I Did Something Bad
She's Gone.
Jack's POV
She closes the door and it’s over. She’s gone. She didn’t even slam it, so at least I know she’s not mad. Why should she be mad, anyway? She cheated on me! Why do I even care how she feels? I don’t know why, but I do.
Alex groans as he pushes himself off the wall and tries to walk. I forgot he was here. I feel awful seeing him supporting himself on anything he can to stay on his feet. But then I remember what he did. How could he? Thinking about it makes me wanna go knock him on his ass again, and finish what I started. What the fuck? What did I even start, anyway? Was I gonna kill my best friend? Just for a girl?
But she wasn’t just a girl. No one who knew her would say she was just a girl. Her presence alone inspired me to put chords together trying to describe how she made me feel. I guess you really can trust no one, huh?
The door closes again, and Alex is gone. It hurts just as much as Violet being gone. I close my eyes and let myself fall to the floor. My knees hit the floor so hard that they start to hurt, but not half as bad as it did when Alex told me it was him.
Not even Violet saying she cheated on me hurt half as bad as that. I would’ve forgiven her. I really would’ve. But Alex…
He even said that she made him stop. What if he forced himself on her? No, I know Alex wouldn’t do that. And Violet would’ve told me if that were the case. Is that right, though? I feel like I don’t even know them anymore. I used to think Alex was my best friend, I used to think he was loyal. And I used to think Violet would never hurt me. I know it’s a fucking cliché, and I hate myself for that, but after everything I talked to her about, I never imagined she would do… this.
At least she was honest about it. What would’ve happened if she hadn’t been? I’d be sitting on the couch, a beer in one hand and her hand in the other. We’d be watching some boring psychological thriller if she had her way, or a stupid movie if I had mine, but it wouldn’t matter because she’d still be there, holding my hand, kissing my cheek, intertwining her legs with mine. Her hair would be tickling my nose, and I’d be kissing the top of her head, smelling her cucumber shampoo. I never even liked cucumber that much, anyway. I never even loved Violet that much, anyway.
There’s no one here to fool, though, and I can’t fool myself. I love her hair tickling my nose, I love kissing the top of her head, and I fucking love cucumber. And I love her more than I love anyone else. She has something special, and she is something special.
I realize I’m now laying on the couch, with one of the cushions pressed against my face. This will have to do now that she’s gone. It doesn’t even smell like her, and it doesn’t even feel like her, but it’s all I have. And now it has my tears all over it. I didn't even realize I was crying until now.
My phone starts buzzing. It takes me a while to realize because I usually keep it in ringer and it, well, rings. The buzzing is coming from the kitchen so that’s where I go. I grab it from the countertop and just pick up. I don’t think I saw a name on the screen, or my brain must’ve not registered it because it still startles me when I hear his voice.
“Hello?” Alex says from the other line. Hearing his voice makes me feel like shit, but the fact that he’s calling me somehow makes me feel better. Like he cares how I’m doing even after I almost beat him to death. “Where are you?”
What?
That’s when it hits me. My phone is all shattered on the ground. I take the phone away from my ear and look at the caller ID. It says “Alex G”. I have him saved as only “Alex”. Violet left her phone. This is her phone. And Alex is calling her.
I’m done with fighting. I’m done with being alone. I’m done with Violet being gone. It’s all over. I just hang up and place her phone on the countertop.
Man, I can’t believe I just did that to Alex. I just couldn’t help it, he stabbed me in the back. They both did. Fuck, I didn’t hurt Violet, did I? No wonder she’s gone. I know I would never put my hands on her, but just seeing what I did to Alex must’ve scared the shit out of her. I’m such an idiot.
I head to the stairs, there’s nothing for me down here. Just broken things and me, who’s also a broken thing now.
Our room, or my room, is mostly empty now. It always is when I come back after a tour, but this time it looks worse. It’s maybe just the feeling that it’s always gonna be empty from now on.
Fuck.
Did I ruin everything? I mean, she cheated on me with my best friend, but I could’ve forgiven her. She said sorry like a million times. She was crying. She was sorry. I ruined everything.
