Kellin


Damn

What the fuck did I get myself into?

I really didn’t think it would ever get this far, I didn’t want it to.

I swear, I thought that once Vic would see me with Alex, he’d drop everything and come begging on his knees for me! I thought that this was all a brilliant idea at first, but now I don’t think I could regret it more.

I was just so sick of Vic tossing me around, breaking up with me he’s on his fucking man period and coming back to me a day later, apologizing.
Back then I would just forgive him and pretend that I had totally cried myself to sleep the night before.

It really was an impulsive decision, I was hurting and I saw a perfect opportunity to get a little payback. I wish I had just gone back to him like I usually do, but it’s too late now that I’m caught up in this mess.

I just want Vic back but I screwed up so badly, now I’m in a committed relationship with a guy that I barely like.
Well, it’s not that I’m not attracted to Alex or anything, because he’s really fucking hot and I see why Jack is so crazy about him, but I could just never see us ever being together romantically.

I don’t think that Alex sees that now, but I’m sure that one day he’s going to wake up wondering what the fuck he was thinking when he got together with me.

We really just don’t work as a couple.

I need to be with someone that I can argue with, who I can disagree with and they won’t be hurt afterwards. Vic and I screamed at each other all the time, but we’d always end it with some really hot makeup sex. We both had differences in personalities that just fit like two puzzle pieces.

Vic is easygoing and chill, he was a more go with the flow kind of person, while I was the opposite. I’m very energetic and stubborn, with more of a feisty personality.

Vic always used to call me his little ‘firecracker’ whenever I would get a little excited.

He is very even tempered but very good at arguing, he doesn’t take shit from anybody. If he didn’t agree with someone, or if someone said something to offend him that’s when his fiery side would come out and he would remind me more of me.

We could argue for hours but usually he’d always end up giving up to my side and spoiling me by getting me what I want.

I had no idea how good I had it back then.

I just need somebody that I can push and they will push me back.

I need Vic.

I do not need Alex, and Alex sure as hell doesn’t need me.

If I ever showed my true colors to Alex I feel like it would terrify him.

Alex just needs someone that he can adore, and someone who will adore him. He needs a loyal partner who is patient and compassionate, someone who will love him endlessly and unconditionally. Basically, he needs the sweetest boyfriend possible.

I’ve tried to be that way but I can’t even compete with the guy that I know he is constantly comparing me to. It’s exhausting trying to constantly be so charming.

That just isn’t me, that’s Jack.

That guy is a huge asshole, when I first met him he didn’t care about anyone or anything but himself. Jack never really ever had the disciple of parents so he got away with some really fucked up things that I’m sure he’d actually kill me if I told them to Alex.

He left everyone that he had every met with a broken heart or a burning hatred for him
He was a shitty friend, a shitty student, and I would say a shitty person but I can surprisingly say that wouldn’t be true.

There’s one thing that he’s really fucking good at, and it’s being Alex’s boyfriend.
It was fucking scary, he just woke up one day and his entire personality had changed, at least when he was around Alex that is.

He was compassionate, respectful, kind, loving, and followed Alex around like a puppy dog and he had a bone. It’s pretty cute now that I think about it, I thought that Alex had totally changed him forever until I heard that Jack cheated.

I guess it’s hard to let go some of your old habits, especially when you're drunk and have no control over yourself? I bet his body just went into muscle memory and did what he usually did when he was shitfaced, hook up with someone.

I understand that he lied to protect Alex because he’s so sensitive, but I don’t really get what happened when he kissed Tay a second time.

A sweet boy like Alex didn’t deserve any of that.

I was completely genuine the first time that I saw Alex crying his eyes out while sitting on the bench. I was actually concerned for him and I wanted to make him feel better.
It was just while I was driving home and listening to his sniffling and uneasy breathing when I realized that he would be absolutely perfect for my situation.

I don’t regret comforting him every time he’d cry, it just made me realize that I didn’t have to find someone to make Vic jealous because he was right in front of me, sobbing into my shoulder over Jack who had crushed his heart to pieces.

Why wouldn’t I just kill two birds, no, three fucking birds with one stone?

My top and most obvious priority was to make Vic jealous, and then I also got to make Alex feel better a bit by becoming his boyfriend, and lastly Jack was getting a taste of his own medicine for a change.

I couldn’t just let that cocky asshole get away with shattering Alex’s sweet little heart without revenge. He always bugged me, he got what he had coming. I knew that Alex wasn’t going into this relationship in spite of Jack, but that’s okay because I was doing it for him.

I was just so sick of Vic tossing me around, throwing me away when he didn’t want me, and picking me back up when he needed me.

