Tay


Jack. Jack. Jack.

I couldn’t get him out of my mind over the past weekend, well, more so than usual.
He was all I thought about.

How good his lips felt against mine, his big, strong hands on my hips, kissing me like I had always dreamed he would since I was a fucking freshman, I smiled just thinking about it.

15 year old me would be squealing with joy if she had seen me now, full on making out with JACK BARAKAT!! Sure, I slept with him, it was one of the best nights of my entire life, but he didn’t remember so I tried not to think about it.

But there was no way that I could keep that kiss off my mind, how could I? It was so perfect.
I’ve kind of just been forgetting about everything other than him, which was bad considering in my Environmental Science class I had a quiz that I totally failed, because I was too busy daydreaming about Jack.
All I’ve ever wanted was to be in his arms, my arms wrapped around him, kissing him like there was no tomorrow and I finally got what I always wanted.

How insane is that?!?

Everything would be absolutely perfect if I wasn’t so confused.
I felt incredibly guilty after Alex walked in on us making out, and Jack ran after him, but that didn’t stop me for jumping for joy and dancing like an idiot for 3 minutes straight out of pure happiness.

JACK BARAKAT KISSED ME!!!

But still, I had no idea what to call this thing between us.
Is he being flirty? Are we dating? Is he going to ask me out?

I don’t know, but I do know that he kissed me.
I asked him to kiss me and he did, that means something right?!
He kissed ME!

He wouldn’t have just kissed me while he was with Alex if it didn’t mean anything! He must have feelings for me! I finally have my chance, my shot at being Jack’s girlfriend!

We can try this for real this time.

I heard a few giggles from behind me, I turned around and saw two girls wearing skin tight shirts and tiny skirts even though it was winter. They glared at me once they noticed I heard them, one whispered into the other’s ear and the othe nodded. I turned back around and walked down the hall.

I’ve been dealing with this every since the kiss, the school spreads gossip like wildfire.
There have been dozens of dirty glares and harsh names called after me, becuase I was

I confidently walked up to Jack who was putting books in his locker, with a huge unbreakable smile on my face, butterflies bouncing around in my stomach, from either being excited or nervous, probably both.
Jack noticed my presence and rolled his eyes, immediately wiping the smile off my face.

“Don’t fucking talk to me.” he muttered angrily.

Oh no.
No. No. No.

“Jack?” I asked, completely shocked by his lack of enthusiasm, or kindness for that matter.

Jack sighed, and turned to me with anger in his eyes.

“What are you going to ruin now Tay? There’s literally no other way that you could hurt me as bad as you already did so I wouldn’t bother. Alex hates me now, you can’t make my life any worse.” Jack exclaimed.

What is he saying?

“Jack, what are you talking about-”

“You fucking sleep with me while I’m drunk, and I handled it. I was with Alex and I ignored it because he meant nothing to me-” I interrupted his explanation with a little gasp of shock.

I know that he was drunk but… it meant nothing to him?
Ouch.

“Now you’re doing this!! You’re telling me you’re in love with me?! You’re kissing me?! What the fuck?!” he exclaimed, causing people from the hallway to look over at us.

“I’m not lying, Jack.” I mumbled weakly, looking down at my shoes in complete shame.

What was I thinking?

“You aren’t in love with me.” Jack chuckled darkly, in complete disbelief.

“Yes I am! I have been for years, it didn’t just happen a few days ago. I’ve always had feelings for you. Oh, and by the way, you’re the one who kissed me, remember?” I reminded him with a glare.

Jack slammed his fist hard down on his locker in frustration, making me flinch away from him because of the loud sound.

“I fucking regret every second of it. I only did it because you were crying and I felt guilty for not feeling the same.” he admitted, staring at me with nothing but hatred in his eyes.

What? No. There’s no way that’s true.
He would’ve just kissed me out of pity.
I was begging for him to kiss me and feel the same way about me, so when he kissed me, I thought that meant he liked me back.

He doesn’t care about me at all? I thought we would finally be together like I had been dreaming.
I thought he and Alex broke up, so he could be with me.

He regrets everything, he wished we never kissed…

“Y-You..” I couldn’t even form the words I wanted to say I was so shocked.

“No Tay! I don’t feel the same way you feel for me! Believe it or not, my life doesn’t revolve around you!!! We kissed, while I was with Alex. I had a fucking boyfriend, a perfect boyfriend, and I kissed you. I slept with you, while I had Alex. I fucking HAD him, not anymore.” Jack pressed his forehead hard against a metal locker, sniffling and I watched tears pooling in his eyes.