I fall on the bed, I’m too tired to throw myself on it as I usually would. Just my luck, I fall on her pillow and her scent hits me. I just hug that shit and think of her.
I called her “babe” the night we met. It just slipped out of my drunk ass mouth, and she chuckled, and she blushed, so I just never stopped calling her that.
I want her back. It’s stupid. Why would I go back with someone who cheated on me? She wouldn’t have forgiven me had I cheated. She probably would’ve even killed me. She was always so calm, but had a fire burning inside of her all the time. Like when she thought I was gonna kidnap her the night we met.
I smile like an idiot every time a memory of her comes to my mind. She cheated, she cheated, she cheated. I repeat to myself. It’s supposed to help me get her out of my mind, but it only hurts me more. Why did she do it? Was she not happy with me? Did she always have a thing for Alex? Did she want to hook up with him since we met, but didn’t because he was married, and had to settle with me? Fuck, why am I overthinking? I’m acting just like her.
A sound of notification comes from my nightstand. It can’t be my phone, and it can’t be Violet’s phone. I shuffle on the bed and look at the iPad sitting on my nightstand with its screen all lit up. I reach out for it.
Sun, March 25, 11:56 PM
Hey man, how you doin?
It’s a message from Zack. He’s always been a good friend, I appreciate he’s checking— wait. Does he know?
Sun, March 25, 11:56 PM
Hey man, how you doin?
. . . . . . . . . . Hey bro. What’s up?
I reply, trying to act normal I guess. I wait for his answer as I fidget with my beard.
Sun, March 25, 11:56 PM
Hey man, how you doin?
. . . . . . . . . . Hey bro. What’s up?
How are you man?
“How are you?” is such a formal question. Just fucking say it, Zack. “How do you feel now that your girlfriend left you?”
Sun, March 25, 11:57 PM
. . . . . . . . . . Who told you?
What you mean?
Cut the bullshit, Zack.
Sun, March 25, 11:57 PM
. . . . . . . . . . Who told you?
What you mean?
. . . . . . . . . . You know what I mean.
Final period for dramatic purposes. He takes his sweet time.
Sun, March 25, 11:58 PM
I want you to know that you can
count on me 100% okay?
I’m sorry about everything that
happened.
. . . . . . . . . . Thanks.
. . . . . . . . . . Who told you?
He takes his sweet time again. I guess that kinda gives the answer away.
Mon, March 26, 12:03 AM
Violet
What? Well, I was kinda expecting it. When? She literally just left. How? She left her phone. Why? Zack is my friend. He’s her friend too, but come on, he’s my friend.
Mon, March 26, 12:04 AM
. . . . . . . . . . When and where did you see her?
. . . . . . . . . . What did she tell you?
. . . . . . . . . . Was she still crying?
. . . . . . . . . . Have you seen Alex?
. . . . . . . . . . Have you talked to Alex?
Psycho behavior, but man! Zack takes too long to answer! Might as well ask all the fucking questions so he answers all the fucking questions in three fucking hours.
Mon, March 26, 12:04 AM
Bro. Calm down.
. . . . . . . . . . Did you make out with her too?
. . . . . . . . . . since all my friends like to kiss her
. . . . . . . . . . and she likes to kiss all my friends
Stop it Jack.
I’m being a jerk, I know. Okay, I’ll calm down. Will you answer any of my questions now?
Mon, March 26, 12:06 AM
Stop it Jack.
. . . . . . . . . . Whatever.
You can talk to me bro
. . . . . . . . . . When did you talk to her?
We’ll talk when you calm down
. . . . . . . . . . I’m calm.
I don’t think I’ve ever ended that much sentences with a period in my life as I’ve done in the last twenty minutes.
Zack takes too long to type again, and I realize I’m holding this iPad like it holds every answer of the universe. I let go of it to rub my eyes, they're starting to burn.
Mon, March 26, 12:06 AM
Do you want me to call you?
. . . . . . . . . . No.
I appreciate Zack, and his intentions are good, they always are. But I want to be alone. I mean, I don’t actually want to be alone, but he’s not the one I want to talk to.
