Thanks To You

I grunted, keeping my eyes closed as pain erupted through every inch of my body. The thick spit piled in the side of my mouth forced its way down when I turned my head, making my sore throat known once I swallowed. The pounding in my head grew more intense as the bright light burned orange through my heavy eyelids and every part of me felt weighed down. Parting my dry lips, I winced and rolled onto my stomach. Cinnamon, axe, and something so fucking familiar filled my weak senses, successfully making my heart skip painfully in my ribcage. Sucking in another mouthful of air, I tried to make it last forever to procrastinate the consequences yet to come.

“Alex?” Jack whispered, sending chills up my spine as his breath hit my shoulder blade.

I pressed my face into the pillow, ignoring how hard it was to breathe and focusing more on the way his warm breath continued hitting my bare skin. I stayed still, a wave of dread washing over me at the realization hitting me. Here I am back in the house of the person I can’t get out of my head, the person that’s driving me fucking insane and I have no fucking idea what I’ve done this time.

“What the hell are you doing to yourself?” He whispered and I had to force myself to keep calm when his fingers ran over my lower back.

I grumbled incoherently, grimacing at the aching inside where he was rubbing. I bit my tongue, feeling the obvious stutter in his movements before he kept going. Sighing, I stopped squeezing my eyes shut and allowed myself to completely relax into his comforting touch despite the uncomfortable burning of my insides.

“Alex.”

I froze, hearing the hitch in my breath even over the pounding in my ears. Attempting to keep him under the impression that I was still asleep, I tried to breathe deeply through my nose only to throw myself into a coughing fit when air refused to pass through smoothly. Goosebumps replaced the warmth of his fingers along my back and it wasn’t long before I felt his body physically scoot a few inches away from me.

“I’m not going to yell at you.” He spoke softly, nudging my hip. “Even if I want to scream because you’re so frustrating.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes, mostly because they hurt too much, and forced myself to flop onto my back. Groaning, my coughing calmed down with a few long breaths through my mouth. The anxious feeling in my stomach grew more intense when I felt his eyes on me and I tried to swallow the thickness forming in my throat at the thought of facing him with nowhere to run.

“Fuck.” I croaked, holding my hands over my face as the nausea hit me hard.

From all of the drinking or the spell of amnesia I’m experiencing, I really don’t know. I could have said or done anything. The last time this happened, Jack fucking blew me because I wanted him too and he wanted me to feel better. I don’t think I can live with something like that happening again when it’s not wanted on both ends. How fucked up-

“Just breathe and keep your eyes closed.” He instructed, shaking the bed a bit with his movements. “When you can move, I’ve got something for you to drink.”

“Mm-mm.” I mumbled, grimacing at the scratchy-dry sound of my voice.

“You need fluids.” He argued, running his hand back over my side briefly.

I let out a pained moan, fighting the urge to roll over and spew vomit all over him. Thinking of vomit alone had bile rising in my throat and I whined, rolling back onto my side and curling myself up.

“How much did you have?” He worried, his palm pushing into my hot forehead. “You’re burning up. Oh God-”

“’lax.” I huffed out.

“You’re about to be in the fetal position, Alex. Don’t tell me to relax.” He scolded, pushing his hand through my greasy hair instead. “What hurts? Can you move?”

“M’fine.” I grumbled, fighting the list of pains from rolling off the tip of my tongue.

“You’re such a fucking liar.” He groaned, slipping his hand under my head instead. “Sit the fuck up and drink this before I freak out.”

I swallowed, ignoring the sharp pains down the center of my throat while I forced myself up on my elbow. Grimacing, I squinted my eyes open and reached a shaky hand towards the cup he held out to me. I took it from him, scowling when his hand hovered around mine as I raised it to my lips.

“Remember to drink slowly.” He warned, tilting the cup more to get more cold liquid into my mouth.