He’s crying, oh god. I made Jack cry. No, he’s crying that he lost Alex.
It was all because of me.
The love of my life, lost the love of his life, because of me.

I couldn’t help the tears welling in my eyes like they were for him.

“So… w-when you kissed me.” I bit my lip, taking a deep breath through my nose trying to keep it together.

“It meant literally nothing to me.” he retorted.

The words he said felt like a stab in the heart.
Nothing. I was nothing to him.

I stared at the ground, trying as hard as I could to keep the tears in my eyes.
I can’t cry in front of him again.
The last time I cried in front of him, he kissed me, even though it meant nothing to him.

Why would he kiss me if he had a boyfriend?! Oh yeah, he literally did it to get me to shut up. I wouldn’t stop crying so he just gave me what I was begging for, which was him.
It was like giving a pacifier to a baby.

He feels nothing for me. I was so wrong. The kiss was a lie.

“Sleeping with you, and kissing you were probably two of my biggest fucking regrets. Seriously Tay, you ruined my fucking life.” Jack huffed, slamming his locker door shut making me jump back.

I watched him walk down the hallway, feeling completely numb.
I tried to comprehend what just happened, and how quickly he made my mood drop down from smiley and sunshiney to tears streaming down my face.

What just fucking happened?

I stared at the floor, wiping my tears, and looked up to see if Jack was still around but Hayley started walking up to me with a worried expression. I quickly dried my eyes, blinking a few times trying to act like nothing had just happened, even though my heart just shattered into a billion tiny pieces.

“Oh my gosh! What did Jack just say to you? I just saw him slam his locker and storm away, what the hell?” she glanced back in his direction to see he was gone, and placed too hands on my shoulders.

I hugged her immediately, laying my head on her shoulder and started crying more.

“He hates me so much Hayley. I ruined his life!!!” I exclaimed.

“No you didn’t! Tay, you did nothing! You told him you loved him, but he’s the one who acted on it. You told him to kiss him, and he did, while he had a boyfriend. He screwed himself over.” Hayley tried to comfort me.

“No, he did it out of pity.” I mumbled, sniffling.

The more I thought about how he just screamed at me, the harder I cried.
I ruined his life!! He’s never going to love me!

“Oh Tay…” Hayley rubbed my back but it wasn’t very comforting.

“He said that I mean nothing to him!” I exclaimed.

“He doesn’t mean that! He just lost the guy he loves most, he’s not thinking clearly right now. He’s upset with you, and blaming you, when the only person he should really be blaming is himself.” Hayley told me sternly, trying to talk some sense into me but I still felt like total shit.

“I did this to him though! He was so happy with Alex and I destroyed their relationship because I was jealous. Jack’s never going to get over Alex…. He will never like me.” I mumbled.

“Hey! You don’t know that!” Hayley told me, squeezing me tighter. She’s always so optimistic.
Somethings you just gotta face, like my dreams will not come true.

“No, I do!! Alex and Jack love eachother and I love Jack, he doesn’t love me back. Now he fucking hates me for breaking him and Alex up, god, I’m so stupid.” I started sobbing into her shoulder.

“Oh honey, this isn’t far, I’m so sorry.” she gently rubbed my back.

Notes

why is this chapter so terribly written?
this is tay's pov, it should be written with much detail, but this isn't very good
sorry guysss
im not in a write-y mood like i usually am

BUT TAYS POV
OH MY GOSH JACK
OH MY GOSH

she was so excited in the beginning!!! the poor baby!
even when she was getting gossiped about she didnt care
then jack being angry jack SHOT HER DOWN TOO HARD
then the poor baby started crying
then poor tay started crying

this is all such a mess, literally so many relasionships in this story are hurt
brendon and hayley
brendon and jack
tay and jack
alex and everyone
JACK AND ALEX

it's gonna get better soon guys
i just planned a chapter thats gonna happen that i think you will like, it's sweet
it is sweet and involves jack and alex ;)
THATS ALL I CAN SAY

but this chapter made me sad, poor jack, poor tay
nobody in this story is really in a good place right now
except kellin lmao

soooooooooo what do you guys think
do you think that tay was being unrealistically optimistic?
do you think jack was being too harsh?

Tays outfit
Jacks outfit (holy crap he is the CUTEST PERSON EVERRRR)
Hayleys outfit

awwwwwwwwww little tay
im sorry honey

Title Credit- Break Your Little Heart