Jack


I’m still not used to it.

You’d think after a month of feeling isolated from the person I used to be, I’d be used to it by now.

Nope.

I’m still uncomfortable being at lunch with all my friends, and not seeing Alex sitting next to me. It’s so stupid, but I feel like I took advantage of the littlest things that I didn’t even realize how much I was enjoying then.

I loved the way we’d hold hands, rant to each other about shit that happened in our day that nobody else would care about, share lazy and casual kisses that we didn’t bother to deepen because we thought we’d have a million more opportunities for that.
I hate thinking about shit like this. Now I think I can finally empathize with Alex and how he’s always lost in his own thoughts. I never used to think this much when I was with him because I was so focused on imagining him naked, but now that he’s not around I have nothing better to do then long for the days where I didn’t even have to long for him.

He was mine then.

All the shit that Rian, Zack, and Cass all talk about couldn’t possibly seem anymore boring.
My entire life was just dull and repetitive now. I wake up not wanting to get out of bed every morning, go to school, choke back vomit and tears when I pass Alex and Kellin in the hallway, try to stay awake in classes, go home, drink a lot.

The light in my life was gone and I can’t see in this darkness.

“I joined art club.” Cass told Rian, who nodded approvingly and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Art club sounds fucking lame.” Zack snorted, and took a sip of his chocolate milk

“I think that it’s perfect for you Cass, because you are just so lame.” Rian chuckled jokingly.

“Whoa, Jack’s not taking this wide open opportunity to make fun of me, he really isn’t feeling well.” Cass pointed out, resting her head on the palms on her hands as she looked at me curiously.

I was about to answer, as I looked up and saw Brendon and Hayley walking up to us holding hands, Tay following awkwardly after them.

“Guess who’s back together!” Hayley exclaimed, she sounded so perky it hurt.

I could tell them the wrong answer.

“Aww! I knew you guys couldn’t stay away from each other for too long.” Cass gushed, leaning her head on Rian’s shoulder who was smiling. Zack kicked one of the chairs in front him, so they would get the point to sit down.

I watched Zack and Tay exchange awkward looks, then quickly cringe and look away.
Ugh, we’re all a fucking train wreck.

“Where’s Alex?” Rian asked, because Brendon and Alex usually sat in the corner of the lunchroom, as far away from me as possible, but today Alex was missing and Brendon is over us.

Why can’t it be the other way around? Obviously, I still don’t like Brendon.
The only small reason I like him is because Alex likes him, but that doesn’t excuse him acting like he always has a stick up his ass.

“Kellin took him on a special lunch date off campus” Brendon reported, and I rolled my eyes.

“Awww, that’s actually really sweet.” Cass gushed, smiling lightly before her gaze locked on mine and instantly frowned.

“You never did that with him, Jack.” Hayley pointed out, raising one eyebrow.

“Fuck you, Hayley.” I muttered.

“Special lunch date, you know what that means?” Zack sneered, leaning back in his chair.

“What does it mean?” Rian asked innocently.

“They’re obviously fucking.” Hayley finished for him, Brendon cringed at her word choice next to her.

Images of them together with very little clothing filled my head making me feel queasy. All this time I’ve been trying to force my mind to push away these kinds of thoughts but now my own friends are talking about it in front of me.
I leaned my head down till it mildly collided on the table, banging my forehead into the surface.

“Sorry dude… but you can’t say I’m wrong.” Zack muttered.

That’s the thing, I really can’t say that he’s wrong. It’s what I would have suspected with any other couple. Who knows, Kellin could be screwing Alex in the backseat of his car and I’d just be sitting here minding my own business?
But Alex would never have sex with anyone this soon in a relationship. It took me months for him to be ready, but maybe that was just because it was his first time. No, he would never do that.

He may have moved on quickly, but his entire personality and morals didn’t change.

He isn’t the kind of guy that likes a quick fuck in the backseat of a car unless they’ve been committed and comfortable with each other for ages.
Trust me, it took me forever to get him to want to have sex anywhere but the bedroom, but I think I’ve fucked him in my car too many times to count.

He would never do that with Kellin though, right?

I looked up, trying to figure out what they were talking about because I was lost in my own thoughts. My eyes widened and my hand slowly clenched into a fist when I realized the topic of conversation.

“But it doesn’t make sense.”

“Yes it does, it’s obvious-”

“No it’s not, they are both bottoms!”

I hate this fucking game so much.

“Shut up! We are grieving Alex!” Cass scolded, looking sympathetically over at me.

I actually think that I’m going to vomit.

“He’s not dead, I just have to ask him.” Brendon said.

“I bet Alex is a top, you saw him when he was drunk at that party, he was grinding the shit out of Kellin.”

I cringed as more images swarmed into my mind, and shuddered.

“Alex, as a top? You’re joking right? He’s the most submissive person I’ve ever met.” Hayley scoffed.

