Destroy Rebuild

I sat in one of the lounge chairs by the pool in the backyard, watching while Luke, Megan’s boyfriend, played in the water with Will. Megan was laid out next to me as she worked on her tan. I’d decided to join her, but I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering.

Things were still a little uncertain with Alex. Right after he left for tour, we stayed in contact on a daily basis, video chatting right before it was time to put Will to bed. When he skipped the first time, I didn’t think much of it – he was busy working. But after it happened a few more times, I felt myself start to unravel bit by bit. If I tried to talk to him throughout the day, I would either be ignored or receive a very short to-the-point response. It was going on day three since we’d last heard from him.

“So, I’ve been avoiding asking you this because I know you’re probably tired of hearing it,” Megan said, pulling me from my thoughts. “But are you okay?”

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. “I guess.”

“You guess,” she snorted. “Have you heard from him?”

“Nope,” I said flatly, my lips popping at the p.

“Jesus,” she hissed.

I cracked a smile as I glanced towards her. “You still hate him, huh?”

“Yes,” she said instantly, her head snapping in my direction. “Just because you let him off your hook as quickly as you did doesn’t mean he’s getting off mine any time soon.”

“I tried to cut him some slack,” I shrugged. “But he just keeps pulling on the rope.”

“Yeah, well, fuck him,” she shrugged back. “You deserve better.”

I sighed as I leaned back against the chair. “I just wish-“

I was cut off by my phone vibrating on the table behind us. In record time, I pushed myself from the low lounger and sprinted to retrieve it, Alex’s name flashing across the screen for a video chat.

“Hey,” I said with a sheepish smile as we were connected.

“Hey,” he replied, glancing down at his phone for a second but otherwise avoiding looking at me.

“How are you?” I asked.

“Can’t complain too much,” he shrugged. “Pretty busy, actually. There’s a lot of in between prep on this round.”

“Ah,” I nodded. “So that explains why we haven’t heard from you.”

“Yeah, sorry,” he sighed, taking another second to look at me. “I didn’t mean to go this long without talking to you guys.”

I nodded again, and watched in silence as he climbed the steps to get on the bus. He spoke to a few people on his way back to his bunk and I watched as he climbed into the small space. He looked at the screen once more before picking up the remote to the DVD player that flipped down from the top.

“Where’s Will?” he asked.

“He’s in the pool with Uncle Luke,” I smiled as I glanced towards them.

“Can I talk to him?”

“Yeah, sure,” I nodded, and I held the phone out in front of me as I walked to the steps of the pool.

“Is that Megan?” he asked, and she sat up a little at the mention of her name.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Tell her hello for me,” he said, almost hesitantly.

“Yeah, fuck you, Alex,” she yelled from her lounge chair.

Alex’s mouth fell a little slack.

“Jesus, Megan,” I scoffed, glaring at her as I stepped into the pool.

I waded over to where Luke was holding onto Will and held the phone out in front of him.

“Will, look,” I smiled, pointing to the screen. “It’s daddy.”

Will reached for the phone, his hands dripping with water, and I pulled the phone back a little bit. I listened as Alex greeted Luke (who returned the greeting way more politely than his significant other) and gave him a few minutes to talk to Will, who just gurgled and cooed his responses. Alex didn’t seem to mind the one-way conversation as his mood did a complete one eighty once I put the camera back on me. I climbed back out of the pool and dried off quickly before slipping inside, ignoring the burning glares coming from Megan.

“What the fuck is her deal?” Alex asked once I was out of her earshot.

“She’s just…” I paused, searching for the right words. “…a little bitter about what happened.”

“And this has to do with her how exactly?”

“She’s my best friend,” I shrugged. “She probably feels like she has to take sides.”

“Like I don’t already know she’d take yours,” he huffed.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I’m sorry. She holds grudges.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying fuck her?” he asked. “She was kind of an accomplice for you.”

“Why?” I asked. “Because she watched Will for me that night?”

“Exactly,” he nodded.

I groaned as my eyes fell shut. “Do we really have to bring this up now?”

“A little,” he nodded. “Have you spoken to him lately?”

My lips parted as I scoffed. “No. Made out with Sophia lately?”

I saw him squint and it looked like he was trying to cover up a wince. “No.”

“Okay, then,” I snapped. “So, can we talk about something else?”

“I guess,” he said quietly.

Going against my own wishes, I asked, “Is that why we haven’t heard from you since Tuesday? You’ve been avoiding me because you think I’m still talking to Eric?”

He squinted again and bit down on his bottom lip. “No, like I said, I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy for your family?”

“For fuck’s sake, Whitney,” he groaned. “It’s not like that. When I finally caught a minute to call it was too late and I didn’t want to wake you.”

I thought back to the night before last when I stayed up until three in the morning waiting to hear from him. “A heads up would be awesome.”

“You’re right, and I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I’ll let you know next time.”

I sighed heavily as I nodded. I stared at him as he fumbled with the remote some more.

“You don’t really worry about me, do you?” I asked.

He glanced at me for a second. “About you and him?”

I nodded.

He shrugged as he set the remote above his pillow. “It’s kind of hard not to, you know?”

I rose my eyebrows, kind of offended by his lack of faith in me. “Well, I don’t worry about you.”

“Bullshit,” he chuckled.

“I don’t,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m trying to trust you again.”

“Touché,” he said after a moment. “For what it’s worth, I don’t worry as much as I wonder.”

“About what?” I asked.

He ran his hand over his face. “About whether you would have still done it had I upset you some other way.”

“As in?”

“I don’t know. Literally anything else.”

“Seriously?” I scoffed.

“You just seemed to jump at the opportunity, that’s all,” he said quietly.

“And do you really blame me?” I asked.

“The shittiest part is, I don’t,” he sighed. “I get that I fucked up and what you did had some justification. It just sucks so bad who you did it with. Honestly, that’s the part that gets me the most.”

I nodded slowly. “I can promise you don’t have to worry or wonder about anything anymore. What happened happened. We can’t take it back now so we should just move forward. I trust you. Do you trust me?”

He stared at me in silence for a moment before a smile crept onto his lips. “Yes.”

“Good,” I giggled.

He rolled over onto his side and I saw his eyes become heavy with sleep. He looked worn out.

“I miss you,” he whispered.

I felt my heart skip a beat as I rested my chin in my hand. “I miss you, too, damn it.”

His mouth opened wide with a yawn and I took that as my cue to end the call.

“You look like you could use a nap,” I smiled.

“Nap,” he whined, elongating the word.

I giggled. “Will it be a few days before we hear from you again?”

He rolled his eyes dramatically. “No. We go on pretty late tonight. I’ll make sure to give you guys a call before then.”

“Okay,” I grinned. “Get some rest. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Love you,” he said, peeking at me through the eye that hadn’t already closed.

“Love you, too.”

Notes