(Authors note: MAJOR FEELS WARNING GUYS. IM SERIOUS. GET THE TISSUES, GET THE CHOCOLATE, THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I AM WARNING YOU PLZ DON’T EXPLODE AND I PROMISE NOBODY DIES, ONLY MY HEART DOES)




Jack

“Jack! That tickles!!!” Alex squealed, I laughed as he giggled hysterically as I slid my hand up his shirt and dragged my fingers up and down his rib cage, making him jerk and laugh from the feeling.

The whole gang was at my house because we were exchanging Christmas presents. Cass and Rian were cuddled up on the loveseat on the opposite side of the living room, Zack and Tay were bringing everybody mugs of hot chocolate while Brendon and Hayley were trying to figure out who’s present’s go to who.

I smiled at the boy sitting in my lap, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist keeping him pressed up to me. We couldn’t help ourselves from being cutesy and coupley, especially since Christmas was coming up so soon.

“Can you guys go without touching each other for 10 seconds?” Brendon questioned us with a laugh as Alex wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his head into my shoulder.

“Nope,” he responded, popping the ‘p’ and placing a sloppy kiss on my neck.

I started tickling him again making him cry out, and squirm around.

“Jack, don’t!!!” he laughed, smacking his hand on my chest.

“Fine,” I cave in, pecking his lips and he stared at me with glaring eyes, but I knew he was just being playful.

“Aww, don’t be mad, baby.” I whined.

“I told you to never tickle me,” he mumbled, his hand tightening in a loose fist in the collar of my sweater.

“It’s not my fault my boyfriend’s as cute as it possibly gets,” I shrugged with a smirk, it made him smile but he still pretended to be annoyed with me.

“Fuck you,” he responded.

“Right now? In front of all these people?” I asked sarcastically, making the whole room chuckle by my dumb joke.

“Well okay, if you insist, baby.” I smirked, pushing him down so his back would be on the couch. I laid in between his legs and felt him wrap his legs around my waist.
I lazily connected our lips together in a kiss and he instantly kissed me back.

“Oh god no, please don’t actually have sex. This was supposed to be a nice day.” Rian laughed, the whole room groaned as me and Alex made out, tongues down each other’s throats, hands gliding over each other’s bodies.

I pulled away and leaned forward to get off him so I wouldn’t get too turned on, but Alex whined and tightened his legs around my waist.

“Nooo, Jack don’t go. I love youuu.” he whined, making me smile which made him smile back.

I pressed my lips down on his beautiful lips, and placed another kiss on his forehead.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. I love you.”



I cringed as the priceless memory of Christmas Eve popped in and out of my head with no warning whatsoever. Fuck, someone could’ve fucking prepared me for that.

The more I thought about it, the more anxious I got remembering what Alex thinks of me now.

My thoughts were cut off as I felt my body being forcefully jerked, I shrugged off the tight hand on my shoulder to look up to a girl with long black hair, and eyebrows that were filled in too much.

She was yelling at me trying to get my attention, I looked around remembering that I was at lunch, but I don’t know why the fuck this girl was bothering me.

“Are you even listening to me?!? This is IMPORTANT! This is life or death! This could be the biggest test of the semester, Jack! I wasn’t in class, I was absent. You have to give me your notes! It’s 30 percent of our final grade-”

“Fucking stop running your mouth and go, nobody wants to hear the sound of your voice. You’re giving me a fucking migraine.” I exclaimed, and reached my hands up to rub my temples.

The fact that she actually thought I took notes was funny.

She looked horrified by my response, and left quickly.

“You’re such an ass!” Cass scolded.

We were surrounded by the circular table in the middle of the lunchroom, each of us having a disgusting school cafeteria made lunch in front of us, but nobody bothered to eat it from experience.
We know what those lunch ladies cook with, and how they don’t wear hair nets.

I’m not taking any chances.

“I miss Jack when he had Alex,” Zack stated honestly.

“Me too,” I grumbled.

“That Jack wasn’t a douchebag, now he’s back to the way he was before Alex.” Rian explained, glaring at me as he talked to me in third person.

“Whatever Ri,” I rolled my eyes at him.

“You’re back to being the biggest asshole on the planet, dude. I thought you were done with this shit but I guess not.” he raised his voice a bit, obviously not liking that I was dismissing the conversation like it meant nothing, because it did.

