We'll Let The Fires Just Bathe Us

I sniffled and picked myself up off the floor.

He didn’t mean it, he was just mad.

I sighed and moved to the closest mirror. I saw messy hair and red eyes along with my usual bruises. I fixed my hair so that it was the right kind of messy and rubbed my face, feeling myself calm down. I took a refreshing deep breath just as the door opened. I saw Jack and I expected him to be calmer but he still looked angry and yet his eyes looked…Sad?

“Listen here you shit. I don’t fucking care about you. You are just another nothing, well suited for erasing. You are only something for me to put my dick in and hit when I’m angry. Stop acting like you mean something.” He spat before turning his back to me and storming upstairs, the house ringing with his footsteps.

I felt crushed. My body shook as I slowly walked up the stairs and down the hall, passing Jacks room as I did so and having a wave of tears stream down my cheeks. I got in the shower and turned the temperature knob all the way over, unsure as to whether the water was freezing cold or scalding hot. There, my tears mixed in with the water raining from the jets.

Stop being so weak, Alex. You are worth it, don’t listen to him.

I repeated that to myself. I kept telling myself that I was amazing and priceless, but I couldn’t. Because Jack said it. And if Jack said it, it was law to me. If Jack thought I was worthless, than who is anyone else to contradict him? Despite what he did, I couldn’t bring myself to resent him. I knew I should, but since when do my emotions listen to what I should and shouldn’t do?

I pulled myself out of the shower and numbly dried off. My skin was very red but I still wasn’t sure if it was because I was cold or if I was hot. I pulled sweatpants on and fell onto my bed, tears forming wet spots in the pillow. I knew this was my fault. If I’d just sat down like he’d told me to in the first place, none of this would’ve happened. I deserved this.

Notes

Title cred: Drift - Emily Osmet

:(