I hummed, the coldness soothing my hurting throat with every few sips. It felt like I barely drank anything before he was pulling it away from me and setting it on his nightstand. Blinking hard, I rubbed the sleep from the corners of my eyes and took a few seconds to get my vision cleared.

“I’m worried about you, Lex.” He stated, making my stomach twist.

Clearing my throat, I laid back down and stared up at his ceiling. Silence fell between us and I fought the urge to squirm uncomfortably. I’ve never felt such an awkward tension with Jack, at least not before I spewed my feelings like a fucking basket case and made a habit of drunk visiting.

“You came here for a reason.” He pressed, tracing his fingers over my forearm.

I sighed deeply, keeping my gaze on the bright white ceiling for just another few seconds before slowly drifting it towards Jack. I blinked slowly, stomach flipping once his dark eyes bore into mine. Gulping lightly, I licked my lips and tried to ignore the butterflies flapping through me just from the crazy mop of hair on top of his head.

“Uh…” I stuttered, letting my eyes linger on the familiar Korn t-shirt over his chest.

“Come on, Alex.” He groaned, shoving at my arm instead of the soothing rub he was doing before. “When did it get so fucking hard for you to talk to me?”

“Dunno.” I offered, resting my hands over my stomach.

“Are you going to tell me why you showed up here?” He pried, burning a hole into the side of my face with his stare. “Or should we talk about your anxiety spiking out of control? You haven’t answered any of my calls or texts after you ran out of that diner like a fucking maniac days ago.”

I stared back up at the ceiling, my ears ringing louder at the mention of the diner. I wanted to feel ashamed or maybe humiliated, but I can barely even remember what happened besides getting laid and getting forced into sitting with the most perfect couple in the universe. Oh, and having the pleasure of meeting the girl of Jack’s dreams apparently. I frowned, seeing her smiling face flash before my eyes and damn was she pretty. So pretty and he’s lucky to have someone like that. Someone who likes him for who he is and wants to be with him as much as he wants to be with her. It must feel great having those mutual feelings.

“I need answers, Lex.” He said softly, bringing me out of my mind.

“Don’t have any.” I shrugged weakly, clenching my fists at the twists in my stomach.

His bedroom door burst open loudly, scaring me half to death in our tense moment. Choking on my spit, I forced myself to lean up and cough into my arm while my squinting eyes struggled to focus in the doorway.

“Breakfast is ready.” May notified, leaning more into the opened door once I stopped coughing. “Mom wants both of you down there before it gets cold.”

“We’ll be right down.” Jack confirmed, waving his hand at her.

She rolled her eyes, looking me over quickly before slipping out into the hallway. Once the door was closed, a quiet groan left my throat and I fell back onto the mattress noisily.

“Fuck me.” I grumbled, rubbing my hands over my face.

The mention of Jack’s mom and the fact that I have to face her with the rest of his family actually made me want to get sucked into the fucking bed like Johnny Depp in the famous Kruger movie. Pressing my palms into my eyes roughly, a new wave of anxiety hit me.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He retorted, a newfound cockiness in his tone.

Anger flashed through me right after the words left his mouth, replacing the dreadful feeling settling in my gut from seconds before and I shot up into a sitting position faster than I thought possible.

“Fuck yourself, Jack.” I snapped, cradling my head in my hands when everything spun around me.

I bit back the whimper trying to escape my throat and closed my eyes instead, hissing at the pain in my lip when my teeth instinctively pulled at my lip ring. The sharp sting made me feel nauseous all over again while my brain struggled to recall anything I did last night besides walk the long miles here.

“You sat up too fast.” He said, holding my shoulders in place.

“I fuckin’ know that, asshole.” I huffed, trying to breathe through my clogged nose.

“You sound like you had a dick in your throat.” He joked, staring me down.

“Only you would fuckin’ know what that’s like.” I scowled, shoving his hands away from me.

I pressed my lips closed, a new tension forming between us as I pushed myself onto my feet. Swallowing hard, I grimaced at my cotton mouth and ignored looking anywhere near Jack while I searched the floor for my clothes.

