Jack


Yeah…

So maybe that wasn’t the best way of handling things.

There were so many thoughts running through my head right now I couldn’t even think straight.

I felt embarrassed that I fucking cried after screwing Ash, I felt ashamed that I even did that, I felt mad at myself for all these stupid emotions that were clouding the fact that I had great sex.

I just want to feel okay with everything like I did before I met Alex. I would fuck someone, kick them out and not feel anything while now I just feel guilty.

I’m like this weird hybrid of the old me, and the new me and I wish my brain would just chose a side already.

Whenever I do something shitty I can just hear Alex’s voice in the back of my head, but then I picture him with Kellin, but then I remember that I cheated on him, it’s a vicious cycle.

I’m just so sick and tired of feeling so guilty all the time.

No matter what I do or say, for some reason I always end up with this heavy weight on my shoulders that won’t go away.

What the hell am I supposed to do? If I do nothing and continue the lonely and boring life of not fucking anyone, then I just feel more depressed and usually lash out at my friends or end up beating the shit out of Kellin Quinn. If I do what I used to do and start screwing every hot person in this school, next I will be engulfed in guilt and can’t stop thinking about what I once had.

I couldn’t be anymore of a train wreck.

Once I realized where I was in the school I looked up, and stared at the exact location I’ve memorized by heart.

I looked up at about the same time that he did, once our gaze met his whole body perked up and his eyes lit up.

“Jack! Come here! Come here!” Alex called with an unusual amount of energy, he was practically bouncing up and down with excitement.

A smile spread across my face and a warmth filled my whole body.

Fuck. No matter how much I hate being just friends with Alex, I love being friends with him.
I know that doesn’t make sense, but it just feels so good knowing how much he needs me.
I mean, his own boyfriend isn’t enough so he needs me around too?
I’d say that’s a really good sign.

He’s not ignoring me like he used to, which makes me feel a lot less shitty than normal.
Sometimes we talk to each other in the halls, it’s mostly Alex talking and me listening now, and we text each other a lot, and he’s even been sitting at our lunch table more often.

Even though all that is great, it’s still not nearly what I want.

All this just reminded me of what I did last night. What I fucking did again.

I slept with somebody else. At least I didn’t cheat on him technically, but it really felt like I did.
It isn’t okay for me to sleep with someone that isn’t the love of my life.

Seeing him in person, and looking at those innocent brown eyes that were gazing up at me made me realize something. Something that made me feel pretty fucking stupid.

There’s no way in fucking hell that Alex has, or will anytime soon, sleep with Kellin

I don’t know what I was even thinking, I mean, he’s Alex!
He’s way too sensitive for shit like that.
That just made me feel even more guilty than I did before.

“You called?” I chuckled as I walked over to him, he shut his locker and looked up at me.
Fuck, it’s so cute when he does that.

I had to fight the incredibly strong urge to kiss him as I approached like I always used to do, and it was especially hard today because somehow he looked more adorable than usual.

He was wearing a light gray v neck, layered with an unzipped black hoodie, and a denim jacket, with tight black jeans, combat boots, and a maroon beanie. Can he get any hotter?

How the fuck did I let this boy slip through my fingers?

God fucking dammit, I miss him.

“Okay, so you know how me and Cass joined the art club, and about that project for the art contest I’ve been working on?” he asked me, trying to contain his smile as he talked but he couldn’t.

“Yeah, how is that anyway? Did you-”

“I won!!!” he practically shouted and my jaw dropped.

Damn, I knew he was a good artist but I didn’t think he was that good.

“Really?!? Oh my god!! That’s awesome, Lex!!! I’m so proud of you, I knew you could do it!!” I exclaimed, laughing as he was actually bouncing up and down this time.

“Thank you!! I can’t believe I actually did it! I wasn’t expecting that I was going to win! Now it’s gonna be in the school art show, and people are going to see it, and know that I DID IT!” he rambled, panting out a deep breath.

I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt.

Nothing in the entire world makes me happier than seeing Alex proud of himself.

His beautiful smile made my heart beat faster at the sight of it.

