Jack


“Fucking answer the phone, god dammit!!”

I slammed my fist hard down onto the steering wheel in frustration, causing my car to shake wildly from the impact. I threw my phone down on the car floor, not caring what the fuck happened to it.

My life was already ruined, I don’t give a shit what happens to my phone.

I’m the biggest idiot on the entire planet. There was nobody in the world that I hated more than myself right now.

I made the wrong call.

I should’ve gone with my gut the second I woke up next to Tay.
I was going to tell Alex, I was appalled by her opinion at first because it sounded like such a heartless act to do, but I fucking did it anyway because I’m an idiot.

Then once again, I fell for her stupid trap, and kissed her, causing my entire life to fall apart right in front of my eyes.

Seeing Alex so devastated was the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my life.

Watching his usually warm and bright eyes fill with tears, burying his face in his hands trying to hide from the world but somehow he just couldn’t wake up from the nightmare I set him under.

I felt my heart shatter as I watched his jaw drop in shock, his back sliding down the locker bed and he collapsed on the ground, sobbing into his hands in pure agony. I fucking did that to him.

There was nothing I could do to stop the pain, because I was the source of it.

Now I’ve lost the best thing that’s ever happened to me, completely crushing him in the process which hurt me even more. I’d be alright with me just being unhappy, but I hurt Alex.

He’s the kindest person I’ve ever met in my life. He needs me, I am the one who takes care of him when his life is fucking falling apart, but I can’t, because I broke him.
I broke the broken boy, ripping away his strongest support system, person he loved most, by telling him.

He has nobody to fall back on, all his friends lied to him.

He’s such a beautiful soul, with a golden fucking heart, I doubt the thought of cheating on me has ever even crossed his mind, but of course, I fucking did it twice.
I’m more mad about hurting him than anything else. I can’t believe I did this to him.

I’m a fucking monster.

And I have no idea where he went.

I was his ride home, and the busses have already left so he has no way of getting home.
His house was miles away from the school, there’s no way in hell that he’s walking

He’s just fucking gone.

What if something bad happened to him? What if he did something bad to himself?

“Oh fuck, oh no, Alex, dammit.” I muttered as the thought ran into my brain. I reached over on the car floor to pick up, my Iphone that now has a cracked screen. That was the least of my worries right now.

What the hell was I thinking?!?!

What if I send the poor kid into a depression or something?
He already has his anti-anxiety meds that he nearly forgets to take everyday....
Oh no, what’s he going to do without me? I’m always the one that reminds him to take his medicine. He’s so forgetful sometimes.

My hands gripped onto the steering wheel of my car parked in the parking lot tightly, and I stared at my phone waiting for somebody to respond. Anybody. Preferably Alex.

Preferably Alex telling me that he forgives me, and loves me. That’s a fantasy.

“Fucking answer me,” I muttered. I texted and called everyone.

I’m sure Alex is probably fine, but, who knows what he could’ve done…
His strongest support system and person he loves just betrayed him.

I flinched as the passenger car door opened, and watched Rian climb into the seat through watery eyes.

“Oh Jack…” he breathed, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

“I don’t know where he is… he missed the bus… his house is too far away to walk...he could be anywhere we need to find him, we need to look for him.” I grabbed my keys to start put it in the ignition but Rian grabbed my hand.

“Yeah, there’s no way you're driving like this.” he told me gently, taking my keys from my hand.

“Alex is missing!!!! We need to look for him!!!”

“He isn’t missing. I’ve texted Brendon, who texted Alex, he said that he got a ride home. He’s safe, Jack. Alex is fine.” Rian calmed me down, I sighed with relief.

He is not fine.

I can’t undo what I’ve done, and I am never going to forgive myself for this.

“I was so wrong Rian…” I sniffled, feeling tears stream down my face. I leaned my forehead to press my face on my hands that were clutched around the steering wheel.

“I know.” he sighed.

“I fucked it up!!! He’s the love of my life, I actually got a CHANCE to be with HIM, and I fucking blew it!!! I ruined everything, we were so fucking perfect! We were so fucking happy together! But it’s my goddamn fault, I made the wrong call. I should’ve told him the second I woke up that morning, I should’ve called him, and told him how it was a huge mistake and that I’m sorry. Maybe then I wouldn't be fucking crying over him and what I lost, and how badly I hurt him.” I cried, screaming at myself and angrily slamming my fist down on my leg, that’ll probably end up as bruises later.

Rian’s hand gently rubbed my back, but I didn’t want his fucking support in this. I don’t deserve it.
I don’t deserve any sympathy, or compassion, or love, I fucking destroyed Alex’s life.

I don’t give a shit about how depressed I will be without him, and how many nights I’m going to cry myself to sleep, how much alcohol I’m gonna consume and throw back up when I try to cope with living without the light in my life, I just want him to be happy.

I’d go through all of that bullshit to see the bright smile on his face, adorable dimples showing.

But no, I fucking broke him, I broke everything.

“I love him so much and this is all my fucking fault, and I can’t help him through it because he hates me!!!”

Images flashed through my head, of a blotchy, tear stained Alex standing on wobbly legs in front of me, his painful words were burned into my mind.

‘Don’t touch me.’

‘I can’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth.’