“I’m going through Alex withdrawals.” I told him.

I’m trying to cope without the love of my life, there will be some side effects.
Right now I'm irritable as fuck.

“Awww, Jack.” Cass cooed.

“He’s like a drug, Alex is fucking crack cocaine.” I took a sip from my water bottle.

“Please don’t compare your boyfriend to crack.” Zack chuckled, looking at me sympathetically.

“He’s fucking addicting!!! He’s not even my boyfriend anymore, if you haven’t gotten the motherfucking memo. He’s my ex boyfriend.” I slumped down in my chair in total defeat.

Alex doesn’t suit the title, ex boyfriend.
I never really thought about it.
I’ve thought about Alex Gaskarth, fiance.
Alex Gaskarth being my husband.

Not ex boyfriend.

“You screwed yourself. You always look like you haven’t slept in weeks, and Alex always looks seconds away from bursting into tears. You both are a mess without each other.” Cass frowned, giving me a sympathetic look.

“What if I can’t get over him?” I asked her, sadly.

Well I know that I can’t, I refuse to ever get over him.

“You will move on eventually man, I know it seems impossible now but-”

“Stop trying to fucking make me forget about him!!!” I nearly yelled at Rian for his words.

All day he’s been going on and on about how I should start looking for other people, like that was even fucking possible. He’s being a shitty friend today, I don’t know what he saw or what’s gotten into him but he better get over it.

Cass smacked me on the shoulder, it didn’t hurt at all but I gave her a weird look.

“I am going to hit you whenever you’re being rude,” she warned, glaring at me but I just glared back. I bit back an offensive response because Cass didn’t deserve that.

“I think it’s best for you, if you just get over him. He can just be one of your countless ex’s and you won’t have to feel so bad.” Rian explained.

“You’re being a fucking horrible best friend, Rian! I can’t just get over him, I’m in love with him! I don’t want to be with anyone else!” I argued.

“It’ll wear off eventually, it happened to me with Tay.” Zack shrugged, taking a swig of his chocolate milk he bought from a vending machine.

“You can find someone who is just like Alex-”

“Shut the fuck up, or I will fucking make you. Nobody is just like Alex.” I growled, getting more and more angry by the second.

He’s had my back through all of this!!
Why is he just now telling me that I should give up and look for other people?!

“Cass, aren’t you going to hit him?!” Rian exclaimed.

“No, he’s right. Rian, you’re being a real dick right now. I can’t believe you’re just telling Jack to give up on the love of his life just because they are in a rough patch.” Cass defended me, as per usual which made me happy.

“I don’t want him to get hurt. People fall in love more than once, Jack can find someone else who fits better with his personality-”

“What did you just say?” I challenged him, trying to keep myself from reaching over the table and punching him in the jaw.

“Dude, I know it's hard to believe, but you and Alex were never the best couple. There was a reason we all placed bets on when you’d break up.” Zack mumbled, the usually more peaceful guy was drawing some attention to himself by being on Rian’s side.

“What are you even talking about?” Cass exclaimed, angrily.

“You guys were way too different, you were opposites.” Zack explained himself.

“And what? You think you and Tay had a better relationship? Look who she ended up falling for.” I glared, feeling a hard smack on my shoulder from Cass.

I didn’t want to fight between my friends, that was never my real intention.

I was just getting impatient. I thought that Alex would’ve came back to me by now.

I thought I would be able to talk to him, apologize for everything, and he’d give in because he loved me. He hasn’t done any of that yet, it was really putting me on edge.

Plus, what really didn’t help was Rian on my back about finding somebody new, and putting Alex in my past. I don’t know where the hell he was getting all that from, but I am not dating anybody who isn’t named ‘Alexander William Gaskarth.’

I try to ask Brendon how Alex was doing, but he would just speak to me with an elaborate amount of curse words and walk off.
I didn’t expect Brendon to tell me anything I didn’t already know though.

I know Alex like the back of my hand, I could tell just by his posture what he was feeling, and what he was thinking about.
I know he’s barely holding himself together, and it’s breaking my every being because I can’t help him.

I’m done feeling helpless to Alex’s emotions. It ends now.