I want to ask him where she is. If they talked recently, he must know where she is, right? But he’ll just tell me to shut up again.
Mon, March 26, 12:07 AM
Alright then
Goodnight. Get some rest man, it’ll
be good for you
Thanks. I don’t type, I just say it out loud, like he could hear me. I leave the iPad on the bed and get up. Maybe Zack’s right and I need to rest. Sleeping on that bed would be too painful, but sleeping on the couch, with all the mess I made, physically and figuratively, would be worse.
Violet took the suitcase she took on tour, but she left so many things behind. Seeing her clothes hanging on her side of the closet makes me want to cry again. I pull one of her shirts, so unintentionally harshly that the hanger slips out of it and falls to the ground. The sound makes my head ache. Oh yeah, I’m about to cry.
The shirt I picked isn’t her favorite, she didn’t even wear it that often. And now she’ll never wear it again. Or will she? What if she comes back for her stuff? What should I do if she does? Should I apologize?
What the fuck, Jack? She cheats on you and you apologize? Maybe when Violet comes to get her stuff, she can take your balls too!
No, but I should really apologize. At least I should say something, but I have no idea when she's coming back, or if she's coming back at all. I shouldn't have yelled at her, no matter what she did, she was crying, and I hate seeing her cry.
This shirt doesn’t even smell like her, it smells like fucking Tide, or whatever.
I let go of it and reach out for one of my shirts. I take one step forward towards my side of the closet, but I trip on that fucking hanger that fell. To keep myself standing, I grab whatever I can, and I realize I have the closet door on one hand, and one of my shirts in the other.
I don’t believe in fate, or that the universe conspires against a single individual at times. But the shirt I have in my hand… Fuck.
I pull it off the hanger, to check if it’s the shirt I think it is even though I’m 100% sure it is, so maybe just to hurt myself even more. It’s a plain white t-shirt, with the exception of a big red wine stain on the right lower side. The night we met, Violet spilled some wine on me as she told me about her job, which she was strangely excited about. She was talking so passionately about it that I didn’t even care that my new white t-shirt would never be the same.
It’s only until a tear falls on the dark part of the shirt that I realize I was thinking about her, yet again. I don’t know what to do now. Well, Jack, I think you’re just gonna have to get over her.
Although it's the last thing I want to do right now, it doesn’t sound like a crazy idea. How many girls have I gotten over in the last, what, 10 years? But, then again, how many girls have I said “I love you” to? How many girls I’ve sit with, staring at the stars, and actually enjoyed it? How many girls I’ve lived with, for fuck’s sake? How many girls I’ve dated were like Violet? None. I’m not good at math, but I guess that means it’s not likely that I get over her, at least not anytime soon.
Fuck! It’s pathetic not knowing what to do with your life when someone’s gone. It’s past midnight now, so I guess that means I should either go to bed or go get a drink.
The latter seems more doable, so that’s what I’ll do.
She closes the door and it’s over. She’s gone. She didn’t even slam it, so at least I know she’s not mad. Why should she be mad, anyway? She cheated on me! Why do I even care how she feels? I don’t know why, but I do.
Alex groans as he pushes himself off the wall and tries to walk. I forgot he was here. I feel awful seeing him supporting himself on anything he can to stay on his feet. But then I remember what he did. How could he? Thinking about it makes me wanna go knock him on his ass again, and finish what I started. What the fuck? What did I even start, anyway? Was I gonna kill my best friend? Just for a girl?
But she wasn’t just a girl. No one who knew her would say she was just a girl. Her presence alone inspired me to put chords together trying to describe how she made me feel. I guess you really can trust no one, huh?
The door closes again, and Alex is gone. It hurts just as much as Violet being gone. I close my eyes and let myself fall to the floor. My knees hit the floor so hard that they start to hurt, but not half as bad as it did when Alex told me it was him.
