Alex


I loved him so much.
He fucking ruined me.

I was never good enough for him. What could I have done to make him stay?
To make him stay interested?

Should I have not let him see me when I looked like a mess?
Was it that time I threw up in front of him?
Should I have slept with him more? Maybe I didn't please him enough.

Should I have kissed him more?

I mean, I know all those times that he wanted to make out with me first thing in the morning before I brushed my teeth were my favorite parts of starting the day, but maybe he didn't like them as much as I did
I should’ve brushed my teeth..

“What did I do wrong?” I mumbled, staring at my hands.

“Hey, don’t start thinking that way-”

“I wasn’t good enough for him.” I looked up at Brendon who was looking at me sadly.

My phone buzzed beside me on my bed but I didn’t bother answering it.

Brendon brought me to his house because my parents were getting sick of hearing me screaming through my panic attacks, and Brendon’s parents didn’t care.

I sat anxiously on his bed, thinking over every possible thing that I could’ve done wrong to make him stray to kiss someone else, to sleep with somebody else.

“No Alex!!! I told you from the start that Jack doesn't deserve a guy as amazing as you. He’s a dick, he did the same thing to me, except 100 times worse for you.” Brendon put both of his hands on my shoulders trying to explain to me.

“That doesn’t help me,” I muttered, Brendon sighed.

“I know, he tricked you Alex. It’s what he does, I guess he just wanted to go to the extreme this year and wanted to sleep with you more than once or something… I don’t know.” Brendon shrugged, I don’t think he even knew what he was talking about.

It was hard for me to believe that Jack has been tricking me this entire time, but it was also hard for me to believe that someone who claims they love me would ever hurt me this badly.

“I should’ve been a better boyfriend, I should’ve had sex with him more or something. Maybe he wouldn’t have cheated-”

“No! Please, stop! Alex, you did absolutely nothing wrong!! You shouldn’t be thinking like this. If the only reason Jack cheated was because you two didn’t have sex as often as he wanted, then why would you want to be with a boy like that in the first place? He’s an asshole, if it was reversed, I’m sure you would agree he was an asshole-”

“Jack isn’t an asshole-”

“Yes, he is Alex. Fucking everyone can admit that. You just fell in love with a jerk.”

I frowned hearing the words because they felt so true. He was right.
My phone buzzed by my foot once again, but I declined the phone call.

“Now I have no friends either,” I shrugged, staring at my feet.

Everyone lied to me, nobody cares about me here.
Nobody cares about me at all.
Maybe everything would just be better if I was gone.

“You have me Lexy-”

“Don’t call me that, Jack calls me that.” I cringed, hearing his sweet voice in my head.

Waking up next to him, rolling over so I would be on top of him, giggling as he placed wet kisses on my grinning cheeks, him mumbling with his adorable sleepy voice ‘Good morning, Lexy.’

“Sorry, but you have me. Plus, everyone else still loves and cares about you.” he tried to explain but I shook my head.

“They don’t care about me.” I disagreed.

“They do, I can promise you.”

“I want to die.” I admitted, Brendon sighed and shook his head

“Don’t talk like that. No, you don’t.” he hugged me.

How does he know I don’t mean it?

“Alex, Jack isn’t worth you thinking about that, he’s not worth the broken heart you have, or even your tears. He’s just a dick that hurt you, you are a person even without Jack.” Brendon told me, his constant bashing Jack was getting to be annoying, but he was completely correct.

“I love him more than anything,” I mumbled darkly. He never loved me for a second.

“I know you do, you’ll get over him. It’s okay. You don’t need him-”

My phone started buzzing again, I looked at it despite Brendon’s protests.

45 new text messages, from Jack.
18 missed calls, from Jack.
1 new text message from Kellin.

I unlocked my phone to answer to read the text message from the boy who drove me home.

“You are not answering Jack,” Brendon scolded.

“It’s not from Jack.”

“Then who from?” he asked.

“Kellin.” I stated simply.

“Wait, Kellin? Kellin Quinn? You talk to him?”

“He’s the guy who gave me a ride home while I was having a total breakdown, he hugged me, wiped away my tears and kissed my cheek. Now he’s just asking how I’m feeling-”

“WHOA WHOA. BACK UP!! He KISSED you?!” Brendon had a huge smile on his face, grabbing onto my wrist so tightly it hurt.

“It was nothing.” I shrugged, typing Kellin a quick response, thanking him for the ride home and telling him that I’d feel better eventually.

I don’t even know if that’s true, I don’t know if I will feel better

“He likes youuu!!!” Brendon sang, suddenly a lot more cheery than before.

That’s impossible.

“He does not, he just broke up with Vic. We’re both upset about our boyfriends.” I brushed him off, he was getting wayyy too excited over nothing.

“He hugged you, he calmed you down, he KISSED your cheek, and drove you home. Nobody would just do that for a guy that he barely knows, plus, everyone knows that Kellin has always had a thing for you-”

“Uh, since when?”

