Destroy Rebuild

When I opened my eyes and was looking up at a We Came As Romans poster and a floor littered with dirty clothes, I knew I wasn’t sleeping in my room. When the leg that brushed against mine tickled my skin too much, I knew I wasn’t sleeping with Alex.

And just like that, two seconds after awakening, I felt broken again.

My head was pounding and my body felt like it’d been run over by a dirk bite. There was a tightness in my stomach that instantly made my parched mouth start to water. I felt the wave of nausea making its slow approach and I eased over onto my back. My eyes drifted left and I felt my heart beat faster.

Eric was awake too, probably much longer than me as he didn’t have that just-woke-up fog over his eyes. He was propped up on his pillows a little and he held his phone out in front of him while he scrolled. It didn’t take long for him to realize I was awake and when he did he smiled and put his phone on the bedside table before turning towards me.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he sighed. Thankfully he didn’t touch me.

“Hey,” I croaked, my voice strained.

“How are you feeling?” he asked with a frown at the sound of me.

“Been better,” I laughed nervously.

He chuckled. “You threw down like a champ last night. I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah,” I grimaced. “I definitely went a little too hard.”

I felt hot as he tapped his right index finger into the palm of my left hand. “Can I get you anything?”

My throat hurt when I tried to swallow. “I could use something to drink.”

“Okay,” he nodded and pushed himself up. “Orange juice?”

“Please,” I smiled as best as I could.

He winked as he opened his bedroom door. He was almost gone when he poked his head back in quickly and said, “Hey, your phone was going crazy last night. It sounded like a lot of people were trying to hit you up. I put it on the charger for you.”

“Thanks,” I called after him as he shut the door.

I didn’t really want to check my phone, because I had a feeling all those people trying to hit me up was just Alex. I still didn’t feel good about talking to him. It made my skin crawl.

I figured I would eventually have to go through with it, and I would much rather go ahead and get it over with so I reached for my phone. I had a generous amount of texts and calls from Alex, and a few texts and one call from Megan. I rolled my eyes, annoyed that I never factored in that he might become crazy enough to start harassing her to get in touch with me. I sighed heavily as I opened Alex’s messages first.

I really need to talk to you.

Whitney I am begging you please talk to me

Just landed

I got Will from Megan. Please come home.

Out of his one hundred and eight phone calls (in the past six hours) came seven voicemails. I tried to brace myself before listening to them.

“Baby, please talk to me. I know you’re probably pissed at me and I get it but I can’t let this ruin us. It meant nothing to me. Please answer my calls so I can explain it to you. Please.”

“IT. MEANT. NOTHING. I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. And they got the fucking picture before I could push her away from me. I need you to believe me because if that stupid fucking picture takes you away from me…. I don’t know what I’ll do. Please call me.”
It was just a sigh.

“So obviously you’re not going to talk to me over the phone so fuck it. I’m coming home. I’m about to board but I will text you when I land. Please be there waiting for me. Even if you’re just going to tear me apart, just be there.”

“Hello?! Fuck!”

“Where are you?! Where did you take Will?! Fuck! You can’t leave me. You can’t leave me, baby. You can’t. God damn it, will you please just talk to me?! Do you not give a shit at all anymore?! You’re going to decide to let some bitch in a picture ruin our family before you give me a chance to explain it?!”

“I don’t know why I’ve continued to call you. I don’t even know if you’ve been listening to anything I’m saying so I’m going to stop bothering you now. I just hope you come home soon. I swear on everything important to me that I would never do anything like this to you intentionally. I love you so much and I need to talk to you because I’m fucking scared. I’m scared you’re not gonna come back or that if you do you’re just going to take Will and leave forever. I couldn’t live without you two. I love you. Please come back.”

He sounded scared, and it convinced me a little that he was telling the truth. You would think that after coming to this conclusion, I would be relieved and rushing home to his arms. But as glad as I was to know it was a mistake to no fault of his own, I would never be able to forget that picture, and it would haunt me forever. I wasn’t sure if that was something I could deal with.

I felt drained as I locked my phone, saving Megan’s texts for when I had more energy. I knew the best thing to do was to get out of Eric’s bed and go home, but my thirst grounded me as he reentered with a cold glass of juice.

“Thank you,” I smiled after my first refreshing sip.

I decided to pace myself with my liquid intake just yet and set the glass on the table beside me. I rolled onto my back again and let my arm fall over my eyes. I heard Eric chuckle as he climbed back into bed and I had to fight the urge to scoot away as he laid close to me.

“What’s up?” he asked as he leaned on his elbow.

I sighed and shook my head before sneaking a peek at him. He seemed genuinely interested, and I would have done almost anything for some words of encouragement. I hesitated briefly, because Eric probably wasn’t the best person to vent about my struggling relationship to. When he cocked an eyebrow, patiently waiting for me to spill, I caved.

“Boyfriend troubles,” I sighed.

I could tell he tried not to make it obvious, but I saw him perk up a little. “Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”

I nodded. “You could say that.”

“Well?” he asked, leaning an inch closer. “What happened?”

Again, I sighed heavily. “It’s a long story,” I lied.

Eric shrugged. “I don’t have anywhere to be any time soon.”

I decided to ignore the warning twist of my stomach that told me not to give him too much potential ammo. I needed someone to talk to.

“I saw a picture of him kissing his ex-girlfriend on the news,” I said, ashamed of how sad I sounded.

His eyebrows furrowed. “Like, local news?”