I found Alex walking to his English class, and grabbed his wrist and forcefully dragged him to an empty classroom. It was pretty easy since he was so light, and he didn’t give up much of a fight, even though he was whining to me to let go of him, I didn’t.

I’m sick of being the only one fighting for us.

I brought Alex into the room and closed the door behind us, leaning on the door and staring at his glaring eyes.

“Look baby, this has gone on for long enough.” I told him, crossing my arms.

“What are you talking about?” he countered.

“I know that you’re pissed at me, but it’s not that big of a deal.” I explained angrily.
I just wanted him back, and he wasn’t even trying.

“Seriously? Cheating on me, then lying about it, making all of my friends lie about it, then kissing the girl you cheated on me with again isn’t a big deal?!?” Alex challenged, getting more worked up but in a way I haven’t really seen him before.

He was getting pissed.

I knew exactly how to push his buttons, but usually if I raised my voice at him he would start crying, not fighting back. I’m really not used to this side of Alex, somehow I brought it out of him and I want to see more.

“No, of course that’s a big deal, but we both love each other! Life is short, you can’t just spend all your time being angry with me at something I did because I was trying to spare your feelings. I knew I made some huge mistakes, and I regret them, but we are being stupid! We both need each other and it’s obvious we’re falling apart without one another.” I asserted, getting all the feelings I bottled up off my chest because I was so sick of keeping them in.

I am tired of trying to be nice and protect people’s feelings because obviously it doesn’t fucking work that well.
I need to talk some sense into Alex because he’s hurt right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help him heal.

“The fact that I lost all my trust for you is stupid, huh?” he challenged, pinching his eyebrows together in anger.

“No, stop twisting my words around. You know what I meant. I love you, baby, and I can’t just forget about everything we had!!” I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in the air in frustration.

Why can’t he just be reasonable? Why can’t he just fucking listen to me for once?

It was so weird having a full blown argument with Alex but I didn’t want it to stop.

“Don’t fucking call me that!!!” Alex shouted, running his fingers through his hair and tightening them into fists in frustration.
My eyes widened in surprise because I’ve never heard him ever be that loud in my life.

What was happening to him?
Oh yeah, fucking heartbreak. I fucking destroyed him.

I walked closer to him to try to comfort him but he flinched away from me, smacking my hand away that reached for his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, it’s just a habit.” I muttered apologetically, feeling a lot worse than before seeing how my nickname for him affected him now.
He used to blush and smile whenever I called him 'baby' but now it just makes him cringe and yell.

“Brendon warned me! He said, ‘Don’t fall for Jack Barakat, he’ll break your heart.’ I thought I could actually prove him wrong! I should’ve listened to him!!! He was right all along!” Alex rambled, shaking his head furiously and looked back up at me with the most angry eyes I’ve ever seen on him.

“Then let me try to fucking fix it!!! That’s all I’ve been trying to do, help you! I want you to be my Alex again but you’re this whole different person-”

“Because of YOU!!! You fucking did this to me! You BROKE me Jack! I don’t want to be like this anymore either, but I don’t know how to stop! I’m sick of crying over you but I don’t know what else to do! You ruined me!” Alex screamed, smacking his hands on my chest over and over.

I felt a crack in my heart seeing him in so much pain, all because of what I did to him. He used to be so happy and giggly, with a smile on his face, he was my little ray of sunshine.
All of this pain in his life was because of me.

He trusted me with his heart and I shattered it.

“I’m so sorry Lexy… I didn’t want this to happen, this is exactly why I lied to you in the first place. I didn’t want you to be in any pain. I wanted to protect you from the truth because you were finally happy.” I mumbled, reaching out to rub his back but he moved away from me.

I just want to touch him. I can’t even remember the last time I held his hand, let alone kissed him.

“Yet you kissed her, again.” he glared at me, his voice hoarse from yelling at me.

I doubt he’s ever raised his voice that much in his entire life.

“I regret it…” I sighed, staring down at my shoes. I’m such an asshole.

I don’t deserve this beautiful person to be mine, yet look at me.
After I broke him beyond repair, I’m still bothering the poor boy.
I’m too selfish to ever look at anyone else the same way because Alex is mine.
I already found the one I want to be with for the rest of my life, why would I look for a new one when I could just fix what I was responsible for breaking?
I know that I can make him happy again, if only he would just believe me.

