Bones Exposed
*
10 HOURS BEFORE
I sat in the waiting room of my physician, headphones jammed in my ears, and my hands fidgeting in a nervous frenzy. I had taken blood tests just a week before to see what the hell was wrong with me lately, and today, my doctor told me to come in to discuss results. When he called me to come in, his tone was solemn and kind of depressed, and he said it was urgent. It made my chest ache a bit to hear such a tone coming from my doctor over results that came from my body. I needed assurance that I was okay, but I guess my doctor wasn’t going to sugar coat it for me. He was going to tell it to me straight.
For the past few months, I have been feeling like death. Some days I can get through it with a fake smile and pep, other days I can barely move at all. I felt like an elderly person when I tried to walk, for my joints would pop like Pop Rox. My body was changing everyday with new spots and blemishes. One morning I woke up to find red spots all over my arms and legs; not like lumps or anything, just red patches. They itched nor looked like a rash. My ankles were constantly getting bruised from hitting them on the tub when I would get in the shower, but it was funny because they never bruised before when I would hit them.
The symptoms that brought me to my physician in a panic were the nosebleeds and my constant shortness of breath. At random times, thankfully when Alex was working, my nose would open up to the heavens, and blood would drench my face and clothes. Lily and I would have to take spur of the moment laundry trips just so I could hide my bloody clothes from Alex. Yes, I didn’t want him to know about this. He had enough to worry about! He had schoolwork and grades; my health shouldn’t be an issue with him. Finally, the shortness of breath. I could barely speak a sentence without having to stop and take a big gust of air. What made it worse was the inhaling those big gusts of air hurt like a bitch, like my chest was ready to pop.
That’s when I finally dropped everything and went to see my doctor. They took blood tests from me and told me to wait for a call back. Today, I got my call back which meant I was going to finally find out what the hell was wrong with me.
I was switching over to my Nirvana album when the nurse called me back. “Jack Barakat?” She announced. I raised a hand and stepped over to her. She led me down a hallway full of rooms until we got to the room at the end -- my physician’s office. She opened the door for me to showcase my doctor, Dr. Bryar, sitting at his desk. Upon seeing my face, he gave me a pathetic smile. This wasn’t going to be good.
“Come and have a sit, Mr. Gaskarth-Barakat.” he instructed, pointing to a chair that was across from his desk. I happily took a seat. Dr. Bryar turned his spinny chair to face me, hands cupped at his lap, and a file underneath them. “I’m glad you could make it, Jack. We have a lot to discuss.”
“Just, tell it to me straight, okay?” I said outloud. I didn’t mean it; my thoughts kinda microphoned out of my mouth. “I know by the tone of your voice on the phone to your voice now that nothing is okay. There is something wrong with me, and I want it straight. Not sugar coated.” My words came out as pleas. Dr. Bryar nodded his head and proceeded to open his file which I assumed was my results. He gave me a run through before reading me my results. The minute he spoke, my stomach plummeted to the floor. I thought I could take it; I was wrong.
“Mr. Gaskarth-Barakat, you have leukemia. Your blood work came back positive for it, and your white blood cell count is at an all time low.” I felt my body begin to shake. Me, Jack Gaskarth-Barakat, retired guitarist of All Time Low, husband to Alex Gaskarth-Barakat, father to Lily Gaskarth-Barakat, had leukemia. I looked down at my hands, for I didn’t want to look at Dr. Bryar.
“Oh.” I said in a whisper. I heard a heavy sigh escape his lips.
“I know this is very sudden news, Mr. Gaskarth-Barakat, but there is certainly treatment options. Chemotherapy is a very large option you have, Jack, and we highly recommend it. However, one thing isn’t an option which is being hospitalized until your cell counts are up to par. Being at home gives you very high risks of infection, Jack, and if you become infected, it can be fatal since you don’t have the white blood cells to fight off the infections.” You had to be kidding me. This I couldn’t hide from Alex; I would have to tell him I’d be hospitalized! I wanted to do this on my own, not bring Alex or Lily into this, but I had no choice now. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
“Please, how long do I get before I have to go to the hospital? I need to tell my husband, and… I need to at least explain all this to my daughter.” I asked in a whimper.
“We can give you 24 hours, Jack. After that, you must check into the room we’ve set up for you in this hospital.” I had no choice to lift my head to grab hold of the card he provided me for the hospital. The hospital was all the way in Frederick, Maryland -- an hour away from our home in Baltimore!
