Kiss and Sell

Tears were running down his face like rivers crossing over small milky hills only to drip off his chin and crash onto his exposed legs. He couldn't handle it anymore. He's been staring at his legs for the past hour -the mostly clear canvas of slightly hairy, pale skin just ready to be slashed into. He felt worthless. He felt pathetic. He felt like an idiot. He should have just kept his mouth shut. He felt a pain in his heart, a nervous bleeding in his brain. He couldn't stop himself.

The kiss of the razor blade was so sweet. It sent tingles up his body -the thorn of love ripping through his heart as he slashed it across in one big, long sweep. His skin dribbled and pooled in one long red line -the metallic smell filling the small, enclosed bathroom -and all he could do was watch with slightly blurry vision.

He felt so worthless he was tempted to commit suicide -just dig the razor a little further into his wrists and bleed out successfully -but he held those feelings back despite his broken heart screaming in pain -the thorn sinking deeper and deeper into the organ as he thought. He thought about every second of the day that day. What could have been changed. What he could have done differently and maybe he wouldn't be in this situation -watching his own blood drip to the floor below him and smear across the white tile as his foot moved when he shakily tried to stand.

He slipped. He fell. The razor dug into his arm. He whimpered and rolled over -blood now blotching across his shirt and boxers and legs. Everywhere the gushing liquid could squirt onto was now on his body. His hands were stained completely red. He looked over at his bicep where the razor somehow managed to be injected perfectly into the muscle and skin -blood just barely oozing out around the silver blade as it sat firmly in the arm.

He shakily reached up and grabbed it -watching as he blade pulled skin out along with blood as he lifted it out of the limb. There was a burn that suddenly became a dull sort of pain he could tolerate and ignore for the moment. He flung the blade at his bathtub before looking down at the wound and picking at it. He spread the cut only causing it to gush. All he could see was red. He tried to sit up while still holding the wound but he soon realized he couldn't move his right arm. He looked down at it -trying desperately to gain control of even his fingers like he once had -but there was nothing. He could only stare at it before putting two and two together. He was sure if he had just lost feeling in the arm forever because of one mistake, but he knew that, despite not wanting to ever, he needed to go to the hospital.

He grabbed his pajama pants and pulled them up and over his legs -the blood seeping through almost instantly -and slowly and carefully rose to his feet. His vision -still blurred with tears as they seemed to fall even harder -dimmed slightly. His arm hung limply by his side while his left tried to prop him up and hold him by the door. He was struggling.

He's been struggling.

Alex hated him. His heart cracked at the thought, at the remembrance. He should have just gone after him. He regretted not going after him. He wished he could go back in time. Wished he could slap his earlier self in the face and yell, "Go get him before its too late, asshole!" and have a Back To The Future moment, but that's just not how life worked, sadly. He could never go back. He could never fix it or change Alex's feelings or words. He wasn't going to be able to do anything about it.

He could feel his knees shaking -clicking against each other as he went tumbling forwards -left hand reaching out for anything to catch him but only catching his lamp from atop his dresser and having it crash beside him -glass shattering across his hardwood flooring.

He groaned -rolling over and trying to prop himself up one more time. His entire crotch was red now from the blood of his thighs. His arm was dripping in it and his side was the same dark red as the rest of his clothings. He pushed himself enough to be able to shuffle to the nearest wall and crawl up it -hand clawing at flat surfaces pathetically until finally he could find something and push himself up enough to find balance with what little strength he had left.

His eyelids were heavy -he could see them fluttering in front of his vision -but he continued out of his room and down the hall to the stairs.

He smiled weakly and triumphantly -the staircase zooming in and out of focus as he looked down at it. Did they seem longer than usual? He could hear Joyce's sweet voice from downstairs. He tried to croak out his mother's name -a quiet, weak "Mo-ommy." Sounding from the back of his throat like how it used to when he was young and sick -but she couldn't hear it. Not over the other's conversation. Not over the television.

Jack stepped forward -foot nearly missing the first step but catching it and letting him stumble forward and down. He continued -hand clutching the rail -until he was a quarter the way down -and then he stopped to call her name again -this time a little louder and more like a squeak, "Mommy." He was so desperate for her to hear him. He called again -hearing cheering from the other room because obviously they were watching a football game. He tried one more time -the name being caught in his throat as his foot groped for the next step -catching the edge and suddenly slipping.

Jack went tumbling down -his limps twisting unnaturally, his head cracking against each step, his back harshly landing against sharp edges, and his bones breaking against hard floor.

Consciously, Jack could only think of one thing. His mother. Her face as she ran to him and saw him covered in blood at the end of the steps. Her disappointment. He could only really think of what he really wanted to say.

I'm sorry.

Notes

I was really upset when I wrote this (I'm okay now lol)

SO SORRY I MESSED JACK UP LIKE WHAT AM I DOING AM I HORRIBLE OR WHAT?!?!

Rebecca is an amazing editor and she helped me with the title (hurt by Johnny Cash) so give her some hate as well you guys. She likes it ;). Lololol.

No but seriously you need to love us because I swear the jalex is coming (in like the next twenty chapters [but not really because that's over exaggerated] and if ya guys keep bein mean we just might never fix zee jalex)

mwahahahahahaha

i love you guys though <3