“We never should’ve dated.” he mumbled darkly.

“You don’t mean that.” I frowned.

“Yes I do. Love isn’t suppose to hurt his bad.” he whispered softly, feeling a stab in my heart from how much he wished we never even fell in love.

“Alex…”

“You broke me, Jack... Y-You act like that doesn’t mean anything.” he started to get choked up.
I quickly looked back up to see tears pooling in his chocolate eyes making my heart break even more, I felt tears staring to prickle in the back of my eyes seeing him in this much pain.

He doesn’t deserve any of this pain.

“No bab… Alex. It means everything. I know how much I hurt you, I just want you to feel better and be happy again, that’s all I really want. I don’t want anything or anyone else but you. I love you so so so much, I just want what is best for you.” I admitted, clenching my hands in fists to keep me from touching him because I know it will upset him even more.

“You are not what’s best for me Jack! If you wanted what’s best for me, you would just leave me alone. All you do now is make me feel worthless! Whenever I look at you I just think of you lying to my face everyday, and having sex with me anyways. You used me, you used my body-”

“Whoa!! Alex!!! What the fuck?!? Where the fuck did you get that idea? I did not use you for sex, fucking ever! I am not like that Alex, you know that, you know me. I’m the exact same Jack that you fell in love with. You know that I love you. I may have lied, but I never lied about loving you. I never fucking used you for a second, Lex. I’m not the complete monster you see me as… Oh gosh… Baby, please don’t cry, I hate seeing you sad, sweetheart, I love you-”

“Stop c-calling me that!” he stared up at me with angry eyes that were full of tears.

“Sorry.”

“I don’t want to be in love with you anymore, Jack! I want to stop! You just hurt me, it hurts to be around you, it hurts to think about you. I don't want to love you anymore, but I don’t know how to stop. I can’t stop.” he cried, making me wrap my arms tightly around him, thankfully he didn’t fight me this time.

I pressed my forehead to his, and stared into his watery eyes and watching more tears slide slowly down his cheeks and I took a deep breath.

“Please don’t stop,” I whispered, lifting my hand up from his waist to cup his cheek.

Alex sniffled, wiping his face as he let out ragged, uneven breaths as he tried to calm himself down. Even with red eyes and a puffy face he was still the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

“I’m not ready for us to be finished, Alex. We aren’t finished.” I told him, determined that we can be together despite our past.

“I think I need to be away from you right now, Jack.” he whispered, hearing the pain in my voice made me think more clearly.

Do I really have to let him go?

“I will wait forever for you to want me again, Lex. I don’t care what I have to do, or how long it will take to gain your trust back, but I’ll do anything. I’m in love with you… You are the love of my life. There’s nobody else but you, I know you don’t believe me, but I promise I will prove it to you. I made too many mistakes to count but I don’t want you out of my life forever. I will be here when you want to pick up the pieces and start over, however long it takes.” I promised him, wiping one stray tear that fell from his eye.

He looked shocked and speechless, I knew wheels were turning in his perfect mind of his but he didn’t know how to express his emotions so he just wrapped his arms around me and sighed.

“I don’t know Jack… I just… I can’t think. You’re all I think about… It’s really unfair. You're just so fucking beautiful… and your perfect smile and hair… I just want to hug you and cuddle with you forever but you fucking kill me on the inside. You’re so fucking good, but so terrible for me. Loving you is killing me. It hurts so fucking bad. It’s torture to be with you but I’m dying without you.” Alex breathed, every word he spoke seemed like it took everything out of him.

I didn’t know what to do. I usually do. Now, I just don’t know how to fix him.

When we fought while we were a couple, he would usually just want to be alone for a few hours afterward. I would give him the space, but not for too long. I would come find him with a big blanket, wrap him up in it like a burrito and carry him to bed with me.

I’d apologize even if I still thought he was wrong, and I was right.

I would kiss him and tell him I love him more than anything, he would hug me and tell me that I’m the most important person in his life, and he’d be nothing without me. We would fall asleep to the quiet sound of the TV going in the living room, content with our lives because we had each other.

Each other was all that we needed.

I squeezed him tighter to me, and closed my eyes. I pressed my nose into his caramel hair, breathing in his therapeutic scent of his flowery shampoo, trying to memorize it's smell.
I listened to his soft sniffling, rubbing his back gently to try to calm him down even though I was having a mental breakdown on the inside.