“I am so happy for you, Lex!” I exclaimed.

The muscle memory in my body took over, so without being able to control it I leaned forward and kissed his smooth, dimpled cheek.

Quickly realizing what I had done seconds later, I pulled away and stared at Alex’s wide, shocked eyes.

Shit, I just kissed him. It’s not like it was on the lips, but we are broken up.
Oh yeah, and he has a boyfriend.

“Oops,” I chuckled, but his flustered, blushing face turned angry when he heard my response.

“J-Jack!!” he scolded, but I couldn’t help but smile at the way he stuttered and his face was getting redder by the second.

“Sorry! It’s just a habit!” I defended, lifting both of my hands up in surrender but the smirk never left my face.

I never regret kissing that boy.

“Don’t d-do that!” Alex choked out, and groaned as I started laughing more.

“Friend’s was already out of my comfort zone, but I knew you’d never leave me alone-”

“You’re the one who wanted us to be friends, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want more than that.” I corrected him.

“Try harder!” he scolded.

“I’m sorry, but I’m trying really, really fucking hard. It’s impossible not to touch you, or kiss you, or tell you that I love you because I’m really fucking proud of you right now! Also, you look so fucking adorable in your beanie, but I wasn’t saying anything! I’ve been standing here thinking about kissing you but I didn’t… well I did on the cheek but that’s not what I was thinking of. I’d be pretty impressed if I were you.” I rambled.

I smiled as his pale cheeks turned even more pink, and he shook his head while biting his bottom lip in attempt to hold back a flattered smile.

“T-Thanks… I mean for not kissing me, not for c-calling me adorable. Don’t do that.” he told me sternly yet awkwardly, taken aback by the compliment and looking at me with uncertain eyes.

I confuse him so much, it’s fucking hilarious.

He turned around and started walking away, but turned his head back as he walked to look back at me. I smiled as he stumbled clumsily over air, barely catching himself with his other foot in time. Ugh, I love him.

From all the way down the hall, Alex glanced back up at me one more time with captivating brown eyes. He looked embarrassed that he tripped because he was looking at me, but I could see the smile on his face as he shook his head and turned the corner of the hallway.
I chuckled to myself.
No matter who his boyfriend is, I know I’ll always be able to get into that boy’s mind and drive him a little crazy.

It’s one of the many hundreds of things that I love about him.

Alex makes me want to be a good person, just constantly.

If I spend a few days without him I start slipping into my old, jerky ways. But, only spending 5 minutes of him gives me the urge to apologize to Ash to the way I treated her last night.
He has this explainable affect on me, I just want to be the best person I can for him.
Even if I’m not his boyfriend, I never want him to look at me and think of me as an asshole like everybody else in the world does. He sees me as a sweetheart even after all the horrible things I’ve done to him.

He can only ever see the good in people, and that’s one of my favorite qualities of his that I wish I could possess.

I walked up to Ash who was pulling her large black purse out of her locker, trying my best to remain cool and collected.

“Hey… So I just wanted to make sure that there weren’t any hard feelings after the other night?” I asked her, waiting for her reaction.

She scoffed, raising her eyebrows and started to smile, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe what she just heard.

“Ash?”

“You look a lot like the Jack Barakat I know, but you really are nothing like him.” she told me and I rolled my eyes.

“I told you before, I’m the same gu-”

“The old Jack would never have apologized for kicking me out right after a fuck, you probably would have told me to bring you taco bell afterward or something. I never thought I’d ever see the day to hear you actually apologize for anything. What happened to you?” Ash told me honesty, crossing her thin arms around her chest and looked like she was staring at a stranger, in complete disbelief that I was the same person I used to be.

“I got a boyfriend, I fell in love. I’m just not as douchey as I used to be, Alex deserves better than some asshole.” I shrugged.

“You’re not even with him right now.” she pointed out.

“Guess he just rubs off on me, but I’m serious about the apolog-”

“There are no hard feelings, at all. Don’t worry about it, you didn’t treat me any differently than you used to. I saw no problem but you’re the one acting like you did something wrong.” she admitted.

