Jack


Why do I feel so guilty about this?

It’s not like I actually have a boyfriend this time, it’s totally normal for me to have sex with someone that isn’t him.

There was nothing wrong with it but I had this painful pit in my stomach.
The same one I felt when I first found out I cheated on him.
The same one I tried to ignore for all those weeks while lying to his face.

I have no reason to be guilty anymore. I’m trying to move on. It’s healthy.
It’s good for me, I finally will stop beating myself up about this constantly and feel normal again.

But just the thought of him finding out that I’m doing this makes me feel horrible.

No.

Alex and I aren’t together anymore.

I tried repeating that to myself in my head, attempting to forgive myself and convince my conscious that what I am doing is perfectly fine. But the more I tell myself that, the realization sets in and then all I could think about is the fact that I’ll probably never share a bed with him ever again.

It’s not like I didn’t want to fuck Ash, because I really did, I just didn’t know how to feel about it.

I feel good knowing that the last person I was with was the love of my life, but it makes me want to start breaking things when I think about what he is probably doing with Kellin right now.

I watched her car pull into my driveway just feeling weird.

When I pulled her into my house and pushed her up against the front door, I felt weird.

As I crashed my mouth onto hers, tongue sliding between her glossed lips, I felt weird.

“You taste like a fucking ashtray.” Ash muttered against my lips, panting lightly and brushing some of her black hair away from her face.

“You taste like a greasy ass fucking Big Mac, but do you see me complaining?” I growled, attaching my lips to her neck and covering it with rough kisses and bites.

“Ugh, you’re fucking hot when you’re a dick.” she moaned, listening to the familiar and over exaggerated for her own amusement sound that reminded me of a cheap porn star felt like deja vu.

Of course she would get turned on by me being an asshole.

“Fucking slut,” I breathed, moving my hands to the back of her thighs till they slipped up her dress, and moaned when my fingers got to her bare ass.

Fuck. Forgot how much I loved thongs.

Her legs wrapped around my waist and I carried her upstairs, Ash took this as an opportunity to rip off my shirt and attack my neck and collarbones with kisses.
Once we reached my room I laid her roughly on the bed, to be honest I practically dropped her.

Clothes were off in fucking seconds, the next thing I knew we were both naked and she was hovering over me.

I dug through my desk drawer that I haven’t opened in weeks, pulling out a condom. She swiped it from my hands with a smirk, and tore the wrapper open with her teeth and spit the packaging on the floor.

She rolled the condom on me expertly, obviously having a lot of experience, but it’s not like I didn’t either.

I hummed with pleasure, bringing my hand down to guide me until I was sucked into the all compassing tightness.

Fuck, I missed this.

“Holy shit, forgot how big you were.” she moaned, and started bouncing up and down on my cock, not bothering to waste any time.

I gripped onto her hips tightly, with a loud groan leaving my throat, thankful that my parent’s were who knows where so we could be as loud as we wanted.

She gradually began picking up the pace, rocking her hips faster and faster as she grinded roughly into me. I shifted forward, trying to change the angle to find her spot and smiled as she released a high pitched gasp followed by a loud moan.

“Fuck!! Fucking fuck me, Jack! Right fucking there! Shit, I missed you fucking me !” she swore.
I moaned from her words, thrusting into her and gripping her tighter, the both of us overwhelmed with pleasure.

"Mmm, you're so fucking good." I groaned.

We moved our hips together in sync, I bucked my hips up in time with her grinding into me making us both sigh and moan loudly. We were being pretty fucking rough, but I was rarely ever like this with Alex and it’s fucking hot, so I took advantage of this uncommon but unbelievably sexy situation.

Wait, shit… Alex.

Once the beautiful boy popped into my head I couldn’t seem to get him out.

Seriously?
I have this insanely hot girl fucking riding me and all I can think about is my ex-boyfriend? Can I be any more pathetic?

“Oh shit. Fuck, you feel so good.” she groaned, pulling me back into reality for a few seconds.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back in pleasure, imagining Alex being the one sitting on my lap, grinding into me with those fucking hips he knows how to work like it’s his job.
Her arms wrapped around my neck and I felt her hot breath panting on the side of my face, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get Alex’s face out of my head.

The guilt was starting to come back again, but it felt too fucking good to stop now.

“Ugh, faster Ash.” I demanded as she started bouncing slower, obviously tired from the exercise.

“Jacky, ba-baby… I’m fucking close.”

I helped her raise her hips up and down, slamming hard into her making her fake nails dig hard into my back, and gasped before she was screaming my name.

I could feel the heat forming in my stomach as I pictured Alex in her position.

His nice ass bouncing on top of me, the fucking amazing feeling of how tight he was around me, the sound of his high pitched moaning as I slammed into his sweet spot over and over, screaming my name as he climaxed… Holy shit.

“Alex.” I moaned loudly, pressing my face into her shoulder as I released into the condom.
My hips shuddered as the feeling of ecstasy overcame my body, it felt like I was on fucking cloud nine.

I thrust into her a few more times, riding out my high before I slowly pulled out of her, pulling the condom off and tossing it in the waste basket. She collapsed on the other side of the bed, breathing heavily and stared at me with wide amber eyes.

“I know,” I chuckled cockily yet still out of breath, lying down on my back and lifted one of my arms to rest behind my head.

“Fucking imagining your ex boyfriend while you’re screwing me?” she questioned with glaring eyes, wiping a bit of sweat from her forehead.

“What?” I questioned, not understanding how she would know that.

“You just fucking scream his fucking name and you think I wouldn’t fucking notice?” she hissed.

Wait… I did that without realizing?
Fuck.
How the hell did I not even notice?

