“I’m sorry…” I trailed off, furrowing my eyebrows lightly. “What?”

“What aren’t you following exactly?” Dad questioned, moving his head to look at Mom where she sat beside him on the couch. “Am I not speaking English?”

“I can understand you when you’re not speaking English.” I reminded, looking over the barely-there bruise fading along his cheek and rolling my eyes as I leaned more on my right foot. “I heard what you said, I just don’t understand your reasoning.”

“Excuse me?” He laughed humorlessly, turning to look back up at me. “What’s so hard to understand about your boyfriend no longer staying in the same bedroom as you?”

I blinked slowly, dropping my gaze from his unamused face down to where my belly poked out from the cropped Adidas hoodie covering my chest. I rolled my lips together, hating the tension in the air as I stared at the more prominent rounding in my lower stomach. The thick red and white striped band of my Harley Quinn themed joggers curved out a bit between my hips, making the hint of the bump more noticeable to me and I licked my lips before looking Dad right back in his eyes.

“It’s not like he can knock me up again.” I answered bluntly, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Jack Bassam.” Mom warned, placing her palm over Dad’s knee. “Alex is to stay in the guest bedroom downstairs from now on until your father feels differently.”

“Mom.” I pleaded, feeling my face start to heat up with frustration. “I can’t kick him out of where he feels most comfortable.”

“He clearly felt too comfortable in there.” Dad commented, earning a light smack by Mom.

“I’m sure he’ll manage.” She went on, giving me a light shake of her head. “This is what your father wants for the time being and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for. Especially not when the two of you have been spending every minute you can in there lately.”

“He’s damn lucky I’m still allowing him to stay here instead of throwing him back in the street.” Dad chimed in. “I should be making his ass pay rent.”

“John.” Mom scolded quietly.

I bit my lip, casting my gaze back to my bare feet at the sound of her slapping at his leg again. Anxious butterflies crept into my gut at the thought of breaking the news to Alex. I wouldn’t be half as nervous about not sleeping in the same room as him if we weren’t going through this whole withdrawal thing. I can’t even trust him with his own medication. How am I supposed to trust that he won’t decide to get up and go out in the middle of the night? I’m too much of a light sleeper for him to even try with me in the same bed, but what if I’m not in the room at all? Not to mention we’ve barely been communicating with each other because all Alex does is get cranky and lay in bed while I sit in the room and act like I’m doing something to basically babysit him.

“He goes tonight.” Dad finalized, bringing me out of my worries.

“Mom.” I tried, forming my lips into a subtle pout while I looked at her desperately.

Just picturing the look on my face made me feel a little stupid because I know I sound over-dramatic. Yeah, this is their house and I should respect their decisions, but the timing for them to set this stupid rule couldn’t be worse. I can’t sleep in a different room than him right now. Not with his mood swings and lack of sleeping. I need to be with him when he gets the urge, not on a whole different story of the house.

“It’s final, Jack.” Dad repeated sternly. “Stop looking at your mother like that and would you cover up that shit on your neck? I can’t stand to look at it.”

I stared into her eyes for another five seconds, ignoring the urge to reach for the collar of my hoodie and pull it over the fading hickey from the day they found out about the pregnancy. Huffing quietly, I slumped my shoulders when she gave me a light shrug in response. Anger flashed through me from the mixture of nerves and annoyance hovering inside my gut and I felt the pout I was going for fall into a scowl.

“I’m already fucking pregnant, this is fucking stupid.”

I held my breath, feeling my heart skip a beat from the words spouting from my mouth before I could stop them and I quickly diverted my gaze towards the doorway. I rolled my lips together, storming from the family room before I could see the looks on their faces and right towards the stairs. I jogged up and turned into the hall, finally letting out the breath I was holding with a loud sigh. My heartbeat slowly went back to normal, the adrenaline from getting so upset finally fading while the familiar and unwanted burn returned behind my eyes. Clenching my jaw, I turned into my room and slammed the door behind me without a second thought. Pressing my forearms into the dark wood, I shoved my face into my long black sleeves and let out a muffled scream.

Once I pulled back, a little wave of relief fell over me and I panted lightly to myself. Shaking my head, I moved over to plop down on the messy bed. I cleared my throat, brushing my damp hair back out of my face as my eyes caught on the grey beanie sitting on the nightstand. I grabbed it and slipped it over my hair, definitely not in the mood to deal with the post-shower mess. Resting my elbows over my thighs, I pressed my chin over my palms and let my gaze fall back to my feet. The mess of t-shirts not even an inch away from my toes had the water forming faster in the corners of my eyes and I sighed heavily. I sniffled, continuing to skim the messy floor when I heard the door creaking open.

“What’s wrong, Jacky?” Lauren cooed, making her way into my room. “It sounded like you almost broke the door off.”

“Alex is a fucking pig.” I blurted, motioning to the floor. “It’s not hard to pick your shit up and put it in the hamster five feet away.”

I dropped my arms over my thighs, feeling my scowl deepen at the giggles spilling from her mouth. I stared ahead, trying not to blink in attempt to hold the frustrated tears in as long as possible when she stepped in front of me. I stared at her hot pink tank top for a few solid seconds before I looked up to her face. She covered her mouth, trying to stifle the laughs and failing. I frowned more, unable to keep the fat tear from slipping out the corner of my eye at the amused look on her face.