Not even Violet saying she cheated on me hurt half as bad as that. I would’ve forgiven her. I really would’ve. But Alex…
He even said that she made him stop. What if he forced himself on her? No, I know Alex wouldn’t do that. And Violet would’ve told me if that were the case. Is that right, though? I feel like I don’t even know them anymore. I used to think Alex was my best friend, I used to think he was loyal. And I used to think Violet would never hurt me. I know it’s a fucking cliché, and I hate myself for that, but after everything I talked to her about, I never imagined she would do… this.
At least she was honest about it. What would’ve happened if she hadn’t been? I’d be sitting on the couch, a beer in one hand and her hand in the other. We’d be watching some boring psychological thriller if she had her way, or a stupid movie if I had mine, but it wouldn’t matter because she’d still be there, holding my hand, kissing my cheek, intertwining her legs with mine. Her hair would be tickling my nose, and I’d be kissing the top of her head, smelling her cucumber shampoo. I never even liked cucumber that much, anyway. I never even loved Violet that much, anyway.
There’s no one here to fool, though, and I can’t fool myself. I love her hair tickling my nose, I love kissing the top of her head, and I fucking love cucumber. And I love her more than I love anyone else. She has something special, and she is something special.
I realize I’m now laying on the couch, with one of the cushions pressed against my face. This will have to do now that she’s gone. It doesn’t even smell like her, and it doesn’t even feel like her, but it’s all I have. And now it has my tears all over it. I didn't even realize I was crying until now.
My phone starts buzzing. It takes me a while to realize because I usually keep it in ringer and it, well, rings. The buzzing is coming from the kitchen so that’s where I go. I grab it from the countertop and just pick up. I don’t think I saw a name on the screen, or my brain must’ve not registered it because it still startles me when I hear his voice.
“Hello?” Alex says from the other line. Hearing his voice makes me feel like shit, but the fact that he’s calling me somehow makes me feel better. Like he cares how I’m doing even after I almost beat him to death. “Where are you?”
What?
That’s when it hits me. My phone is all shattered on the ground. I take the phone away from my ear and look at the caller ID. It says “Alex G”. I have him saved as only “Alex”. Violet left her phone. This is her phone. And Alex is calling her.
I’m done with fighting. I’m done with being alone. I’m done with Violet being gone. It’s all over. I just hang up and place her phone on the countertop.
Man, I can’t believe I just did that to Alex. I just couldn’t help it, he stabbed me in the back. They both did. Fuck, I didn’t hurt Violet, did I? No wonder she’s gone. I know I would never put my hands on her, but just seeing what I did to Alex must’ve scared the shit out of her. I’m such an idiot.
I head to the stairs, there’s nothing for me down here. Just broken things and me, who’s also a broken thing now.
Our room, or my room, is mostly empty now. It always is when I come back after a tour, but this time it looks worse. It’s maybe just the feeling that it’s always gonna be empty from now on.
Fuck.
Did I ruin everything? I mean, she cheated on me with my best friend, but I could’ve forgiven her. She said sorry like a million times. She was crying. She was sorry. I ruined everything.
I fall on the bed, I’m too tired to throw myself on it as I usually would. Just my luck, I fall on her pillow and her scent hits me. I just hug that shit and think of her.
I called her “babe” the night we met. It just slipped out of my drunk ass mouth, and she chuckled, and she blushed, so I just never stopped calling her that.
I want her back. It’s stupid. Why would I go back with someone who cheated on me? She wouldn’t have forgiven me had I cheated. She probably would’ve even killed me. She was always so calm, but had a fire burning inside of her all the time. Like when she thought I was gonna kidnap her the night we met.
I smile like an idiot every time a memory of her comes to my mind. She cheated, she cheated, she cheated. I repeat to myself. It’s supposed to help me get her out of my mind, but it only hurts me more. Why did she do it? Was she not happy with me? Did she always have a thing for Alex? Did she want to hook up with him since we met, but didn’t because he was married, and had to settle with me? Fuck, why am I overthinking? I’m acting just like her.
A sound of notification comes from my nightstand. It can’t be my phone, and it can’t be Violet’s phone. I shuffle on the bed and look at the iPad sitting on my nightstand with its screen all lit up. I reach out for it.
