Jack -- my guardian angel -- knew me cover to cover. He knew my favorite snacks, my old pets, my favorite Disney character, and even Tom. Most of all, however, he knew I was going through hard times. No one knew, or even cared if I told them, that I was going through harsh times at home. No one knew of the abuse or even my mother’s death. I was a nobody at school; why would I tell anyone, or why would anyone care about my problems? I felt my whole inner core crumble, and soon, the gun collided with the floor while I began to hysterically cry. I dropped to my knees in humiliation. Jack went beside me, placing a cold hand on my shoulder. I could feel him; he felt so real. “Don’t cry, Alex. It’s okay.” Jack cooed.

“I-It’s not okay!” I snapped, pushing him away, but my attempt failed. Why would it succeed? Jack was a fucking soul for Christ sake; he was basically air! “Everything you just said about me is bullshit! I am not a beautiful person who has all this shit to live for! If that was the case, Tom would still here, and dad and his chew toy wouldn’t use me as their personal punching bags! That is my only purpose; I’m a punching bag!” I looked over the gun that was scattered on the floor. I had the urge to snatch it, and in one quick swoop and cock, I could blow my brains out and end both of their lives. Without me, Jack won’t have a purpose either.

“Don’t say that, Alex! You have so many purposes! You can be an amazing musician with the music you make, you can be a writer with the stories you create, and you’re an amazing guy! The friends you can make in your future is unbelievable! You could make your mother so proud, A--”

“Don’t you bring up mommy…” I sounded like a scorn baby calling my mother ‘mommy’, but she was and always be my mommy. Jack looked at me with sympathetic eyes, and he opened his arms.

“I’m sorry, but c’mere, want a hug?” Was he fucking stupid? I wasn’t hugging some… ghost! I snarled at him and scrambled away to grab the gun. I snatched it off the floor, traversed back over to where I originally sat, and put the gun back to my temple.

“Fuck your pointless, ghostly hugs. Get the hell out of my room, and let me do what I planned.”

“But, Lex --”

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” I shouted. As the words escaped my mouth, my eyes clenched shut, and my face turned beet red. When I opened my eyes, Jack was gone. I felt a tear dribble down my cheek. I took in a deep breath before counting down once more. “3, 2, 1.” Click. I winced, preparing for the penetration of bullet to bone to brain matter. However, nothing happened. My eyes widened as I pointed the gun towards the floor; didn’t need a delayed to blow up in my face. I opened up the bullet case to see each round empty -- what the fuck?I had a bullet in here! I dropped to the floor and crawled around to search for the bullet like Velma trying to find her glasses in Scooby-Doo.

The bullet wasn’t anywhere to be found. Before I could tear my room apart to find where the bullet had disappeared to, I heard the front door open and close downstairs. Following the shutting of the door was Kate’s slurred ‘I Love You, Pooky’s and my dad’s drunken laughter. I lost my chance; I had to live another fucking day. I got up and slammed the gun into the box it rested it. As I closed my closet door, Kate stumbled into my room. Her yellow teeth were shining in my face, and her purple lipstick was mothered all over her lips which read that her and my dad were making out like dirty animals before coming home. “Hey, Lexxy-Boy!” she giggled. She stumbled over to me and cupped my cheeks into her cold hands. “Why don’t you go pick up some dinner for daddy and I? You can get something, um, too if you want!” The disgusting odor of Jack and fried food leaked from her gully hole. It triggered my gag reflex, and I wanted nothing more than to vomit all over her sparkling, gold crop-top that didn’t belong on someone of her figure.

“Fine. What do you want?” I spat, snatching my face from her hands to go grab my Vans.

“Oh, you know, some pizza, wings, and ooh! Get some beer! Lots and lots of beer, Lexxy.” I turned to look at her with squinted orbs.

“Beer? Kate, I’m seventeen; how the fuck am I supposed to buy you guys beer?” My profanity pissed Kate off, for she walked over to me and grabbed me by the collar. She slapped me across the face. It shocked me; she barely ever physically touched me.

“Don’t fucking curse at me! Get off your faggety ass, and go get us food and beer!” She took me and slammed me into the wall. She walked over to the door, but she stopped to look at me. “If you want food, eat there and stay out for a while. Daddy and I want some alone time to make your ass a sibling.” WIth that, she slammed the door shut. I winced towards the door, feeling tears back in my eyes. I officially hated Jack; it was all his fault I had to continue this shit.

---

*Following Day*

I walked down the street with my headphones jammed into ears. I had some Van Halen playing. The air was cold, and it embraced my body in shivers and shakes. Thankfully, I only lived ten minutes from school, so it wouldn’t take me long to get into the warmth of school. As I walked, I felt a present around me. I stopped and looked around to see no one around me. Maybe, it was just the wind, so I just kept on walking. I was about three minutes from the school building when I felt that same presence around me. I turned as quickly as I could to find Jack standing there. That mother -- “What the fuck are you doing following me?!” I shouted. Jack was shocked by my harshness, but I didn’t fucking care.

“A-Alex, I --”

“Did you not understand me back there in the room? I said to get the fuck out! That meant to stay away from me all together!” As I screamed at basically nothing, a large pick up came driving down the street. It was filled with the jocks of our football team: Zack Merrick, Rian Dawson, and Ronnie Radke. I guess they saw me yelling at no one because they pulled out and rolled down their windows.

“Hey, you yelling at your imaginary friend, Faggety-Anne?” spat Zack as he crumbled up his breakfast burrito wrapper along with crushing his Red Bull can. He took both and chucked them at my head. The can knocked a goose egg on my head while the wrapper just grazed my cheek -- both still hurt both physically and mentally.

“See you at school, buttercup!” shouted Ronnie before speeding off, having a mud puddle splash itself all over my clothes. My clothes were drenched in brown mush, and it made me cringe. I fought back the tears as I looked down at the concrete.

“D-Do you need help cleaning that off?” Jack asked softly. I growled, looking up at him with puffy, red eyes.

“You know, for some fucking angel, you can’t protect me from fucking shit. I can’t stand you -- stay the fuck away from me!” I screamed. I turned on my heel and stomped to the school, leaving Jack in the dust.

Notes

This chapter is so shitty, oh my God. I hope you all enjoy it, though :)

xoxo krys