“Don’t cry!” She giggled, moving her hands to hold my face.

“You’re laughing at me.” I mumbled shakily, closing my heavy eyes to stop the water from falling.

“I’m sorry!” She exclaimed, pressing her thumbs into my cheeks.

I sniffled, squeezing my eyes hard for a second before I opened them back up to look up at her.

“You said it’s not that hard to pick things up and put them in the hamster.” She repeated, biting back her grin. “I’m laughing because you said hamster.”

“What?” I mumbled, furrowing my eyebrows more.

“You said hamster instead of hamper.” She informed, unable to hold her giggles in any longer.

“Oh.” I sniffed, feeling a small smile creep on my face the more she laughed. “Why did I say that?”

“I don’t know, but you were really mad about it.” She answered, moving to hold my shoulders to support herself while she slumped over. “I know you meant hamper, but you randomly said hamster and that’s why it’s so funny!”

I ignored the water slipping from my eyes and smiled a little more, letting out a silent laugh because it is pretty funny now that I think about it. Shaking my head, I wiped at my eyes and took a deep breath while her laughing calmed back down.

“Okay, I’m done.” She breathed, pulling her hands from my shoulders. “Now tell me why you’re not happy.”

“I think my hormones are all out of order.” I sighed, shrugging my shoulders to distract her from sensing the half-lie.

“Well, duh. Your moods are going to be all over the place especially now.” She reminded, moving to sit by my side. “That doesn’t tell me why you stomped up the stairs like Godzilla though.”

“I’m not that fat yet.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the comparison.

“You’re not fat at all, dimwit.” She shot back, slapping my arm gently. “You have a baby growing in you. Not fat.”

“Whatever.” I groaned, falling onto my back.

I covered my face and took another deep breath to calm myself down when I felt the tears starting up again. Sighing, I pressed my palms into my eyes for a solid minute before I felt Lauren’s cool fingers poking at my stomach softly. Sniffing more dryly, I moved my hands under my head to help me look down and blinked away the drying water.

“Woah…” She drawled, sliding her fingers along the hardness. “I can’t believe this is my nephew or niece.”

I stared down, biting my lip when my eyes caught onto her palm running over the bump. Warmth filled me and a sense of happiness hit me once again at the acceptance and love radiating off of her.

“You’re showing.” She commented, looking over at me while her hand paused over my stomach. “Starting to anyway. I can see and feel where it’s rounding out.”

“Yeah.” I agreed quietly. “I don’t know how I thought I was just bloating before. It’s getting kind of obvious if you look at it.”

“I don’t think your first thought was pregnancy.” She laughed, smiling down at me. “Really though. I think this is so cool. How many people can say their brother gave birth?”

“Not many at all.” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “If I were you, I wouldn’t go around saying that when school starts. Or anywhere. People will probably think you’re crazy.”

“What are you going to do when school starts?” She questioned curiously, retracting her hand back into her lap. “I mean, you’re bound to look more pregnant in five weeks.”

I huffed, forcing myself back upright to turn towards her. I tucked my hands between my thighs and shrugged, sucking my lips into my mouth nervously. I haven’t given much thought about school even though it’s right around the corner.

“I don’t know.” I answered honestly, looking down to my lap. “It was kind of easy telling you guys. Having a thousand kids in high school knowing is pretty nerve-wrecking. I don’t even know if it’s pointless to go or not when I’ll have to leave at least after half of the year.”

“Maybe Mom and Dad will sign you up for homeschool.” She suggested. “We still have a little while until September anyways.”

I slumped my shoulders, just the mention of them making my mood drop. Feeling angry with them had guilt slowly turning through me at the same time because just sitting here in my room reminds me that I’m so loved. I’m so blessed to have such a caring family and here I am being all pissy because I don’t want Alex to be in a different room.

“Do you think it’s stupid for Mom and Dad to want Alex to move out of my room?” I asked.

“Huh?” She wondered, raising her eyebrows.

“Mom and Dad are making him move in the basement.” I informed, rolling my eyes. “I know it’s not horrible or anything, but-”

“Why?” She interrupted, a look of confusion taking over her face.

“Probably because the idea of Alex and I having sex makes Dad uncomfortable.” I guessed, taking in the grimace replacing her confusion. “Sorry, that was probably too much information.”

“You think?” She cringed, slowly looking down before glancing up with wide eyes. “Oh my God. I just realized…ew. I can’t sit here anymore.”

I pressed my hands more into my thighs, watching in amusement as she jumped up from my bed. I bit my lip, following her until she stopped two feet in front of me like she was when she first came in.

“What makes you think it didn’t happen there?” I prompted, bursting into laughter at the look on her face. “I’m kidding! Oh my God you’re so dramatic.”

“I don’t want to know about where you…did that!” She yelled, laughing a little with me. “It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t need another thing to be scarred about.”

“Oh my God.” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment at the flashbacks filling my mind. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“It’s whatever.” She laughed, waving her hand. “I get your point, okay? It is stupid, but it’s probably just Dad wanting to punish Alex without hurting him this time.”

“Well he’s punishing me too.” I whined, tugging my arms back into my chest childishly.

