Dark affairs - Comments, page 3

Aw, great job with the update!
I didn't spot anything error wise in this chapter girl, great job! :D Some things I just let go but literally nothing for this chapter, so that's awesome and definitely shows improvement. :)
As for the actual chapter, it was cute how Jack surprised her. Asking her if he could come see her but then he was there anyway LMAO. XD
Sigh... Alex just needs to make things better. Hopefully once he gets some space from Lisa it will improve.
And I found Rian's phone call very humorous, haha, Mr. Grumpy Gills. XD
Can't wait to see what's next in store! And interested in seeing what happens for Jack's birthday. The three day celebration minimum is so accurate for him, lol.
:)

This is so cute I swear.

Aw, it's cute how Jack surprised her. I bet they needed that quick visit.

I'm afraid now that Alex is going to let Lisa stay for the rest of the tour and make it all worse. :( I hope I'm wrong.

@Nanook
Aww, girl I love how you engage with the storyline, it makes it so much more fun to plot out the next chapters, so thank you for that! And yeah, if you work in a male dominated profession, it is still like that and most of the time men aren't even aware they do it. So even if it's a fanfic I still like to voice my opinions on how 'the real world' operates. ;)

Ugh, Alex... tugging at Mickey's heartstrings but mine as well. That was so sweet. :(
And it just shows how much he still cares about her, by calling her and talking to her out of everyone. Sigh... I need some cuteness between them now when they reunite. lol.
Dang it, I'm all over the place when each new chapter comes out and influences my thoughts but now I'm on Alex's side again.
He just needs to get a divorce I think. He doesn't seem truly happy and he needs to see that. :/
And then the Mickey and Jack stuff can be better figured out maybe.
Interested in seeing what's next in store. Hope he finally talks to Jack and works things out. It's not fair to the band and Alex going solo? Psh. Psh.
I swear to God if he would ever do that in real life though... >:(
XD I can't even if he ever does.
But anyway, great job with the chapter. Even though you weren't really sure about it, I thought you did a lovely job with it. You even gave us more with Mickey's job as well. Sad how male-dominant the workforce is. :/ Like I read that and I was like, you preach girl, preach. It really isn't fair.
Can't wait to see what comes next. :)

Things just definately got more difficult than they should be.

Oh, Alex. Get your shit together.

@Nanook
Hahahahaha, oops!

@Newyork_xo lol girl your spelling error. XD Had to point that out before getting to the feedback.
Anyway...
@T-what
Great job with the chapter! Glad Alex is finally aware of the plan. Will they stick to it though? A bit of tension is forming with Jack and Alex... this won't be good.
And now they're leaving her again, sigh. :(
You're facing a bit of a block, it happens. I'm trying to write a story right now myself (not fan fic though just original characters) and I'm struggling with the same thing. I know how I want things to end up, but I'm struggling to get there. :/
Hope you're able to get through it. Have faith in you. :)
Tensions are building... can't wait to see what happens next. :)

Oh shit.

Ugh. Now it seems like he's just bringing Lisa along to puss everyone else off... As if it's retaliation for Mickey and Jack ending things.

@T-what
Oh, haha. Just seemed a little too stage-y though with his saying that. I understand it being an act, though, that just seemed a bit too much.
I'm still loving the story though, for sure. :)

@Newyork_xo
It's hard to tell what's real and what's fake with Alex. :P

@Nanook
Well, I tried to show how staged Alex's relationship with Lisa is therefore the "Darling...
And yes Alex is confused and confuses everyone else in the process.
Thanks for the hints on mistakes! Hope you still enjoy reading!

Oh cool. There goes Alex manipulating Mickey again...

Great job with the updates! Sorry for the delay, another week from hell for me. lol.
Wow, so Alex is making little to no sense. He wants them, then ignores them, wants them, then ignores them... Mickey announces that they should be friends, he agrees, but yet he kisses her. XD
How confusing but I love them together. :D
Spotted a couple of different things that I'll point out. Chapter 38:
they're called SWMRS. How weird is it nowadays, like, we're so cool and indie we don't need vowels any longer.
lol nothing actually wrong here, I just found this line very funny. So accurate. XD
"Liz, Darling! So glad you're here, I've missed you so much!"
"Darling." What a British thing to say. lol. Alex is British but that's besides the point. This sounded a bit exaggerated and out of character... but perhaps that was the point? lol. But if it was meant to be taken seriously, it probably should be rephrased a bit into something he would actually say.
"Mickey, I thought I bring Max with me, so you don't have to come get him."
"I thought I bring" is a bit lazy in grammar, lol. Or not exactly lazy, awkward maybe, at least written. You should probably say "I'd bring," because it's being a bit theoretical. It's hard to describe the rule here with grammar.
Chapter 39:
"I don't know, Alex?" I reply salty, "can you? Are you done ignoring me?"
This again has nothing wrong with it, I just loved this line and the few following it. lol. I love Mickey when she's salty. XD Very entertaining. Also loved the line where she said: "As much as I enjoy this tea party, Alex," it cracked me up. XD
"Sh, no Alex, we'll not gonna leave you,
You'll want "we're" instead of "we'll." Because "we'll" is like "We will not gonna leave you" and that doesn't really make sense. XD
Other than that, didn't spot anything else. Thought you did a great job with dialogue in this latest chapter for the most part. :) It flowed really nicely.
AND I CANT. He literally said she's all he can think of and she didn't even really respond to that, mentally or by saying anything! She just dismissed it. I thought that was so sweet. :( Although it did get awkward before he finally got to his confession, lol. Perhaps that's why she let him kiss her though. ;)
Can't wait to see what's next in store! :D

@Newyork_xo
One would wish things would finally get easier! You don't always get what you wish for though! ;)

Naturally Lisa coming would make everything even more awkward than it already was. But I want to see how things go when Mickey stays in LA and the guys continue on with the tour. I wonder if it will make thing easier or harder...

This chapter was cute. But if only Cass knew how spot on Rian really was... it's not really a shock he could figure it out. It's not like the three of them have been all too discreet during Mickey's trip., lol.

In response to your last comment...
that phrasing is still a bit awkward too. I think just get rid of the word "gonna" and you're good. It's an extra word that doesn't really need to be there.
Haha, this chapter was entertaining, with them just getting hyped up before the show.
But OMG, Rian is on point. LMAO. Who knew he realized so much? :O
Interested in seeing where the next update takes us... great job with the chapter! Didn't spot anything in this one. :)