“Since you moved here! You didn’t know? Even when he was with Vic he’d just stare at you. Not to mention at Hayley’s birthday party, damn, it was so obvious! He couldn’t get his hands off you Alex!” Brendon exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air.

“That was drunk Kellin, he didn’t mean to do that.”

“You don’t even remember what happened! Seeing as though, he had his hands on your ass, grinding his hard on all over your dick, and kissing your neck making you moan like a whore-”

“That never happened!!” I protested loudly. There’s no way!!
How could I forget that?!? There’s no way that actually happened!!!

“You guys were having sex with clothes on,” Brendon smirked, putting his chin on his hands, the look on his face made me feel weird.

Before I could respond, to shut down his naughty thoughts, he spoke again.

“Plus, he’s really hot.” Brendon told me.

I couldn’t help but smile to myself, thinking of his long dark hair with side swept hair, big, expressive grey blue eyes that were totally adorable, and plump pink lips.
Brendon grinned when he saw the little smile spread on my face, then I quickly frowned, catching myself.

“H-He is, but that doesn’t mean anything!” my voice cracked with surprise and panic, making Brendon laugh. I’m so not used to talking about other guys other than Jack being good looking.

“There is an attractive guy, who is super sweet, single, can comfort you and calm you down, gives good hugs, LIKES YOU, you have a dirty history with him, and did I mention HOT?!?”

“What are you saying?!” I asked angrily.

“I’m saying that you need to date him! This is what people do, it’s called rebound relationships. I’d take advantage of of the cute boy who wants a piece of your ass. Seriously Alex, I wouldn’t be moping around that you have nobody to kiss anymore when you got a guy like Kellin pining after you, I’d hit that any day-”

I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, and started crying into my shaking hands.

It felt really really weird, even thinking about the possibility of ever being with another boy besides Jack. He’s the only boy that I’ve ever kissed, or had sex with, he’s been my only boyfriend.
I’m not over him yet, I don’t want to be rushed into anything.

I don’t care if Kellin likes me, or how cute he is, I’m not over Jack.
He just broke my heart yesterday.

“Oh, oh my god. Dammit, I’m so sorry Alex. I just want you to be with a nice boy for once, oh fuck. Please don’t cry.” Brendon hugged me to his chest, and I sobbed into his shirt.

The sound of my phone buzzing again made me feel sick.

“Give me your phone, I’m blocking his number.” he told me, taking the phone from my hands.

“No!!” I whined, trying to grab it back but he held it out of reach.

“Are you seriously ever going to talk to him again?” he asked me, narrowing his eyes.
I felt more tears prickling in my eyes, thinking of never hearing Jack’s voice again.

“No but-”

“Okay, then he’s getting blocked. Don’t worry Alex, this is all for the better.” he assured me, I didn’t feel any comfort.

“I can’t believe I ruined everything between us… We were perfect.” I cried, tears rolling down my cheeks for the countless time. I’m shocked that I haven’t fainted from dehydration.

I just want him back. I want to hug him. I want to be in his arms and kiss him and feel him against me.
I miss him so bad, but he never loved me.

“Where did I go wrong? Was I too ugly? Too fat? Not smart enough?” I sobbed.

“Alex… you can’t think like this. I know you can’t help it, it’s just the way you are… but you did nothing wrong. Jack is a monster who broke you, you’re a kind person. You have to blame Jack, not yourself, please.” Brendon begged, rubbing my back in attempt of comfort.

“He cheated on me, I wasn’t good enough for him…” I breathed.

“He is a dick, Alex! Why can’t you see that?” he asked, getting frustrated.

I heard the door of his bedroom squeak, and looked over to see Cass standing in the doorway, tears already pooling in her eyes. I looked down as her eyes met, more tears streaming down my face.

“What are you doing here, Cass-”

“You tried to tell me,” I mumbled, looking up at her.

All the times that she tried to tell me, and Jack pulled me away from her, hinting that I needed to talk to him, arguing with Rian, who obviously wanted to help Jack hide it from me.
Cass has always had my back, and now she’s checking on me to see if I was alright.

“I know I did, honey.” she sniffled, running over to me and wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

I pressed my face into her shoulder, crying softly, hearing her sniffling didn’t help how upset I was.

“I hate that I love him,”

Notes

ALEXXXX
MY BABYYY
i tried to make this chapter less sad then the one before it, IM SORRY I COULDNT
THIS STORY IS JUST SAD RIGHT NOW

the next chapter will be slightly less sad im pretty sure

but ohh boyyy
they start talking about kellin
but alex isnt ready to start thinking about other boys because he loves jack
but he thinks kellin is cute and sweet
oh MAN

and cass comes at the end, idk
i was gonna make it longer but the chapter was long enough already

OH MY GOD I JUST LOST POWER FOR 3 SECONDS WTFFFFFF IS GOING ONNNN
THE WIFI WHERE DID IT GO

oh its back now, wow that was weird lmao

but please leave comments telling me whatchu think is going to happen next in the storyyyy :D the only thing i can tell you is that there is gonna be many surprises
it gets happier eventually guys I PROMISE

alex will be cute and happy again soon dw


Title Credit- Your Bed