I Did Something Bad

The flight was awful. Jack wanted to sit by the window, and I sat next to him. We cuddled for most of the flight, and he fell asleep with his head on the crook of my neck. It sounds beautiful, but it felt awful. With every sniff I took at Jack’s hair, a voice inside my head reminded me that I had ruined everything.

We finally got home. As I see Jack opening the door and carrying both our baggages, I feel my hands turning cold and my eyes preparing to spill some tears. It’s my body telling me it’s time.

Jack sets our suitcases on the floor, by the door, and goes straight to the kitchen. He grabs a beer and pops it open, then he goes to the living room and sits on the couch. He takes the remote and turns on the TV, waiting until it’s ready to get Netflix running.

All I can do is watch him. I am frozen in place, like my feet are glued to the ground and my lips are sealed. But it’s time.

I walk over to where he’s sitting and sit next to him. I open my mouth, but the words keep getting stuck on my throat. I’m not sure how long I stayed like this, but he takes the now empty bottle of beer and gets up to go to the kitchen, probably to throw it away and get another one.

Almost instantly, I get up and walk behind him. He sets the empty bottle on the counter as he opens the fridge. I sit on a stool, and he notices I’m there. I take my phone out of my pocket with a shaky hand and look at the time, it was almost 8 PM. I leave my phone on the kitchen island and turn back to look at Jack. My foot keeps tapping the floor, increasing the speed with every second that goes by.

“You want one?” He asks as he takes a new beer, but I only shake my head in response. He turns to look at me, probably because of my lack of a verbal answer, and realizes how anxious I am. “What’s wrong, babe?”

My stomach churns. Jack calling me “babe”, like he did since the first time we met, will never get old for me.

“I…” I say, but stop to take a breath. I clear my throat and try to speak again. “I have something to tell you.”

Jack frowns at me, confused.

“I…” I trail off again. My heart is pounding like crazy. “I kissed a man… that wasn’t you.”

I look down, but as I hear nothing from Jack, I take my eyes back to him.

He’s still frowning, but now he’s staring at the ground.

“You…” He shakes his head slightly. “Cheated on me?”

I sense nothing in his voice, it’s just flat. And it scares me. Jack’s voice is always either too excited, or too serious, but never emotionless like it is in this very moment.

I nod at his question, and feel how the tears well up in my eyes as I look at him.

Jack stays still for a moment. Then, he throws his beer across the room. I don’t jump at the sudden action, I honestly sort of expected it.

“What the fuck?” He yells as he throws the other bottle now, the empty one.

“Jack, I-I’m so sorry,” I say immediately as I get up from the stool. I hate seeing him upset. But he isn’t upset right now, he’s furious.

He keeps throwing stuff around and yelling “fuck” over and over again. I walk closer to him, staying a few feet behind, though. I’ve never seen him like this, so I don’t know how to act.

“Jack, I’m so-” I want to say, but he cuts me off.

“Who is it?” He asks abruptly, turning to look at me with his furious gaze.

“Huh?” I ask.

“Come on! Tell me who you cheated on me with!” He yells at me. I’m breathing heavily, I can barely hear him over the sound of my heart beating on my ears. My mind is blank until I repeat his words in my mind and realize what he’s asking.

“I-I… promised not to tell,” I answer, which was stupid, but I realize that only after those words had already been spoken.

His angry expression turns into a grin, but I can see in his eyes that he’s still fuming.

“So you just like to go around making promises, huh?” He says. “Oh, but this one you can’t break!”

I feel like shit. I felt like shit already, but his words are getting to me. Especially because they’re true. I broke a promise I made to him, and I can’t change that.

“I can’t believe I fucking trusted you!” Jack turns around and holds his head with both his hands. “I fucking trusted you!”

I can feel how he emphasizes that word, and I know why. He told me once that it takes a while for a guy like him to open up to someone, and when he does, it’s usually because he feels he’s with the ‘one’. And I ruined that.

In one swift motion he throws a bunch of glass things from the table. I don’t even know what they were, I only hear the glass shattering as they hit the floor.

“I know, I’m so sorry,” I keep crying out, as if it would help.