“I-I can’t stay here.” I perked up. “It’s too far away from home, and… my husband works five days a week as a teacher! He’d never be able to come and see me!” My panicking was becoming more and more obvious, and it was quite embarrassing. Dr. Bryar shook his head.
“Jack, I’m sorry, but this is the hospital that will be able to take you and help you through this. There is no hospital across the state right now that will be able to take you and give you the care like this one, Jack. I’m sorry, but you will need to make sacrifices through this journey; this is one of them.” I didn’t want to hear anymore. I stood up and held out my hand. Dr. Bryar accepted it with a smile. “You have a good day, now, okay?” That statement added a fire to my stomach, but I didn’t show it. I just shook his hand.
“I’ll try.” Without saying another word, I stepped out of the room and began to make my way down the hallway. As I walked out, I stopped outside the door and just stood there. I was trembling from the news. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me; I had leukemia. I would need to be an hour away from home, my husband, and daughter to be treated for a disease that could easily kill me. I didn’t have the mental strength for this; I won’t lie that I saw giving up in my future.
PRESENT
“F-Fuck, Jack, yes!” Alex whined as I snapped my hips back and forth into him. My hands were gripping onto his shoulders, and I could see the bruises already forming. His head was reclined back into the pillows, hair messy from moving it all over the place, and his legs were wrapped around my hips. Thank God it was dark, because I didn’t want him to see my red blotches. I angled my thrusts to where I hit him right in that bundle of nerves that would drive him up the wall. I knew I had succeeded in finding it when Alex began to shout out to ceiling. “Ugn! Jacky, harder, please!” His begs were making me delirious. Wait, they weren’t the cause of my head spinning.
My breath was beginning to slow down, become clotted. I slowed down until I was in a complete stop. I sat down on the edge of the bed, clutching my chest. I heard Alex shuffle upwards. “J-Jacky? Jack, what’s wrong?” My breathing continued to be shuddered; I was having one of my breathing fits in front of Alex -- perfect. Alex wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “Baby, talk to me, what’s wrong?”
“Chest. Hurts.” Now, in between each one of my words, I had to inhale gallons of air. What made this whole moment was, on cue, my nose began to pour blood. Blood poured from my nose and all over my chest and legs. Before Alex could comprehend what was going on, I shot up and ran to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut. I leaned over the sink and let the blood poured into the sink. Drop after drop slid from my nostrils and into the white sink bowl. A light knock was at the door, and before long, Alex’s tiny voice peeked in.
“Jack? A-Are you okay in there? What’s going on, baby?” I had to let him in, tell him what the hell was wrong with me. I took a towel and wrapped it around my body. I then took two wads of toilet paper and stuck them up my nose. After I was all situated, I allowed Alex to come in. I sat on the toilet. Alex stepped in hesitantly and slowly. “Jack, what’s --”
“Sit, Alex.” Alex listened and plopped down on the tiled floor. I didn’t give him time to ask questions, for I went on about what happened. “I went to the doctor today. I took blood tests the other day, and they got my results today. My doctor says I have leukemia. It makes sense; all my symptoms correspond. I have the nosebleeds, red spots, hurting joints, everything. They said I have no choice but to be put into a hospital in Frederick because I can’t stay home -- too much risk of infection. I have the option of Chemo, which I’ll probably take, and some other options will be given to me when I get there. I didn’t want to tell any of this to you because of your work schedule. I’m sorry, Lex.” I looked to see tears in Alex’s eyes. I felt awful to tell him this let alone put him through it.
“C-Couldn’t you die from this?” He asked.
“Maybe. If the Chemo doesn’t work, I could, yes. I’ll be okay for now, though, okay? I have to go to the hospital tomorrow for check in, so… I really need you to take me.”
“Of course! O-Of course, baby!” Alex scrambled up and wrapped his arms around me. He held me tight, and the embrace triggered me to go into hysterics. I clung onto him for dear life.
“I’m so fucking scared, Alex. I am so fucking scared.” I sobbed. Alex spoke no words; he just rubbed my back and held me there close. I crumbled into his arms. Reality hit me: I had leukemia, and there was a good chance I wouldn’t make it through this year.
I sat in the waiting room of my physician, headphones jammed in my ears, and my hands fidgeting in a nervous frenzy. I had taken blood tests just a week before to see what the hell was wrong with me lately, and today, my doctor told me to come in to discuss results. When he called me to come in, his tone was solemn and kind of depressed, and he said it was urgent. It made my chest ache a bit to hear such a tone coming from my doctor over results that came from my body. I needed assurance that I was okay, but I guess my doctor wasn’t going to sugar coat it for me. He was going to tell it to me straight.
