Breaking the Silence.

I walked confidently to the front door, it was noon so I knew they were open. I stood there for two minutes before I even put my hand on the handle, once I did that I stood there for another minute before opening the door. Once it opened the chime of the bell alerted the bar that someone was walking in, I peeked in and no one was even bothered to look my way. I took a deep breath and walked in, it looked the same all but the new flooring. They probably couldn’t get the stain out of the wood. It was a tile now, it looked nice. I walked towards the bar and got the attention of a bar tender I didn’t recognize.
“What can I get for you sweetie?” She asked
“Could you tell me if James is here?” I asked
“Yeah he’s in the office. Need me to get him?” She asked
“No I’ll just go back, we’re like family.” I said
She nodded and I walked back towards the office, I paused at the back room door, they had repainted it. I swallowed hard and willed myself to walk passed it, when I finally did I sighed and choked back tears. I got to the office door and knocked.
“Come in.” James’s voice rang out.
I pushed the door opened, she didn’t look up from the desk until it closed behind me.
“Hey.” I whispered.
“Sam?” He asked
I nodded. He pushed away from the desk and pulled me into the tightest hug.
“I never thought I’d see you again.” He said
“I didn’t think I’d ever come back.” I said
“Last I heard from your brother you still weren’t speaking.” He said
“I’ve been working through it, I felt like coming back here was a necessary step in the healing process.” I said
“I feel like it is too.” He said
I smiled.
“It’s so good to hear you, are you staying long? Jenna and Colin will be here in like ten minutes, I bet they’d love to see you.” He said
“I can stay. I’d like to see them.” I said
He smiled.
“I like the new flooring.” I said
“Yeah, they uh couldn’t get the stain out.” He said
“I figured.” I said
“Sorry kiddo.” He said
“Don’t be, I’m somewhat better now.” I said
“What have you been up to?” He asked
“For the past few months I’ve been on tour with the band. The label is paying me to be the sign language translator for concerts.” I said
“That sounds like an awesome job to have.” He said
“It’s so thrilling to stand up on stage and see all of those people in the crowd. And then to look down at my section and see how happy they are to be there and be able to tell what is being said. I’ve made a lot of new friends. And Alex and I are finally together.” I said
“That’s huge news.” He said
I just smiled.
“I’ve been taking it one day at a time.” I said
“That’s what you need to do.” He said
“The two year mark is coming up.” I sighed.
“It still haunts this place too, I want you to know that.” He said
“I’m sure it does James. I miss you guys.” I said
“We miss you too, I don’t expect you to want to come back but you’re always welcome.” He said
“Thank you, I may think about that.” I said
He nodded and looked at me.
“I’ll be right back, I’m going to let Crissy know to send Colin and Jenna to my office when they walk in.” He said
“They’re going to think that they’re in trouble.” I said
“That’s the point.” He said
I nodded and he walked out of the room, I looked around the dark office thinking. I should have run in here that night, there’s a lock on the door, I sighed. Too late to think of that. The door reopened and James walked back in with a wicked grin on his face.
“What did you do?” I asked
“I told Crissy to send them back because we got a customer complaint about them.” He said
“That’s just awful.” I said
“I think it’s funny.” He said
I rolled my eyes and phone started going off in my pocket, I pulled it out and Alex was calling me.
“Hey.” I answered.
“Hey where did you go?” He asked
“I’m at Summit.” I said
“Why?” He asked
“I figured it was time to face it.” I said
“Alone?” He asked
“I’m okay I promise, I’ll call you if I’m not.” I said
“Okay, tell me about it when you get back baby. I’m proud of you.” He said
“I will.” I said
“I love you.” He said
“I love you too.” I said
I hung up the phone and sat in the chair that was in front of the desk.
“I love you too.” He mocked.
“Shut up.” I laughed.
“They’re going to think you’re the angry customer.” He said
“That’s the plan, they can’t see that it’s me from the back.” I smiled
“And you said I’m awful.” He said
I nodded and he laughed.