“Is Kellin a bottom? He’s more dominant than Vic though?”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not a bottom.” Brendon explained.

“Ugh, I’m confused.” Zack who was trying to learn the complex culture of gay sex admitted.

“Yeah, you should be confused, because it’s none of your fucking business! Would you guys shut the fuck up about that shit?!?!” I growled, slamming my hand down on my table making Cass and Hayley who were the closest surrounding me flinch.

“Why did Tay have to ruin everything?!” Cass exclaimed angrily, targeting all the blame on the small brunette.

“Sorry…” Tay muttered, and I quickly realized she was just sitting next to Brendon awkwardly in total silence, not contributing in the conversation but just watching.

I don’t know how to feel about her. She ruined my life, but she’s been in love for me for years and I had no idea, so I was basically torturing her with all the people I was with.
I’d say we were pretty equal on the suffering we caused each other, but that doesn’t mean I want to talk to her.

“It’s not her fault!” Hayley defended.

“Of course it is! She should’ve just got over her feelings for Jack, anyone would know to do that! He was in love with someone else, and unbelievably happy! You don’t just barge yourself in the middle of that because you don’t like it, you get over yourself! Sometimes other people’s happiness is more important than yours! Now, Jack’s depressed, and Alex is depressed and stuck with a fucking douchebag!” Cass exclaimed, practically screaming at Tay who was shrinking down into her seat from guilt.

“Cass,” I mumbled, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

I had to pretend like that wasn’t okay but she said everything I’ve always wanted to scream at Tay.

“I’m not fucking done! Jack, Tay was the one that practically drove Alex into the arms of Kellin in the first place! Without her Jack and Alex would most likely be back together by now!” Cass pointed out, making me sit up quickly and stare at her.

“What?” I asked in shock.

“You don’t know about that time that Tay screamed at Alex?” Hayley asked, confused.
“What?! No!!! You fucking screamed at him, holy fucking shit! Why the hell would you do that? He’s probably fucking scarred! What did you even say?” I questioned Tay, my voice getting louder and more angry.

“I was really frustrated…” was all Tay answered, making more anger build inside me.
Why did I not know this?!

“Basically, she was trying to tell Alex what really happened between you two, but Alex refused to listen because he didn’t want to hear any of the details. Then she started yelling at him that he was selfish and taking advantage of you Jack, that he was being selfish for being sad that Jack cheated because you still loved him. She went off on him saying how privileged he was and he was a bad boyfriend, and he started crying. Then Kellin saw what was happening and defended him, and they hugged and shit.” Cass explained, with her arms crossed glaring at Tay.

My jaw dropped. This all happened without me knowing?
Why didn’t Alex tell me about this? Why didn’t Tay apologize to him?
How did Cass hear about this and not me?!?

“I could honestly kill you right now.” I muttered, looking at Tay who was avoiding eye contact with everyone.

“Look, it all happened in the past, there’s nothing we can do to change it. Let’s just stop talking about it?” Rian calmed us all down, Cass looked like she was ready to jump over the table and attack Tay.

“Fine, well we never decided on if Alex or Kellin were top or bottom-”

“If anyone says one more fucking word about Kellin and Alex, I swear to god.” I threatened through gritted teeth.

Everyone was silent, but only for a few seconds.

“Kellin is obviously on top…” Hayley muttered.

I slammed my hands on the table, propelling me out of my chair and I stormed away from the table.

I can’t fucking deal with those assholes.
They are doing this to purposefully get on my nerves.
How the fuck do they think it’s just okay to talk about my ex-boyfriend having sex with my arch enemy right in front of me, in grave detail?

I walked into the hallway, finding myself surrounded by cheap metal lockers colored blue and the disgusting scent of public school.
I have to get out of this fucking town.
I heard the pattering sound of footsteps behind me and I knew exactly who had the audacity to chase after me while I was this pissed off.

“They were just messing with you.”

“Leave me alone, Cass.” I told her. I turned my head back to see the brown and blonde haired girl, wearing a casual, long sleeve black dress with gray buttons down the middle, her green eyes wide and pleading for me to just give in and have a real conversation with her.

“I get it, you’re lost right now without him. You don’t know what’s happening to you, you don’t know what to do without him, and you're having some regrets-”

“Yeah, some regrets.” I scoffed, shaking my head. I felt my first clench into a fist with anger but I had to control it.

“Alex isn’t stupid, he would’ve understood the drunken mistake you made if you told him right away. Of course he would be upset, but you’re entire relationship wouldn’t have been thrown away-”

“Fuck off!!!” I shouted.

I didn’t know what came over me. I took my fist and drove it hard into a wall, ripping through the surface till my first hit a pillow of insulation.
I panted, my eyes widening in surprise when I realized what I did, and looked back at Cass to see her reaction. Surprisingly, she didn’t seem the slightest bit scared.

Her eyes were narrowed at me, and her face said ‘Seriously? You SERIOUSLY just punched a hole in the wall of the school?’

