Alex


Everything is just moving way too fast.

It felt like just seconds ago I was happy. I was really really happy.
I didn’t realize how fucking great I had it, I was so lucky.

Then in a blink of an eye my entire world came crashing down.

Everything was okay just a minute ago.

I was laughing, in Jack’s comforting arms, smiling like a fucking idiot, not even imagining where I’d be in the next few weeks because I just assumed my life would be the same.

I didn’t think any of this would happen, I was naive and stupid for letting my heart get in the way of my head.

Don’t trust anyone. Don’t rely on anyone. Don’t let anybody in.

None of those thoughts ever occur to people who are happy.
I was fucking blind to the real world when I was happy.

Now that I see things clearly I want to be blind again.

My negative thoughts were getting worse lately, the way they were before I met Jack.
He distracted me from all of it, his bright eyes, heart warming smile and the sound of his voice drowned everything out.

Without him I was just drowning in my own head.

Nothing really seemed to cheer me up because the only person who used to do that was Jack.
I relied on him way too much, I should’ve thought something like this was going to happen.

“Alex.”

I heard someone saying my name, bringing me back to the real world and I blinked, staring at my scuffed black and white converse on the tiled school floor.
I looked up to see a face that I’d been thinking a lot about, but desperately trying to avoid.

“Hey Alex…” Tay said, once I looked at her in the eyes she immediately looked down in shame.

I took a deep, shaky breath and shook my head, “No.” I responded.

“I am really, deeply sorr-”

“If you say you’re sorry I’m going to fucking scream. I’m sick of that word.” I gritted my teeth, clenching my hand into a tight fist, digging my fingernails into my palm so there would be crescent shaped marks left there afterward.

“I know how you must be feeling, I know you hate me. I’d hate me too. I did a really, really bad thing and I feel horrible about it. What I did… What Jack and I did to you, was disgusting. It was wrong on every level, and we did it anyway, and I’ve never felt guilt like this in my whole life. I’m not asking for your forgiveness because I can’t expect to ever get that from you, I just want to explain what happened-”

“Please, please leave.” I begged.

“Jack is devastated, Alex.” she told me.

Why the fuck is he devastated? He did this to himself, knowingly! He cheated on me!
I’m the ugly one he left for someone better, fucking me one more time before he left me for Tay for good.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder and flinched, staring at her with wide eyes.

That fucking hand has been on my boyfriend.
My naked boyfriend.
Places where my hand, and my hand only were allowed to go, her hand has been there too.

I cringed as my imagination got the better of me, thinking about her touching him where I touch him.
Wait, where I used to touch him.

“Alex, he didn’t want to hur-”

“Everytime I see you, or hear your voice, or think about you, I can just picture you having sex with Jack.” I spoke with a lump in my throat.

My heart hurt. It felt like Tay had taken a baseball bat and just beat it till it was broken.

For the countless time in the past week, tears streamed down my face.
My entire felt dried out and used up, but somehow I still had the capability to cry.

I wiped my face with a sleeve covered hand, more images of them together flashing in my mind making me wince.
Jack didn’t even feel the need to tell me about it. I had to catch him with her to figure it out.

I glanced over at Tay who was sniffling, tears pooling in her eyes.

I wonder how many times Jack got lost in her eyes like I would get lost in his.

Why the fuck is she even crying? She won.

She gets to have him all the time now.

She gets to kiss him goodnight, then wake up in the morning with him, her heart and body feeling warm and fuzzy as they would cuddle together, watching the sunlight slowly pour into the room.

She gets to ride in the passenger seat on the way to school, breathing in the old car smell that I really hated at first, but grew to love.

She gets to hold his hand, run her fingers through his soft hair, sit on his lap, kiss his lips.

She has it fucking all. She has everything I ever wanted.
Everything I had.

She better fucking enjoy it while it lasts, because it sure as hell isn’t as long as you think it will.

“He’s made mistakes, okay? But at least he loves you!” Tay said sternly.

I didn’t answer, I just shrugged.

“You don’t seem to get it. He STILL loves you!! He doesn’t love me, okay? He never fucking did, and never fucking will! You still have him! He’s still yours, and you're standing here feeling fucking sorry for yourself!!! Are you kidding me?! Do you know what I would do for Jack to love me back?! Fucking anything! But he doesn’t because he’s so fucking obsessed with you, and he’s beating himself up every second of every fucking day because all you do is mope around and cry!” Tay raised her voice, making me flinch.