There was a knock at the door and James looked at me and just nodded.
“Come in.” He said
The door opened and I tried really hard not to turn around.
“We don’t know what we did.” Colin said
“Ma’am we are so sorry for whatever we did.” Jenna said talking to me.
“You should be.” I said
I turned around and smiled.
“Oh my god SAM!” Jenna screamed.
I smiled and stood up and she wrapped into a hug, Colin joined in making it a group hug.
“You’re talking!” Colin squealed.
I nodded and he and he kissed the top of my head.
“How are you?” He asked
“Right now I’m good. Actually I’m great.” I said
“Oh good, what’s been going on?” Jenna asked
“Recovering, coming here was a step.” I said
“I’m proud of you girl, you’re talking and you look good.” She said
“Are you working or no?” Colin asked.
“I am, it’s cool.” I said
“What are you doing now?” He asked
“I’m the ASL translator for All Time Low.” I said
“Oh so you’re on tour with your brother and his friends.” He said
“She’s on tour with her boyfriend.” James said
Jenna’s eyes got wide.
“Is it Alex? Please tell me it’s Alex, you’ve been lusting after him forever.” She said
“It’s Lex.” I smiled.
“Yes! Thank you lord.” She squealed.
“I’m surprised I didn’t see that on the internet.” Colin said
“We were trying to keep it quiet.” I said
“Make it loud, get famous. Then you can sing on stage.” He said in his as matter of fact tone.
“I sign on stage, it’s the same thing right?” I asked
“No girl, you’re just going to be famous with the deaf community.” He said
“The deaf community is cool. Plus I just started talking to my mom.” I said
“Awe honey it’s almost been two years.” Jenna said
“I know, she cried. It was her birthday gift, I sang happy birthday.” I said
“How’d that sound, your pipes can’t be like they used to be after not talking for that amount of time.” Colin said
“It wasn’t great. Kind of like a sick child trying to sing.” I said
“Practice, get back into the groove. You’ll sound almost back to your old self.” He said
I nodded.
“So have any of the other members come out of the closet yet? Like maybe cutie pants Rian?” Colin asked
“No, he actually has a girlfriend at the moment, whose twin sister happens to be dating Zack.” I said
“So Zack has a girl too, that’s a bummer he’s the cute one.” Jenna laughed.
I hung out there for about an hour watching Colin and Jenna work, some customers came in the recognized me; they were some of my regulars. Jenna and I went out front to smoke and she informed me that James no longer lets any of the female bartenders close because of what happened to me, which was nice of him; but it was honestly the best shift to work because you made the most money but he’s being careful which is great. It only takes one time, which was me. I looked around and my head started to buzz.
After coming in from my cigarette break it was extremely busy, two of the bartenders had left for the night so it was just me and this other girl Mara. She was leaving in about an hour and I was closing which meant after she left all the tips went to me. I joined her behind the bar and she looked scattered, she was newer so I understood. I flew around her serving all of the people waiting, when it slowed down she looked at me.
“Thank you.” She sighed.
“You’ll get used to the later business I promise.” I smiled.
She gave me a tired smile and looked at her phone.
“Collect your tips and get home, I’m good and I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said
“Thank you Sam.” She said
I nodded at her and let her be while she cleaned up a little and collected her tips. When she walked out the front door six more people walked into the front door.
“Hi guys have a seat I’ll be right with you.” I said
They all smiled and I handed out the beers in my hand and walked over to where they sat in the last remaining seats at the bar. I took their order and zoomed around collecting them.
Time flew by as people came and left, I looked up at the clock and it just hit one am, it was time for last call and tab closes. I was excited to get home and relax with Jack and his friends.
“Everybody this is Last Call, if you have a tab open come up to the bar and close them. Thank you!” I called through the bar.
There weren’t very many people left to close out but there were just enough.
When the last customer left the bar and took a deep breath, it was time to clean up and get the fuck out of here. As I was putting up chairs on the clean tables the bell over the door rang.
“Sorry we’re closed.” I said
I looked up and it was the man who let me use his lighter.
