Alex's POV

I held Jack close to me as he broke down into tears.
I knew something was wrong as he was being more secretive about things than normal but I acted like I didn't notice ad hoped that he would tell me what was wrong.
I pulled and looked at Jack and wiped the tears away with my thumb.
"We'll get through this together. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way." I said quietly and kissed him then rested my forehead against his.
"I-I could be dead by the end of the year." He sobbed.
I pulled back and looked at him.
"Don't talk like that. Your not going to die because you are going to kick this right in the ass and come home to me and Lily." I sniffed.
"B-but.." He started but I stopped him by kissing him hard.
"Please. Don't talk like that. I can't have that on my mind because I seriously can't live without you Jack. I need you to make me feel alive." I sobbed a little.
Jack pulled me close to him and I buried my head into his shoulder.
"I can't lose you Jack." I said into his shoulder and kissed it.
Jack just held me closer to him.
"I'll try." He whispered.
I pulled back and looked at him.
"No. You are going to get over this! You are going to get better Jack! You can't leave me and Lily, we need you Jack!" I said getting myself all worked up.
"Babe you know that if the chemo doesn't work then..." He started but I pulled away completely from him.
"It will work! It has too work." I said loudly.
"Sh, you'll wake Lily." Jack said and got up and walked over to me.
"Please, lets not fight about this. Not when I am going to the hospital tomorrow and I don't know when I'm going to be let back out again or even share a bed with you." He said quietly.
I sniffed and nodded and closed the gap between us and pulled him into a hug.
"Lets go to bed." I said quietly and looked at Jack.
Jack smiled and kissed me and got hold of my hand discarding the tissue which he stuffed up his nose and the towel and we walked over to the bed.

We climbed into be me being the little spoon and Jack being the big spoon like it always has been throughout our relationship and marriage.
I felt around for Jack hand and when I found it I held onto it tightly.
"I love you." I said quietly.
"I love you too." He whispered and kissed my shoulder and pulled me closer too him.
I just started to cry again since like what Jack said he might not beat this and this would be the last time we would share our bed together.
"Hey, don't cry. I don't like it when you cry." Jack cooed and rolled me over so I was facing him.
"What if what you said is true. This could be the last time we sleep together, be close to each other." I sobbed.
Jack moved so he was pretty much suffocating me but I really didn't care right now. I just wanted to be as close to him as I could get.
"Its wont be the last time because I will do everything I can to come back home so I can be with you and Lily and we can be just how we are now. Happy and madly in love still." He said quietly.
"I'll always be madly in love with you. You being ill will never stop me loving you." I said and looked at him.
Jack smiled and kissed my forehead.
"Go to sleep, we have a lot to do tomorrow." Jack said quietly.
I nodded and moved even closer to him.
Jack wrap an arm round me.
I just looked at his chest tracing small circles until I fell asleep.

---

Jacks POV

When I woke up next Alex was awake lost in thought.
He must of guessed I was awake as he looked at me and smiled.
He sighed and looked down and cuddled back into my chest.
"Do you have a time when you need to be at the hospital for?" He asked quietly.
"As long as I'm here before tonight I don't think it matters." I said.
Alex moved away and sat up.
He looked at me and you could see the sadness in his eyes.
"We have to tell Lily what is happening." He said quietly.
I nodded and sat up.
We both got out of bed and put some trousers on and went downstairs.

