Alex


This is all too much.

I didn’t bother to wave Kellin goodbye once I got to my front door, which I instantly regretted, but I think he would understand, I’ll apologize later.

I pushed through my front door, slamming it behind me, quickly running up the stairs, ignoring my mother shouting at me from the kitchen. I ran down the hallway and locked myself in my room, instantly collapsing on my bed and sobbing into my pillow.

I feel so fucking dumb.

I couldn’t even stand up, or move, or breathe. I was in so much pain.

How did I not see this coming?

How could he so easily manipulate me without fail?
He was just tricking me, completely fooling me this entire time and I fell for it!

What made him think that it was ever okay to lie to my face?

How could he be so cruel to me like this?

He actually convinced me that he had feelings for me, I fell for all of it.
It was just another one of those sick tricks, twisted fabrications that fool people into getting him laid. Everything was a lie, people warned you about him. They told me to stay away, but I ignored them because apparently he’s just such a good liar that he tricked everyone.

Did he even mean it when he told me he loved me ?

“Alexander, are you crying?” I heard my mother’s voice from the other side of the door, making my breath hitch.

I silently sobbed into my pillow, thinking that maybe if I stayed quiet she’d forget about me.
I felt disgusting, in these moments of being so sad that I could barely breathe, I’d usually call Jack and he’d cheer me up instantly with his sweet words.

Now that I know they were all lies made me want to die.

“Give him some privacy Mom, it’s teenage drama.” Tom’s voice said quietly, I heard footsteps walk away assuming that they were my mom’s. I watched the door knob jiggle as he tried to come in.

“I have a key, Alex. I’m coming in.” Tom told me, I watched the door start to open and pushed my face back into the pillow and cried harder. I hate my life so much.

“What the fuck happened, Alex??” he asked me, concern and shock clear in his tone, it took all of my energy to answer him.

“I hate him!!!” I exclaimed, throwing my pillow around the room, watching it’s anticlimactic event of hitting my wall and plopping down on the ground. I want to break something.

“Who?! Brendon?” he asked, pinching his eyebrows together in confusion at my lack of clarity.

I had no idea how to feel about Brendan, he still lied to me, but without him I still would be oblivious to my boyfriend's infidelity.

“No!! Jack!!!” I sobbed, watching my tears fall onto the ripped knees of my skinny jeans.

“Jack?! Why?” Tom questioned me.
He thought Jack was an angel without wings, I mean, so did I a few hours ago.

I covered my face with my hands, sobbing even harder, my whole body trembling, gasping for breath but I felt like I was drowning.

“What did he do? Please Alex, tell me. Jack loves you-”

“He never loved me!!!” I cut him off.

“What?” Tom said in disbelief.

“He cheated on me, then lied about it for a month, and today I just found him making out with the girl he cheated on me with!” I cried, my heart breaking once I said it out loud.

It still felt totally unreal. I don’t know how I’m going to survive today, let alone now having to live a lifetime without him. Why did I fall for him so damn hard?

How could he trick me like this?!

Every night when he was begging me to sleep over he just wanted to get lucky.
He didn’t want to cuddle next to me, he didn’t really want to have his arm wrapped tightly around me as he played with my hair until we both drifted off to sleep.

He wanted a guy to fuck, and I guess he just allowed me to sleep over because it was part of the trick.
He wanted someone to make out with for a while until I was all used up, and he moved on to someone else.

What really hurt was that he didn’t even chose to tell me the truth, I caught him in the act so he came clean and told me he was cheating. If I hadn’t seen him and Tay with locked lips I would never have known that he fucked her behind my back.

“No… there’s no way.” Tom’s jaw was wide open.

Yeah, I thought we were the perfect couple too.
We never even fought! Whenever we did it was over something so stupid that it didn’t even count, and we’d end up kissing and cuddling by the end of it because we can’t stand being mad at eachother. I thought he loved me!!!!

Everything that I’ve ever known was a lie, the sky was fucking falling.

“That fucker, I’m so so so sorry Lex. I know how much you were in love with him. Come here.” he hugged me gently, I cringed but accepted his embrace.

I just want everything to go back to normal. But they never will.


Brendon


To say that I was livid was an understatement.

Not ONLY did Jack CHEAT on Alex, he kissed Tay YET AGAIN.
What the fuck was his problem?!? Is he addicted to cheating on people, or something?

Alex fucking caught them making out, how can it get more depressing than that?
I wish I could’ve been there to help Alex when he first found out., and helped him get the hell away from Jack as soon as possible.
I don’t even want to think about the poor boy’s reaction to the love of his life admitted he’s been unfaithful.

All Alex has done was loved Jack, but all Jack does is hurt him.

I knocked lightly on Alex’s front door, seeing his Mom’s car in the driveway so I couldn’t just barge in no matter how bad I wanted to.

“Brendon? Hi honey!” his mom greeted enthusiastically, but I knew everything about her was fake.
I know the words she calls Alex behind closed doors, I could never respect this woman.

It sickened me how the way she would look at me would change completely if she knew I was bisexual.

“Hi Mrs.Gaskarth, can I go talk to Alex? He had a rough day at school, I want to make sure he’s okay.” I purposely left out all the main details.

“Of course, can I ask what happened? He was crying when he got home, and he’s locked himself in his room.”

“Well, Jack and Alex got into a fight, they aren’t friends anymore and he’s taking it pretty hard.” I told her. That’s as much information as she could take.