Her words shocked me.
Wait… She’s in love with Jack?

“He made a mistake, one that he only did because he loves you so fucking much! Just stop being so fucking depressed and realize that you have everything I could ever dream about right in front of your face! I’d do anything for Jack to be begging to be with me! Stop being so fucking selfish and just get over yourself!!!”

“Tay!! Fucking lay off him, okay?!”

I turned around and was surprised to see Kellin, glaring at Tay who was losing her mind.
Kellin stood next to me protectively and Tay looked shocked and confused.

“Excuse me, this has absolutely nothing to do with you, Kellin. Stay the hell out of it.” Tay spat bitterly, crossing her arms across her chest in visible anger.

“I’m not going to just let you scream at him like that, convincing him that he did something wrong. You slept with his boyfriend, you broke his heart, he should be the one yelling at you and yet somehow he’s still being fucking punished when all he ever does is treat people with kindness. Leave him alone.” Kellin stood up for me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

My heart melted at his words.

How could anyone be so fucking sweet to me? Especially someone that I just met for real!
How am I lucky enough to have this boy on my side?

I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, smiling for the first time in a while when he held me against him. I felt instantly comforted from the traumatic experience that just happened as I felt his arms around my middle, and he pressed his face into my shoulder sweetly.

Okay, I have to admit.
I’ve never met anybody that gives better hugs than Kellin Quinn.

They are magical in some way, no matter how stupid that sounds.
Kellin must have some kind of super powers, because somehow he can instantly make me feel safe and wanted in an instant, no matter what I was just going through.

Somehow he knows nearly nothing about me, but completely gets me inside out.
He could just show up, understand exactly what I was going through and hold me, and make me feel better all over again.

I had no idea if Tay was still standing there with her jaw wide open because I was hugging him like my life depended on it, or left because she was still so pissed that I didn’t want to be with Jack even though he ‘loved’ me.

I didn’t care.

My cheeks started to hurt I was smiling so big, and I felt the fluttery feeling in my stomach of butterflies. I really haven’t felt this way since I first started dating Jack.

Does this mean something? Am I getting a crush on Kellin?

Already?

I just broke up with Jack, I didn’t think I could just jump back into a whole new relationship right afterwards. I’m not that kind of person.
I’m a one relationship guy, plus, it takes me a long time before I can work up actually dating someone.

I just got my heart broken for fucks sake!!! I shouldn’t even be thinking about anything else besides being depressed and laying in my bed, crying.
That’s what you do, right? At least that’s what I’ve been doing.

I can’t just forget about Jack that fast. He may have cheated on me and lied but I still love him more than anything. He’s the center of my universe.

But Kellin gives really good hugs…

He makes me feel the opposite of what I have been used to lately.

He makes me feel wanted.

I pressed my forehead to the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent.

“You smell good.” I mumbled, smiling as his book shook lightly with laughter.

“Thanks sunshine.” he told me, I felt a blush rise on my cheeks.

Sunshine?!? That’s fucking ADORABLE.

Jack had called me a lot of nicknames, but he’d never called me ‘sunshine.’
I love it because it’s kinda ironic that I’m such a depressing person, and because Kellin was the one who was calling me it.

He can totally just see past all my sadness and problems, somehow I think he still likes me despite all the baggage.

Am I going to be enough for him?

“Not that I don’t love hugging you, but we should really stop meeting like this.” he told me, lifting one of his hands cup my face, dragging his thumb across my cheek to wipe away a stray tear.

I blushed at his words, remembering that the last few times we’ve seen each other, has been of me walking up to him crying, and him hugging me and drying my tears.

“T-Thank you… for all the hugs.” I told him, smiling as I looked up at him.

I could help but get lost into his beautiful eyes. They were unlike any I’ve ever seen.
They were this greyish blue color, that looked like the sky after it just rained. If you looked at them close enough they had tiny flecks of green, his light eyes totally melted me because I was a sucker for bright eyes. Jack had bright eyes, but not light in color like Kellin’s.

I kinda liked how much closer his face was to me, because he wasn’t as tall as Jack was.
I could easily reach his lips now which was much more convenient, with Jack I had to stand on my toes to get to him.

Wait… who said anything about kissing him?

I found myself gazing longingly at his plump pink lips, after I caught myself staring I looked innocently back up at him making his lips turn up in a smile.