“E! News,” I mumbled.

“Damn,” he winced, elongating the word. “Did you cuss his ass out?”

“No,” I snorted. “Which is why he’s been blowing my phone up all night. I haven’t even spoken to him.”

“So he knows you know about it?”

“He figured it out eventually,” I shrugged.

“Damn, Whit,” he sighed. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “He said she was the one that kissed him and the picture was taken before he could push her away.”

Eric scoffed, then chuckled sarcastically. “Yeah, right.”

My head snapped in his direction. “So you think he’s lying?”

He looked at me cautiously for a moment before shrugging. “I don’t really know the guy, Whit. But I know if I were the one that fucked up this majorly, I would tell you anything to keep you.”

I nodded slowly, his words sinking in.

“But, he could be telling the truth.”

I squinted at him a little, and the way he mockingly squinted back shined a light on the currently gloomy cloud over my head.

“You are literally no help at all,” I giggled.

He laughed heartily and I shuddered momentarily as his fingers traced my cheek. I knew better than to let that continue, so I sat up, leaning against his headboard. I hoped he wouldn’t realize he’d taken it a little too far because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings yet again. But his smile slowly fell into a grin, and mine disappeared completely.

“So are you going to call him back?” he asked.

“I don’t have to,” I shook my head. “He’s already in Baltimore waiting at home for me.”

Eric’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Now that is not something a guilty man would do.”

I shrugged, fidgeting with my thumbs in my lap. Eric sat up and leaned next to me.

“Wanna know what I think you should do?” he asked, nudging me gently with his elbow.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear it, but I nodded anyway.

“I think you should go talk to him.”

My eyes narrowed at him. That was nowhere near what I was expecting him to say. He nodded, his lips pressed in a firm line.

“You really need to. I would hate to see you devastated over some misinformed bullshit.”

I couldn’t stop staring at him, and my mouth refused to function to make words.

“Do you remember that day he came to the bar and he asked me about you? It was, like, the only time I can recall encountering him.”

I nodded.

“As soon as you two started talking, I could literally see the chemistry between you. You had a connection that’s hard as hell to come by. I can’t believe I’m urging you to fix things with him, and as much as I wish you had that connection with me, I don’t want you to risk your happiness by ignoring him. That’s honestly the only reason I want you to go – he obviously made you happy before all of this happened. He still can if his word is true and you give him a chance to prove it.”

I just continued to stare.

“You have to think about Will, too. Think about what would be best for him.”

At the mention of my son, I snapped out of my daze. I knew I had to go home and work everything out, if not for me and Alex, then for him.

“You’re right,” I said quietly.

He scoffed. “Duh.”

I smiled at him and he smiled back, and I tried to bask in the moment for a second because if I did work things out with Alex, I knew I might never spend time like this with Eric again. He deserved so much better.

“Eric, I don’t think I’ve ever told you how thankful I am for your friendship,” I whispered, afraid that if I spoke louder my voice would quake.

“You haven’t,” he winked.

I smiled and blinked a few times, blocking my ducts from spewing tears. “I am. So much. You’ve been nothing but incredible to me. I’ll always cherish our moments.”

He smiled a little, but his eyes seemed incredibly dark, and I had to bring the thought that maybe he knew this was the last few minutes we’d ever have together too to a halt before I burst into sobs.

He leaned over and placed his lips softly against my cheek. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”

It was quiet as we strolled down the sidewalk to where my car was still parked. When I unlocked and opened the driver side door, we stood facing each other in silence before he pulled me into a tight hug.

“I hope everything works out in your favor, kid,” he sighed as he rocked us from side to side. “You only deserve the best.”

“You do, too,” I nodded. “Which is why I want you to promise me something.”

He pulled back a little, examining me cautiously. “Okay…”

I stood a little straighter to hopefully let him know how serious I was. “I want you to start dating.”

He drew his head back, his face contorted with confusion. “Huh?”

“I want you to start dating people and trying to find yourself someone. You need a girl who can make you happy. I want you to at least try to find her.”

He smiled nervously. “I don’t know…”

“Please?” I begged. “It would make me feel so much better knowing someone is taking care of you.”

“Hey, I can take care of myself,” he said in mock anger.

My head tilted to the side. “Please?” I asked again.

He sighed a heavy, exasperated sigh before nodding. “I may give it a go.”

I smiled and pulled him back into the hug. “Thank you.”

It was so quiet as we held each other and I almost didn’t want to leave the moment of peace behind.

“I love you, Whitney,” he whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes tightly, fighting as hard as I could to keep from crying. “You know I love you, too.”

He pulled away and the disappointment dripping from his orbs sent my stomach into an uncomfortable churn. “I know.”

He didn’t kiss me or tell me goodbye. I almost wanted to ask him to stay as he turned with a small wave and headed back to his apartment. As I was about to fall into my seat, he turned on his heal, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“By the way, tell that boyfriend of yours I’m letting him off the hook this time. But if he fucks up again, I’m definitely stealing you away.”

I smiled back and I couldn’t fight the childish giggle that fell off my lips. “Not if you have a girlfriend,” I said with a pointed finger, reminding him of his promise.

He grinned and opened the door to the stairwell that led to his apartment. “She won’t be you.”

I shook my head as he disappeared, hoping he would eventually find someone who could treat him right. As I started up my car, I took a deep breath before pulling out of the parking lot and driving home, my nerves a jumbled mess.

Notes