For the past few months, I have been feeling like death. Some days I can get through it with a fake smile and pep, other days I can barely move at all. I felt like an elderly person when I tried to walk, for my joints would pop like Pop Rox. My body was changing everyday with new spots and blemishes. One morning I woke up to find red spots all over my arms and legs; not like lumps or anything, just red patches. They itched nor looked like a rash. My ankles were constantly getting bruised from hitting them on the tub when I would get in the shower, but it was funny because they never bruised before when I would hit them.
The symptoms that brought me to my physician in a panic were the nosebleeds and my constant shortness of breath. At random times, thankfully when Alex was working, my nose would open up to the heavens, and blood would drench my face and clothes. Lily and I would have to take spur of the moment laundry trips just so I could hide my bloody clothes from Alex. Yes, I didn’t want him to know about this. He had enough to worry about! He had schoolwork and grades; my health shouldn’t be an issue with him. Finally, the shortness of breath. I could barely speak a sentence without having to stop and take a big gust of air. What made it worse was the inhaling those big gusts of air hurt like a bitch, like my chest was ready to pop.
That’s when I finally dropped everything and went to see my doctor. They took blood tests from me and told me to wait for a call back. Today, I got my call back which meant I was going to finally find out what the hell was wrong with me.
I was switching over to my Nirvana album when the nurse called me back. “Jack Barakat?” She announced. I raised a hand and stepped over to her. She led me down a hallway full of rooms until we got to the room at the end -- my physician’s office. She opened the door for me to showcase my doctor, Dr. Bryar, sitting at his desk. Upon seeing my face, he gave me a pathetic smile. This wasn’t going to be good.
“Come and have a sit, Mr. Gaskarth-Barakat.” he instructed, pointing to a chair that was across from his desk. I happily took a seat. Dr. Bryar turned his spinny chair to face me, hands cupped at his lap, and a file underneath them. “I’m glad you could make it, Jack. We have a lot to discuss.”
“Just, tell it to me straight, okay?” I said outloud. I didn’t mean it; my thoughts kinda microphoned out of my mouth. “I know by the tone of your voice on the phone to your voice now that nothing is okay. There is something wrong with me, and I want it straight. Not sugar coated.” My words came out as pleas. Dr. Bryar nodded his head and proceeded to open his file which I assumed was my results. He gave me a run through before reading me my results. The minute he spoke, my stomach plummeted to the floor. I thought I could take it; I was wrong.
“Mr. Gaskarth-Barakat, you have leukemia. Your blood work came back positive for it, and your white blood cell count is at an all time low.” I felt my body begin to shake. Me, Jack Gaskarth-Barakat, retired guitarist of All Time Low, husband to Alex Gaskarth-Barakat, father to Lily Gaskarth-Barakat, had leukemia. I looked down at my hands, for I didn’t want to look at Dr. Bryar.
“Oh.” I said in a whisper. I heard a heavy sigh escape his lips.
“I know this is very sudden news, Mr. Gaskarth-Barakat, but there is certainly treatment options. Chemotherapy is a very large option you have, Jack, and we highly recommend it. However, one thing isn’t an option which is being hospitalized until your cell counts are up to par. Being at home gives you very high risks of infection, Jack, and if you become infected, it can be fatal since you don’t have the white blood cells to fight off the infections.” You had to be kidding me. This I couldn’t hide from Alex; I would have to tell him I’d be hospitalized! I wanted to do this on my own, not bring Alex or Lily into this, but I had no choice now. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
“Please, how long do I get before I have to go to the hospital? I need to tell my husband, and… I need to at least explain all this to my daughter.” I asked in a whimper.
“We can give you 24 hours, Jack. After that, you must check into the room we’ve set up for you in this hospital.” I had no choice to lift my head to grab hold of the card he provided me for the hospital. The hospital was all the way in Frederick, Maryland -- an hour away from our home in Baltimore!
“I-I can’t stay here.” I perked up. “It’s too far away from home, and… my husband works five days a week as a teacher! He’d never be able to come and see me!” My panicking was becoming more and more obvious, and it was quite embarrassing. Dr. Bryar shook his head.