“Second drawer in my dresser.” He muttered, shoving his way passed me and towards the bedroom door. “I’ll be downstairs.”

The door shut loudly behind him, successfully making the ache in my head throb harder while I stared at the patch of carpet he was just standing on. Sighing heavily, I walked over to his dresser and pulled at the smooth knob of the second drawer to the top. It slid open easily and I looked down through my dry eyes, a harsh roll disrupting my fluttering gut at the pile of shit folded neatly inside the drawer; faded band shirts, boxers, shorts, a pair of jeans I haven’t seen in forever, and x-box pajama pants. Shit I thought I lost, but I guess I just left it over the thousands of times of sleeping here.

“Alex! Come on, slowpoke!”

I jumped at the sound of the yell from the bottom of the steps, swiping black basketball shorts from the drawer and slipping them up my legs. Once the waistband snapped into my hips, I pulled the old Van Halen shirt from the top of the pile and closed the drawer before pulling the shirt over my head. Scanning the top of his dresser, I found a grey beanie and snatched it in my hand. After covering my disgusting hair, I stepped over to the door and pulled it back open. I walked into the hall, lifting my arm as I reached the steps and nearly choking from the smell of my own B.O. I grimaced, holding my side while my stomach churned with every step down. I made it into the foyer quietly, the cold wooden floor against my bare feet making goosebumps form up my body. Gulping dryly, I pushed my nerves down and stepped through the opened doorway to the kitchen with a forced smile on my face.

“Finally.” May commented sarcastically, snatching the syrup from the middle of the long kitchen table.

“Sorry.” I mumbled, awkwardly clenching my fingers in my pockets as I got closer to the table.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Dear.” Mrs. Joyce brushed off, pointing over to the empty seat at the table. “Bassam is off at work already, now sit down and have some breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day.”

I nodded, walking around to the empty seat at the head of the table. Tugging my hands from my pockets, I pulled the chair out and sat down quickly. Despite my non-existent appetite, I picked the fork up and scooped some pancakes onto my plate before she made anyone wait any longer to eat.

“Dig in.” She permitted, once the food landed on my plate.

I stared down at the small pancakes and dug my fork into them, taking my time cutting them into pieces. The soft brown soon turned into white mush the more I dug my fork around and my lips lifted into a small smile, taking in the way it looked like I ate some. I twirled my fork some more, slipping my right hand around the glass of orange juice beside me and taking a slow sip. The coldness soothed my throat again, making me want to chug it down. Instead of giving in to my want, I set the glass back down and continued to tune out everyone around me.

“That looks pretty bad, dude.”

I blinked, suddenly feeling eyes on me while I held onto the glass loosely. Clearing my throat, I looked up and felt a rush of heat up the back of my neck when my gaze caught Joe’s stare. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, shoveling another mouthful of bacon into his mouth as silence fell around us.

“Huh?” I managed to get out, trying to swallow the uncomfortable lump forming in my throat.

“Your lip.” He stated like it was obvious. “It’s busted. Looks pretty painful.”

I pulled my hand from the cool glass, lifting my fingers to press into the sore spot near my piercing. I held in my cringe when my rough fingertip rubbed against the raw skin and dropped my hands back on the table gently. I poked my tongue out, licking over the spot out of instinct and flickering my gaze across the table.

“Oh.” I replied, imaginary zoo animals stampeding through the pit of my stomach when Jack’s eyes widened just enough for me to notice.

The pink tint forming in his paled cheeks had me stilling in my seat and I could feel my heart racing in my chest at the weird expression crossing over his face. Why is he looking at me like I’m going to say something I’m not supposed to?

“I’m telling you, dude.” He went on, reaching his free hand over to slap my shoulder. “Must’ve been one feisty-”

“Joseph.” Joyce called in warning, clanking her silverware against her plate. “Not at the table.”

