Double Take.
Chapter Eleven
Jack
"Wait, so let me get this straight. You told Alex, the boy you never fell out of love with, that you loved him then before explaining all of this to him you ran away? This is the same boy whom you have written multiple parts of songs about as well as talk about all the time when you are drunk, am I correct," Matt asked.
"He was staying at my house for the night before. He was engaged to the vocalist of Black Veil Brides whom had an affair for a year with Juliet Simms," I muttered.
"Why did you run away? You had him right where you've been wanting him and you freaked. Why didn't you stay, why didn't you speak to him?"
"I didn't think he was listening, I didn't think he'd realize it was about him. He doesn't love me Matt, he got over me years ago and I'm still hung up on my first and only love. I panicked because now he was going to know what I had been trying to hide for so long. He was going to see to that for the past five years I couldn't get over him. He was still going to see that I was utterly in love with him and I wasn't ready for that. I was afraid to realize that I couldn't have him again. That I lost the chance five years ago and I'd never get it back. I wasn't ready to accept that fact but I want him so bad it almost hurts.
"Ever since that day when I walked out I've regretted it. I ran away because I couldn't continue to run away so what did I do? I did the very thing that I knew how to do best. I ran away, I continued to run from my problems. I didn't realize that by doing that I'd be leaving my very heart in Baltimore for me to never get to be with again. W knows? Maybe I moved to Baltimore out of hope. Maybe I moved here because I thought him seeing me again would make him realize he missed me so much. Maybe I did it because I never got over him. Maybe I did it because I love him."
"Jack, go to him."
"What about the last week?"
"Zacky, your tech, he knows all the music. He'll take your spot. We'll just say you're sick or something."
"Matt-"
"Go, now."
I nodded and picked up my drink, exiting the back room. I found Zacky who was drinking and told him I was leaving. He nodded and continued talking to Syn. I walked out, the air surprisingly cold. I hurried off to my house, desperate to see my beautiful pink haired boy. I got to my apartment complex and saw Rians vehicle was gone, I was fine with that. I could tell Rian still hated me, I hate me too.
I went to the door and saw it was locked. I figured he must be asleep or something. I quickly undid the lock and noticed all the lights were out. It was strange, I mean Alex was there, wasn't he? I turned on the kitchen light and saw note on the table. I crumbled it up and threw it across the room. He still wasn't over the fact that I walked out on him. I wasn't either.
I didn't regret much in my life. I didn't regret sleeping with anyone just to feel something. I didn't regret not finishing college. I didn't regret cutting people from my life. I regretted walking out on him every day of my life. I never forgave myself for it. He did deserve so much better than me but I wanted him so bad.
I recalled him saying where Rian was living and I was willing to go there. I was willing to do anything for this guy and this was included in anything. I truly didn't believe he fell out of love with me. I truly believed that he wanted to hate me because of what I've done. I grabbed a handful of cash and went back outside. I grabbed a taxi, giving them Rian's address.
The driver drove me there while I tried to think of the right thing to say. I was going to screw it up. We weren't teenagers anymore, we weren't young and stupid. Alex would have no idea what I was giving up for this. I guess we do crazy things for the ones we love. I got out of the cab, paying the taxi driver extra. I walked up to the door.
I raised my fist against the door, immediately wishing I hadn't. I know I walk around with an air of confidence but I was afraid. I was afraid I was going to lose the only person I loved. I was afraid that I was just going to shove him further away. I was afraid he would answer the door. I was afraid that I wasn't going to say anything. I guess I was just afraid of Alex because he was so perfect and I was so far from perfect.
"What are you doing here, don't you have tour or something," Alex said harshly.
"Let me explain Lex," I begged.
"Don't fucking call me that. Why can you walk away but I can't? I don't love you Jack."
I walked up him, putting a hand behind his head. Our eyes locked for a moment but that was enough. His eyes were the same beautiful shade of hazel that I had fallen for. I placed my other hand on his waist and knew there was no going back. I quickly connected our lips for the first time in five years.
"Wait, so let me get this straight. You told Alex, the boy you never fell out of love with, that you loved him then before explaining all of this to him you ran away? This is the same boy whom you have written multiple parts of songs about as well as talk about all the time when you are drunk, am I correct," Matt asked.