“Anytime,” he promised, and leaned in to kiss my cheek, only a few inches away from where I wanted his lips.

My face felt like it was on fire as the heat rose to my face in a blush of shock and embarrassment.

“See you around, sunshine.” Kellin winked at me, unwrapping his arms from my middle and turned away to walk in the other direction.

I was still shocked by his kiss. The last time he kissed me like that was when I first found out Jack cheated on me, and I thought that was just a one time thing.

So I guess the cheek kissing is a thing.

“Bye!” I smiled, and quickly realized I was just talking to myself now.

He made me an awkward mess. He made me stumble on words and get butterflies in my stomach and I really really missed that feeling.

The drastic change of my mood when Kellin popped into my day was shocking. I started off feeling depressed and disgusting but now I feel like the prettiest person on the planet, thanks to him.

What does this make us? Is he my boyfriend? Are we close friends?

I didn’t want to worry about that right now because I still felt lighter than air about what just happened. I looked around to see if anyone saw us and froze when I made eye contact with someone and instantly felt guilty.

Vic.

He was at his locker, his face looked completely unreadable.

They are broken up, Vic broke up with Kellin, they are over.
He won’t be an issue because Vic ended the relationship, and I really think that Kellin likes me.

I still wouldn’t want to see Jack kissing someone else’s cheek.

Wait… I’ve seen him kiss a lot more than someone else’s cheek.

I turned around and walked in the different direction to my next class.

Jack doesn’t have anything to do with me and Kellin.
He is my past now.
Kellin is my future.

Notes

LOOK WHOS BACK
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I HAVE RETURNED FROM HIDING
13 DAYS WITHOUT AN UPDATE THAT'S A LONG TIME
I'M SURE IT'S A RECORD

okayyy you guys know i've been super unmotivated to write and writing makes me super happy so it's been lame
bUT IM BOUNCING BACK
BACK AND READY FOR DRAMA AND IM SO READY AND EXCITED

LITERALLY SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED
TAKE COVER IS FUCKING AMAZING, I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS I LOVE IT AND I LOVE THEM
OKAY
THEN I SAW ATL LIVE AND HOLYHUDCKSHITTT
they are so amazing, i lost my voice and i still had to see a day to remember and blink and they were also AMAZING
i apologize for my use of capital letters, im just EXCITED
THE CAPS ARE BACK
I CANT THINK ABOUT IT OR I WILL START TO CRY
HOW ARE THEY EVEN MORE GORGEOUS IN PERSON
HOW DO THEY SOUND EVEN BETTER IN PERSON
LIFE LONG QUESTIONS

i want to meet them and give them all 10 minute long hugs

i started school last week, its stressful as fuck but writing is fun and makes me FEEL GOOOOD

I MISSED YOU GUYS
i promise im gonna update more for you guys!
you guys deserve MORE CUZ YOUR THE BEST AND SWEETEST PEOPLE :DDDD
ILOVE ALL OFYOUU

okay guys
i have another story
this is my last time promoting it on this story (no promises) i just gotta stop
im just reaLLY REALLY REALLY REALLY excited for it and pumped to write it and will also be updating it along with this one as often as i can

so if you like frequently updated storiessssss ;))) check it out

ughhh sorry i keep talking about it, im just really proud of it
alex is super sarcastic and sassy at least he will be eventaully and ive never really written a character like him so its fun and jacks super blunt and funny
its kinda hard hard to explain unless you read more and once mroe chapters come out, if you read it you'll get it

IM JUST SO EXCITED FOR IT BECAUSE IT'S A LOT MORE HAPPY AND LIGHT HEARTED COMPARED TO THIS STORY RIGHT NOW SO IF I AM DEPRESSING YOU WITH THIS I SUGGEST OTHER STORY

http://www.alltimelowfanfiction.com/Story/85322/Shut-Up-And-Kiss-Me-Now/

I GOTTA STOP
IM JUST SO EXCITED
LONG ASS CHAPTER NOTE

what do you guys think of kellin and alexxx??
what do you think of tay after she YELLED at my baby alex?
how do you think jacks gonna react when he sees kellin and alex together? :O

I LOVE ALL OF YOU I WANT TO GIVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU A BIG HUG IF I COULD I WOULD THX FOR READING MY STORY YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL
i need to stop using all capital letters i look insane

ohmygod im so excited to write more im so motivated LETS FUCKING GOOOOO



Title credit- The Maine