I hardly slept the last 2 nights I've been here.
I think it was because Alex wasn't here and it was pretty much the first night I've spent away from him since we got married.
I missed Lily as well.
Basically all the little things which I thought I wouldn't miss I miss a lot.

I was in the middle of texting Alex when the doctor showed up.
"Hello I'm doctor Bruce and I'll be your doctor during your stay here and through this treatment." He said.
I smiled and looked down.
"How long will I be here for?" I asked.
"I don't know I'm afraid sir. But we'll try and get you home as soon as possible." He said with a small smile.
"We need to discuss what is wrong with you and your treatment." He said.
"Okay. What's wrong with me? I know I have leukemia so what else is wrong with me?" I asked getting worried.
"Nothing else is wrong with you. You still have leukemia but you have a type of leukemia called Acute Myeloid Leukemia." He said.
"The hell is that?" I asked confused.
"AML which is its short name, is a rare type of cancer." He said.
"Trust my fucking luck." I muttered to myself but the doctor heard me and chuckled.
"As you know your bone marrow makes blood cells which then go round your body. With AML this doesn't happen and the process gets out of control and that's how your type of leukemia is made. Which means they are immature and then can't go into being normal blood cells." He said.
"Right..." I said not knowing what to say.
"Would you like to talk about treatment?" He asked.
"I want chemo." I said.
"You dint want to hear any of the other options?" He asked.
I shook my head.
"Okay then. You'll be given a introduction of chemo which should hopefully work." He said.
"What happens if it doesn't work?" I asked and looked at him.
"We'll give you another round of chemo or we'll discuss that at a later date." He said.
I nodded.
"Is there someone you can talk to?" He asked.
"My husband. But he's an hour away." I said sadly and looked down.
"You can phone him?" He asked
I nodded.
"But it's not the same and seeing him." I said quietly.
"I'm sure he'll visit you soon. Do you have any questions?" He asked and I shook my head.
"I'll see you tomorrow when your treatment starts." He said and got up and left.

---

It was the weekend and I was really excited that Alex was visting with Lily.
The downside was I was have nasty side effects from the chemo.
I spoke to Alex and Lily every day in the evening before Lily goes to bed.

I was throwing up when someone knocked on the door.
"Just a sec." I said as I flushed the toilet and wiped my mouth round and brushed my teeth since the smell and taste of sick was disgusting.
I walked out and saw Alex and Lily sat on my bed.
"Papa!" Lily said loudly and got down from the bed and ran over to me.
"Go careful Lily." Alex said and got up and walked over to me.
I met him half way and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.
Alex pulled back and kissed me hard which I was happy to return.
"Look what we got you papa!" Lily said and picked up a bit of paper.
"Sit on the bed and then you can show me." I said and walked over to the bed and sat on it.
Alex sat next to me and held my hand and wrapped his leg round mine.
Lily managed to climb on the bed and sat on my lap.
"I drew you a picture." She said and gave me the drawing.
"It's you, daddy and me at home like before." She said and rested her head on my chest.
"I'll be home soon hopefully." I said and kissed the top of her head.
"Look in the bag we got you loads of stuff." Alex said and Lily got off my lap and brought me the bag.
I smiled and took it off her and sat more on the bed and Alex did the same and faced me. Lily cuddled into my side.
"Just be careful with all the wires sweetie." I said and looked at her and she nodded.
I opened the bag and looked inside.
"I told the gang and they might come and visit you at some point." Alex said.
I smiled and looked at the card everyone had signed.
"Pop this on the side for me." I saod and handed it to Lily and she put it on the side.
I carried on looking through the bag.
"You got me my favoutie chocolates." I smiled and looked at Alex.
"Hopefully they'll make you feel better." He said quietly.
"Not that I'm eating that much." I said quietly.
"Still throwing up?" He asked and i nodded.
"It'll pass." He said.
"I hope so because then i can enjoy my chocolates." I smiled.
"How's work?" I asked and looked at him.
"Stressful." He simply said.
"How come?" I asked and linked my little finger with his.
"Im worried about you and everything before is just getting on top of me. And looking after Lil Im not coping i guess." He said quietly.
I kissed him.
"You'll be fine. Your doing great so far." I said.
"I hope so." He whispered.

Someone came and got Lily for Alex so me and him could have some time to ourselves.
But I had to do my round of chemo so Alex came with me and sat on my lap and cuddled into my chest.
"It must be boring sat here for fuck knows how long while this is being pumped into you." He said quietly.
"Yeah it is but I normally have my phone and I'm talking to you or playing some game." I said.
"The house is quiet without you." He said.
"I feel lost and the bed is too big without you." I said.
"Same here part from Lily been joining me in bed." He said.
"You stolen my side of the bed?" I asked
"Duh. That little cow bag isn't having that side. It's mine until you come home." He said and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Rian said he'd look after Lily for the night. I can stay here if you want me too." He said.
"Of course! Need someone to keep me warm and company." I said.
He smiled and kissed me.
"It's a date then." He said quietly.

Notes

This is shit...
Literally having the shittest week.. My head is just all over the place and a load of shit has happened and I'm generally not coping...
So yeah I'm a mess right now...
Chloe..