We Were Born To Lose

Nothing important really happened for the rest of the day, although Sir Dawson almost caught us making out in Alex’s tent and he probably suspected something was up because I was so flustered. But it was the next day when Alex seemed a little…off. I figured it was because he had to get used to the idea of kissing a guy and breaking the law but he was back to his old self, ignoring me. The first couple days I didn’t think much of it, after all he is the son of the man who made what we did illegal, but after four days I was starting to get worried again. On top of that, tension between the Gaskarth and Cenrid kingdoms was as thick as ever. Whenever the two princes were in a room, they looked like they were ready to kill one another. A treaty between the two nations was being drawn up but King Peter seemed to despise the whole thing. I was carrying the Prince’s breakfast to his room when suddenly I tripped over someone’s leg and fell to the ground, causing all the food to scatter all over the floor. Cruel laughter filled the air when I saw Prince Almore and three other knights. I scurried away on the ground and shook with fright.
“Oh relax, Jack. We aren’t going to use you…Yet.” My skin crawled at his words. The thought of him doing that to me made me want to vomit. The Prince started to approach me when,
“Prince Almore I’d think very carefully about your next few actions.” Spoke my savior’s voice. How did he always manage to find me when I needed him? Prince Almore let out a quiet noise of frustration. Alex rounded the corner with his arms crossed. He moved over and stood in front of me, shielding me with his body.
“Prince Alexander, I didn’t realize you were there.” He spoke with a tone that was a little too nice.
“Obviously.” He snarled. Prince Almore narrowed his eyes and jerked his head, signaling his knights to follow as he walked away. Once they were out of sight, Alex spun around and grabbed my arm roughly and yanked me off the floor. I winced because of the sudden movement required of my sore stomach muscles. He dragged me to my room and pushed me onto the bed. I winced at the memory of so many people shoving me onto the bed before climbing on top of me but his body was absent. He stood in the corner with his arms crossed with a cruel glare on his face. I gulped and brought my knees up to my chin. I could practically see him grabbing me and beating the shit out of me. I stayed there cowering on the bed, staring back at him before his eyes narrowed and he stepped towards me. I cringed back into my headbored as he approached the side of my bed.
“We shouldn’t have kissed. It was wrong. You are wrong and fucked up. You’re despicable, look at you. You’ve fucked so many guys you’re just a disgusting, dirty, used rag.” He spat. Tears welled up in my eyes and my throat closed. “You are a disgusting faggot. How could you think I’d ever give a shit about you?” He asked, I could see this resentment flickering his his eyes. I bit my lip so hard it started bleeding and tears streamed down my cheeks as his words cut deep into my heart. I deserved this and I knew it. I deserved to be called names and killed with words...Hell, I deserved to be killed. I deserved all that was happening to me. Who was I to think that the Prince would ever give a damn about me? I am just another nothing. I am well suited for erasing. I am useless and pointless. I am worthless. “You’re lucky I don’t have you killed, and the only reason I don’t is because you’re good at your job but you should be dead. I should be plunging my sword through your heart right now.” He said, fingering his sword’s grip. I wasn’t afraid though. At this point, I wanted to die. And if I had to be killed by anyone, it was him. I was sad. No. Sad doesn’t even begin to cover it. Try in despair, in anguish, in agony, excruciation, devastation. He could only see my physical reaction which was just a few tears. But he didn’t know how badly he was hurting me. He was standing there telling me how digesting I am and how fucked up I am and I am sitting here silently begging him with the unstable beats of my breaking heart to come here and hold me and tell me he loves me and protect me. He finished off his rant by saying,
“I’ll never love you. Ever. Just go die so that there’ll be one less faggot in the world.”
Then he left.

Notes

Title cred: Jasey Rae by All Time Low




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