“I was direspectf-”

“Damn, disrespectful? Did your little boyfriend teach you that word? He seriously fixed you up, didn’t he? I doubt you even drink or smoke anymore, do ya?” she asked me curiously, looking amused by me which made me annoyed.

I scoffed and opened my mouth to give her a sarcastic response, but she spoke before I could.

“Good, then he didn’t completely ruin you.” she seemed relieved.

“Can you ever let me get one word in? I'm different, but I am not ruined.” I clarified, glaring at her through angry brown eyes.

“You can barely get through a hook up, Jack, and with me?” she pointed out, sneering as she thought she had won the argument.

“I’m getting back into it, just not used to it anymore.” I shrugged honestly.

Ash snorted with laughter and gripped at her stomach as she cackled.

“Fuck off,” I groaned.

“You’re so nice now it’s fucking hilarious. You know that you turned into the type of people we used to mock relentlessly?” she giggled, wiping at her eyes and shockingly didn’t smudge her dark eye makeup.

“Whatever,” I muttered.

I’m sure one day she’s gonna find someone that’ll change her. When she least expects it, probably when she is just looking for someone to hook up with, the love of her life will pop into her life.

That’s what happened to me, and if I can find love, then I’m sure that anybody can.

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll have you back to normal in no time.” she assured me in a sly, smooth voice.

Her arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me down to her height so my lips would crash into her glossed ones.

She’s gonna be a great distraction.

My immediate instinct was to pull away, because I did not miss the gross feeling of sticky, strawberry lip gloss when I was with Alex, but that isn’t what old Jack would do.

I backed her up into her locker, shutting it with one of my hands then pressing her back hard against it as our lips moved together expertly. After all this time we have both gotten extremely used to kissing each other, but it’s not like the thought of Alex didn’t cloud my brain as I slipped my tongue into her mouth.

Our lips pressed hard against each others, I gripped my hands on her hips to deepen the kiss.
She sucked my bottom lip into her mouth making me moan lightly, and she gigged.

“Mmm, missed you baby.” she hummed.

I felt no passion, no emotion with this kiss. I had grown accustomed to the imaginary fireworks in my head and butterflies in my stomach whenever my lips were pushed into another’s because it is usually Alex’s. It used to be Alex’s.

I felt nothing kissing her, practically numb. I might as well had a shot of novocaine in my lips.

But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop.

Notes

8 DAYS I'M SORRY GUYS
I HAD WRITERS BLOCK
I SHOUDL'VE JUST POSTED SOMETHING BUT I WAS SO UNMOTIVATED I FELT HORRIBLE

I HAD TO FORCE THIS OUT OF ME SO IF IT SEEMED LIKE SHITTY WRITING I AM SORRY

but JACK

he doesnt mean to be an asshole but yet he does
but yet he apologizes for it
but yet he can't help it ?
but yet he can ?

i don't even get it, but I'M JUST FREAKING OUT THAT JACK KISSED ALEX
I WAS PRACTICALLY SCREAMING WHILE WRITING THAT I WAS SO HAPPY
JUST THAT LITTLE BIT OF JALEX IS GETTING ME THROUGH

okay guys
also
please don't kill me but
im writing another story
http://www.alltimelowfanfiction.com/Story/86805/Take-Cover/
i KNOW I HAVE SO MANY STORIES I JUST HAVE SO MANY IDEAS BUT I PROMISE I WONT UPDATE THIS ONE ANY LESS
JUST PLEASE CHECK OUT MY NEW STORY I LOVE YOU GUYS I NEED YOUR OPINIONS CUZ THEY MEAN A LOT TO ME

i've been typing in too much all caps
like more than usual
just too much

okay
i hope you like this chapter plz comment if ya want <3
im so tired i really gotta go to bed i got school tomorrow why am i writing this late
plz check out my new story too i think that you guys will rlly like it :P

OKAY GOODNIGHT OR GOOD AFTERNOON OR GOODMORNING WHEREVER YOU ARE HAVE A GREAT DAY ILY <3


Title Credit- Oh Calamity