Can I Say I'm Sorry?

I was in the convertible sitting next to Alex, my hand in his. The air was whipping around us wildly. I was laughing as I looked over to him I couldn't help but smile. Everything I had ever wanted was sitting next to me. A part of me wanted to cry because it was such a bitter sweet moment. I never believed that he would take me back; I was certain that by falling in love I had signed up for a life of loneliness but somehow in this moment I had told myself that as long as I was with Alex anything was better.

“Can we stop by Jack’s old house, my stuff is there,” I asked.

“I guess we can beautiful. You’re staying with his parents,” he asked.

“It was free; would you take some snooty hotel over free?”

“Well, I still have the hotel for the honeymoon so I guess we’re going to go to some snooty hotel.”

“I’m going on your honeymoon with you?”

“Yeah, I guess you are.”

I couldn’t help but take in how beautiful he looked. I had always been taken aback by his beauty. To me his physical appearance didn’t matter, he was really self-conscious about his body and I found it adorable. As I was getting more and more confident he was staying the same, faking the confidence that I seemed to exhume. I wouldn’t trade him for anything, we were fairly different but he was perfect to me, I didn’t want someone that was a carbon copy of myself.

I couldn’t believe I had been so willing to give him up because he made me feel more special than words could even explain. With him by my side I felt like I could take on the world but I didn’t want to think about what would happen if he wasn’t here. I looked over and I saw that he was singing along to the radio; his voice was utter perfection, something I could listen to every day. Hell, I could listen to him talk about stupid shit every day because just hearing him was enough.

“We’re here,” he told me.

I ran into the house, ignoring Joyce, and ran upstairs packing everything into the bags. I looked around and sighed, this was the last time I would be here. I walked down the stairs and was faced with Joyce. Suddenly I felt bad about even going to the wedding, if I hadn’t Alex wouldn’t have walked out. I would still probably be in Cali, alone in shit hole of an apartment. Instead I was with the boy I had fallen in love. That I had broken up with because of those emotions. That I wanted to fix the second I broke him. I still remember that day vividly, the pain in my chest as I told him that I loved him, when I realized that was the problem. The day that had left me feeling broken for the next few years finding temporary relief in one night stands and alcohol. I knew that was never how he got over me, he was different than me, he was sensible and had a good head on his shoulders.

“Where are you going Shay,” Joyce asked.

“Home,” I answered.

“Back to California, you’ve been here for two days though.”

“No, I’m not going back to my house. I’m following my heart and going home.”

She didn’t say a word as she stood in the doorway and blatantly saw that Alex was in the car with me. She didn’t say anything but I could feel the disappointing gaze she was giving us. I looked over at him and whenever I saw him time seemed to slow down. I couldn’t put into words how I felt when I was around him, it was so different. I never figured I would be here at all but I was sitting next to the man I loved and he knew that and he wasn’t running. I wasn’t running for the first time ever either. I was ready to take on this challenge as long as Alex was next to me. I needed someone to help me through it all and I knew that if it was him I would never stumble from where I needed to be.

“Lex,” I said.

“Yeah Shay,” he asked.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Notes

I wasn't going to update today but he was on my mind and I kind of hope I was on his mind too so I don't feel so damn bad all the time. This isn't my favorite chapter but I hope y'all like it. So tomorrow I turn nineteen and I'm going to Ikea so it'll be nice to be away for a little bit so there aren't as many memories around.

Leave a rate and a comment if you enjoyed

Title credit: God Only Knows - The Beach Boys