“Think about it this way,” She started, motioning around the clothes covered carpet. “This won’t be a thing anymore. He’ll have his own room to trash.”

I looked over the ground carefully, letting my head loll to the side as I took in every detail of the things covering the floor that shouldn’t be. Rolling my lips together, I hummed in agreement and sat up straighter. So I’ll have a clean room, but what about the fact that I haven’t slept by myself in almost six months? Or the whole fear of another relapse while I’m not there to stop him?

“Why don’t I help you clean this up so you can relax?” She suggested, knocking me out of my thoughts. “Maybe we can get something to eat or something after and get away for a bit.”

“You’re willing to touch Alex’s dirty underwear?” I questioned, squinting my eyes.

“I’m willing to touch his dirty underwear.” She confirmed, bending down and scooping up the clothes closest to her feet. “Anything to get you happy again.”

I blinked back in surprise, watching her take the clothes to the hamper before she went back to scooping another pile of clothes. I pressed my lips together hard, bringing my sleeves up to press under my eyes when the burning sensation returned.

“You’re supposed to stop crying, not cry more!” She scolded from across the room.

“You’re the best sister ever.” I told shakily, laughing the best I could while holding my breath. “I love you.”

“I love you too, now get up!” She laughed. “I’ll touch the underwear, but I’m not touching that stuff rolled in a ball over there.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I swallowed hard, coughing on the access lemonade caught in the back of my throat while I covered my mouth. Lauren’s wide eyes caught on to mine and before I could blink, her hand was smacking the back of Derek’s head.

“What the heck?” She whisper-yelled from her place across from me in the booth.

“What did I say?” He panicked, looking over at me with wide eyes. “Is that offensive? Oh God, I’m so so-”

I shook my head, sucking in a much-needed breath before taking a smaller sip of lemonade. Once the cold liquid went down without any troubles, I cleared my throat and giggled.

“I’m not transgender.” I answered quietly, taking a quick look around the quiet diner.

“I’m so sorry.” He apologized, running his hands over the sides of his neck sheepishly.

“I’m not offended.” I reassured, giving him a small smile while I motioned to my Adidas hoodie. “Really. It’s pretty normal for you to think that. I wear a lot of clothes like this and I tend to be more feminine than not most of the time.”

“No, I just thought…” He trailed off, cheeks turning beet red the longer he looked at me.

“I get it, Derek.” I nodded, twirling my straw around. “That would make sense, but I’m not. I was just born with more estrogen than testosterone like our grandpa.”

“According to the doctor, he’s almost matching my genes.” Lauren added, smiling over at me. “Our mom said it’s because he’s the first boy in our family and our Dad’s genes are more like our Grandpa Bassam and Jack got almost everything passed down from Grandpa Joel.”

“Grandpa Bassam is the one who impregnated Grandpa Joel.” I clarified, pulling at the ends of my beanie. “I guess you could say we’re hermaphrodites. That’s the easiest way to explain it, we just don’t have vaginas.”

“What’s a hermaphrodite?” He asked slowly.

“A person who is born with both boy and girl parts on the inside or the outside.” Lauren explained briefly, motioning to me. “In his case, it’s the parts on the inside.”

“Oh, okay.” He nodded slowly, a look of concentration over his face. “Okay, yeah. That actually makes sense.”

“It’s very rare.” I went on, leaning on my forearms over the small table. “But not impossible.”

“That’s pretty cool.” He commented, shoving a few more fries into his mouth.

I picked at the crust of my sandwich, watching the crumbs fall onto the plate for a few seconds before I let my gaze fall back over to Lauren. She smiled, nibbling on a chicken finger while she subtly leaned towards the window. I raised my eyebrows at the space she created between them, shrugging it off as I ripped a piece of my grilled cheese off.

“Thanks for coming to dinner with us, Derek.” I smiled, shoving the small piece of bread into my mouth.

“Thanks for inviting me.” He chuckled, slurping on his Coke.

“I figured you might wanna get out of your house for a while since you’ve been complaining about being bored almost all day.” Lauren teased, brushing her straightened hair behind her ear. “And I needed to get Jack out to cheer him up.”

“You cheered me up when you helped me clean and take all the dirty clothes to the laundry room.” I noted, wiping my greasy fingers on the napkin on my lap.

“Cleaning?” Derek repeated making a face.

“Believe it or not, actually being able to see my floor brightened my mood a little.” I nodded, leaning back against the cushion behind me as I looked back at him.

He hummed, shrugging his shoulders as he grabbed the last few fries on his plate. I bit my lip, watching him shove them in his mouth before I diverted my gaze to Lauren. She kept her eyes down on her plate while she picked at her plate of fries and I slowly slid my hand back over to my lemonade. Bringing the straw to my lips, I sipped slowly and tried to ignore the awkwardness beginning to surround us. Everything seemed fine when we got here a while ago, but I noticed Lauren acting a little different as we started finishing up.

“I’m pretty sure cleaning relieves stress.” Derek retorted, shaking his glass around to get the rest of the pop out from under the ice.

I licked my lips, biting at the straw when I felt vibrating against my thigh. I shoved my free hand into the deep pocket of my joggers and pulled my phone out. Setting my lemonade back down, I slipped my finger across the screen quickly and pressed the phone over my ear hard to hear through the material of my beanie.

