Damn it Alex what is wrong with you?

I was being an absolute dick and I knew it. I didn’t mean to though. Every time I go near Jack I have the intention of apologizing and making amends but then suddenly harsh words fly from my mouth and cruel actions escape my limbs. I didn’t want to hurt him but I couldn’t stop. I could see how Jack returned to shrinking away from me and look at me with huge sad eyes. He’d bared his soul to me and told me absolutely everything and now I’m shutting him out. He probably thinks I don’t like him because he’s been used and is ‘dirty’ when in reality I think nothing of the sort, if anything, it’s made me want to grow closer to him to help those terrible wounds heal. I walked into my room to do some paperwork and saw Jack polishing my boots. He had been working extra hard lately, probably trying to get attention from me but I wouldn’t let myself see him. To my own anger I completely ignored him and sat at my desk. I didn’t miss the broken expression on his face after not acknowledging him and he got up sadly to put my boots away. After that, he made my bed and spent time cleaning up my room. I noticed how he’d hover over every task, trying to draw it out as long as possible but then there was nothing let to do. He looked to me and I fixed my gaze on a word on the paper, not really reading it and he sighed and left. The second he walked out the door all the heat in the room vanished. It was freezing.

---

I walked out of Alex’s room with an aching heart and the burning question,

What did I do?

I walked straight out of the castle, passing many confused people as I acted as if they didn’t exist because they didn’t to me. Not right now. I walked straight into the forest for a long time, completely numb. I had no clue where I was going, I just kept walking with my eyes unfocused. Eventually I came to a creek. I looked down at it’s swirling current. Why was my master acting this way?

What have I done?

Has he somehow found out I am gay and resents me now?

What if he kills me?

What if I’m tortured?

Somehow the thoughts of being killed or tortured didn’t scare me.
You know when someone is hurting you but they don’t know they’re doing it? And it’s like every time they do something to hurt you, your heart breaks and you can hear the crack in your head and it’s so loud that you’re wondering how they can’t hear it? That what I felt like. How could this deafening crack not be heard? I noticed that it was dusk and I sighed at the water and treaded back up to the castle. I was dragging my feet down the hallway when I felt myself accidentally bump into someone. I got pinned against the wall again and I stared straight into the eyes of my attacker and didn’t flinch when they hit me in the gut.
“Watch where you’re going.” They spat and continued on their way. I didn’t get back up, I just lay their like a doll. It kind of scared me how little I cared and how indifferent I was to everything else. I just felt so tired, like I lacked the strength to do even the simplest things.
“Jack?” Called the voice I never thought I’d hear then Alex came around the corner. “I’ve got to stop finding you like this.” He sighed. I didn’t do much to acknowledge him as he scooped me up and carried me to my room. “Jack please talk to me.” He begged as he gently placed me on the bed. I tell you it was strange to hear the Prince beg. My eye flicked to his sad face and anger fired in my stomach.
“Why should I? All you’ve done this past week is ignore me! Alex, you can either hate me or not, you can’t do both.” I spat, anger overcoming my fear. He looked a bit taken back and I’m surprised he didn’t backhand me right then and there but then his face grew unbelievably sad and it made me want to throw my arms around him and hug and comfort him.
“Jack…I don’t hate you.” He almost whispered.
“Well you sure act like you do.” I mumbled.
“DAMN IT CAN’T YOU SEE HOW HARD IT IS?” He screamed, jumping up. I jumped at the volume and looked up at him for an explanation. “I care about you. I want you to be okay. I don’t want bad things to ever happen to you but bad things have happened and I want to fix it but I don’t know how.” He murmured. He couldn’t fix me. I was too broken and scarred. I will never stop jumping at violence, loud noises, or shouting. He shouldn’t waste his time on me.
“Well I’m not okay. I never was. You can’t fix me. I’m too broken.” I whispered, tears filling my eyes. I could still feel their hands on me. I could still feel the ache in my bones from being hit and kicked. I could still feel the absolute humiliation from being so powerless.
“Jack.” He whispered, sitting on the bed very close to me. “I never expected you to be okay. I remember the day I was sitting in my carriage and all was right in the word and then I saw you get kicked down. The way you cowered in his shadow made me know that you weren’t okay and that you might never be again. Every part of me was urging to keep going, to not make you my problem but then I saw you give up. I watched you let it happen and not try to fight it and I knew that I had to save you. And ever since then, every part of me screams to protect you and to make sure you’re okay.” He explained.
“Then why are you ignoring me?” I whispered. The second I asked that, I knew it was a loaded question.
“Because I’m scared.” He mumbled.
“Of what?” I asked in disbelief, he was the Prince. There couldn’t be anything he was afraid of. He looked up at me with unyielding eye contact. Then he leaned in ever so slightly but I noticed it. I did as well, we each leaned in so slowly, terrified that the other is going to back out but then before long, our lips were centimeters apart. We stopped, holding our breath. I was so scared that he’d pull away and just when I was about to start freaking out over the thought, he pushed our lips together. This kiss was better than any other kiss I’d ever had. Every other kiss was laced with lust, it was just a part of forplay but this…This was filled with unspoken emotions and apologies. His lips were a little rough but they felt amazing against mine. Then I felt his tongue run along my bottom lip. I opened my mouth, granting him access and our tongues met causing sparks to erupt under my skin. His hand moved to my neck and he pulled me in closer. I felt so much more safe here. Normally I’m filled with fear when someone touches me but here Alex is, touching my neck and kissing me and all I feel is safe. After a minute, Alex breaks us off.
“That.” He whispers. I smile and look down, he takes his fingers and tilts my head up and I look at his face. How I wished I could capture this moment forever. Our bodies were so close, his hair was perfectly tousled and it looked so soft and fluffy, his eyes were warm and comforting with their shining gold flecks, and his lips pink and slightly swollen and tilted up in a small small. Then I have to stop staring because he meets my lips with his again.


In that moment, everything was perfect...


Too bad moments don’t last forever.

Notes

Title cred: Walls by All Time Low

JALEX KISSED REPEAT JALEX KISSED

MOTHERFUCKING JALEX WOOOOO

I AM EXCITED CAN YOU NOT TELL?

okay you can and thank you so much for supporting me. It was really afraid to reveal my past and I couldn't have hoped for a better reaction. I just want you to know that if you're going through some shit, believe me I understand and I'm here for you.

and finally holy fucking crap guys this story is more popular than my other two. Thank you sosososososososo much <3333