me, I jutted his phone out to him and he smiled.
“This is Alex. Yeah we just got on the bus, yes… Two weeks? Seriously yes, thank you so much man. Alright see you then.” He said and then he hung up.
“Who was that?” I signed
“That’s a surprise.” He said
“For who?” I signed
“The most beautiful person in the world.” He smiled kissing me softly.
“Gross!” Jack yelled.
I rolled my eyes.
“Was that who I think it was?” Jack asked
Alex just nodded and shooed me away, I pretended to be offended and walked back into the main area.
“This bus has a game room?” Teagan asked
“It’s a back bedroom that’s used for private time. But we mainly use it as a game room.” I signed at her.
She looked over at Raelyne and she repeated what I had just said
“Ohh, that makes sense.” She said
I nodded and Chloe threw her arm around my shoulders.
“You girls ready to get white girl wasted a lot?” She asked
We all nodded, I knew with three girls backing me up nothing was going to happen to me.
“So I know we just met but I’ve got a question.” Raelyne said
“Shoot.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But what happened?” She asked
“Maybe a different time.” I signed sadly.
“Totally okay, the four of us are going to get so close these next few months.” She said
I nodded and we all jumped around.
“Is Elvis going to be okay?” Chloe asked
I nodded, my mom would take care of him.
“Philadelphia is are first stop.” Chloe said
“Party!” Teagan screamed
Zack came running into the room with a panicked look on his face.
“What?” I signed.
“Tea screamed.” He said
“Excitedly.” She said touching his shoulder.
“Look at Zack Zack here is so worried about her.” Chloe said
“She’s my girl.” He said
Teagan smiled and kissed him on the lips softly. God that was so cute. I smiled and warm arms wrapped around my waist, I leaned back into Alex and he nosed my neck.
“Hi baby.” He whispered.
I turned around in his arms and kissed him.
“So all my crazy friends. Our first show is tonight in Philly, and girls I know you want to party. But you need to at least come to our first show.” Jack said coming into the room.
“Party!” Chloe yelled
“Chlo our show.” Jack said
“Look babe, I know but this is a four month tour there’s going to be so many shows.” She whined at him
“I know but this is the first one…” He whined back.
“Jacky I wanna party.” She said
“We can all party after the show.” He said
“Let’s take a vote.” Raelyne said
I shrugged, I really wanted to party but I have to go to the show.
“I have to go.” I signed.
Chloe just cocked her head at me, I gave her a smile.
“She has to go Chloe, the label is paying her.” Jack said
“Oh shoot. I don’t want to party without her.” Chloe said
“Neither do we.” The twins said at the same time.
I was so scared.
“Okay then it’s settled, we will all hit the clubs after the show.” Zack said
I nodded and I looked up at Alex.
“What’s wrong?” He asked
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.” He whispered.
“I’m nervous.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get to practice at sound check okay?” He asked
I nodded and he pulled me into a tighter hug.
“We get there in two hours so we’re going to stop and get some food because I’m fucking starving. Than some sound checks.” Jack said
I rubbed my belly and nodded, I was also hungry.
“I’m going to go up front with the driver.” I signed.
“Why?” Jack asked.
I just looked at him.
“Oh the window.” He said
I nodded and started the short journey to the front seat.
“Hey little Barakat.” The driver said
I smiled at him and he rolled the window down for me, I pulled my pack out and lit one.
“Still smoking I see.” He said
I nodded.
“Well that’s not good for you little B.” He said
I just nodded again.
When I was done I waved to the driver and walked back to the great room. Chloe looked up at me and smiled.
“How’s my little cancer stick?” She asked
I just shrugged and flopped down onto the couch practically on top of her.
“I’m so ready to watch your flaunt your cute ass up on stage tonight.” She said
“Flaunting her cute ass?” Alex asked
“She’s cute and has a nice ass.” Chloe argued.
“Well I can’t argue with that.” Alex smiled.
“This is my sister you guys are talking about.” Jack said
“Well she’s my bestie so I can.” Chloe snooted.
I smiled up at her and she hugged my head.
“Jack.” I signed.
“What?” He asked
“Tell her that she is so wonderfully weird.”
“Chloe Sam says you’re wonderfully weird.” Jack said
“Oh nice friends reference.” She said kissing the top of my head.
I smiled at her and rocked myself up into a sitting position.
“So.” I signed.
“So?” Alex asked
“Who’s going to tell me how I’m doing at sound check?”
“I can.” Raelyne said
“Thank you.”
“I really need to learn more sign language.” Chloe said
I laughed.
“Okay, what are we going to do for two hours?” Teagan asked
I wanted to nap.
“Sleep.” I signed.
Alex laughed.
“You just got up.” Jack said
I pouted at Alex.
“Movie?”
“Anyone want to watch a movie?” Jack asked
Everyone nodded and we all herded to the back room where we had the bigger TV set up, we all sat with our perspective person and Jack shoved a DVD in.
“No!” Alex yelled.
“What?” Chloe asked.
