We Were Born To Lose

It took every ounce of strength I had to haul myself out of bed the next morning. My plan was that right after breakfast instead of talking with my friends for a few minutes like I normally do, I’d just steal away and begin my duties but unfortunately that plan was foiled as Cass pulled me aside.
“Are you okay?” She asked, concern brimming her eyes.
“Fine.” I lied, plastering a fake smile on my face. The way the corners of her mouth tipped down told me that she didn’t buy my lie.
“Okay well if you need anything or want to tell me anything, I’m always here for you.” She said.
“Thanks.” I replied shortly and quickly walked away. I felt a bit badly for how rude I was but could you blame me?


I was walking down the hall to Alex’s room when I suddenly had to stop. I clutched the wall and leaned against it as my breathing grew heavy. Tears were brimming my eyes and I had to fight to keep them in. My heart was beating like crazy and all I wanted to do was scream and cry and curl up in a ball and hide from the world but I knew I couldn’t. I had to face him. I had to pretend like I was okay. I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down. Then I stood on my own two feet and released the wall and continued, successfully avoiding the panic attack. I reached Alex’s room and took another deep breath before knocking.
“In.” He replied shortly. I bit my tongue to keep myself from falling apart as I walked in. Alex was sitting at his desk and I placed his breakfast in front of him. He didn’t thank me as he usually does and I grabbed his basket of dirty clothes and scurried out of the room. Once I was out, it was like a pressure had been removed from me and I sighed in relief. I washed everything like I normally do and removed the dry clothes from the clothes line and replaced them with the wet ones. I decided to fold everything outside despite the cold air so that I don’t have to face him as soon as I normally would. I folded as slowly as possible, making every crease perfect but soon enough I was done. I made my way back to his room but didn’t bother knocking this time. I didn’t know why, I just didn’t. The Prince seemed rather surprised but he didn’t say anything and he just continued scratching words with a quill onto his paper. I quickly put his clothes away and pulled out his armor. The Price put his quill down and stood in front of me whilst I got him into it. I took special care not to touch him or look at his face. Afterward I got myself into my own armor quickly. It was very difficult to do it on your own but after some practice I’d gotten used to it and also being very skinny and lanky meant that it was a little loose anyway so that I could just shift the clasps closer to me.
Training was a nightmare. Normally Alex was very kind and would gently guide me through the motions with great patience but now he’d yell at me if I made a mistake and when we were sparring, he’d throw all of his weight into a blow. I was struggling not to let the sword fall from my hand each time our blades collided but finally, he pushed my shoulder and swung his blade and my sword dropped to the ground.
“YOU IDIOT!” He shouted and pushed me to the ground.
“I-I’m s-sorry.” I cried, shrinking away from him.
“You’re so weak and stupid. God, why are you do useless you can’t even hold a sword!” He ranted, glaring at me. I looked up into his eyes and gazed at those gold flecks which had now dimmed with cruelty. How could those eyes be so harsh when they’d once been so comforting? A whimper escaped my lips when he yanked me up off the ground by my collar. He looked away for a moment before,
“Think fast.” Then he swung at me, his fist, which was covered in armor, collided with my jaw. The armor made his fist harder and increased the pain. I cried out was knocked off my feet. He scoffed and headed for the field where he trained the knights. I tentatively pressed my fingers to my lip but jerked them away quickly when stabs of pain shot from my fingertips and into my jaw. I trudged back to up to his room and continued my routine of removing my armor, cleaning it, putting it away, then cleaning his room. After I was done, I stole myself away to my room to nurse both my physical wounds and the emotional rackets of pain that shook me to my core.

Notes

Title cred: Hello, Brooklen



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