He didn’t even fucking care that we were broken up until he saw me kissing Alex, even then he didn’t get as mad as I wanted him to get.

He didn’t beg for me back like Jack was doing to Alex, he never came by my house with a bouquet of flowers or let me scream all the painful things I’ve been bottling up inside for months even while we were still dating.

I just wanted him to care! Just to see some type of reaction would be enough from me but he’s still completely emotionless about this whole thing!

Now Alex is the main part of my day instead of him, all my time was completely invested in making him feel happy. Just because I’m only dating him to get my ex-boyfriend jealous doesn’t mean I don’t care about him.

I care about him a lot actually, and it’s not like I wasn’t attracted to him either because jesus fucking christ, he is hot.

We are pretty cute together, but I knew that we were never meant to be. This is just some fantasy that we both made up to escape the reality of our ex- boyfriends.

The reason why we both came into this was very unhealthy, I needed to make Vic jealous and Alex needed a shoulder to cry on because all his friends had betrayed him.
It’s obvious to me that there’s no way we would ever work, I know that Alex knows it deep down too.

He would never admit it to me, but I know that he’ll never love me. His heart belongs to Jack, no matter how many times that asshole kicks it around or hurts it, it’ll always be his.

I looked down at the mess of caramel brown hair that was in front of me and gently kissed the back of his head, wrapping my arm tighter around his torso. A light snore was his only response making me smile, and I snuggled up closer to him so his back would be pressed up against my chest.

It really pissed me off to see what Jack did to Alex, to hurt somebody so kind should be a crime.

But I knew that it only hurt Alex so badly because he was so in love with Jack, it was a different story then if it happened between us. If I cheated on him then lied about it, he would be sad, of course, but he wouldn’t be practically suicidal.

I sighed, and pressed my forehead in between both of his shoulder blades in silent frustration.

I wanted to break up with him, but I have no idea what that would do to him.

He’s probably the most unstable person I know of at the moment, he was okay before because he had Jack but now he’s a complete mess.

I’m sure that Jack or his friends would never think this far, but I was terrified that he was so depressed that he would end his own life.

Okay, it’s sad, I know, but I’m a realistic person. Teenagers are dramatic people, and Alex has a shitty life so it’s not crazy for me to assume the worse because it’s happened to people before.

He’s just so unpredictable in my mind, at times he is happy and giggly then the next second he is bawling his eyes out.
I guess that’s just part of dealing with a breakup but he’s just so fragile.

I had no idea how he would react if I broke up with him. He’s already been through enough and can’t ignore the pain that I know he is constantly in, especially when he sees Jack at school, then when he goes home to be abused by his parents.

I’ve never met someone so strong but delicate.

If I wasn’t here for Alex to lean on, I’m just scared he’s gonna break again, and this time I don’t think he’ll be able to glue himself back together.

I’m positive that Jack would drop everything and Alex would run right back to him if we ever split up, but I just can’t imagine hurting him in any way.
I can’t be another reason for him to be depressed, even though dating Alex out of pity, and watching Vic move on is slowly killing me.

Maybe if I could just go behind Alex’s back and see what would happen if I try to win Vic back, but I looked back over at the sleeping boy right next to me and guilt ran through me for even thinking about cheating on him like Jack did.

I just want Vic back, I want Vic to love me like Alex and Jack love each other.

Someday I just want to turn a corner in the school and find Jack and Alex kissing, because that way I’ll be free to go back to the one I truly love without hurting the one I care about.

I guess this is some sorta fucked up life lesson. If you try to get payback on somebody, karma will come back to get you and you’ll be stick in your own little hell.

Revenge fucking sucks.

Notes

ooooo
KELLIN'S POV!!!!

it's not much but at least you get to know a lot more about kellin and how he feels about all this
he's been very mysterious and it's usually hard for me to portray what he is feeling so I decided that i should just do a chapter in his perspective!

this just takes place right after the next chapter but alex is sleeping over so theres not any time that passed or anything

i've been having such a motivation to write this story recently it's crazy! i will probably post another chapter sometime tomorrow just because i'm writing so much

I BARELY WROTE WITH ALL CAPS IN THIS COMMENT AT ALL, AM I FEELING OKAY?
I DON'T FEEL AS HYPER AS USUAL
oh well

I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS CHAPTER IT'S PRETTY DIFFERENT BUT I ENJOYED WRITING IT AND PLZ LEAVE COMMENTS TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER BECAUSE IT'S ALSO PRETTY COOL

okay there are the all capsssss



Title credit- Stay away from my friends