A New Beginning

Today is the day of Conner’s viewing and I’m trying my best to keep it together which I’m sure will be the same thing I’ll be going through tomorrow. We put together a collage, as in my parents and I, of his childhood all the way through to just days before his death.

“This is a beautiful collage, Harper. He would’ve loved it.” Alex said, kissing my cheek.

I nodded with tears in my eyes.

“Wasn’t he adorable? I remember when he was five and I was ten. He was learning how to ride his bike and he was having so much trouble. After his fourth try, my dad let me help teach him; he followed me as I rode my bike and with additional encouragement from my parents, he learned to ride without three wheels."

I smiled and leaned against him as we stood in front of the collage.

"I agree."

There was only thirty minutes till his viewing and I hadn't even gone to see him yet. My parents decided on an open casket which was something I was perfectly fine with.

"Would you come with me to see him?" I asked, taking his hand.

"Yeah."

He looked peaceful as I finally saw him up close; there were no more demons, no more pain and he was in a beautiful and much better place.

"You have no idea how much I miss and love you, Conner. You were the best brother, a girl could ask for. I hope you're at peace and enjoying yourself."

I smiled at him and walked away after a couple of minutes and sat down.

"This is gonna be a long day...well, feel like it and then, I'll have to be back here tomorrow."

His viewing was going to be three hours long from one to four, but I knew it was going to feel like an eternity. I laid my head on his shoulder up until I heard people come into the building; that’s when I knew I had to go and stand with my parents.

“You gonna be good sitting here?”

We were sitting in a pew.

“I’ll be fine. It’ll give me a chance to meet more of your family.”

I kissed him and walked a few rows up to where my brother’s casket was. People walked into the room where my family and Conner was; the first person I saw was my brother’s roommate and best friend walk in. He smiled as soon as he saw me and I smiled back. Once he hugged my parents and said his condolences, it was my turn.

“Hey Harper.”

“Hey Henry. It’s so great to see you. I just wish it was under different circumstances.”

“Me too. I’m so sorry for your loss. How are you getting through this?” he said, hugging me.

“It certainly isn’t easy, but my boyfriend is helping me through it.”

“Boyfriend, huh?”

“Yeah. It’s been going on for two weeks. We made it official just a couple days ago.”

“Congrats-“

He got cut off when people came to speak to my parents.

“I’m just gonna sit up front.”

After maybe a couple of dozen people strolled through, I sat down next to him.

“Anyway, congrats. I heard about what happened with you and Kyle. Can’t believe he cheated on you all that time.”

“Me either. Luckily, I found a guy who treats me well.”

I turned around and saw Alex looking at me. Henry looked at where I was looking.

“Oh, is that Alex from All Time Low?”

“The one and only.”

“Where did you meet him?”

"At a bar. He came in with the rest of the band. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him when I didn't even piece together who he was. Iris, who was there with me, had to do that for me."

"Wow. Did you go talk to him?"

"I couldn't bear it. He caught me looking, so I immediately thought that I looked like a crazed fan to him. Well, fifteen minutes later, I was at the bar ordering myself a drink when he came and sat beside me. He was waiting to talk to me. I asked him out that night and I didn't get home until after two."

"That is so cute and you've been together ever since. Mind if I go talk to him?"

I had to stand beside my parents again and tried not to smile while they talked. An hour-and-a-half into the viewing, I saw two women, who were girls my brother graduated with and also knew my brother, whispering to one another and looking up at me; they were smiling and I knew that they had to be talking about me because they also were trying not to laugh. I didn't care what exactly they were having such a wonderful conversation about; it was inappropriate and I couldn't stand for it. I looked down and shook my head.

I fucking hate this.

I felt my phone vibrate; it was Alex.

Are you okay?

I shook my head again as I looked at him. He boldly stood up and walked to where I was and hugged me. I didn't care what was going on, I held onto him for a good minute before I let him go.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Want me to go back?"

I was tempted to say no, but this was a family thing; it wouldn't be appropriate.

"I would love for you to stay, but this is something I need to with my parents. How about the front row?"

"Ok." he said, nodding.

When those two girls came to say their goodbyes, I wanted nothing to do with them. I don't think my parents even noticed how they were acting when they came in my line of sight because my mom and dad seemed genuine when they said they were sorry for their loss. However, to make them happy, I put on a fake smile and accepted their condolences. I still saw a few more people gossiping, but I kept it together and when time was up, I walked over to Alex.

"You are too good for me. You know that?" I said.

"I think you got that backward."

"No. I think I got it right."

I stood on my toes and kissed him. I got a bit more into the kiss when I heard my parents.

“Are you ready to go home and eat?” my mom asked.

“Yeah. I was actually planning on taking a nap, but if you want to go eat, go ahead.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

The trip home was short and I could not wait to get to my room and nap.

“Nap with me?”

“Always.”

Notes

I apologize about the name mix-up. I don't know why I changed Harper's brother's name to Carter, but I changed it back to Conner. Sorry!