I pulled my first out of it, glancing over the scene I created and shook my hand, trying to get the dust off and the tingling feeling to go away. Damn.

“You have serious anger issues,” Cass told me obviously.

“I told you to fuck off.” I reminded her.

“You are such an idiot.” Cass rolled her eyes at me, unfazed.

The shrill sound of the bell ringing filled my ears, and I turned in the other direction, still shaking my sore hand.

“We aren’t finished talking about this!” she called after me, and I shook my head and scoffed.

I went down the opposite hallway than my own. I had nearly forgotten my way to this locker that I used to visit literally all the time, and no it was not Alex’s.
You seriously think I would forget where his locker was?

I walked up to a girl with long, black dyed hair tied up into a high ponytail, dressed in her signature red and black cheerleading uniform. Ashley Costello.

“Hey Ash,” I greeted casually.

She turned around, and looked at me with wide amber eyes filled with surprise, and lined with thick black eyeliner. She was always a little more grunge than the other cheerleaders, which is why she was always my favorite, and she had the best tits.

“Damn, am I seeing things? Am I dreaming or is Jack Barakat talking to me?” she asked sarcastically, and I rolled my eyes at her dumb response.

“I haven’t heard from you in too long.” she smiled, curling one of her manicured hands to the back of my neck as she looked me up and down.

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy, babe.” I excused.

“Didn’t think it was possible for you to get even hotter.” she smirked, using her other hand to lift my shirt to see my lightly toned stomach.

“You haven’t seen nothing yet,” I smirked back, making her giggle and smile more.

“I heard you and your boy toy broke it off? He’s pretty fucking hot but you were with him longer than anyone expected, I missed you. You feeling a little lonely?” Ash asked, trailing her fingers up and down my chest.

The unexpected mention of Alex made me cringe, and I realized that the people I used to be with just thought that I used Alex for sex, but it was so much more than that. I did my best to push away the thought of Alex, because I felt way too guilty doing this even if he had a boyfriend now.

I shrugged my shoulders, unable to look her in the eye.

“Damn, he really changed you. I’ll fix you back up though babe, don’t worry.” she leaned forward and kissed my cheek, giving me a little boost of confidence.

“Sweet.” I agreed, turning around and walking the other direction. I could practically feel her gaze on my ass as I left but I ignored it, because I gotta get used to that shit again.

As I turned the corner I was surprised to see Cass run up to me with her jaw wide open.
I didn’t think she saw that, oops.

“Jack, don’t tell me you just did what I think you did.” she breathed, struggling to keep in step with me and my long legs.

“When I told you to fuck off, I fucking meant it. Leave me alone.” I growled, glaring at her but she didn’t back down.

“Are you going to hook up with that girl?” she questioned.

“Hell yeah,” I grinned, thinking about how much fucking fun I’m going to have tonight.

“No! No, no, no! Please don’t do it, Jack! Don’t turn back into that guy! You changed when you met Alex and this Jack is so much better! He’s sweeter, and respects people, and doesn’t piss people off or get in trouble as much! You’re better now! Don’t go back to being old jack! How do you think Alex would feel if he saw you doing this?” she asked me harshly.

I didn’t even want to think about my innocent little Alex while I’m planning to fuck a girl I barely know.

“Alex has his own boyfriend to fuck with.”

Notes

DAMMIT
GUYS IM SO SORRY IF YOUR SUBSCRIBED TO MY OTHER STORY I DID IT AGAIN
I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THIS CHAPTER ON MY OTHER STORY FUCK
ITS DELETED NOW, BUT IF YOU GET AN ALERT SAYING MY OTHER STORY HAS AN UPDATE IT DOESN'T
BUT IM GONNA WRITE THAT CHAPTER RIGHT NOW SO MAYBE THERE WILL BE A NEW CHAPTER WHEN YOU READ THIS I DONNO

yayyyyyyyy update
im sorry this took so long


and SHITTTTTT
JACK
NO
NO JACK BAD JACK DON'T DO IT NO NO NO NO NO NO

old jack is back

i really really like this chapter for some reason
you get to know a lot more on what's going on with the group, and what's going on in Jack's head

i meant to post this last night but i got super tired and fell asleep while writing it soooo
ITS HERE NOW!

guys there's gonna be some shit going down soon
there always is shit going down in this story but IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE IT

and i realized that i haven't been writing that much in Alex's pov lately ?
i gotta do that, i think in two chapters you get to know what is going on with alex and kellin and stuff

and I PLANNED A CHAPTER WITH KELLIN'S POINT OF VIEW!!!! I'M SO EXCITED TO WRITE THAT AHH


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh im so excited to write more of this story it's so exciting

what do you think kellin's chapter is going to be about?
and OH MY GOD HOW DO YOU THINK ALEX IS GONNA REACT IF HE SEES JACK WITH OTHER PEOPLE OH SHIT

title credit- Misery