Alex


Did I just make a huge mistake?

I just told Jack that I never wanted to be with him ever again! Why did I do that?
Was that for the better? Is my life going to be better without Jack being my boyfriend?

I was so traumatized by the whole situation that just happened, all I could do was cry.
I know, shocker right?
I’m starting to annoy myself with all the waterworks. I mean seriously, if I wasn’t me, and I saw somebody crying as often as I did, I would tell them to get professional help. Maybe I should.

Even if I did need help from a doctor, it’s not like I could get it. I can’t just tell my parents that my boyfriend broke up with me and I’ve been extremely depressed and my anxiety is through the fucking roof. Once the word ‘boyfriend’ leaves my mouth I would be kicked onto the streets in seconds.

The only person who I thought of who could help me in this kind of situation is Jack, and the only reason I’m in this situation is because he broke my heart.

Funny how things always work out so horribly for me.

I cried, my face buried in my arms that I supported on my knees that were brought up to my chin. I didn’t want to move, or breath, do anything other than cry.

I don’t know why I’m so upset, nothing between us changed. We’re still broken up.
We both just got some things off of our chests, I yelled at him which was something I’ve been wanting to do, we hugged, he kissed my forehead and I really wished that he had kissed my lips instead.
But he didn’t, which was a good thing. Then I would’ve melted into him, and we would start making out, I’d probably end up bent over a desk moaning his name.

That would’ve given him the wrong idea.

Why did he have to do this to us?
How the hell am I ever going to get over this heartbreak?

I flinched as I heard the door open, looking up and quickly wiping my tears, relieved that the person that walked in wasn’t Jack, but it was Kellin.

“K-Kellin..” I mumbled, staring shamefully at the ground.

Why does he always show up at my very worst?
I’m always crying when I see him, I must seem like the most depressed person in the world.
At least that’s how I feel.

“Aww Alex.... I thought this was getting better…” he frowned, grabbing tissues from the counter and crouching down next to me.

“W-we just… I can’t… I-I think w-were totally over n-now… We said g-goodbye… I g-got what I w-want, so I don’t k-know why it hurts so bad…” I breathed shakily, leaning my head on Kellins shoulder for comfort and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. Shhhh, this is a good thing Alex. It’s over now. Jack is gone.” he soothed me, rubbing my arm comfortingly.

“I’m so done with him… with everything. I j-just want to move on already, but I can’t. I’m stuck in this p-place of loving him but not wanting to b-be with him.” I told him honestly, probably being a bit too honest with my possible future boyfriend.
I immediately regretted my choice of words and looked over at Kellin but he looked unphased by my rambling.

“It’s going to be okay, Lex.” he assured me.

“Did you just call me Lex?” I asked him, confused. That’s what people who are close to me call me.

“Yeah, sorry.” he apologized, and looked down at the tiled ground.

“No, it’s fine… I liked it.” I mumbled, a light blush forming on my cheeks.

Kellin smiled, then looked down at the time on his phone.

“It’s lunch time, why don’t I take you out for lunch, off campus?” he offered, standing up and holding out his hands to help me up to my feet

“That sounds perfect, where should we go?” I sniffled, feeling a bit better than before.

“I know this amazing thai restaurant down the street, you're going to love it-”

“You like thai food?!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah! Wait… do you not like it? We can go somewhere else, there's a pizza place nearby.” he seemed a little discouraged, obviously craving thai food.

“No, I love thai food!!!” I exclaimed, and smiled as I watched him perk up more, looking a lot more reassured.

He’s so cute. He’s a lot more expressive with his feelings than other people I know, he kinda reminds me of myself. That’s really comforting seeing as I just had a very terrible break up with my polar opposite.

“Okay, awesome. Lets go!”


We got to the restaurant and ordered edamame beans for an appetizer and I got a little too excited because those are AMAZING.
I started noticing little things that Kellin did that I thought were super attractive.
Like the way he would occasionally run his fingers through his long hair to push it out of his face, the way he tapped to the beat of the song playing in the restaurant with his fingers, and how intently he listened to me if I told him something about myself.