Sun, March 25, 11:56 PM
Hey man, how you doin?
It’s a message from Zack. He’s always been a good friend, I appreciate he’s checking— wait. Does he know?
Sun, March 25, 11:56 PM
Hey man, how you doin?
. . . . . . . . . . Hey bro. What’s up?
I reply, trying to act normal I guess. I wait for his answer as I fidget with my beard.
Sun, March 25, 11:56 PM
Hey man, how you doin?
. . . . . . . . . . Hey bro. What’s up?
How are you man?
“How are you?” is such a formal question. Just fucking say it, Zack. “How do you feel now that your girlfriend left you?”
Sun, March 25, 11:57 PM
. . . . . . . . . . Who told you?
What you mean?
Cut the bullshit, Zack.
Sun, March 25, 11:57 PM
. . . . . . . . . . Who told you?
What you mean?
. . . . . . . . . . You know what I mean.
Final period for dramatic purposes. He takes his sweet time.
Sun, March 25, 11:58 PM
I want you to know that you can
count on me 100% okay?
I’m sorry about everything that
happened.
. . . . . . . . . . Thanks.
. . . . . . . . . . Who told you?
He takes his sweet time again. I guess that kinda gives the answer away.
Mon, March 26, 12:03 AM
Violet
What? Well, I was kinda expecting it. When? She literally just left. How? She left her phone. Why? Zack is my friend. He’s her friend too, but come on, he’s my friend.
Mon, March 26, 12:04 AM
. . . . . . . . . . When and where did you see her?
. . . . . . . . . . What did she tell you?
. . . . . . . . . . Was she still crying?
. . . . . . . . . . Have you seen Alex?
. . . . . . . . . . Have you talked to Alex?
Psycho behavior, but man! Zack takes too long to answer! Might as well ask all the fucking questions so he answers all the fucking questions in three fucking hours.
Mon, March 26, 12:04 AM
Bro. Calm down.
. . . . . . . . . . Did you make out with her too?
. . . . . . . . . . since all my friends like to kiss her
. . . . . . . . . . and she likes to kiss all my friends
Stop it Jack.
I’m being a jerk, I know. Okay, I’ll calm down. Will you answer any of my questions now?
Mon, March 26, 12:06 AM
Stop it Jack.
. . . . . . . . . . Whatever.
You can talk to me bro
. . . . . . . . . . When did you talk to her?
We’ll talk when you calm down
. . . . . . . . . . I’m calm.
I don’t think I’ve ever ended that much sentences with a period in my life as I’ve done in the last twenty minutes.
Zack takes too long to type again, and I realize I’m holding this iPad like it holds every answer of the universe. I let go of it to rub my eyes, they're starting to burn.
Mon, March 26, 12:06 AM
Do you want me to call you?
. . . . . . . . . . No.
I appreciate Zack, and his intentions are good, they always are. But I want to be alone. I mean, I don’t actually want to be alone, but he’s not the one I want to talk to.
I want to ask him where she is. If they talked recently, he must know where she is, right? But he’ll just tell me to shut up again.
Mon, March 26, 12:07 AM
Alright then
Goodnight. Get some rest man, it’ll
be good for you
Thanks. I don’t type, I just say it out loud, like he could hear me. I leave the iPad on the bed and get up. Maybe Zack’s right and I need to rest. Sleeping on that bed would be too painful, but sleeping on the couch, with all the mess I made, physically and figuratively, would be worse.
Violet took the suitcase she took on tour, but she left so many things behind. Seeing her clothes hanging on her side of the closet makes me want to cry again. I pull one of her shirts, so unintentionally harshly that the hanger slips out of it and falls to the ground. The sound makes my head ache. Oh yeah, I’m about to cry.
The shirt I picked isn’t her favorite, she didn’t even wear it that often. And now she’ll never wear it again. Or will she? What if she comes back for her stuff? What should I do if she does? Should I apologize?
What the fuck, Jack? She cheats on you and you apologize? Maybe when Violet comes to get her stuff, she can take your balls too!