My phone starts ringing all of a sudden. Jack and I both turn to look at it, he eyes it as if the man who I cheated with was calling, but he shrugs it off.

“Alex is calling,” he says and walks out of the kitchen. My blood turns cold when he mentions his name, but then I remember he has no idea it was him.

Jack is no longer in the kitchen, and I don’t see him on the living room either.

I’m hesitant about answering his call, but I pick up anyway.

“Hey,” I say. I don’t know how I feel about him calling me right now. I don’t like it, but on the other hand, I’m grateful because Jack needs to calm down for a moment.

“Hey,” he answers. “Did you tell him?”

“Yeah,” I sighed.

“How did he take it?” He sounds genuinely worried. A part of me wants to make a snide remark, but I don’t have the energy for that anymore.

“Awful.”

“You didn’t tell him that, uh…” That it was you I cheated on him with?

“No,” I answer, and I can almost hear the relief in him through the phone. “But it’s not working.”

“What you mean?”

I turn to look around me, Jack’s not here.

“He keeps asking me,” I whisper. Alex isn’t saying anything, he’s probably thinking about an excuse.

“Tell him this guy’s famous and doesn’t want drama,” he says at last. “Tell him he cheated as well and doesn’t want his wife finding out.”

I nod. I’m so desperate I’d say anything at this point.

“Okay,” I mumble into the phone.

“Hey, it’s not exactly a lie, okay?” Alex tells me. I know, I actually understand what he’s saying, but I still don’t think it’ll be enough for Jack. I mean, this is a guy I’ve always told anything and everything to, even secrets I’d get in trouble for saying.

“Bye, Alex,” I say before hanging up. I sigh as I put my phone down. I turn around only to find Jack standing right behind me. I jump a little, but try to keep it hidden.

“So? Are you ever gonna tell me who it is?” He still spits his words out violently, but he’s much calmer than he was before Alex called.

“Uh,” I sigh. “Look, he’s a really famous guy and he told me he doesn’t want anyone knowing, and he has a wife, so that’s another reason.”

“Tell me,” he orders me with a deep, frightening voice. Every time he asks me who it was, a lump forms in my throat and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. Even if I hadn’t made Alex a promise, how could I tell Jack?

“I can’t,” I whisper, knowing it won’t stop him.

“When?” He asks suddenly, and I’m relieved he dropped the other question.

“The day before yesterday,” I confess, with my lips slightly trembling.

Jack looks at me in a way that breaks my heart. He looks broken, he looks disgusted. I want to cry again. Did I ever stop, though?

“We were on tour?” His voice is barely a whisper. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I was thinking how I was gonna tell you,” I say, trying to stay calm.

“Or you were thinking whether you were gonna tell me,” he grins for a second, mocking me.

“Jack, I-” I try to defend myself, but I don’t even know why I try anymore.

“So you fucked him?” He blurts out, and it takes me by surprise.

“No,” I deny immediately. “We only… We kissed.”

“How was it?” He asks bluntly as soon as I gave my reply.

“Huh?” I narrow my eyes. I know why he’s doing this, but it still makes me feel like shit.

“Since you like going around, making out with other men, was he better than me?” He raises his voice again.

“Whoah, calm down,” I put my hands in front of me in a defensive manner.

“You know, there were people warning me not to trust you,” he tells me with a bit of disdain.

“Oh, really?” I snap back, this whole thing starting to piss me off, even if it was all my fault. “Because Alex was pretty sure you were cheating on me first!”

I really shouldn’t have said that but, again, I realize that only after I said it.

“What?” Realization hits Jack.

“What?” I play dumb. He takes a step closer to me, very slowly.

“Alex knows about this?” He frowns at me.

“Uh,” is the only answer I can give.

“How does Alex know?”

“Uh,” I still don’t know what to say, and he’s coming closer.

“You told him before you told me?”

“Uh.”

“‘Uh’ is not a fucking answer!” He yells in my face before turning around and kicking a coffee table, sending it flying across the room. He takes his phone out of his pocket and does something with it, I can’t see what, but I think I know what he’s doing.