I broke contact with Jack, glancing at Joe only to find him already staring at me again. Clearing my throat uncomfortably, I grabbed my glass and took another sip of orange juice and looked back down to my plate.

“Alex, honey,” Joyce went on, breaking the silence. “Jack mentioned your car. You remember where it is?”

“Huh?” I croaked, my neck flaring up more when my throat clogged up. “Um-”

“You ran out of gas, didn’t you?” She laughed softly, looking me over slowly. “You can stay here until your dad comes back from the business trip. I don’t like the thought of you being home all alone.”

The laughter escaping my mouth was short-lived and soon enough I was hacking up another lung while I tried to breathe at the same time. I blinked hard, grabbing the glass and forcing some of the juice down my throat in attempt to clear my airway.

“Um.” I sputtered, wiping the dribble from my lips onto my forearm while she looked taken aback at my reaction. “I-”

“Didn’t take his medication today.” Jack piped from his place across from me. “He’s a little out of order.”

I closed my mouth, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion while May’s loud chewing filled the short silence. I blinked slowly, feeling slightly delusional when his mom looked over at me in disappointment before my gaze flickered back to Jack. He widened his eyes with a barely-there nod and I pursed my lips, speechless and utterly confused.

“Okay. Well, we are going to call the doctor and see what kind of anti-biotics you can take with the Levoamphetamine because you sound awful and I’m starting to believe you walked in that rain with the way you’re sounding.” She rambled, standing from her seat. “Joe can drive you to your car with the spare gas can and you can bring it back here so it doesn’t get towed, but finish your breakfast first.”

“I’m done.” Joe announced, standing from the table. “Let’s get going.”

He pushed his chair in, looking over at me and nodding towards the direction of the foyer.

“Uh-” I muttered, trying to comprehend everything happening while he nudged my shoulder for me to get moving.

“Come on bro, I wanna get there before the rain gets worse.” He said, tapping his fingers along the back of the wooden chair.

“I just need to change.” Jack noted, chair squeaking along the floor as he scooted back.

“No.” Joe blurted, making me feel even more confused. “May needs your help with her math homework.”

“I can help her when we get back.” He responded slowly, pushing his own chair in.

“There’s not room for you in the car.” Joe reasoned, wrapping his hand around my shoulder again. “We’ll be right back anyway.”

“What’s your problem, Joe?” Jack snapped, crossing his arms.

“You guys don’t need to spend every second together.” He retorted, letting me go after a light squeeze. “So, help May and we’ll be back. Come on, Alex.”

I stood up, taking one last sip of my drink before pushing my chair in just like the rest. Wiping my mouth some more, I pulled the beanie more over my head and stole another glance at Jack. The wary look taking over his face made nervous butterflies explode in my stomach and I gulped, wincing at the pain growing more noticeable throughout my throat.

“Grab the hoodie from the hook by the door.” He warned me, biting his lip as I walked passed him.

I nodded, following behind Joe silently after he swiped his keys from the bowl on the island. I shoved my hands back into my pockets, trailing towards the shoes as slow as possible until I reached where mine sat soaking into the rug. Grimacing, I slipped my warm feet into the freezing cold material and felt another set of goosebumps raise over my skin.

“Here.”

I looked over, pulling my hands out just in time to catch the hoodie Joe threw towards me. I nodded in thanks, pulling it over my head quickly. Once my arms slipped in, I pulled the hood over my hand and dug my hands into the long pocket over my stomach. Looking down, I recognized my Raven’s hoodie and thanked whoever is out there for the fact that my sense of smell is weak enough to not be engulfed by the lovely smell of everything Jack.

“Doors are already unlocked.” He informed, pushing the front door opened.

I sucked in a breath, curling in on myself as I stepped out on the porch. Cold air hit me everywhere and I shivered, pulling the door shut behind me and following Joe in his sprint down the driveway. Once I got to the passenger side, I opened the door and dropped inside as fast as I could. Closing the door after me saved me from the wind, but somehow the car was colder than outside.