“Could you blame me? He’s gotta nicer ass than you.” I retorted rudely, watching her huff out an annoyed breath and shove my shoulder.

“You’re a fucking dick, I know you're just doing this shit with me cuz’ hes getting fucked by someone else and you’re depressed or some crap but-”

“Get out.” I demanded, sitting up and quickly realizing something.

She’s laying in Alex’s side.

Ash, the fucking high school slut, a chick who’s slept with nearly every guy in Baltimore at least twice.

Her disgusting, whore germs are all over Alex’s side of the bed now.

Her coarse, dried out fake black hair was on his pillow, contaminating what used to be the most comforting thing to me right now.

The memory of Alex in my bed.

“So you just fuck me and kick me out?” she growled.

“Yup, do you not remember how this works? Get off my fucking bed.” I spat, sitting up feeling more uneasy the longer she laid there, covering up everything pure and beautiful that once was with me.

I watched her get up, taking the opportunity to look at her hourglass body up and down as she slipped her dress back on. I bent down and picked my boxers up off the ground and slid them on.

“There’s the Jack I used to know-”

“Just fucking leave already!” I practically shouted, my anger was now getting the best of me but she didn’t seem to care about me rushing her.
She took her sweet ass time zipping up that fucking dress.

“See you next time,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes at me and left my room, slamming the door on the way out.

I quickly grabbed Alex’s pillow, burying my face in it and breathed in what used to smell like flowers from his shampoo, but now it was soaked with the stench of cheap hairspray and overwhelmingly strong perfume.

No.
No, no, no.
It can’t be gone.
They can’t be gone

He can’t really be gone.

Tears welled up in my eyes which made me feel even more pathetic than I was already feeling. Kicking out a hot girl because I was so ashamed that the only thing I could think about while we had sex was my ex boyfriend.

I’m a fucking mess.
So much for getting over him.

I got up and hurried to my dresser, rushing to go through all of the drawers before I found what I was searching for. I picked up one of Alex’s old t-shirts, it was a soft and thin material that was dark grey and had Green Day’s logo plastered in black letters on the front.

I stared back at the bed that I couldn’t believe that I just had sex with somebody in with absolute disgust. There was no way I could bare to keep thinking about what ‘I just did, and how much I hated that it felt so amazing, so I went downstairs.

I plopped down on my couch and pulled and blanket over my practically nude body. I shifted around to get comfortable and buried my face into his t shirt, breathing in his comforting scent and imagined what it would be like if he was still mine.

Not bothering to hold it in anymore, I sobbed quietly into the soft fabric.

I don’t think I’ve ever cried after sex before, so I guess this is a first.

The horrible pit in my stomach returned.

Surprisingly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more guilty in this moment. With all the shit that I’ve done to break Alex’s spirit, you wouldn’t think that this would hurt the most.

He has a boyfriend for fuck’s sake.

But it felt like I was betraying him, and my own heart.

He has a boyfriend because he’s trying to find a way to make himself feel better about the fact that I slept with another person. While he’s healing, desperately trying to find a way to piece the shattered bits of his heart back together, I go behind his back and sleep with someone else, again.

How could I fucking do that?

I’m not even drunk this time, I slept with someone else with a clear head.

The thought of Alex seeing the person that I’ve become, the person that I relapsed into becoming made me want to vomit.

He would not only fucking hate me, he’d be fucking scared of me.

This isn’t the person that he fell in love with, it’s some kind of monster that I hate that I find familiar.

I really have never felt this guilty.

I felt somehow even more guilty than the last time I slept with someone else.

Because this time it was purposeful, and I fucking liked it.

Notes

OH
ohh mannnn

jACKKKKKK
BUDDDDYYYYY

this chapter made me so uncomfortable because iT ISN'T JALEX SMUT
ITS JACK AND A SLUT'S SMUT

but oh my goodness jack was thinking about alex
okay i found it really funny when he moaned alex's name donno why

and HE'S SUCH A JERK NOW
WITHOUT ALEX HE'S JUST A DUDE THAT SLEEPS WITH PEOPLE AND IS MEAN
HE NEEDS ALEX BACK ALREADYY

i can't wait till jalex comes back
honestly i'm starting to forget how fun it is to write jalex
like in my other story there is jalex and I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVE WRITING THEM
BECAUSE THESE TWO HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR SO FUCKING LONG

it's been 22 chapters since they've broken up
THAT IS SO MUCH

and guysssss
i've been meaning to say this in the comments for a few chapters now but
42 SUBSCRIBERS?!?!! OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD
I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS SO MUCH I AM SOOOO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY STORY I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE ARE ACTUALLY 42 OF YOU WONDERFUL BEANS READING SOMETHING I WRITE
it honestly blows my mind you guys are all so sweet in the comments and
THIS STORY AND THE PREQUEL TO THIS HAVE BEEN AT THE VERY TOP OF THE POPULAR PAGE FOR SO LONG I'M FREAKING OUT

im sorry for all those caps
i just really love you guys
i want to give each and every one of you a huge hug so i really with teleportation was a thing

this story is just about to hit 12,000 views HOW EVEN
THATS A HUGE NUMBER

okay okay i gotta stop i must calm

I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS CHAPTER
IK IT'S KINDA SAD AT THE END POOR BABY JACK HE JUST WANTS ALEX AAAAA
I'M WRITING AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE AND UPDATING A LOT SO WE CAN GET TO JALEX FASTER

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READINGGGG
LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU WANT CUZ THEY MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY AND THEY SUPER MOTIVATING AND STUFFS

okay i really gotta stop with the all caps
thank you
i love you
bye




Title Credit- Shameless