I hear the ringing, that one when you’re waiting for someone to answer answer your call, so I know he’s making a call and it’s on speaker.

“Hey,” Alex’s wary voice answers from the other side. I feel like everything’s ruined, Jack’s gonna know any minute now. And Alex’s not here, so guess who’s gonna take all of Jack’s wrath right now.

“You knew Violet cheated on me?” Jack wastes no time.

“Oh, man,” Alex sighs. “Listen—”

“Did you fucking know?” Jack shouts at the phone.

Alex takes a couple of seconds to reply. I hear him sighing again before answering. “Yeah.”

“And you didn’t tell me,” Jack shakes his head, he’s disappointed. “Why?”

“Look, man, I think you should calm down,” Alex tries to help, but fails.

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Jack yells at his best friend. “Why don’t you just fucking answer?”

Jack throws a glass against the wall as he enunciates that word. I wasn’t paying attention at Jack’s actions before that, so the loud bang takes me by surprise and I yelp.

“Man, you have to stop this!” Alex yells back. “I’m coming over.”

He probably thought the glass had been directed at me. Anyway, I don’t know how to feel about Alex coming over.

Jack throws his phone to the ground and it cracks. Man, I’ve never seen like this. And it hurts me to know it’s all my fault.

“He’s coming over,” Jack lets me know, although I heard everything.

“Why?” I ask softly to, I don’t know, lighten the atmosphere? Whatever, it doesn’t help.

“I don’t fucking know! Why did you cheat on me?” He turns back to me. “Huh?”

He’s looking at me with his huge eyes, which are slightly red. I look down, unable to hold his stare.

“See? I don’t have all the fucking answers!” He spits violently.

Alex arrives like ten minutes after the call and opens the door, he has a key from when Jack was single and they spent all day together.

“You okay?” He asks me, and I nod, still looking down.

“Yeah!” Jack shouts. “My girlfriend cheated on me, I’m peachy!”

“Jack,” Alex calls him, which startles him a little, because he usually calls him “man”, or even ‘dude’ when he has really fucked up, but now he was using his actual name.

“What?” Jack asks defensively.

Alex sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Sit down.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re pacing back and forth like a fucking psychopath in a prison cell, okay?” Alex tells him. “You need to sit down and calm down.”

Jack scoffs and refuses to sit, but he does calm down and crosses his arms over his chest.

Alex is standing right in front of him, and I’m a few feet behind. He’s here to calm Jack down, right? Then I shouldn’t be stepping in, I would only be reminding Jack of what I did.

“Jack, you’re my best friend,” Alex says, and Jack nods. “It’s my job to tell you everything as it is, even if it’s not pretty. Even if I know you’re not gonna like it.”

Jack narrows his eyes. “You know who it is, don’t you?”

Alex doesn’t answer, he just stares back at Jack.

“Alex,” I whisper, trying to figure out what he’s doing. But Jack’s head turns immediately to me and his eyes, that once used to look at me with nothing but love, were full of anger now. I step back and just look at them. Alex turns to me with a look I can’t quite understand, I don’t know what he’s thinking but then he nods and turns back to Jack.

“Yeah, I know who it is,” Alex sighs. Jack looks at him expectantly, almost impatiently.

I feel a knot in my stomach. I feel my temple aching, and my hands starting to shake. Is he gonna lie? Or is he gonna tell Jack the truth? I did want to come clean to Jack about everything, but if cheating on him was bad enough, cheating on him with his best friend was a hundred times worse. I know I’ll be hated for eternity. Not only by Jack and Lisa, and Zack and Rian, but also by their entire fanbase.

Alex clears his throat as he’s about to answer, and I have no idea what’s about to happen.

Notes

hey, everyone! i’m sorry about leaving this story for over a month, but school has been crazy and i’m just now taking a small break from everything, so i decided to update this! thanks for reading and subscribing while i was away :) btw i went to nyc and Jack was there at the SAME TIME as me! only difference is i was in manhattan and he was in brooklyn, but STILL! anyway, here’s a brand new chapter, i’ll be working on the next one but i’m still not sure when it’ll be uploaded. Thanks for reading, i really hope you enjoy :)