Alex


Why did I fall in love with a boy that goes to my school?

Well technically, he was here first, but why did I have to go here then?

If I had never met Jack Barakat I would’ve never been this sad, I also probably would’ve did something terrible to myself because I was so depressed and alone when I first moved here, but still. I wouldn’t be as depressed and alone as I am now if it wasn’t for him cheating.

I just wish I fell in love with a nice boy.
Instead of cringing or telling me terrible stories whenever people find out who I’m dating, they will smile and share sweet stories of him. That’d be nice for once.

I thought Jack was a nice boy but I guess I was wrong just like usual.

He may not have been nice for very long, but one thing I do know about him is that he is persistent.

He called me a total of 108 times this weekend, I lost count at how many text messages, and even came by demanding to see me with a bouquet of flowers, only to have the door slammed in his face, and what was probably predictable, I threw the flowers in the trash.

I’m terrified that he will be that persistent trying to talk to me, because I know him, I know he won’t stop until he talks to me. I really really do not want to talk to him.

I don’t want to look at him, I don’t want to hear his voice, I don’t want to think of what he looks like.
Jack broke me.
I spent the entire weekend bawling my eyes out over him, and I didn’t want to cry in front of Jack.
I’m not strong enough to deal with this pain, but I don’t want him to see my tears anymore.
He’s seen them enough.

I stared at the ground as I walked through the school with Brendon by my side. I knew that the gossip has spread around the school like wildfire. Jack was the most popular boy, and he finally seemed to settle down but he cheated on me.

Whispers filled the hallway, I felt everyone’s eyes burning on my body like I was a ticking time bomb that would explode any second.

“Ignore them,” I looked up to look at Brendon as he talked to me, and my eyes accidentally wandered to a bright orange figure, I made eye contact with Hayley as she walked by, and she quickly looked down.

I was going to ask Brendon why he didn’t notice his girlfriend walking by, it’s pretty damn hard not too because of her hair, but then I remembered. They broke up.

This all seemed a little too weird.

Why would they break up the same time that we did?

“Oh god, it’s my fault…” I mumbled, Brendon looked over at me concerned.

“What is?” he asked me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“You and Hayley, you guys broke up because of me.” my jaw was wide open.
A wave of guilt washed over me, because I knew I was right.

The both of them were in love, there was no other explanation.

“Oh, no it wasn’t your fault. Really-”

“You’ve been in love with her for a year Brendon! Neither or you cheated or anything, why would you break it off?!” I asked him in frustration. I didn’t mean for this to happen!!

Just because me and Jack broke up, doesn’t mean other couples need to!!!

“You just opened my eyes to see a different side of her that I really didn’t like. She agreed with Jack that he should lie to you, I can’t be with a liar. How am I supposed to trust her with anything if she is just so quick to lie to the people she cares about? We had different opinions.” he explained, sounding like he was trying to convince himself.

He’s loved her since the first day I came here, and longer. He finally got her and lost her because of me and my idiotic boyfriend.

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you throw everything away because of a disagreement-”

“Shh, turn around. Walk the other direction.” he whispered to me. I stared at him like he was crazy.

We were just about to reach my locker, I needed my books for the day.
I looked up and saw Jack, his tall frame leaning against my locker, scuffing his converse shoe on the ground, waiting for me to come.

He looked so good in his black hoodie…

Oh my god. No!! This is just a sick trap that would force me to go over there and face him because I needed to get my books for the day.

I turned back around like Brendon told me, and he dragged Jack away from my locker so we didn’t have to see each other.

But I knew Jack would try harder than that.

I’ve been paranoid all day, knowing at any point he could pin me against a locker and force me to look him in the eyes. I can’t bare it.

I bet he has no regrets. He’s glad that he’s finally free from my clinginess, or my exhausting anxiety, or my annoying personality in the first place. Now he can fuck Tay all he wants.
I bet that’s what he’s been doing all weekend, the both of them screwing relentlessly now that they don’t have me in the way. I was just holding them back.

Lucky Tay finally gets the boy she’s always wanted. Good for her.

I hope they have a great life together.

I placed my chemistry text book back in my locker, careful not to make everything else tumble out. Seriously, we don’t even need these many books. We barely use them but we are required to bring them to every class. It’s stupid.

“Baby,”

I cringed, biting my lip and looking down at the floor as I recognized the voice, the only person who calls me that nickname that used to make my heart flutter, now I only feel nauseous.

I didn’t respond.

“Lex, please say something to me. Do something.” he begged me, his voice sounded exhausted.
He sounded so sad that I couldn’t help but tear up. Why did I feel bad for him?!

I closed my locker slowly, sniffled and wiped my nose, feeling hands grab my waist and I was forcefully turned around by him.