“That’s horrible!! They were so close!” she exclaimed.

“I’m just going to check on him, if that’s alright.” I nodded, and she told me to go upstairs.

I hurried up the hard wooden steps, I could already hear Alex’s wailing, it broke my heart.
I was relieved that his door was unlocked, and slowly opened it to see him crying on Tom’s shoulder, who was hugging him, both of them sitting on the bed.

Tom looked up and looked at me sympathetically before he spoke to Alex.

“Brendon’s here,” he told him.

Alex sniffled lightly, pulling away and drying his tears and wiping his nose before making eye contact with me, his depressed, red eyes glared at my presence.

“You lied to me!!!”

“I’m so sorry, Lex.” I apologized, a pang of guilt running through me. I should’ve kept Jack’s secret for a second, after I broke his nose I thought he would tell him himself, so I kept the information I knew to myself because it wasn’t my story to tell him.

“You didn’t tell me when you found out!” Alex cried, more tears streaming down his blotchy cheeks. How could Jack do this to him? He’s so broken, and he isn’t even here trying to fix things right now.

“He begged me not to, and after I punched him I thought that he would fess up, I was just waiting for him to tell you himself because it wasn’t my story to tell. I only knew for 2 days.” I explained to the broken boy gently, his face contorted in pain once he processed what I said.

“I’m so stupid.” his voice was no louder than a whisper.

I sighed, and hurried over to him to give him a huge hug, sitting down on the bed next to him. He pushed his face to lay on my shoulder and cried his eyes out.
I gently patted his back, not knowing how to help him because in these situations the only person who could really calm him down was his boyfriend, well, ex boyfriend.

It sounded really really weird calling Jack and Alex ex boyfriends. It didn’t fit.
It didn’t make sense.

When I thought about them, I would think of Jack staring at Alex during band practice completely infatuated by his boyfriends looks and how amazing of a singer he was.

I think about seeing them cuddled up asleep on the couch, legs and arms intertwined with each others, Jack protectively clutching Alex like a teddy bear in his sleep while Alex’s face was buried in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck.

I think of seeing them in the morning, Jack holding Alex’s textbooks and walking him to his classroom, Jack complimenting Alex till he was red faced, and giving each other sweet pecks on the lips, and kisses on the forehead, unable to be without touching each other for 10 seconds.

I think of Alex’s birthday, when Jack gave him an electric guitar, and Alex jumped on him and wouldn’t let go for 20 minutes, Jack admitting his unconditional love for the brown haired boy, and telling him that he changed his life for the better, and he couldn’t imagine his life without him by his side.

That was before Jack cheated. I have to think of them as ex’s.

Now the only person who is able to cheer Alex up, was the one who shattered his spirit in the first place.

How could anybody hurt him like this? Alex has done nothing but be sweet and treat others with kindness, somehow he gets stabbed in the back.

My heart hurt for him, the person he loved most betrayed him, and broke him beyond repair.

“I-I should’ve listened to you in the beginning of the year, you were right, you were always right. You warned me, you told me to stay away from him and I ignored him because he was so handsome and charming.” he cried, Tom frowned.

I could tell he also felt guilty for talking Alex into dating Jack.
I felt a huge pang of guilt when the sad words left his mouth.

I was so prepared to tell Alex, ‘I told you so,’ when he first started dating Jack. I expected them to last a few weeks, and Alex would come crawling back to me devastated, but now I know what real devastation looks like.
Alex right now, Jack Barakat might as well hit him with a bus he was so broken.

I thought that Alex proved me wrong once I saw Jack and him together more. It was hard for me to believe that THE Jack Barakat, had changed his ways, and turned himself around and fell in love with a sweet boy who moved here from England.

I wish I was wrong so bad. I wish Jack never cheated, so I could see them cuddling on the couch again, or kissing and giggling at how much they adore each other in the hallways.
I wish Alex wasn’t so hurt.

“I know. I’m so sorry Alex. You don’t deserve this. I should’ve tried harder, you didn’t know any better than to fall for his flirting, I knew better. I should’ve gotten you away while you still could.” I sighed, gently rocking him back and forth, his breath hiccuping from the sobbing.

“I never should’ve fallen in love with Jack Barakat.”

Notes

I CANT HANDLE THIS
ITS TOO SAD GUYS
I CANT WRITE SAD STUFF IT'S HORRIBLE AND SAD AND UGH
im sure im also making you sad im sorry
just a few more sad chapters, we will get through them together

i miss jalex already
i was tearing up when i had to write that thing where brendon was thinking about jalex cuddling and on alex's birthday

my own characters FUCK ME UP
MY HEART HURTS

but really love Brendon's character, i think im the only one who really likes him
i mean, i dont like him more than jack or alex's characters
idk which one i like better, they're both my babes
and i like cass's character, and tay's
i love all my characters

but my heart doesnt hurt as bad as ALEX'S HEART OH MY BABYYY
im so sad
everyones so sad

alex is regretting ever being and falling in love with jack AAAAAAAHHHH

im having a hard time trying to decide who is sadder, jack or alex
it's so hard, i mean, i think alex, but i'm not sure
plz comment lmao i wanna know what you guys think about it

sorry i keep being a little lame on updates, i've been very distracted and writing the sad chapters is not very motivating to keep writing D:

I CANT POST JALEX GIFS ANYMORE GOD DAMMIT

i miss this cute little smile oHH


Title Credit- Break Your Little Heart