Can I Say I'm Sorry?

I was sitting on the couch in the back of the bus, maybe we shouldn't have done that song but I could only guess that I wanted to prove that she didn't own me and I was my own person. I could tell that she was hurt by the song and I didn't really care, doesn't heartbreak really add more to music. She was in her bunk talking to some guy that I had never seen before but who was I to care. I wasn't her friend so I didn't care if she was doing anything with her, he wasn't good for her but it didn't matter, I cared about her but that was not my place to say at all.

"You know you shouldn't have done that," Zack said.

"I don't really care," I responded, my attention not moving from the TV.

"Wow, you're full of bullshit."

"No, I'm not. Maybe I'm just sick of being emotionless and I wanted to feel something."

"When are you going to stop lying to yourself? You aren't fucking emotionless, if either of you are it's her. You just want to live in your mind where you're the victim when guess what? The drama between you two is years done so get over it. All you're doing is looking like an asshole. Apologize to her or don't, I don't give a shit anymore. I can't wait to be off this tour because she doesn't deserve your bullshit every day."

I looked over as Zack stood up and walked out of the room. I shook my head and looked back at the TV. I didn't really care, I just wanted to be alone, I always just wanted to be alone. I wanted to think so that I could write whenever the need would arise in this situation. This was the only place I wanted to be. I got up and went to close the door so that I could be all on my lonesome. When I got close to it I could hear Shay on the phone. She was giggling at whatever the guy on her Skype was saying.

"Babe, shut up. I'll be back in a few weeks. Don't worry, when I get back you'll be ready for me to leave again," she giggled.

I wasn't able to hear what he was saying because she was wearing headphones. She blushed a cute shade of pink and looked down, her smile was absolutely stunning.

"It's a good thing I have headphone in, the guys did not near to hear that," she said while shaking her head.

I closed the door, not even wanting to know what he said. I should probably call Layla, I hadn't talked to her this entire time on tour. I didn't really want to though, I didn't want to talk to her and I didn't want to hear from her. It wasn't that I didn't like her and I didn't feel an emotional connection to her because I did. I just knew that she was merely a rebound, I knew from day one that she wasn't going to be the one.

There was a knock on the door seeing as I had locked it. I just ignored it. The TV was playing and I was just ignoring the knock. I lounged out on the seat and grabbed a pillow, cuddling it slightly. The knock on the door got more persistent. I sighed and got up, walking to the door. I opened it and saw Shay standing there, looking down at the ground.

"What," I questioned.

"I wanted to apologize for kinda getting bat shit crazy on you. I've just been having a bad day and I kinda took it out on you. Just wanted to apologize for it," she said, looking at the ground still.

"Whatever."

"Look, I'm sorry, can I at least know what I did wrong?"

"Maybe you need to stop being on your fucking period and actually be sane for once."

"You know Alex, I've known you were an asshole for years but this is a whole new low, even for you. Just, you know what, fuck you. I'm done."

As she turned away I could see the tears in her eyes as she walked away. What had I said wrong? She should know why I'm upset. One minute she's fine the next she's not. It's the hormones fault and that's all it is. Maybe that's why I don't like being around women.

Notes

Alex just said the biggest no no ever. Why do you think Shay was so upset though? Also, she's had a boyfriend, what? I now have a decent amount of time to update because I only work three days a week and I'm not doing anything else in addition to work. Sorry for the depressing undertones in my past two updates, just some stuff going on.

Title credit: Bother - Stone Sour