Oh god, he still touches me like we're together.

His touch wasn’t painful, just firm enough that if I squirmed he would still have a good grip on me.

I didn’t even bother fighting him. I was so done with everything, he could do whatever he wanted.
I’m just done. His love for me was all a lie.

I stared at the ground, sniffling one more time, Jack tried to lift my chin up with his hand but I went against my most recent thought and turned my head away from him. It didn’t matter anymore, he could see my face now.

I looked up at him with big eyes, staring into his brown eyes I’ve become so familiar with, now I just resent how good they make me feel when I look at them. He had dark circles under his eyes, obviously from lack of sleep, but he still looked beautiful.
I just want to be over him, I want him out of my life for good, but everywhere I turn he’s there looking handsome, with perfect hair, perfect body, perfect face.

He broke me beyond repair. He’s a monster. He left me devastated.

I just wanted to scream at him but my mouth felt glued shut.

“I love you… so fucking much. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you, gorgeous. You don’t deserve this pain that I put you through, I didn’t mean for all this to happen. I swear, I love you more than anything in the world, I promise. I will do anything to prove it, I want to fix us.”

I stared at the ground, his words bouncing off of me like ping pong balls.
I knew they were all lies, I didn’t take a second to process what he was saying because I couldn’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore.

Why does he still talk to me? He has Tay now, he could be making out with his new girlfriend but he’s just lying to the face of his ex boyfriend. I guess he finds amusement out of my crying.

“Don’t cry, baby. I’m so sorry, please talk to me. Say something.” he begged, I flinched as he touched my cheek again, staring up at him with pinched eyebrows and a frown speak across my face, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

“I hate you.”

I watched his expression fall, I ripped myself out of his grasp on my hips, hearing his voice calling after me but I didn’t hear what he said specifically. I put the hood of my grey and black zip up sweatshirt up, covering my head that already had a light grey beanie on.

I shouldn’t have come to school today. I wish that I just stayed in bed and watched cartoons till my eyes hurt from the crying and the bright colorful screen until I fell asleep and repeated it all over again.
I never want to see Jack again, but I’ll have to face him every day till this fucking school year ends.

You shouldn’t have fallen in love, Alex.

The first guy I fucking saw I fell hard for, ignoring my best friends warnings because this boy was just so damn charming. He seemed so sweet at the time, how did I not see past it?
I always see the best in people, not that it’s a bad thing, but in this case it was. Jack has too much bad that it outweighs the good.

I fell in love with a heartbreaker.

I thought that the hood covering my head would help hide my tears, but people kept staring. Everywhere I looked there were whispers, and sympathetic looks that made me want to tear my fucking hair out.

I was too busy looking at the people looking at me that I didn’t notice I walked right into a person. I almost fell from the impact but the person caught me before I fell, causing my hood to fall off so I would be completely recognizable.

I sniffled, wiping a tear from my cheek with my sleeve covered hands before I looked up and was relieved to make eye contact with pretty, greyish blue eyes.

“Oh god, Alex. I’m so sorry all this shit happened to you, I just want you to know that I have your back through this. Jack’s an asshole and a sweet person like you doesn’t deserve to be feeling like this. Oh… please don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay-”

“Kellin,” I interrupted his rambling on trying to make me feel better, which I thought was adorable.

I wrapped two arms tightly around his neck and hugged him, I felt both of his arms wrap around my middle in and squeezed me to his body, comforting me instantly.

He wasn’t that much taller than me, so I laid my head down on his shoulder and snuggled closer to his body, I watched a blush form on his cheeks along with a small smile, and he leaned his head against mine.
It was a warm hug that made me feel protected against everything else.

I haven’t felt affectionate like this with another boy before, it felt really good.

Notes

ohhh my goodness
wow
that's all i can say when i write these chapters
wow wow wow

I KNOW YOU GUYS WANNA KILL ME BECAUSE JALEX IS DEAD
I DONT WANNA MAKE YOU GUYS SAD THIS STORY IS JUST KINDA SAD RIGHT NOW, IT GETS LESS SAD I PROMISE

why do i have so much energy right now its 1:21 am
its okay, maybe i will start writing the next chapter

soooooooo
kellin and alex
how are your feelings about them

do you hate them, do you like them, do you think they are cute, do you think they are gross

and alex told jack that he hates him :((
MY BABIES

IM SORRY GUYS I LOVE YOU ALL

here are my fasionable people
Jacks outfit
Alex's outfit
Kellin's outfit
Hayley's outfit
Brendon's outfit

do i leave it with a jalex gif
is that too painful
but it's so cute
rip im sorry



Title credit- Break Your Little Heart