Kiss and Sell

"Why the fuck did you do that?!" Alex cried when they had finally gotten out of the principal's office. They had gotten ISD instead of the simple detention and were to go for three days starting tomorrow. Alex had never gotten even detention in his entire life. To say he was pissed that Jack had gotten him in trouble, and probably lost one of his best fucks, was an understatement.

Jack shrugged a little, "Why do you do anything that you do?"

"I don't go around and start making out in the middle of hallway and then cuss out a teacher!" Alex cried which was only half true. Making out in the middle of the hallway was his specialty. He was less upset that Jack got him in trouble and more so that Jack didn’t even seem the least upset.

"You tried to punch me." Jack argued, "He would have let us go if you had just kept your mouth shut too."

"Fuck you, Jack." Alex said -unable to find another better smartass remark and just settling for the basics -before flipping the younger off and walking away, "I hate you."
Jack felt his heart drop. Alex has never said he hated him before. Not like that anyways. He heard only the anger and loathing in the words -no playfulness or even a hint of fabrication. He could feel tears burning at the back of his eyes -knowing if he didn't do something they'd fall any minute now. His heart practically shattered at the thought that Alex really meant it. How would he be able to live with Alex hating him?

He looked up at Alex's figure as it slowly made it's way down the hall closest to the doors to the office, and actually started walking after him -desperate to fix them somehow even if he had to apologize which just wasn't Jack's thing -until he suddenly saw two others with him. Jack squinted in their direction -unable to see them exactly clearly as the two circled Alex slowly.

Jack watched one hold Alex close by his waist -the other coming up behind him. He couldn't hear anything but knew they were having a conversation since he could kind of see how their mouths moved and he automatically assumed Alex was about to have a three way with some of his other fuck buddies (where do these people even come from?!) instead of actually recognizing the two like he should have. So, naturally he was jealous as fuck. Instead of going and punching the two right in their stupid, not as good looking as his faces he reminded himself it'd only make Alex more upset and probably hate him more and turned around to stomp away dramatically. It wasn't like Alex didn't want what he was getting anyways.

That's probably the only real reason he talked back to Mr. Bokan. He was jealous of him. He was better looking, fit, and probably a better fuck than Jack would ever be. How did he expect Alex to stay with him when he could have much better like Mr. Bokan or Brendon or even Zack? He felt a horrible urge in the pit of his stomach -an itch aching and burning to be scratched across his skin -and he knew he shouldn't do it. He knew he'd start being sucked into a never ending abyss of addiction and pain and depression, but he also knew heneededthis feeling in his gut, this itch, to be soothed. There was only one way to do that.
While Jack was seemingly breaking down in the middle of the hallway Alex was stuck being helpless and terrified. The two boys Jack hadn’t bothered to recognize were in fact Josh and Oliver. Alex gulped as Oliver pulled him close by his waist -whispering in his ear while Josh grabbed his arms from behind him.

"Ugly whore. Who do you think you are fucking everyone in school? No one likes you. You're just a toy." He whispered harshly.

Alex whimpered quietly. He hated Josh and Oliver. He hated how they made him feel insecure and like complete shit. Usually it was so easy to stay away and avoid them. Usually he had Jack. He hasn't even gotten beaten by them in a few months. He assumed they were anxious now -restless to just hurt him.

"Please don't. My ribs are fractured." Alex whimpered desperately and weak. The two laughed as if Alex had made a hilarious joke -none of this was funny in the slightest. Scoffing at him -Josh suddenly kicked the back of his knees and he was falling to them -wincing as his wrist and arms were twisted from where Josh held them tightly behind his back. He looked up at Oliver who smirked as he said, "We aren't going to hurt you. We're just going to give you exactly what you want, fuckin' whore."

It wasn't like Alex hadn't been forced to have sex before. There were plenty of times when people had forced him into things he didn't want to do, sometimes people he knew well. It didn't bother him that much anymore. He blocked out all the bad thoughts, pretended he wanted it, and his brain let him tell himself that he did. So, even if itwasconsidered rape Alex wouldn't really call it that. The first time didn't stop him from going out there and getting fucked, why in the hell would this time?