“Jack, I’m sorry, but this is the hospital that will be able to take you and help you through this. There is no hospital across the state right now that will be able to take you and give you the care like this one, Jack. I’m sorry, but you will need to make sacrifices through this journey; this is one of them.” I didn’t want to hear anymore. I stood up and held out my hand. Dr. Bryar accepted it with a smile. “You have a good day, now, okay?” That statement added a fire to my stomach, but I didn’t show it. I just shook his hand.
“I’ll try.” Without saying another word, I stepped out of the room and began to make my way down the hallway. As I walked out, I stopped outside the door and just stood there. I was trembling from the news. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me; I had leukemia. I would need to be an hour away from home, my husband, and daughter to be treated for a disease that could easily kill me. I didn’t have the mental strength for this; I won’t lie that I saw giving up in my future.
PRESENT
“F-Fuck, Jack, yes!” Alex whined as I snapped my hips back and forth into him. My hands were gripping onto his shoulders, and I could see the bruises already forming. His head was reclined back into the pillows, hair messy from moving it all over the place, and his legs were wrapped around my hips. Thank God it was dark, because I didn’t want him to see my red blotches. I angled my thrusts to where I hit him right in that bundle of nerves that would drive him up the wall. I knew I had succeeded in finding it when Alex began to shout out to ceiling. “Ugn! Jacky, harder, please!” His begs were making me delirious. Wait, they weren’t the cause of my head spinning.
My breath was beginning to slow down, become clotted. I slowed down until I was in a complete stop. I sat down on the edge of the bed, clutching my chest. I heard Alex shuffle upwards. “J-Jacky? Jack, what’s wrong?” My breathing continued to be shuddered; I was having one of my breathing fits in front of Alex -- perfect. Alex wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “Baby, talk to me, what’s wrong?”
“Chest. Hurts.” Now, in between each one of my words, I had to inhale gallons of air. What made this whole moment was, on cue, my nose began to pour blood. Blood poured from my nose and all over my chest and legs. Before Alex could comprehend what was going on, I shot up and ran to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut. I leaned over the sink and let the blood poured into the sink. Drop after drop slid from my nostrils and into the white sink bowl. A light knock was at the door, and before long, Alex’s tiny voice peeked in.
“Jack? A-Are you okay in there? What’s going on, baby?” I had to let him in, tell him what the hell was wrong with me. I took a towel and wrapped it around my body. I then took two wads of toilet paper and stuck them up my nose. After I was all situated, I allowed Alex to come in. I sat on the toilet. Alex stepped in hesitantly and slowly. “Jack, what’s --”
“Sit, Alex.” Alex listened and plopped down on the tiled floor. I didn’t give him time to ask questions, for I went on about what happened. “I went to the doctor today. I took blood tests the other day, and they got my results today. My doctor says I have leukemia. It makes sense; all my symptoms correspond. I have the nosebleeds, red spots, hurting joints, everything. They said I have no choice but to be put into a hospital in Frederick because I can’t stay home -- too much risk of infection. I have the option of Chemo, which I’ll probably take, and some other options will be given to me when I get there. I didn’t want to tell any of this to you because of your work schedule. I’m sorry, Lex.” I looked to see tears in Alex’s eyes. I felt awful to tell him this let alone put him through it.
“C-Couldn’t you die from this?” He asked.
“Maybe. If the Chemo doesn’t work, I could, yes. I’ll be okay for now, though, okay? I have to go to the hospital tomorrow for check in, so… I really need you to take me.”
“Of course! O-Of course, baby!” Alex scrambled up and wrapped his arms around me. He held me tight, and the embrace triggered me to go into hysterics. I clung onto him for dear life.
“I’m so fucking scared, Alex. I am so fucking scared.” I sobbed. Alex spoke no words; he just rubbed my back and held me there close. I crumbled into his arms. Reality hit me: I had leukemia, and there was a good chance I wouldn’t make it through this year.
Notes
hey guys! before i go on about anything, i just want to thank chloe, my amazing co-writer, for sticking with me. this chapter had to be written through a very bad week (school, personal issues, etc), hence the long wait. however, here is the chapter! kinda sad ;-;
i'm so excited to write this story. i have been reading chloe's stories for a while now, and i really enjoy them which is why i am more than excited to write this.
bare with my replies since school is busy, and i'm leaving for boston in about three weeks.
tysm for reading!
xoxo krys
PSA
Little change to the plot on my part!!!
Bone Cancer -- Leukemia.
xoxo krys
3/14/16