“Hello?” I answered slowly, reaching my hand out to stir the spoon in my small cup of tomato soup.

“Jack!”

I jumped at the squeal, feeling my eyes widen in surprise.

“Cass?” I questioned, dropping the spoon back into the bowl.

“Ah! I’m so happy you answered!” She cheered, making me laugh quietly. “I miss you!”

“I miss you too.” I smiled, leaning back into the hard cushion. “What’s up?”

“Well, Mr. Texts-A-Lot, I wanted to hear your voice for once and that’s why I called to talk.” She reasoned. “I haven’t seen you since school let out, but I know we’ve all been busy. Hence the group texts going off all the damn time.”

I tucked my left hand under my right armpit and felt my cheeks burn from the grin taking over my face. It’s been so hectic the past couple of weeks, I completely forgot I’ve kind of been neglecting my friends besides the texts I send back every other day. Hearing her voice brought me to a strange level of happiness and the urge to see her along with everyone else suddenly grew more powerful.

“I know, a lot’s been going on.” I noted, biting my lip softly as I stared over my half of grilled cheese leftover.

“Oh yeah? Like?” She trailed off, waiting for me to fill her in. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, um.” I stammered, swallowing thickly as nerves took over me. “Just different. Uh-”

“Is Alex okay?” She interrupted, sounding a little panicked. “I know a lot has been going on with him. At least since the end of the school year and-”

“Alex is fine.” I informed, hearing her sigh in relief. “We’re both fine.”

“Okay, good.” She laughed breathlessly. “Well?”

“It’s something I need to tell everyone together. I feel like.” I mentioned, clearing my drying throat. “You know?”

“Okay…” She answered cautiously. “In that case, I was calling to make sure we’re still doing the annual bonfire at your house? We all haven’t talked about it since your birthday.”

“Oh shit.” I gasped dramatically, sitting up straight. “What day is it today?”

“August third.” She said like it was obvious. “You’d know that if you were involved in the group chat from this morning.”

“Sorry.” I frowned, slumping in my seat sheepishly. “I was preoccupied with making sure Alex got up for work and cleaning my room and talking with my parents.”

I tossed my head back over the back of the booth and let out a quiet huff of air. How could I forget about the bonfire? I’ve planned and hosted it every year since our group assembled. Between Alex moving in and finding everything out about my family, things seem to be going out of control for me recently.

“It really slipped my mind.” I continued, twisting the strings of my pants in my left hand. “It’s definitely still on though.”

“You gave me a heart attack!” She laughed. “The way you sounded made me think you were going to break tradition.”

“Hell no.” I refused, shaking my head lightly. “Definitely not. I just have to make sure what date my parents are good with and text you guys the details.”

“Thank God.” She chirped. “I can’t wait to see you and hug the shit out of you.”

“I miss our hugs.” I smiled, hearing Lauren clear her throat. “And you. And everyone.”

I sat up straight and looked over to see her flip her hair over her bare shoulder, exposing a good portion of her collarbone with the white tube top she changed into before we left. I raised my eyebrows at her unimpressed look and stole a glance at Derek. He gave me a soft smile, ruffling his gelled hair before he awkwardly tugged at the collar of his grey v-neck.

“Mom’s here to pick us up.” Lauren told, pointing out of the window beside us.

“We all miss each other!” Cass whined. “Everyone’s been so busy this summer and it sucks.”

“Yeah, but we’ll do the bonfire okay?” I planned, licking my lips as Derek scooted out from the booth. “I gotta go Cass, but I promise to text you later when I find out the day tonight.”

“Okie dokie!” She exclaimed obnoxiously. “Love you, bye!”

“Love you, bye.” I repeated, pulling the phone from my ear and shoving it back into my pocket.

I slipped from the edge of my seat and pulled the thirty dollars out of my left pocket. I set it on the edge of the table for the waitress to pick up, biting my lip as I tucked my hands into the pocket of my hoodie. I shrugged my shoulders and tugged my sweater down as far as possible, suddenly feeling self-conscious about my exposed sides when I noticed more booths filled up in the time we’ve been here.

“Derek’s coming over for a little.” Lauren stated, pushing my elbow with enough pressure to turn me around. “His dad get out of work around eight.”

“Okay.” I nodded, leading the way back to the door slowly. “You’re telling me why?”

“So you don’t wonder why he’s getting in the car.” She told, pushing on my back when I shoved the door open. “Walk faster. You have to face her sooner or later.”

“I’m not avoiding her.” I scoffed, holding the door open long enough for her and Derek to step out.

Warmth hit the side of my face from the setting sun and I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest when my eyes caught sight of the jeep parked along the curb in front of us. Biting my cheek, I held back the petty scowl wanting to take over my face and lazily began strolling over to the passenger side.

“Don’t make the car ride awkward.” She rushed out just before I yanked on the door handle.

“Shut up.” I hissed, barely above a whisper before I climbed into my seat.

Fresh flowers filled my nose as I plopped down in the seat and I hummed, catching sight of the air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror when I pulled the door shut beside me. Licking my lips, I situated in my seat and slowly pulled the seatbelt over my chest. Once the loud click sounded in my ears, I crossed my arms back over my chest and leaned back in the seat.