The more I got to know him the more I liked him.

“But gray barely counts as a color!” I argued playfully.

“It’s a color! It’s not a generic color like blue.” Kellin laughed.

“Blue is a common favorite color because it’s the best color.” I smirked cockily.

“I think gray is the prettiest color, blue is just blue.” Kellin shrugged, making me giggle.

“Okay, but what kind of gray are we talking about. Like a dark grey, like black?”

“No, no, no, light gray. Like an almost white, but it’s not white, it’s gray.” he explained to me, reaching forward to take a sip of his drink.

That’s really creative… and hot. I don’t know how he managed to make a favorite color seem sexy but somehow he did.

The more I talked to him, the better my mood got. I haven’t felt this content in a while, he was making me forget about Jack for a little while which is something I’m really thankful for.

“Sooo…. What kind of music are you into?” Kellin asked me, making me smile a bit.

He’s so interested in me! All he wants to talk about is me and my hobbies and it’s really flattering. I guess this is what it’s like when someone’s interested in you. Jack barely even asked me these questions because somehow he just kinda listened to every single thing I said and memorized everything about me. I thought it was super sweet knowing how much he cared, but now he’s just a guy walking around knowing every single detail about me.

“Well my favorite band of all time is Green Day-”

“Hey! I just saw them live, I love them!!” he exclaimed, making my jaw drop.

“You saw them LIVE?!?” I nearly screamed, making Kellin laugh.

“Yeah!! I got the tickets for Christmas! I didn’t get very good seats but damn, they can really put on a performance.” he smiled, obviously remembering the amazing time he probably had.

“That must’ve been so fun. I was saving money to buy tickets for me and Ja… Jack… They were sold out before I had the chance…” I trailed off remembering Jack.

Why does he always have to pop up in my head?!? I just want him to leave me alone, and he won’t even leave me alone when he’s not here!

How am I supposed to move on if he’s the only thing I ever think about?

I’m eating lunch with a super cute guy, who I think likes me, and all I can think about is Jack!

“Alex… Don’t let him get to you okay, he’s not worth it.” Kellin mumbled, reaching over to rub his hand on my back. That’s literally exactly what Jack used to do.

No… Don’t compare Kellin to Jack.

Why am I missing him? He broke me!
Kellin’s being so sweet but how am I supposed to ever trust him?

How do I know he’s not going to hurt me just like Jack did?
I’m just going to fall for him, then catch him kissing someone else, and will relive the same heartbreak that Jack put me through.

Is he worth the risk?

My eyes widened as I realized I once again, had tears streaming down my face.
It was like some kind of automatic reaction, whenever I think of Jack my eyes flood with water.

“I am so sorry… I’m so embarrassing.” I apologized to Kellin, rolling down my sleeves so they would cover my hands and dried my face. I looked around and noticed a few other people at the restaurant giving me weird looks, and I quickly looked down at my feet.

He must think I’m insane. I’ve cried like a million times in front of him, somehow he still hasn’t slapped me in the face and told me to suck it up.
I know I need to start seeing a therapist, but there’s no way that my family would pay for that.

I just have to stop being depressed, somehow.

“Aww sunshine…” Kellin frowned, turning his chair so it would face directly towards mine.

“Really, I’m so sorry. I’m probably the most annoying person in the world, I cry so much lately. I swear to god, I’m not always this emotional.” I shook my head wildly, trying to erase the many memories of crying in front of Kellin from my brain but I couldn’t. This is so embarrassing.

Even if he liked you before, he definitely doesn’t like me now.

“Hey, don’t apologize, okay? You have nothing to be sorry about, you got your heart broken. All this stuff is normal, Jack hurt you, of course you would get upset talking about him. It’s completely fine, I was the same way when Vic dumped me.” he told me sympathetically, reaching for one of my hands, rolling up the sleeve just a bit so he could hold my hand.

