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Dark affairs - Comments, page 10
I like this story. Its got lots of twistys. Know that I am reading along when you post it but we have a very tiny little human who thinks that he runs the world. We watched our first All Time Low concert today. He is just over two weeks. He loves the lights and movements. So, keep up the posting. I want to know what happens next. I am sure it will all be peachy for them!
@Newyork_xo
It means so much to hear someone is reading and enjoying the story there will be a lot of drama coming up!
Sorry I haven't commented in a while. I am definitely interested in this. You've weaved quite the web of confusion with Mickey, Alex and Jack and their separate relationships. Can't wait to see how it all plays out!
In response to your last comment...
Oh, that's neat! You're a bit bilingual then. :D Actually, you definitely are compared to most people, myself included, lol. I took French for two years of high school and three during college and I'm still a bit of a mess with it. XD
Sad to see this story isn't getting more attention, I'm sorry. :( But I'm still here.
As for the new chapter, great job with it! Hmm... Alex was acting a bit weirdly but I like this side of Alex. I love when Alex is sweet in stories. :)
And as for Jack, he's kind of the one confusing me at the moment, just thinking of what all he proposed and all. XD Still confused by that but I guess we'll see more with that.
Some things I spotted:
I go into my bedroom and step out of yesterdays clothes and put them in the damper
You want 'hamper' instead of 'damper' in this part lol.
I could brake down and blame myself, I could take out my anger on my skin,
The error here is the word 'brake', it should actually be spelled 'break'. Because 'brake' refers to the action a car does, and you would want 'break' because it's like a break down... probably not describing that clearly, lol. I could see how this probably happened though, so many rules with English.
"I have found the spare key you keep under your doormat,"
Something interesting that also changes with languages, the tenses. I struggled so much with this in learning French. You'll want to just have him say 'I found' as opposed to 'I have found'. Saying 'I have found' makes it sound more immediate, whereas this was more of a past action, although I guess it also depends on the sentence... lol, but with this one, 'I found' is more appropriate here just dealing with the appropriate tense.
But those were the main things I saw. I love how Alex was sweet in this one, aww.
Can't wait for the next! :D
I was born in Germany and I still speak it at home with my family. Sometimes it's hard for me to switch between languages. German has different punctuation rules and an excessive use of commas, that you might notice I tend to do in English as well. ;)
You're not a native speaker? This is really impressive then, you're doing a great job. What is your native language, if you don't mind me asking? Just interested in finding out. :)
But good to know, I'll let you know if I spot anything else then. The punctuation thing can be tricky depending on the sentence; like, it's accurate with what I just pointed out but may change in some instances, but I'll let you know. :)
And oh, gotcha, that sounds true to Jack, lol.
@Nanook
Thank you so much for your comment, I really appreciate you pointing out mistakes especially in grammar and punctuation as I am not a native speaker and although I've been living in Australia for almost six years now, I still don't have the punctuation down. :)
But back to the story, I think Jack doesn't really understand how his proposal made Mickey feel, he is a bit of a dork and he didn't really think this through.
Aw, poor Mickey. :(
I'm just as confused as she is. Jack can't handle a relationship, but I don't think he's understanding that that's what Mickey needs. Interesting how Alex affected them in different ways. Or Jack, at least, maybe Mickey was affected by other relationships as well.
I mean, I see her point with it more than Jack's; what's really the difference between what they're doing now? :/ If anything, that sounds kind of possessive and not really fair to her. It's like either commit or not.
One thing I start to do as I start reading and commenting on a story more regularly is point out grammar errors or misspellings. Some authors find this helpful, others just find it annoying or don't really care, lol. Let me know if you find this annoying and I won't do it. But just something I spotted in this chapter:
"Your don't really sound excited." He notes disappointed.
'Your' should be 'You'. Also, just something to note with quotes and stuff, there should be a comma after 'excited' instead of a period, because following the quote continues the dialogue... if that makes any sense. Like, "He notes disappointed" isn't a true sentence on its own. Perhaps that makes more sense. But just something to note when writing dialogue. And then should always be some sort of punctuation before ending a quote, such as , ! . or ?
Again, let me know if you don't really bother with this, it's understandable if you just want to write and be done with it.
But back to the chapter: thought you did a great job with it overall, and can't wait for more! :) Can't wait to see where this takes her and Jack now. I'm usually team Alex but he's being a douche right now, so... XD But can't wait to see how he's brought into it more if he is. XD
That's understandable. Getting back into it can be hard; I started picking up writing again myself and it's been difficult. I don't post on here, but just writing on my own.
But yeah, can't wait to see more to this. :D
@Nanook
thank you so much, I always try and make a unique storyline sometimes it turns out okay sometimes not so much. I haven't fully decided what to do with this story yet, I love how you see the possibilities of where this could go. My writing got a bit rusty so the first couple of chapters are really bumpy but I'm slowly getting back into it. Glad you want to stick around :)
Holy crap.
This one seems very different from your others... and I think I like it. XD :O
Let's just say I'm kind of excited this puts more of a focus on ATL. XD And it seems like it's going to be scandalous.
I'm not really much of a Jalex reader, so I'm not really sure what to think on that front, but I'm liking Michelle as the main character. Her and Jack seem to want to get back at Alex which should make this entertaining for sure. And then Alex being jealous will make it all the more interesting lol.
And I love your details in this, like with Jack's bar and then just how he seems to party with a lot of girls (this is so accurate according to what he posts on his socials). I feel like your writing with this is definitely a bit different compared to your other stuff, showing you've grown as a writer and improved. :)
I'm really excited to see what you have in store for this. Definitely subbing and sticking around. :D So far my fav story has been The Lost Boys, but we shall see if this takes the top spot as it continues. :)
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Great job with the update! Oooh... so her and Jack are official now. Can't wait to see where this goes... to see if it ends up being good or bad. :O
Also curious, what are the stories you read? I often like to ask authors about the stories they read, because if they like them I may like them as well. :)
1/20/17