“How was your dinner out?” Mom asked loudly, switching the gear back into drive. “Good, I hope.”

“It was fun.” Lauren answered for both of us. “Thanks for taking us and for letting Derek come hang out for a while.”

“That’s alright.” Mom replied, looking both ways before pulling back into the street. “You haven’t had any friends over in a few days.”

I bit at my lip again, forcing myself to keep quiet. I haven’t spoken to her since the little fight earlier where I dropped the f-bomb not once, but twice. In front of both of them. Just thinking about it makes my cheeks heat up. Never have I ever sworn in front of them on purpose, let alone at them. I’m surprised they even let me leave the house if I’m being honest with myself.

“I went out to the store for a few things and figured I could get you guys on my way back.” She went on, clearing her throat. “I would also like for you to be home before Alex, Jack.”

“Right.” I mumbled, surprising myself when I kept going. “So I can be the one to kick him out of my room.”

“Don’t start, Jack.” She warned, making me press my lips together. “I’ve really had enough of this attitude of yours and the way you spoke to your father and I this afternoon was unacceptable.”

“I didn’t mean to say it like that.” I admitted, lolling my head back against the headrest. “I’m sorry, but what you guys want makes no sense to me-”

“It doesn’t have to make sense to you.” She told sternly. “It’s what we want right now and you need to respect that. You are living under our roof.”

“Yeah, I know.” I sighed.

I turned to my window and kept my eyes on the houses passing by, trying my best to keep another argument from happening. Anxious butterflies flipped through my gut as the worries of explaining to Alex resurfaced. I can’t even fathom how he’s going to react especially when he hasn’t been himself lately. God, just thinking about him and his own attitude makes me want to rip my hair out. How am I supposed to even start a conversation with him when he barely acknowledges me outside of cuddling me at night?

“You and Derek can hang out in the family room, front room, or out back, but no bedroom.” Mom reminded Lauren, breaking the awkward silence filling the car. “And not in the basement either.”

“Why not the basement?” She groaned. “The good movies are down there.”

“Because that’s another story of the house and I’m not comfortable with you to be alone with a boy yet.” Mom explained, turning on to our street.

“Mom.” She protested.

“Ah ah, you can bring the movies up to the family room.” Mom refused, slowing down when we got to the driveway. “I let Jack be alone with Alex and look what happened.”

“I didn’t even know this could happen to me.” I defended in annoyance, rolling my eyes.

“Well you shouldn’t have had unprotected sex before even talking to me.” She shot back.

“Can we not do this in front of Lauren and her boyfriend?” I advised, raising my right hand over my warm cheek.

“Why?” She prompted, pulling into the driveway. “Are you embarrassed? If that’s the case, then you definitely shouldn’t have been-”

“If I was embarrassed about sex then I never would’ve admitted I let Alex fucking bareback me when you brought me in here to talk about everything.” I argued, practically yanking my seabelt off once the car came to a stop. “And you seriously need to stop acting like Lauren will turn out like me. She’s not going to get knocked up before marriage okay? I can guarantee that.”

I unlocked the doors and pulled my handle, pushing the door open more violently than I intended.

“Jack Bassam Barakat!” Mom shouted, sounding surprised and angry at the same time. “How dare you be so…so vulgar!”

“Please, that’s barely vulgar.” I retorted, sliding down from the seat and on to the smooth pavement of the driveway.

“Jack, don’t you dare walk away from this car.” She warned as my wrist got prepared to shut the door.

I slumped my shoulders and grumbled to myself, leaning into the door uncomfortably while Lauren walked hurried around the car with Derek right on her heels. I sighed heavily, turning my head to watch them race to the front door before I slowly forced my gaze back to Mom as she turned the car off. Guilt crept back into my gut at the concentrated frown over her face and I took a deep breath in attempt to calm myself down.

“I’m sorry.” I blurted, biting my lip while she unbuckled herself. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. Not now and not earlier, especially not in front of Lauren.”

She kept silent, pushing her door open softly and slipping out. Once I saw her door shut, I pushed mine closed quietly and folded my arms over my stomach impatiently. I licked my lips, feeling my fingers shake a little from the adrenaline building up from getting so heated so fast.

“Honestly Jack, you’ve never been this disrespectful towards me and your father.” She started, finally standing in front of me. “Not until all of this time with Alex.”

“Mom-” I frowned, stopping when she shot me a stern look.

“I’m serious, abn.” She stated, speaking Arabic to let me know just how serious. “I love you and I will support you for my whole life, but this attitude. This way you’re acting right now really makes me feel like allowing Alex a place in our home was a mistake on my part-”

“Mom.” I tried, bringing my hand to cover my mouth when she shook her head.

“I’m not finished.” She informed, brushing her hair behind her ears. “I love Alex with all of my heart too and you know that. I’m not saying he needs to find somewhere else, nothing like that. I’m saying that I definitely want him in the guest room and after the way you’ve been today, I’m telling you right now that you’re not going to be alone with him any time soon.”

“Mom, I’m sorry.” I told quietly, looking down to my feet.

“You say that, but I’m not sure I believe you.” She retorted. “And since he lives here, I can’t punish you by not allowing him over so you’re going to deal with sleeping in separate rooms and hanging out in rooms with no doors just like Lauren. I don’t care that you’re already pregnant. Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t give you permission to continue fornicating under my roof.”

