We Were Born To Lose

“Is he okay?” Sirs Dawson and Balthazar asked, regarding Alex.
“He’s taking her death hard.” I murmured.
“What’s happening to him?” Sir Balthazar asked fearfully. It pained me to see what Alex was becoming. He was filled with anxiety and anger and he had no outlet for it but me.
“He’s suffering from panic attacks.” I said though it was only half true. He was my master and I will not let people know what he’s doing to me. I’m his servant and it’s my job to be whatever he needs, even if it’s an outlet. Sir Dawson gave me a pleading look.
“Help him.” He whispered. That’s all anyone’s been telling me to do. What can I possibly say that would make this better? Why do people think he actually gives a damn about me?
“I don’t know what you all expect me to do! I can’t just ‘fix’ him!” I cried hopelessly.
“I don’t know how but you’ve got to.” Sir Dawson urged. I licked my lips. How the hell am I supposed to do that? I nodded despite my doubts and left to find Alex. He was, as usual, pounding into his column.
“Alex?” I heard the timidness in my voice.
“What.” He spat. I winced, now knowing he was mad.
“Please talk to me. Why are you so angry?”
Alex whaled on the post a few more times before throwing his sword on the floor and facing me.
“I’m angry because my sister is fucking dead.” He snapped, “I’m angry because the man who did it is walking free, I’m angry because even though we are at a truce with King Lance, the kings are still tense, and I’m angry because..” He trailed off but I knew what he meant. I knew exactly what he meant and it hurt. It hurt that he didn’t want to feel that way, it hurt that he took it out on me, it hurt because I knew nothing could ever really happen, and because of it, I was crippled and he had no idea how much he was killing me.
“Oh.” My voice was weak and quiet. Alex’s face clouded with regret and pain.
“It’s not my fault! I wasn’t the one who came along and messed it all up!” He exclaimed.

I messed it all up?

“I was doing fine! I was doing perfectly fine on my own and then you came along and ruined it!”

I ruined his life?

“God I wish I’d never met you! All you’ve done is cause more trouble. Why can’t you just go away you worthless piece of shit?”

Worthless



Worthless



Worthless
That word, and I was done. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bear to pretend I was okay wile that word rang through my ears at a deafening volume. A cry slipped out and before the tears were too much to see, I saw the look on Alex’s face. He knew what he had done and he looked shocked. His mouth was hanging open, his eyebrows were raised as if he couldn’t believe those were his words…But they were.
“Fuck…Jack I-“
“No. You’ve made yourself very clear.” I said and I turned to leave. Suddenly he grabbed my arm and spun me around and into his chest.
“Jack.” He whispered but I looked down and refused to meet his gaze. He put his fingers beneath my chin and tilted my head up to meet his eyes. Through my blurry, tear-filled ones, I could see his little gold flecks shining and I knew that I couldn’t resist him. I knew that never could. He leaned in and our lips met. It was like our first kiss all over again. Fire flared in my heart, my limbs grew weak, and my breath was taken away, but that was okay because I didn’t need to breath as long as I had Alex. Then it was gone in an instant because his lips vanished, “Jay please stay.” He whimpered. That was it. That little nickname, did it. Even if I had been able to muster up some will to leave, I sure as hell couldn’t do it now.
“Okay.” I whispered and Alex crushed me to his chest as he told me for the hundredth time that he was sorry and that he’ll never hurt me again…but I knew he would. I knew that I may entertain him now, but it wouldn’t last. I knew that this was just a moment and that in a few days, or maybe even tomorrow, he’d go back to hating me with every fiber of his being because I’m making his life difficult. I knew that I’d always be hanging on his every word while he’d toy with my feelings, bringing me up, then tearing me down again. And I knew that I loved him so much, I could never leave him. Even if he somehow managed to love me as much as I love him, one day he’d have to marry a girl so that he could have an heir. He’d need a girl because she can give him children and he can be seen with her in public. He may have his mind on me right now but it wouldn’t last. I knew that one day, he’d forget all about me.

Notes

Title Cred: No Idea by All Time Low (I changed She to He but you probably guessed that)


I updated again because last chapter was so short and because someone *glares at
@All Time Sassafras * couldn't keep this website happy so I decided to add to the whole heartbreak debacle.