I smiled and a blush formed on my cheeks, and I nervously looked down to the ground making Kellin chuckle.

He is so understanding.
Why on Earth would Vic break up with Kellin?!?
He seems like the sweetest person on the planet!
Anybody would be privileged to have a guy this caring as their boyfriend.

“I don’t know why someone like you would ever want to hang out with me… I’m a fucking trainwreck. If I were you, I would run while you can. You would’ve dodged a bullet…” I mumbled sadly, looking back up at him noticing the tears filling in my eyes yet again.

Kellin looked at me in awe, probably wondering how somebody could be so fucking depressing.
He squeezed my hand tighter in his, so I did the same

“I am not going anywhere, Alex.” he promised me, giving me a small smile which I gladly returned before looking shyly back down at the ground.

He’s so kind to me, I really don’t get it.
Somehow after all this shit I’ve been through which he is very aware about, and how fucking unstable I am, seeing as though I start crying every 5 minutes, he still isn’t leaving.

Why the hell not?
I don’t see any good reasons to stay?

If anything I’m way more trouble than I’m worth.

I looked back at Kellin, and noticed his grayish blue eyes weren’t on mine. But he was still looking at me.
I realized he was staring directly at my lips, making me smile a little bit.

I was doing the same thing to him yesterday…
He looked back up at me once he realized I started smiling, and a smile spread on his face too.

Wait, does this mean he’s going to kiss me?

His eyes flickered back down to my lips and he leaned forward towards me.

Yup! He’s going to kiss me!!!

Seconds before his lips touched mine, I leaned away from him and sat back in my chair, turning my head to the side and stared at the floor.

I didn’t want to not kiss him. I wanted to a lot, I wanted to make out with those gorgeous rosy pink lips of his but a thought popped into my head that I just couldn’t ignore.
My conscious was screaming at me to stop, and wait, and think about this question.

Am I ready for this?

Kissing a boy that wasn’t Jack would’ve been unthinkable a week ago, but now it didn’t really seem too bad. If this was my pent up anger about the agony he’s put me through talking for me, I’d say that I wanted to kiss Kellin to finally give Jack a taste of his own medicine.
I have never even looked at any other boy besides him for 5 months, while he was off sleeping and kissing other people behind my back.

Kellin was one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, why wouldn’t I want to be his boyfriend?
He hasn’t given me any signs that he wouldn’t treat me right, why not be spontaneous for once and just go for it?

But I couldn’t. I was me.
I had to overthink.

“Kellin…” I mumbled, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back a bit. He was still leaning forward in his chair and sighed, placing a hand on my knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Don’t you want to be with a nice boy for once?”

My heart swelled and butterflies filled my stomach at his comment, a smile spread across my cheeks making Kellin chuckle lightly.

He’s right.

Jack wasn’t a nice boy.
He was nice to me in the beginning, but he wasn’t nice to his friends.
He didn’t even bother to tell me when he cheated on me, and continuously cheated on me without my knowledge as he was dating me.

Jack is not a nice boy.
Kellin is.

I deserve to date a nice boy. I think I’ve earned it with all the shit I’ve been through.
I want to be treated like a prince, and that’s the way Kellin makes me feel.

Kellin’s proved time and time again that he cares about me, and not everybody can comfort me instantly like he can. The only other person that can do that is Jack, and that’s a very good sign.

But, was it too soon?

“I just… I havent b-been with anyone besides Jack… and now I’m alone… I’m sorry, this is a-all so new to me… I’m really not used to being single.” I shrugged nervously, looking down at Kellin’s hand that was still holding onto my knee, and I found it pretty comforting.

“You don’t have to be single, Alex.” he told me, reaching his other hand up to cup my cheek.

A red hot blush rose on my cheeks and my eyes widened in surprise at his bluntness that I found extremely sexy.