I bit my lip, staring deeply into the dark red material covering my right leg before I focused over to the dark blue covering my left leg. Dropping my hands to my side, I pulled the white strings hanging from the front of the joggers and tugged them to tighten the band around my hips while she continued to ask if I understood in Arabic.

“Nem, Ami.” I confirmed quietly, feeling a lot less angry and annoyed from before.

“Inside.” She ordered.

I nodded, immediately bypassing around her and over to the porch. I hurried through the front door, taking in a deep breath when her footsteps sounded behind me. Sighing, I kicked my flip flops off and waltzed straight into the kitchen. Dad came into view right away, sitting on a stool at the island with a coffee cup and some kind of papers.

“Jack.” He greeted as I pulled the fridge open.

“Dad.” I said back, pulling a bottle of water from the door.

“Do you have something to say to me?” He continued, clearing his throat when I shut the door.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes and busied myself with twisting the cap off of my water. I kept my eyes glued to the end of the water bottle and took a few long sips to procrastinate a little bit longer. Once I swallowed the mouthfuls, I twisted the cap back on and set it on top of the island loudly just as Mom walked through the doorway.

“I’m sorry for speaking the way I did earlier.” I mumbled, staring into the tabletop.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” He called, making me force my gaze up to his. “I don’t want to hear those words come out of your mouth towards me or your mother again, do you understand?”

I gulped slightly, replaying the words I spoke five minutes ago in my head before nodding.

“Yes.” I answered, pressing my mouth closed.

“Yes?” He coaxed lightly, raising his eyebrow.

“Nem, Baba.” I repeated louder.

“Good.” He chuckled, shuffling the papers in front of him back into a pile. “Why don’t you get some clean clothes and set them out in the bathroom downstairs?”

“Really?” I scoffed, leaning on the edge of the island.

I huffed, biting my tongue at the quirked eyebrow I received in response. Pushing away from the counter, I turned back to the foyer and left the kitchen without another word. Annoyance started to bubble under my skin as I jogged up the steps and I found myself pushing my bedroom door open harder than normal. I understand I was being rude and everything, but this whole thing still seems pointless. Now that I’m alone with the argument between Mom and I fresh in my memory, I felt everything start to set in. I get being punished for my word choice, but it felt like she was pushing me to get angry when she kept mentioning the whole sex thing.

“I don’t know.” I groaned out loud to myself. “I feel so fucking…ugh.”

Rolling my eyes at myself, I pushed everything as far from my mind as possible and took a long breath in. Letting it out I felt a little relieved and stepped over to my dresser with lighter shoulders. I sighed heavily, pulling the top drawer of the dresser open. I grabbed a pair of black boxers and slammed the drawer shut again before pulling the very last one open. Scanning the contents, I shrugged and pulled out a black Blink-182 shirt with a pair of Alex’s black joggers. Standing up straight, I kicked the drawer closed and tucked the clothes under my arm just as the front door opening echoed through the quiet house.

“Jack!” Lauren shouted, making my heart skip in my chest.

I took a deep breath and rushed out of my room, hurrying down the hall. I turned onto the stairs and practically ran down just as Alex turned his back to me to close the door. Biting my cheek, I stepped down into the foyer and took in his slouched form as he kicked his dirty vans off beside my flip flops.

“Hey.” I greeted quietly, grimacing at the black staining his fingers up to his forearms. “I need to talk to you.”

“Can it wait until I shower?” He muttered, looking over expectantly.

I bit my lip, trailing my eyes over his face. He blinked down at me and licked his lips, immediately drawing me to the short hair starting to form a five o’clock shadow from his lack of shaving. I bit my lip, lifting my gaze back up his face and to the blue-yellow toned bruises left from the confrontation last week.

“Uh…no.” I stammered, hugging the clothes more into my elbow. “It can’t. Um. Come downstairs with me.”

I bit back down on my lip, ignoring the way he scrunched his face up as I turned my back to him. I walked a few steps towards the kitchen, glancing back to see him following behind me with confusion written all over his face. I hurried through the kitchen, ignoring Mom and Dad completely as I continued leading Alex to the basement. I pulled the door open all the way and started jogging down the steps, hearing him still following right behind me.

“Jack, what the fuck?” He asked, stopping with me after I turned into the small bathroom beside the laundry room.

I sighed, setting the clothes on the counter before twisting around to face him again. I licked my dry lips, ignoring the stupid butterflies filling me as I crossed my arms back over my chest.

“Long story short, I got in a fight with my dad and he’s making you sleep in the guest room now.” I blurted, biting at my lip while I stared up at him. “He made me bring clothes down for you to shower down here so you don’t get comfortable in my room when-”

“Okay.” He interrupted shortly.

“Okay?” I gaped, furrowing my eyebrows when he shrugged. “You’re completely fine with leaving this?”

“It’s their fucking house, Jack.” He remarked, tossing his head back. “S’not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal.” I snapped, hugging my chest tighter. “Especially with everything going on right now.”

“Can you fucking not?” He sighed, rubbing his forehead with the back of his arm. “Christ, I just want to fucking shower and sleep.”