“We let Jack pick the movie which means he picked Home Alone.” Alex said
Everyone groaned and Jack laughed, I don’t mind Home Alone; but I have been watching it my entire life thanks to my big brother. The movie started and I cuddled into Alex and closed my eyes, it was nap time for me.
“Sami, Sami wake up.” A smooth whisper came
I pushed the face away because I didn’t want to wake up.
“Sami, baby we’re here. We ate without you.” He said
My eyes snapped open and Alex was hovering above me.
“You ate without me?” I whispered in a whine.
“Yeah, we didn’t want to wake you. You were in such a deep sleep, I brought you some left overs.” He said
I pouted at him.
“BLT with Mayo and we are stopped so you can step outside to smoke instead of being with the bus driver.” He said
“My fav.” I whispered
He nodded and I sat up and looked around, it was just the two of us in the back room.
“Alone?” I signed
He nodded.
“I wasn’t too deep into sleep was i?” I asked
“Oh baby, you were snoring.” He said
“O h no, in front of the newbies?” I asked
“They thought it was cute. But we’re at the venue now, it’s almost time for sound check. So eat your sammich and lets go outside so you can smoke.” He said
I nodded and sat up.
“I need to change, I can’t go on stage in my sweats.” I said
“I picked out an outfit for you already, it’s laying on our bunk.” He said
“So sweet. I’m going to scarf down this BLT and go change I’ll meet you guys outside or something. I don’t want you to watch me eat this because I still want you to like me.” I said
He laughed and kissed me lightly on the lips, when he walked out of the room I opened the bag that held the holy grail of sandwiches. I destroyed it in two minutes flat and got up to go change into whatever Alex had picked out for me.
When I got to the bunks there was a dress laying, it was one of his favorites that I had. It made me smile, and the smile got even bigger when I saw that my beat up vans were sitting on the floor under the bunk. I got changed and threw on one of his light jackets so I had some pockets and I exited the bus. My friends greeted me with smiles as I pulled my pack from the pocket of the jacket and lit up, inhaling the toxic muck washed a calm over me.
“Alright!” Chloe yelled.
I cocked an eyebrow at her and she smiled.
“You finish your cigarette chimney girl and then it’s on to sound check. Rae you still going to spot her during it?” Rian asked
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Rae said
I smiled and sucked in my last puff and stubbed it out with the tip of my shoe.
“Let’s go!” I signed.
We all walked to the back stage sound check area and the boys got set up.
“Just remember Sam, you fuck this up you’re no longer my sister.” Jack said with a smile.
“Why the fuck would you say that to her man?” Alex asked
“It was a joke.” He defended.
“She’s nervous enough.” Alex said
I smiled at them and stood with my back facing them, I looked at the other three girls.
“Remember tell me if I fuck up.” I signed to Raelyne.
“I will.” She signed back.
I chuckled.
“Remember sound check just like the set list.” Chloe said
“We don’t play the whole show during sound check, just one song. Sam has had the set list to memorize for two weeks.” Jack said
“I’ve got the set list memorized, and I’ve been listening to it on a playlist and practicing it in the mirror at home.” I signed.
“That’s my girl.” Alex said
“So Damned if I Do ya, Damned if I don’t.” I signed.
The boys nodded and the music started, I nodded at Raelyne and she smiled at me. When Alex started singing and my hands just started going with him, like it was a natural thing to do.
When the song was done I dropped my hands and looked at Raelyne with hopeful eyes, when a smile grew across her face I danced in place.
“You nailed it!” She yelled
“I got this.” I signed
Alex wrapped his arms around my waist and nosed the back of my shoulder.
“You’ve got this baby.” He whispered causing a smile to plaster on my face.
I got this I do.
“It’s time.” Zack said
Alex kissed me and all of the other boys kissed their girl and the five who needed to be on stage were now on stage, Alex walked me to my spot and kissed me one more time; causing an uproar with the crowd.
“That’s our new ASL translator, also my girlfriend.” Alex said into the mic.
“Also my baby sister.” Jack added
Oh god…. I looked out into the crowd to see all of these excited people here to see my boys, they all looked so, so happy. But I, I was suddenly so, so terrified. I don’t think I can do this, what if I mess up? What if these kids laugh at me? The thoughts were swirling around in my head but then the music started and my mind was cleared of all of the negative thoughts and my hands, they just knew exactly what to do. And I was nailing it.

Notes

I am so sorry it has been so long and that this is garbage, my depression is back and its bad. I don't have anyone to talk to about it so I've just been dealing with it by not getting out of bed unless I have to go to work.... Anyways I think I may be back into the swing of writing which is good, maybe a good sign..... Sorry for the rant.


Thank you guys for reading and commenting <3