"He was staying at my house for the night before. He was engaged to the vocalist of Black Veil Brides whom had an affair for a year with Juliet Simms," I muttered.
"Why did you run away? You had him right where you've been wanting him and you freaked. Why didn't you stay, why didn't you speak to him?"
"I didn't think he was listening, I didn't think he'd realize it was about him. He doesn't love me Matt, he got over me years ago and I'm still hung up on my first and only love. I panicked because now he was going to know what I had been trying to hide for so long. He was going to see to that for the past five years I couldn't get over him. He was still going to see that I was utterly in love with him and I wasn't ready for that. I was afraid to realize that I couldn't have him again. That I lost the chance five years ago and I'd never get it back. I wasn't ready to accept that fact but I want him so bad it almost hurts.
"Ever since that day when I walked out I've regretted it. I ran away because I couldn't continue to run away so what did I do? I did the very thing that I knew how to do best. I ran away, I continued to run from my problems. I didn't realize that by doing that I'd be leaving my very heart in Baltimore for me to never get to be with again. W knows? Maybe I moved to Baltimore out of hope. Maybe I moved here because I thought him seeing me again would make him realize he missed me so much. Maybe I did it because I never got over him. Maybe I did it because I love him."
"Jack, go to him."
"What about the last week?"
"Zacky, your tech, he knows all the music. He'll take your spot. We'll just say you're sick or something."
"Matt-"
"Go, now."
I nodded and picked up my drink, exiting the back room. I found Zacky who was drinking and told him I was leaving. He nodded and continued talking to Syn. I walked out, the air surprisingly cold. I hurried off to my house, desperate to see my beautiful pink haired boy. I got to my apartment complex and saw Rians vehicle was gone, I was fine with that. I could tell Rian still hated me, I hate me too.
I went to the door and saw it was locked. I figured he must be asleep or something. I quickly undid the lock and noticed all the lights were out. It was strange, I mean Alex was there, wasn't he? I turned on the kitchen light and saw note on the table. I crumbled it up and threw it across the room. He still wasn't over the fact that I walked out on him. I wasn't either.
I didn't regret much in my life. I didn't regret sleeping with anyone just to feel something. I didn't regret not finishing college. I didn't regret cutting people from my life. I regretted walking out on him every day of my life. I never forgave myself for it. He did deserve so much better than me but I wanted him so bad.
I recalled him saying where Rian was living and I was willing to go there. I was willing to do anything for this guy and this was included in anything. I truly didn't believe he fell out of love with me. I truly believed that he wanted to hate me because of what I've done. I grabbed a handful of cash and went back outside. I grabbed a taxi, giving them Rian's address.
The driver drove me there while I tried to think of the right thing to say. I was going to screw it up. We weren't teenagers anymore, we weren't young and stupid. Alex would have no idea what I was giving up for this. I guess we do crazy things for the ones we love. I got out of the cab, paying the taxi driver extra. I walked up to the door.
I raised my fist against the door, immediately wishing I hadn't. I know I walk around with an air of confidence but I was afraid. I was afraid I was going to lose the only person I loved. I was afraid that I was just going to shove him further away. I was afraid he would answer the door. I was afraid that I wasn't going to say anything. I guess I was just afraid of Alex because he was so perfect and I was so far from perfect.
"What are you doing here, don't you have tour or something," Alex said harshly.
"Let me explain Lex," I begged.
"Don't fucking call me that. Why can you walk away but I can't? I don't love you Jack."
I walked up him, putting a hand behind his head. Our eyes locked for a moment but that was enough. His eyes were the same beautiful shade of hazel that I had fallen for. I placed my other hand on his waist and knew there was no going back. I quickly connected our lips for the first time in five years.
Notes
Oh shizzzzz... Have a nice cliffhanger for a few days. So, I'm back and had a lovely time at the lake which was very relaxing to swim in. However, don't watch Friday the 13th before you go camping next to a lake, not always fun.
I'm watching the APMAs now (I know the results already) people really weren't joking about it, it's freaking hilarious, I love it so much.
Leave a comment and rate if you enjoy :)
- Jess
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
8/13/15