We Were Born To Lose

Cold. That was it. I was cold. I opened my eyes carefully to find myself in a bed which was close to the fire. I snuggled deeper under the blankets and looked to my right. Alex was standing, looking out the window with his hands clasped behind him. His hands were rough and strong and his arms toned. He held himself high, dominance soaring from him. You could take one look at him and tell that he was in charge.
“Alex?” I asked. He spun around and before I could blink, he was beside me.
“Hi. How are you? Are you cold? I can get more blankets-”
“Alex.” I cut him off. “I’m okay.”
Sure I was cold but I wasn’t freezing and the amount of blankets I had were enough. Besides, everyone had probably gone through so much to keep me alive that I didn’t want to burden them anymore. He sighed and sat next to my bed and stroked my hair.
“I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened.” He said sadly.
“It’s not your fault.” I spoke in almost a whisper.
“Yes it is. I’m your master and it’s my responsibility to make sure nothing happens to you and what happened? You almost died. I mean honestly you’ve only come into more harm under my command.” He admitted.
“No.” I shot up but it wasn’t a good idea because the world started spinning causing me to fall back onto the bed. “You were the best thing to happen to me. My world was just pain. No one gave a damn about me, they just wanted my body. But here I feel wanted. I feel like if something happens to me, people will actually care and that’s the best feeling in the world.” I said. He smiled brightly and we looked at each other for a while. You’d think it would be awkward. I mean come on, you’re just sitting there smiling at each other without looking away or saying anything, but somehow it wasn’t. Then Alex’s smile faded and was quickly replaced with a look of rage. I grew hesitant and suddenly he jumped up making me flinch and he stormed out. Making me wonder what I did to make him angry. I wanted to run after him but my legs wouldn’t work so I just lay there watching the fire and wondering what the hell just happened. I must’ve fallen asleep because when I woke, it was morning and Mom was busy at her cauldron.
“Mom?” I asked, my voice raspy and sore.
“Hey there.” she smiled, bringing me a small cup of warm, thick, sweet stuff. After drinking it, I realized it was the same stuff she’d given me before.
“What is this?” I asked, my voice sounding better.
“Warm honey. It does wonders for sore throats.” She replied, taking the cup from me and moving back to her kitchen type place. I sat up and this time the world didn’t spin around.
“How long have I been out?” I asked.
“Two days.” She said and my eyes widened.
“But what about-“
“Alex got a temporary servant.” She replied making a wave of insecurity crash over me.
“Oh okay.” I replied lightly, not wanting her to know I was worried but in reality many thought such as,

What if he likes his new servant more than me?

What if he kicks me out?

What if I never see him again?

“Now that you’re up and your skin back to normal instead of white, I figure that you can go back to work tomorrow as long as you take it easy for the next week or so.”She reasoned as I tested my feet with her guidance. I seemed to have my balance and I was just really weak and tired.
“Thank you for saving my life.” I mumbled shyly.
“You should be thanking Alex. He was the one who rode through a blizzard for several hours looking for you.” She smiled, rubbing my arm.
“I will. I think I’ll head back to my room and sleep some more.” I said.
“Okay dear.” She smiled and I left. I prayed to any god I could think of that none of Cenrid’s knights were on the route to my room but when I heard someone yell,
“Hey, Jack.” My heart stopped. I knew my body wouldn’t be able to bear another beating and I almost fainted when I gruff hand took my shoulder. You can’t imagine my relief when I saw that it was only Sir Dawson.
“I figured I’d walk you to wherever you’re going in case you run into any of Cenrid’s men.” He said.
“Thank you Sire, I’m just headed to my room. Do you know where Prince Alex is?” I asked.
“Probably either drunk, locked in his room beating the shit out of his bedpost, or on a very long ride.” He replied, walking with me.
“What happened? We were talking in Mom’s chambers but then he got very angry for no reason and left.” I asked.
“Wait till we get to your room.” Sir Dawson replied lowly and we sped our pace. Once in the safety of my room, Sir Dawson faced me.
“Alex got really pissed at Cenrid’s men last night because of what they did to you so he went to the King and demanded that the knights be punished after what happened because this, along with what happened with Prince Almore,” I shuddered at his name, “was too much to let slide but the King refused. He said that if we made any move against Cenrid then we’d have a war on our hands. So Alex said, “Then let there be a war. I do not want to be allies with men such as these.” Then their Highnesses got in a huge argument and Alex has rarely been seen since.”
“Sir Dawson, why is he doing this? I’m just a servant! I’m nothing!” I cried.
“Don’t you ever say that.” He snapped. “You are very bright, you’re quick witted, and quite frankly you’re adorable.” He chuckled making me blush. “You’re like the little brother I never had. None of us knights want this to keep happening to you.”
“Thank you, Sire.” I whispered, tears threatening to fill my eyes.
“No problem. Now I’ll leave you and go look for Alex. Once I find him, I’ll send him your way.” He said, opening the door.
“Thank you again, Sire.” I replied before he shut it. I was exhausted so I fell onto my bed and the second I hit the mattress, I was asleep.


“You got our prince in trouble, and for that, we are very pissed.” He smirked then they advanced. I shook in fear as they grabbed me and pulled me out of the warm castle into the chilly air. They grabbed their horses and tied me up and, to my humiliation, flung me over the saddle like some deer they’d just killed. We rode forever deep into the forrest, me shaking the entire time both from cold and fear. I didn’t speak, I couldn’t. Fear had muted me. Eventually we got to a creek and they pushed me off the horse and onto the ground. They dragged me into the icy water and tied me to a stump which was sticking up about five feet out of the water. They tied me so that I was submerged from the chest down in the frigid waters which were already making me shiver.
“How much of a chance do you think Gaskarth has of finding his beloved servant?” One of them asked the other two.
“None.” One replied with a laugh. Then they got out of the water and galloped away on their horses to a warm castle and dry clothes. I was shivering now as the chill seeped it’s way into my bones. I had tried wriggling away but they tied the ropes very tight so I didn’t have a chance. I didn’t know how long it’d been but my voice was horse from calling so I dipped my head and drank some of the water and continued but eventually my voice couldn’t handle it anymore so I was forced to stop. I stayed there for hours, the cold making me ache and burn all over, then it began to snow making the temperature of the air and water drop even more if that was possible. Eventually I stopped shivering and I’m no medicine man, but I knew that was not a good thing. As the sun set it was getting harder and harder to stay awake. I replayed what the Prince had said to me a few weeks ago when I received the shoulder wound, which was now but a mere scar,
“Stay awake. Get a grip and get out, you’re safe.” I whispered to myself but soon consciousness beckoned me and I slipped in and out of it.




“JACK!” He screamed then I heard him jump into the water after me. As soon as the ropes were untied, I fell, unable to support myself. Alex caught me in his sturdy arms and carried me to shore. I remembered having a coat put on me which didn’t do much but it was better. Then everything was black.

Notes

Title cred: Ode To Sleep by Twenty One Pilots


okay so now i'm taking meds for my anxiety and I'm going to see a therapist and I talked to mom and had a severe panic attack in front of her so she believes me now and I'm going to be able to get help and I don't like opening up that much, it was really hard to post my story on here, so hopefully I won't find it too hard to talk to the therapist and so yeah this week has been really difficult and emotionally exhausting so sorry I haven't updated but now I should be back on my updating schedule and we're still #1 on the popular page which is fucKING MENTAL GUYS THANK YOU

also allergies are absolutely kicking my butt

anyway, love you <3