“Where’d you walk from?” Joe questioned, starting the engine up.

“Oh.” I muttered, biting the inside of my cheek. “Um.”

“I need to know which way I’m going.” He pressed, slowly backing out of the driveway.

“Uh, Parkway’s.” I supplied.

“The liquor store?” He recalled, raising his eyebrow at me once we were stopped at the end of the street. “You expect me to believe you ran out of gas at a liquor store?”

“I did.” I shrugged, staring out of my window.

“Whatever, it’s really not my business if you’re drinking or not.” He commented, making me feel slightly relieved. “You know what my business is?”

I tensed in my seat, fiddling with the seatbelt while I reluctantly turned to look at him. He tapped his fingers a few times before wrapping them all around the wheel, but he kept his gaze to the road despite the hard look taking over his face.

“My brother.” He continued, my heart sinking to my stomach at his tone. “He’s my business and what you do with him is my business.”

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” I trailed off, slumping back when he stopped at the light.

“You think I’m fucking stupid?” He laughed humorlessly, looking straight into my eyes. “It was written all over his face after I brought up your fucked-up mouth. You think I don’t know he’s the one behind it?”

I felt the blood drain from my face, my heartbeat racing out of my fucking chest at the implication. Poking at my lip, I closed my eyes and felt a familiar warmth fill my gut as bits and pieces came back to me. The feeling of Jack so close to me, his hand in my hair, his tongue in my mouth, his lips sucking mine-

“Stop thinking about it, faggot.”

“I’m not a fucking faggot.” I spat, clenching my fists over my lap.

“You wanna fuck my brother and you’re telling me you’re not a dick-lover?” He scoffed, pushing the radio knob in to silence the car.

“I don’t want to fuck Jack.” I defended, crossing my arms over my chest. “I really don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about!” He exclaimed, switching lanes aggressively. “I fucking heard you last night, moaning in his room and you sure as hell weren’t doing it yourself.”

I swallowed hard, but it didn’t keep the thick spit from piling towards the front of my mouth. Breathing shakily, I felt my heart pound in my ribcage and clutched at the door handle.

“Pull over.” I blurted, pressing myself against the door.

“Wh-”

“Fuckin’ do it!” I yelled, gobs of spit falling down my chin.

The car jerked to a stop and I unlocked my door, throwing it open and leaning over just in time. I closed my eyes, the burning in my throat intensifying with every round of vomit splattering out of my mouth. I coughed hard, reluctantly opening my eyes and feeling pain shoot through my stomach as I took in all the blood mixed in the stomach acid.

“Rinse your damn mouth out with this and get back in the car before someone stops to check on us.” Joe ordered, pressing something hard into my side.

I grabbed it with my right hand, looking down to find an unopened water bottle. Twisting the cap off, I poured it into my mouth not worrying about all the spillage and swished it around a good few times before spitting it out. Taking another sip, I forced it down to soothe my throat and used the rest of the water to wash the blood away from the curb.

“Hurry up.” Joe snapped.

I tossed the bottle on the ground and pulled the door closed, wiping my mouth on my sleeve as he pulled back onto the road quickly.

“S’not like that.” I mumbled, breaking the uncomfortable silence as he picked up the speed again.

“Oh, I know what it’s like.” He scoffed. “I can see it on your face right now, you’re like a fuckin’ love sick puppy.”

“I’m fucking not.” I said through gritted teeth, holding my hands over my weak stomach.

“Good. Get that look off your face and get in through your thick skull that my brother is not nor will ever be a cocksucker.” He spat venomously, shocking me to my core as he pulled into the familiar parking lot. “You can stay until your lowlife dad gets back, but after that I don’t want to see you again and you sure as hell better stay the fuck away from Jack.”

Notes

This is part one to the chapter! Get ready for sober Alex ;)