‘We’re done Jack Barakat.’

‘I’m not your baby anymore.’

‘Never speak to me again.’

I cried harder, wiping my eyes but it didn’t help the tears falling from my eyes.

“He knows that it was just a drunk mistake, right? There was no emotion in the sex, he has to know that.” I mumbled with a shaky voice, and wiped my runny nose on my hoodie.

“I don’t think that’s the part that bothers him most.” Rian told me gently, still rubbing circles in my back with his hand.

“What?” I looked over at him.

“You lied to him for a month, then you literally kissed Tay again. He must think you have no regrets.” Rian told me, making me groan loudly once I heard my actions said outloud.

When did I become this monster that destroys sweet innocent people?

“I was trying to spare his feelings! I didn’t want him to feel betrayed because that’s not what happened!! Tay wouldn’t stop crying until I kissed her-”

“Why was she crying?” Rian asked me.

Oh, I always forget about that part.

“She told me she that she was in love with me, I obviously don’t feel the same.” I muttered.

“WHAT??” he shouted in total shock. That was my reaction too.
Actually no, my first reaction was laughing in her face, god, I’m a dick.

“I know!! For 3 years too! I’m still not sure if I believe her…” I admitted.

“Dude, you can’t just not believe someone who’s admitting their love for you… Wow Jack, you really got yourself in deep shit. If you you tell Alex why you kissed Tay, it’ll hurt him because you kissed the girl who’s in…. Wait…. WHY WOULD YOU KISS THE GIRL THAT’S IN LOVE WITH YOU?!?!” Rian pinched his eyebrows and stared at me like I was totally insane.

“She wouldn’t stop crying! She kept asking me to, she guilted me into doing it!!! I just felt bad!” I defended myself but I honestly just sound like a huge douchebag.

“You are so fucking reckless, I’m seriously shocked your relationship with Alex went on for so long. You never kiss anyone who isn’t your boyfriend, Jack. You NEVER kiss someone who’s in love with you, unless you feel the same way!” Rian scolded me angrily.
I’ve never seen him look so disappointed, honestly, I’ve never been more disappointed with myself.

“ I didn’t even want to kiss her, dude! She wanted me to kiss her, I gave her what she wanted so she would stop crying, the kiss meant nothing!”

“She wanted you to kiss her, and feel the same way about her as she feels about you. The kiss didn’t mean nothing to her. You can’t just kiss other people even though you have no feelings for them.” I was starting to tune Rian out because though what he was saying was valid, all I could think about was Alex shaking on the ground, sobbing.

“I don’t want to be a fick, but I don’t give a crap about Tay or what she thinks right now… I just broke Alex’s heart…” I shook my head, trying to wake up from this nightmare.

“We all made a huge mistake, nobody should’ve lied for you. Nobody should’ve lied in the first place.” Rian sighed, pinching his nose in between his eyes.

“All I wanted was for him to be happy. I just didn’t want him to hear about it and doubt our entire relationship because of some dumbass mistake I’ve made, then I made another dumbass mistake, now he think’s I’ve been lying throughout the whole 5 months, and that I’m lying when I tell him that ‘I love him.’” I choked out, staring down at the steering wheel.

“Oh god…”

“But I do… I love him so much it hurts, and this is fucking killing me. Rian, I can’t live knowing that Alex Gaskarth hates me. I can’t do it, he hates me so much.” my voice was tightening, and crackling, and stuttering. I was a total wreck over this.

“He loves you Jack, that’s why he’s so hurt.” Rian told me gently, placing a hand on my shoulder for support.

“No!!! He hates me! I made the love of my fucking life hate me, who does that?! He wouldn’t even let me touch him Rian, I can’t not touch him for the rest of my life! He’s Alex!
I fucking need him so bad... I screwed everything up so bad. I just wanted to keep him safe!
There isn’t anything else I could do to hurt him more, and break his heart even more than I already did. He’s never been anything but sweet to me and I fucking destroyed him. I destroyed me.”

I sobbed hysterically against the steering wheel, Rian gasped and tried rubbing my back, but I could hear him sniffling himself, seeing me so broken made him cry too.

I’m so fucking pathetic. I’m a loser. I’m a dick.

I lost the most important person in my life while I was trying to save him.

Notes

JACKKKK
MY BABY

but he hurt my baby alex

i can't HANDLE THIS
THIS IS SO SAD
EVERYONES SADDD

im trying to look on the bright side of things but there isnt one
well
at least rian and cass are still going strong like always
but tay and zack are very very very done
jalex is very very done
hayley and brendon are very done

at least alex will possibly have kellin
and i just remembered

what do you guys think of tay right now?
and
HOW DO YOU GUYS THINK JACK IS GOING TO REACT TO KELLEX?!
how do you think everyone else will react to kellex?!

also i think i gotta put the character things on this story
i always forget to do that
and i need to fix the chapter numbers, because i put an authors note in the begining of the story so they dont line up with the real chapter numbers

UGHHH
RIP JALEX IM SO SAD THOUGH
MY BABIES, MY OTP

if you guys dont know who kellin quinn is
here you go
he's a bean and i love him

do you guys think he can compete with jack?
plz comment watchu think :P

Title Credit- Your Bed