So he really does want to be my boyfriend.

Wow.

“K-Kellin.” I mumbled, having no idea what else to say.
I stared into his gray, blue eyes, seeing nothing but warmth and compassion.

Both of those things seemed pretty great right now if you ask me.

“It’s okay, cutie.” he told me softly, rubbing his thumb gently along the smooth skin of my cheek .

“I’m not playing any games here though… I don’t like the non exclusive crap where you go behind my back and flirt with other people. I’m serious about this. It’s not my thing.” I warned him.

“It’s not mine either.” he shook his head, still staring into my eyes making me blush more.

“A-Are you in this for real?” I asked him in a small, shy voice.

I needed to make sure he wasn’t going to ruin me like Jack did.

“I’m in this for real,” Kellin nods his head in agreement, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on my cheek.

A wave of relief and happiness washed over me, feeling more excited that I have been in a long time, I quickly sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck, and pressed my lips hard into his.

Kellin smiled at my eager response, and kissed me back with the same amount of force and passion. He took his hand off my knee, using it to drag my chair closer to his, and then wrapped that arm around my waist pulling me closer to his body.
Our lips moved in unison, even though I had just started to get to know him, kissing him like this made me feel like I had known him for years.

It felt different kissing him, not at all in a bad way. His lips were plumper than.... Jack’s…. Don’t compare him to your ex boyfriend…
I focused my mind on Kellin and ran my fingers through the back of his hair, stroking his long dark hair that framed his face to perfectly.

I couldn’t get enough of him, a rush of excitement ran through my body and went through every limb. I knew I had to stop before it got too heated, but I didn’t want to.

I pulled away panting lightly, unable to contain the huge smile on my face. Kellin let out a deep breath, looking shocked and excited by how assertive I was, and how desperate I was to feel his lips on mine.

I was pretty surprised with myself too. I didn’t think I would be so forward but I definitely was.
It felt really good.

“Wow,” Kellin smiled, leaning in so his forehead would rest against mine.

A blush rose on my cheeks for the countless time, making Kellin smile and pucker his lips to place a cute kiss on my nose, making me giggle.

I have a new boyfriend.

Notes

OH WOW
WOW OH GOD OH WOW
UM KELLEX IS OFFICAL UMMMMMMMMMMM
DONT KILL ME

WOW IS ALL I CAN SAY OKAY

its honestly sooooooo hard to write as alex right now because in the story right now if its not obvious he's like super depressed and confused and i feel bad becuase alex is my BABY
he may be jack's baby but he's also MINE
but yeah he's very much unstable and its sad and hard to write i feel bad

but he gets happier dw

AGHHH THIS STORY IS FALLING APART
PLZ DONT BE SAD GUYS

ALL I CAN THINK OF TO COMFORT YOU GUYS IS TO TELL YOU A CHEESY QUOTE THAT WILL PROBABLY MAKE YOU WANT TO STRANGLE ME
but everything got to fall apart before it gets betterrrrrr
a rainbow doesnt come out without a little raiin ;))))))
(throws up)

okay honestly i would change it so jalex would be together again right now cuz im just as depressed as all of you but i came up with these very detailed and elaborate plans probably while writing like chapter 5 of the prequel to this story
this story was a superrrrrr long time coming and i planned out every chapter BUT I WANT HALEX BUT WE GONNA HAVTA WAIT
I CANNOT BETRAY MY HARD WORK

ALSO GUYS
remember that vic BROKE UP with kellin
and why they broke up
and what do you think vic's gonna dooo?
i forget what chapter vic and jack talked about it in i think its 8 or 9

IM IN A RUSH I WOULD RANT MORE IM SORRY BUT I CANT I LOVE ALL OF YOU

NOW THE BIG QUESTION IS HOW JACKS GONNA REACT WHEN HE SEES THEM

welcome to being a pretty damn big character in this story kellinnnn


Title Credit- Just The Way I'm Not