No, but I should really apologize. At least I should say something, but I have no idea when she's coming back, or if she's coming back at all. I shouldn't have yelled at her, no matter what she did, she was crying, and I hate seeing her cry.
This shirt doesn’t even smell like her, it smells like fucking Tide, or whatever.
I let go of it and reach out for one of my shirts. I take one step forward towards my side of the closet, but I trip on that fucking hanger that fell. To keep myself standing, I grab whatever I can, and I realize I have the closet door on one hand, and one of my shirts in the other.
I don’t believe in fate, or that the universe conspires against a single individual at times. But the shirt I have in my hand… Fuck.
I pull it off the hanger, to check if it’s the shirt I think it is even though I’m 100% sure it is, so maybe just to hurt myself even more. It’s a plain white t-shirt, with the exception of a big red wine stain on the right lower side. The night we met, Violet spilled some wine on me as she told me about her job, which she was strangely excited about. She was talking so passionately about it that I didn’t even care that my new white t-shirt would never be the same.
It’s only until a tear falls on the dark part of the shirt that I realize I was thinking about her, yet again. I don’t know what to do now. Well, Jack, I think you’re just gonna have to get over her.
Although it's the last thing I want to do right now, it doesn’t sound like a crazy idea. How many girls have I gotten over in the last, what, 10 years? But, then again, how many girls have I said “I love you” to? How many girls I’ve sit with, staring at the stars, and actually enjoyed it? How many girls I’ve lived with, for fuck’s sake? How many girls I’ve dated were like Violet? None. I’m not good at math, but I guess that means it’s not likely that I get over her, at least not anytime soon.
Fuck! It’s pathetic not knowing what to do with your life when someone’s gone. It’s past midnight now, so I guess that means I should either go to bed or go get a drink.
The latter seems more doable, so that’s what I’ll do.
Notes
hello again, everyone! i started writing this chapter right after posting the last one, and i felt like i had to post it now just to show you guys a more humane side of Jack in this story.
i actually posted this chapter once but deleted it because the damn messages part would mix up, i tried to keep the iPhone (or iPad for that matter) format but they always ended up moving! so i gave up. the dots look weird af but hopefully you can understand what it's supposed to mean. Jack's messages are the ones on the right, and Zack's are the ones on the left. please let me know if that's confusing, so i can try to find a better way!
Also, thank you so much for subscribing and commenting on this story, i truly appreciate it! <3
side note: i did like no homework at all this weekend because i was very focused on this story lmao, so maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year am i right pals
Finally getting to this! XD :)
Yay, I'm glad my suggestions helped. :) I do like the Instagram type format better, it gets a bit confusing in this latest chapter especially with all the dots in the texting format you repeated, lol. Like I backtracked and thought they just meant pauses at first, as opposed to trying to align the texts in the correct places lol. Plus, it kind of gets repetitive with the texting format.
Now, as for the latest chapter...
Don't have as much to say about this one, since it's basically just a recount of the same time frame from Violet's POV, but, I'm glad we got it. I mean, how else would we have found out it was her that texted Jack? I wonder if Zack will ever realize or inform Jack that it wasn't him messaging.
I definitely think she needs to stay away for a bit, so maybe this trip to New York will help her, just until things blow over. I don't really see it being completely avoided forever, though. But who knows? She no longer has her phone, so... how will they be able to contact her? Unless they know her "sister" (it's her actual sister, right? It confused me a bit when she was explaining... because it could just be a friend that is so close she's basically a sister?). Ooohhhh and here comes a bias suggestion that just occurred to me, WAIT FOR IT XD :
Alex knows her sister, or recalls her and thinks to contact her, but Jack doesn't. XD Because Alex is just that attentive to Violet. :D And he finds her in New York. ;)
LMAO. The bias is so bad, I know. XD
Hmm... but anyway, Zack is such a sweet potato. :) I'm glad he let her stay even after she told him the truth. He could have easily kicked her out, but, it just shows how noble of a character he is. :')
Think that's all I have to report on, Captain. Until the next update! XD :)
5/22/18