Lily was watching tv since she has now learnt how to work the remote.
"Can you turn the tv off Lily." Alex said and sat next to her.
"Why?" She asked and looked at me and then too Alex.
"Because we have to tell you something and its important that you listen to what we have to tell you." I said and sat on the other side of her.
She turned the tv off and crawled over and sat on my lap.
I looked at Alex who was facing us but was looking down and messing with his hands.
"Papa what's going on?" She asked.
"I need you to promise me that you will look after dad for me." I said seriously.
"I promise." She said quietly.
"Daddy what's wrong with papa?" She asked and looked at Alex.
"Let papa tell you. I have to do something." He sniffed and got up and walked out the room.
"Why's daddy crying?" She asked and looked at me.
"Papa isn't very well." I said quietly.
"Do you have a cold?" She asked.
"No sweetie I don't have a cold. I have something more serious than a cold." I said.
"Do you have a tummy bug? Their more serious than a cold. That's what daddy says anyway." She said and looked at me.
"I don't have a tummy bug. I have something called leukemia." I said and looked at her.
"What's that?" She asked trying to work out how to say the word let alone think about what it is.
"Its cancer sweetie." I said and looked at her.
"Are you going to die?" She asked quietly.
"Honestly, I don't know. But I have to go a hospital and I don't know when I'm going to be coming home again." I said.
"Will I be able too see you?" She asked.
"Yeah, but it'll only be at the weekends as I going to a hospital which is a long way from here." I said and wiped my eyes as it was beginning to hit me that I would hardly see my family.
"But I want to see you everyday." She whined a little.
"So do I but that hospital is the best one for me to go too. But I'll always be with you." I said quietly.
"But how can you be when you not going to be here." She said sounding a bit confused.
"I'm going to be here." I said and put my hand on her chest where her heart was.
"But I don't want you to go." She sniffed and hugged me tightly.
"I dont want to go either but I have to so I can get better and come home to be with you and dad." I said and kissed the side of her head.
She nodded and let me go and kissed me.
"I love you." I said.
"Love you too papa." She said quietly.

We had dropped Lily off at Rians since neither of us want her to hear what is being said.
We got to the hospital and we slowly walked in hand in hand.
We got to the desk.
"I'm here to check in." I said.
"Name?" the woman asked.
"Gaskarth-Barakat." I said.
"Jack?" she asked and looked at me.
"That's me." I sighed.
"The nurse will show you too your room." She said and a nurse showed up and walked us to my room.
"I'll let you settle in before I get the doctor to talk to you." She said and walked out the room.
Alex was looking round while I sat on the edge of the bed wishing I wasn't ill and being in hospital.
Alex walked over and sat next to me.
"You'll be okay. Your in the best place now." He said quietly loking down..
"I just want to be at home with you and Lily." I said.
"I want that too but I need you to get better so you can come home." He said and looked at me.
"You have to get better Jack. Promise me you'll get better." He said and tears slowly formed in his eyes.
"You know I can't promise that Alex." I said quietly.
"I know. I was just hoping that this was a cruel joke." He whispered I pulled him to my side and kissed the top of his head.

The doctor came and went explain briefly what he was going to do but he was going to explain more in the morning since it was late.
A nurse came in telling Alex he had to go as vistor hours was up.
I think that was when it hit him that I wasn't coming home with him.
He looked at me and a few tears had fallen.
I walked over to him and pulled him into a hug.
"I dont want to leave you here on your own."He sniffed.
"I'll be okay. I have my phone on me so you can call and text me whenever you want." I said.
"But its not going to be the same." He said and looked at me.
"I know its not but its the best we can do until the weekend." I said.
He nodded and sniffed.
"I love you Lex." I said quietly and kissed him.
"I love you too Jacky." He whispered.
He kissed me harder than what I kissed him and hugged me tightly.
"See you Saturday." He whispered and kissed me once more and walked of slowly letting go of my hand.
He looked back at me and gave me a sad smile which I returned and he walked out the door and slowly walked off.
He had only been gone a few seconds and I already want him back here.
I went over to my phone and texted him.
'Miss you already :( xx' I sent.
I didn't even have to wait a mintuie for him to reply.
'I miss you too xx' He replied.
I walked over and sat on the bed.
Even though it was a single bed it felt huge without Alex.
I sighed and looked at what Alex had packed me.

Notes

I did have this all planned out in my head while doing my 14 hour shift at work and it was really good... until I was doing the night shift as well and hving the computer and it turned out shit... And I'm tiring to function on less than 2 hours sleep and probably an hours sleep tonight...

all I can say is I am glad I am not doing an 14 hour shift tomorrow otherwise I will be dead and the mood I am feeling right now is not helping matters..

so enjoy my crappy update

chloe