I’m letting him slip through my fingers.

I’m losing him and I’m fucking aware of it happening, but I’m not going to stop it.
It’s what he wants. It’s what’s best for him.

I had the feeling that I won’t be able to hold my baby like this ever again, so I squeezed him tighter and buried my face into his shoulder, fighting the urge to cry because I didn’t want to upset him even more.

I’ve put him through enough.

His arms tightened around my middle, he let out a shaky, distressed sound and inhaled an equally as shaky breath.

I guess this is goodbye.

“I love you, Alex.” I mumbled, my voice muffled from speaking into his t shirt but I knew he heard me.

He sniffled, somehow squeezing me even tighter than he already was and breathed quietly.

“I love you too, Jack.”

I sighed at the way my heart skipped a beat.

I pulled away from him slightly to look down on him, I watched him tilt his chin up and look at me with the same eyes I fell in love with the second I first saw them.
I knew he’d be mine when I first met him, I just didn’t think we would ever end like this.

I rubbed his back gently, I tried to stop myself from making a stupid impulsive decision.

I knew he wouldn’t let me kiss him.
I’m seriously breaking up to the love of my life, and I can’t even give him a proper kiss goodbye.

I leaned down and pressed my lips to his forehead, wishing more than anything it was his lips instead. I closed my eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of him on my lips because I know I might not ever feel him like this again, wishing it could last forever I pulled away.

Alex sighed.

He slowly unwrapped his arms around me, and slipped out of my grasp.
I stared at his shining eyes that were full of pain, and looked down at his pink lips I wish I could taste one last time.

I worked myself up to leaning down and connecting our lips, because the knee in the balls was worth kissing him just one more time, but before I had the time to move he turned around.

It felt like slow motion as I watched him open the door, and leave.
I followed up, walking after him only to have the door slam in front of me, closing right before I could slip through.

My heart shattered.

I turned and leaned my back against the door, staring at the classroom, replaying the conversation we just had in my head, rewriting the things I wish I had said, regretting I things I didn’t give him a chance to say.

I slid my back down the door in agony till I landed on the floor, pulling on knees to my chin and cried into my hands.

Why did I agree to let him be on his own?
It’s what he wanted, but why was there a pit in my stomach that told me something bad was yet to come.

Notes

and that bad something is KELLIN MOTHER FUCKING QUINN DATING ALEX

i warned you
wow
wowowowow

i feel horrible and evil for writing this chapter
this was the saddest thing i've ever written in my life
PLEASE DONT COME TO MY HOUSE AND FIND ME AND KILL ME BECUASE THEN I WONT BE ABLE TO MAKE JALEX BETTER EVENTUALLY

ohmygoodness
i need a minute
i need to cry
IM SORRY FOR THE FEELS I JUST PUT YOU THROUGH

at least we already knew they were broken up, but they pretty much decided their lives would be better separate,they got some things off their chests, got some closure
they finally had a real talk about their feelings without alex trying to run away and jack apologizing the entire time

JACK THINKS HE JUST SET ALEX FREE TO BE ON HIS OWN BUT HE DIDNT HE JUST SET HIM FREE TO BE WITH KELLIN OH MY GODDDD

I WANNA POST EVERY SINGLE DAY BUT THEN I WILL RUN OUT OF PREWRITTEN CHAPTERS AND WILL PROBABLY END UP TAKING LIKE A WEEK OFF JUST CUZ FRUSTRATIONS AND THATS NOT GONNA HAPPEN

i gotta schedule and im gonna try to stick to it

i apologize again for the feels of this chapter
dont let them get to you
except if you are just as sad as me right now i think that makes me a decent writer which is the goal BUT I LOVE YOU ALL PLZ DONT HATE ME FOR THIS CHAPTER AHHHH

IK I SAID I WOULD STOP PROMOTING MY OTHER STORY I NEED TO STOP BUT IF YOU NEED SOME HAPPY GO CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORY here



OH MY GOODNESS i canttttttttttt
why did i rip this wound open again, i was just staring to heal from writing when they first broke up NOW THIS??
im sorry to jalex i promise you will be fixed one day

RIP JALEX


Title Credit- Take Cover