I frowned, pressing my lips together hard while I took in his tense shoulders. Shaking my head, I pulled my right hand free and rubbed the bridge of my nose softly. After a few seconds of silence, I dropped my hands back down to my hips and looked up to his emotionless face. A twist formed in my stomach and I felt the familiar hot tingling forming behind my eyes after all of the fighting today.

“Can you not be an asshole?” I asked calmly.

“How am I a fucking asshole, Jack?” He scoffed, popping the buttons of his work shirt open. “I worked all day and I’m fucking tired. Forgive me for wanting to take a God damn nap.”

“Take your fucking shower then.” I permitted, waving my arm towards the shower in the corner. “Today has been fucking horrible and I’m going to cry again if we don’t talk about what we’ve been avoiding.”

“Whatever.” He grumbled, tossing his shirt to the ground. “Just get out of here before your fucking dad comes at me for being in the bathroom with you.”

I rolled my eyes, folding my arms over my stomach as I pushed passed him and back into the main lounge area with the futon couch and TV. The door shut loudly behind me once I was out of the way and I scowled, hating the way a simple action like that made my lip quiver more.
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I popped my lips quietly, flicking my finger up my screen slowly as I scrolled through the never-ending list of songs. I rolled my eyes after coming across way too many love songs and scrolled back to the top. Once the screen stopped moving, I hit shuffle and dropped my phone back into my lap.

Take away your things and go
You can't take back what you said, I know
I've heard it all before, at least a million times
I'm not one to forget, you know

“You want something from In-N-Out?” Alex asked over the radio, breaking the tension between us.

“I ate with Lauren and Derek.” I told, shaking my head as he pulled into the drive-through.

I watched him nod, slumping back in my seat when the ding of my phone echoed through the radio. I turned the music down from the buttons along the side of my phone and listened to him roll his window down before unlocking my screen again. My messages app opened right up and I rolled my eyes right when I saw who texted me.

From: Mom
Home right after the drive-thru. I let you go so you could explain to him what I told you earlier.

“Can I just get a double-double with no onion and fries?” Alex ordered, tapping his fingers loudly on the steering wheel. “With a Coke.”

I tuned him out, staring at the keyboard blankly before forcing my thumbs to dance across the screen.

To: Mom
I know. We’ll only be twenty minutes.

I hit send, glancing up when I felt the car inch forward. Alex sighed heavily, stopping beside the first window. I watched him pull his wallet from his pocket and slip his card out before holding it out the window just as a blonde girl popped out.

“That’ll be eight fifty.” She grinned, pulling the card from his grip and disappearing.

I swallowed thickly, feeling nerves build back up in my stomach as the words I’ve kept bottled up all this time raced to the front of my mind. The start to the conversation I’ve been avoiding just as bad as he has since the day of my first doctor appointment.

“Here you are!”

I blinked, looking up to find the girl giving Alex his card back along with his bag of food. He took it from her, passing it to my lap instinctively before he was holding his hand back out to grab the drink from her. I smiled a little, cradling the warm bag in my lap while he shoved his drink in the cup holder. He slipped the card back in his wallet and shoved it into his free cup holder before pulling into a close parking spot facing the back of some abandoned building with In-N-Out behind us. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose, calmly letting it out when he stuck his hand in the bag.

“You’re too good for me.” He started, pulling a handful of fries free.

“Because I’m holding your food?” I questioned slowly, biting my lip at his light chuckle.

“Because you put up with my stupid ass.” He retorted through his small mouthful. “I fuck up and act like a total fucking dickhead and you still find it in you to be there for me. To love me.”

“I will always be here for you.” I expressed, watching him keep his gaze on where he wiped his hand off on his thigh. “I love you, Alex. No matter what, you know that. And I don’t want to see you go down.”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna go down.” He admitted, pulling the drink from the cup holder while he glanced over to me. “I mean, unless you ask me to. I’m all for goin’ down on you.”

“I’m being serious.” I scolded, frowning. “I’ve been walking on eggshells around you the past few days because all you do is bitch or rot in bed and I can’t stand to see you like this. This is not healthy, Alex. I don’t want to worry about whether you’re going to fight with me or not every time I wake up. I don’t want to worry about-”

“I know, you don’t wanna worry I’ll do it again.” He muttered, cutting off my rambling. “I don’t know why I let myself do it, okay? I’m fucking pissed at myself after getting rid of it once. I don’t ever want to feel like this again. I just. I know sorry doesn’t cut it, but I need you to know how much I fucking appreciate you being here for me even though I haven’t really shown it.”

“I know how much you appreciate me because I know you love me. I don’t ever want this to happen again either and I don’t want to have to have this conversation again, so let’s make it quick and painless.” I lectured, tightening my grip around the bottom of the bag. “Really, baby. No more. Please swear to me, Alex. I’m here for you always and you know that. You need to come to me when you feel like you did when you bought it.”

“Okay.” He nodded, lifting his head. “I promise.”

“No, no promises.” I refused, shaking my head. “You already broke it once. Swear to me.”

“I swear.” He stated softly. “No more.”

“No more…” I trailed off, biting my cheek as I stared up into his eyes.

“Smack.” He forced out, casting his gaze to his hands. “I swear no more smack.”