“I know, I just need to use the bathroom is that okay?” He asked
“Make it quick. I want to go home.” I laughed.
He walked into the bathroom and I put the last chair up and walked into the back closet. Suddenly I was being pinned to the door.
“Get off of me.” I said
“No.” He said
My heart was pounding, I looked around for something to hit him with. I grabbed a broom handle and hit him with it. He back away for a second but just long enough for me to run out of the back room, I tried to get to the back door but he caught up with me and pulled me down to the floor. I kicked and kicked trying to get him off of me but nothing was working, he was too big.
“Help!” I screamed.
“No one is going to hear you.” He said
It felt like it was ever going to end, time had slowed almost down to a stopping point.
“Sam!” A voice came.
I looked up and Jenna was staring at me.
“Call Alex.” I said shaking and about to cry.
She nodded and Colin led me to the office right by the mop closet, causing my heart to sink, I slumped to the floor and he picked me up and carried me the rest of the way.
Again time stopped as Colin left, James was just there staring at me as I laid on the floor and violently sobbed and shook. I couldn’t control it I was reliving the whole night again. I closed my eyes and rocked in the corner until arms wrapped around me and I was pulled to a warm body. I opened my eyes and there were Alex’s warm eyes and worried caterpillar eyebrows.
“Breathe.” He whispered.
I took a breath and he kissed my forehead.
“I’ll give you some time.” James said leaving the room.
“Thank you for being in here with her.” Alex said
James nodded and I clung to Alex like a sloth.
“I thought I could handle it then all of a sudden I was reliving it.” I said
He just nodded and rubbed my back.
“I’m sorry for pulling you out of practice.” I said
“Don’t ever be sorry.” He said
“Take me home?” I asked
“Jack is waiting in the car.” He said
I nodded and he picked me up and grabbed my stuff and carried me out of Summit. James kissed my forehead as we passed him and Jenna and Colin told me they’d call me. Alex carried me out and he put me in the passenger seat of my car and gave Jack a nod. He got into the other side and we went home, when he pulled into the driveway I looked at my motorcycle and gave it a weak smile. I hadn’t been on her in a while, maybe later when I’m calm.
Alex carried me inside and straight up into my room, he laid me down and walked over to Elvis, grabbed him and put him in front of me. Elvis looked up at me and blooped me on the nose with his tongue, I pet him and felt Alex lay down behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me.
“You’re safe.” He whispered.
I nodded and closed my eyes.
When I woke up Alex was still wrapped around me and Elvis was asleep in the blanket with me. I wiggled free of Alex before I got out of bed I looked to make sure he was undisturbed, I grabbed Elvis and set him back into the tank. I kissed Alex on the forehead and went downstairs, Jack, Rian and Zack were asleep in the living room with a movie playing. I quickly pulled my phone out and snapped a picture of them for blackmail purposes and then I wondered my way down to the studio. I walked into the booth and sat down in Alex’s spot.
I pulled the keyboard over into my lap and stared at it for a second, my hands hovered over the keys as I played the song in my head trying to figure out what the beginning was; it has been a while… My fingers pressed down and off they went.
“You shout it out, but I don’t hear a word you say. I’m talking loud, not saying much. I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet, you shoot me down; but I get up. I’m bulletproof nothing to lose fire, away fire away, ricochet. You take your aim, fire away fire away. You shoot my down but I don’t fall, I am titanium. You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium." My hands flew around the keyboard, they knew what to do
"Cut me down but it’s you who have further to fall. Ghost town and haunted love. Raise your voice, sticks and stones make break my bones; I’m talking loud, not saying much. I’m bulletproof nothing to lose, fire away, fire away. Ricochet you take your aim, fire away, fire away. You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium. Shoot me down, but I won’t fall. I am titanium.” I sang my voice cracking every once in a while.
Taking a deep breath I continue on.
