Touch of winter

[First person POV Olivia]

"Liv, where's your food?" Alex asked as he sat down at our lunch table, I just shrugged "Not too hungry I guess" I muttered "You said that yesterday" His face contorted into confusion and I sighed "I don't wanna talk about it here, Lex... Not at school" he nodded "After school then? I'll give you a ride?" I nodded in agreement "Sounds good"
-
*after school*
"Have you ever... Felt imperfect. Like, Insignificant, But like if you looked different, Everything would change?" I questioned, not daring to make direct eye contact. "Livvy, I'm sure everyone feels like that" He confessed. My eyebrows furrowed "But if it's you personally that feels this way, You're perfect" He continued, I scoffed "No I will be perfect" his face fell "Olivia, Are you... Are you starving yourself because you think you're not perfect?" A sudden seriousness took over his voice.

I sighed heavily but didn't answer.

He stood up "come on".

I looked at him quizzically "You, Are perfect, Now please eat for me" Alex said standing in front of me "L-Lex" He shook his head "If our friendship means anything to you, You'll eat" how dare he hold that against me, He alone means the world to me...

Eventually, I caved

You'll have to work this out super hard.
I can't believe you.
How fucking dare you, you fat piece of shit?!

"So, what do you want?" I shrugged "Something low fat, low calor-" He nodded "I'll make mac and cheese. My face fell "Oh, And you'll keep it down too" My nose scrunched at that thought "What do you mean?" I inquired and he looked at me "Bulimia?" He stated, I shook my head "I hate throwing up, you should know this, Lex" I laughed, trying to make the situation lighter, he smirked lightly so I guess it worked.

Around twenty-five minutes later he placed the bowl of processed cheese and noodles down in front of me.

Would you look at that xx
All those calories xx
How fat you'll get.xx
I have a way to get rid of them though.
...
...
Pukeing xx

I squinted my eyes at the thought an shivered slightly

Okay, Okay... Exlax... They make you... Go xx
I'm Mia by the way, and if you ever change your mind, I'll always be here after a binge.
It just takes two fingers down your throat.
Then boom xx

"Olivia. Eat" I sighed shakily and took a deep breath "How much" I whispered. He sighed and stood up taking my bowl from me and scraping most of it in the garbage.

"All of that."

"You seem perturbed..." I commented and he sighed "Considering my best friend is sitting here starving herself, I'd say I'm a little bit more than perturbed..." He stated I looked down "You don't get it" I mumbled lightly "What don't I get, Olivia. Huh? What don't I get?" I shook my head willing the tears to stop, but they didn't, and some fell "Liv." Alex pressed, now seeing my distraught state obviously wanting to get at what I meant.

"I HATE MYSELF ALEX!" I shouted hoarsely "I mean, you wouldn't understand, You don't know what its like to look in the mirror and want to break the refection every fucking time! Or when I pass by my reflection on a store window" I was on the brink of hysteria "Olivia" Alex started, standing up "You could be 100lb heavier and I still wouldn't care" I interrupted "It's not just you! I see the way your band looks at me! The way everyone looks at me Like I'm fat, Disgusting! Alex, I'm 140 pounds!" I sobbed "And now look at me, Fucking throwing a fit over a bowl of god damn mac n cheese because I'm to fucked up to even think about eating it! Why are you still fucking friends with me!?" I shouted standing up "Are you just sticking around because you want to see me break down like this?!"

He pulled me into a hug, despite my fighting "Olivia, Elizabeth. You are my best friend. Fuck what everyone else thinks, I can assure you my band members DO NOT think your fat. The whole world could be against you and I'd stick by you because we're best friends!" He said with so much passion it almost hurt.

But it did hurt... I wanted to scream and tell him that was the problem, that we were best friends, I don't want to be best friends. But that was an argument for another time.

"I love you lex" I whispered "I love you to liv" I did love him... But more then he'll ever know, and in a way he will never love me.

Notes

The chapters will get longer. Next one should be longer than the last two... Feed back ?