I swallowed thickly, the disgust in his voice not going unnoticed. A sense of relief washed over me at the way he spat it out and the look taking over his face gave me reassurance that he’ll stick to his word this time.

“Good.” I breathed, reaching my hand out to rest over his. “I’m ready to have my obnoxious boyfriend back instead of the annoying grumpy one who only wants to cuddle at night.”

“I’ve been clingy as fuck.” He cringed, locking eyes with me. “Like, when I’m tryin’ to lay-”

“I never said I didn’t like it.” I interrupted, giving him another small smile. “I like it when you need me.”

“I like it when you need me.” He mumbled, a light smirk curving his lips. “In every way.”

“Oh my God.” I scoffed playfully, rolling my eyes at his second attempt to lighten the mood.

“Can we drop this?” He asked awkwardly, pulling his hand from under mine. “I uh, I want to forget about it. Move on, you know?”

“Water under the bridge.” I agreed, letting my hands slid back around the small bag. “Not thinking about it will help you get out of this funk faster. We’ll find ways to get rid of the cravings, okay?”

“Yeah.” He agreed, biting his lip.

“Okay.” I nodded, clearing my throat as the air around us became more comfortable. “Do you want to eat here? If you do I need to text my mom-”

“I love you.” He interjected, turning awkwardly in his seat.

I closed my mouth, watching him practically throw his seatbelt over his shoulder before his hands grabbed my face. I gasped, jolting forward with wide eyes until his warm lips pressed into mine. I hummed in approval, savoring the taste of his lips for another few seconds until he pulled back. My fingers twitched along the bottom of the bag, itching to reach up and grab his neck before he could get too far away.

“I missed that.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I uh. I’m sorry for distancing myself.”

“Yeah…” I said in a daze, licking my lips. “It’s okay.”

He chuckled, knocking me back into reality. I blushed, looking away from him and taking interest in my phone instead. Clearing my throat again, I turned the radio up higher and sunk back in my seat more comfortably.

“So, about eating here.” I brought up, bringing myself to look over at him again.

“I’ll wait.” He answered, shifting the car in reverse.

I nodded, watching him back out silently. I hummed happily, feeling another weight lift from my shoulders as we pulled back on to the main street.

“I love you too by the way.” I announced, realizing I never said it back.

“I know, baby.” He replied, twisting the nob to make the volume higher.

I smiled, relaxing back into my seat again. I pulled the bag more into my lap and rolled the top together to keep everything warm for the ride home. I stared out the window, noticing my sudden cotton mouth when I swallowed. Grimacing, I reached out and pulled the drink from the cup holder before stealing a long sip.

“Mm.” I moaned, craving another long sip once the Coke hit my taste buds.

I swallowed slowly, savoring the coolness while my gaze focused on the empty lot we drove into.

“Uh.” I started, stopping when the car jolted to a stop.

“I can’t wait until we get home.” Alex noted, snatching the bag from my lap.

I set the cup back into the cup holder, rolling my eyes at him while I laughed a little.

“We’re just down the street.” I noted, taking in the familiar surroundings before my eyes caught on his hand inching in the backseat.

I furrowed my eyebrows, watching him carelessly toss the rolled bag to the seats.

“I’m not talkin’ about the food.” He chuckled, turning the radio up loud enough to shake the car.

I was good on my own, that's the way it was
That's the way it was
You was good on the low for a faded fuck
On some faded love
Shit, what the fuck you complaining for?
Feeling jaded huh?
Used to trip off that shit I was kickin' to you
Had some fun on the run though I give it to you

I sucked in a breath at the sound of his voice, feeling the familiar tingles rushed through my body as the bass vibrated through my body mixed with the lyrics. I licked my lips, glancing down to my phone when the screen lit up for a second before Alex’s rough fingertips gripped my chin. I looked over, taking a deep breath when his eyes stared straight back into mine. He leaned over the center council, pressing his forehead into mine while his free hand pressed into my side to unbuckle my seatbelt.

“I need you.” He pleaded, pressing a light kiss to my parted lips.

“Take me.” I consented, lifting my hands to cup his neck.

Notes

Jack's Outfit



Yay for a long chapter! I didn't want to end it because I had so much planned, but I already had a lot of stuff going on and figured I shouldn't put too much in. We had some tension between Jack and everybody because hes having some trouble controlling his emotions, some explanations about the pregnancy, the start of some much needed friend-interaction, and the start of some JALEX. I hope the transgender question didn't offend anybody because that wasn't my intention, it was kind of a segway to explain the pregnancy better!

If you're still reading I love yous and all of the feedback!

PS. For those of you who don't know(because I didn't) Smack is a street name for heroin. So the drug Alex is addicted to is a really heavy drug, but with the way I wrote him it had to be something hard. I skipped over a lot of the withdrawal stuff I was going to put in just because I didn't want to have another full chapter or two full of depressing/heartbreaking Alex being miserable.

I also forgot to mention I included Arabic but I don't speak it so I relied on google translate! I also wrote more of the pronunciations instead Of the actual words to make it easier for others who don't speak Arabic and it's from google so I'm sorry if it isn't accurate.

So yeah! I hope y'all keep loving!

Also, there's a lot of cute Jalex I didn't get to include yet so look forward to the next chapter. At least I think it's cute!