“I am titanium, I am titanium. Stone heart, machine gun. Firing at the ones who run; stone-hard as bulletproof glass. You shoot me down but I won’t fall. I am titanium. You shoot me down, but I won’t fall. I am titanium. You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium. I. Am. Titanium.” I sang.
I dropped my head and took deep breathes, I was out of breath.
“I thought I heard someone down here.” Jacks voice came through the booth.
I looked up and my big brother was standing there with a big smile on his face, I gave him one back and we walked towards me and entered the booth.
“You could give Sia a run for her money if you get back to singing regularly.” He said
“I doubt it, I think my vocals are shot. I went without them too long.” I said
“You’ll get back, just have to come jam with us all of the time.” He said
I smiled at him.
“Do you want to sing another one?” He asked
“What do you have in mind?” I asked
He smirked and walked over to his guitar.
“Don’t hold anything back okay? Don’t be scared of the voice crack you got it? Don’t hold back.” He sternly said
“Don’t hold back, got it.” Is aid
He started strumming Jolene by Dolly Parton and I smiled.
“Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeene. I'm begging of you please don’t take my man. Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolennneeee. Please don’t take him even though you can. Your beauty is beyond compare, with flaming locks of auburn hair, with ivory skin and eyes of emerald green. Your smile is like a breath of spring, your voice is soft like summer rain. And I cannot compete with you Jolene. He talks about you in his sleep, and there’s nothing I can do to keep from crying when he calls your name Jolene. I can easily understand how you could easily take my man, but you don’t know how what he means to me Jolene. Jolene Jolene, Jolene, Jolene. I’m begging of you please don’t take my man. Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeene, please don’t take him even though you can. You could have your choice of men, but I could never love again. He’s the only one for me, Jolene.” I sang.
Jack stopped playing before the song ended and I looked back at him and he had a huge smile on his face.
“What?” I asked.
“Would you sing with us on stage?” He asked
“I don’t sound good yet Jack.” I said
“Listen.” He said
I stared at him and he looked out of the booth and nodded. I followed his line of site and Alex was standing there with this look of admiration on his face. He hit a button and music started playing though the booth. They had recorded my jam session, I just sat there and listened. It wasn’t bad but I just didn’t sound the same anymore. When it ended Jack grabbed my shoulder.
“You sound amazing. It’s not the same voice you had before but it’s great Sam. Listen to that rasp you have now.” He said
I smiled at him and Alex game into the booth and pulled me off the stool and hugged me tightly.
“Baby.” He smiled.
I smiled at him and he kissed me passionately, squeezing me as he did it.
“So you’re going to be mad at me in a second.” He said
“Oh yeah?” I asked
“I emailed your therapist about today.” He said
“Alexander.” I snapped.
“I figured since we’re home you should go see her.” He said
“I don’t want to.” I said
“I know you don’t but you’re going to.” He said
“Who made you my boss?” I asked
“I didn’t say I was your boss Samantha, I did it because I care about you and you still need to get better. She’s here to help you.” He said
I gave him the most vicious look I could and just walked out of the booth, I looked back and he and Jack were both staring at me.
“I told you she was going to be mad.” Jack said
I sighed and walked up the stairs, I was mad. Very mad.
I grabbed my keys, my jacket, and my helmet. I shoved my feet into my shoes and walked out the front door; slamming it behind me. I straddled the bike and roared her to life, I sat there for a second with my helmet half on smoking a cigarette. The front door opened and Alex and Jack came running out.
“Sam!” Alex yelled
I pretended that I didn’t hear him and dropped the cigarette in the driveway and pulled my helmet down, I snapped it together and peeled out of the driveway leaving some dust from the gravel bits behind me. I haven’t had a diva exit in a while and it felt nice.

Notes

And another one! I'm really happy with this chapter I definitely wrote it at work because my store is so so slow. But I did just get promoted to General Manager,it was a good birthday preset. My dad also showed up in tow, he lives out of state so I had a pretty good birthday. My boyfriends was on mothers day and mine was the day after, he took me to a book store and watched me walk around for a hour.
But I am still writing the next update maybe next week it'll be done! thank you guys again.
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