Still, watching Oliver unzip his pants seemingly as slow as he could sent shivers down Alex's spine and whimpers out his throat. He liked sex, yeah, but this was an all new low for his bullies. How would this teach him anything? He glanced back -eyes searching for the figure that was once Jack and saw no sign of who he'd think would be his hero if he knew what was happening. He tried to mentally call out to him -maybe Jack would somehow get some kind of spidey-sense and come to his rescue -but as the forcing started and Josh was also beginning to pull down Jack's basketball shorts and force himself inside Alex and Jack still hadn't showed up Alex just knew this was going to happen without a hero to save him.

It wasn't a comic book, anyways. This was life. Alex was having things forced into him raw -burns and stretches causing his lower half to feel like it was ripping in half. He had never experienced such pain in his life. He never thought he would. Maybe if they had used spit the stretch would have been tolerable, he could have pretended it was someone else (maybe even Jack), but Jack wouldn't put him through this. He'd never hurt him like this.
And the absolutely worst part? They were laughing because naturally, once he adjusted a little, Alex had gotten hard from it and was moaning. He couldn't help it. It wasn't that he liked it, who in their right mind would? He just couldn't stop his body from naturally feeling pleasure from something he's been exposing it to for years. Something he was supposed to like.They were laughing to each other -spitting insults at Alex as they finished inside him nearly at the same time. Alex cringed at the feeling -being dropped back on the ground -and curled into a ball as they continued to laugh. Alex felt Oliver spit on him, felt Josh kick him in the stomach and just leave him there.

For a minute Alex just wanted to fall asleep and forget everything.

But instead he was going to be strong. He got up, pulled his (Jack's) shorts up, fixed his t-shirt, and he walked (limped) out the door. He decided he was going home. He didn't care if he wasn't allowed back or if his parents thought he was dead or anything. He was going home, he was going to go to his room, and he was going to get his clothes, his guitar, a suitcase, and he was going to fucking run away. He was going to take some tools and fix his dumbass jeep on the side of the road even if he didn't know shit about cars and he was going to fucking leave. Running away from his problems seemed like the best option. That's all he wanted to do. He wanted to get away from Oliver and Josh and especiallyJack. Jack who left him there to be raped and got him in trouble and just fucked up his entire life. Now, he really did hate him.

The walk was agonizing. So many thoughts raced through his mind about his father and mother. He wondered how they'd react to seeing him -if Peter was even there. He wondered if they missed him not that he'd be staying. He wondered a lot of things about them.

When he got to the familiar pale blue house it looked almost abandoned. He figured they ran after having thought killed him, but when he walked in, the door surprisingly unlocked, boxes were still scattered around the room -slightly less than normal -and the lights were just off except for the kitchen. The television was on like someone had been watching it all day and relaxing. It was different for his house. He heard humming and slowly made his way to the small, black-and-white tiled kitchen to see his mother washing dishes. That was a first.
Her hair actually looked straightened and brushed. It was shiny and silky and flowed over her back like a long, blond waterfall. He could tell she was wearing real clothes and not just her pajamas or underwear or robe. She actually had shoes on.

What the hell was happening here?

"M-Mom?" He asked making her jump and spin around. When their brown eyes locked -Isobel's lids coated in a soft green eyeshadow -her plate fell to the ground. It smashed and the pieces bounced around as they scattered across the floor. "Shit, Mom." Alex said as he grabbed for the broom to sweep the glass up so no one would step on it and get hurt. He was used to cleaning up after people now it was just second instinct for him.

"A-A-Alex? Y-you're okay? But Peter... He said..." She trailed off as she watched her son sweep the mess into a pan to throw away.

"I was dead?" Alex asked and when he got silence he shrugged and said, "I'm not."

"H-h-how...? Y-you weren't breathing..." She whispered.

"Well, apparently I fucking was." He snapped before throwing the broom and pan down -not caring that it made another mess he'd have to clean up again, "How could you do that to me? How could you let him do that to me? How could you just... just lie to him and let him hurt me like that? What kind of mother are you?"

Isobel opened and closed her mouth -tears welding in her eyes that she tried to desperately blink them away, "Alex, honey, I'm so sorry. I w-wasn't in my right mind-"

"And that's a fucking excuse for letting your husband beat your son to death?!"

"No, baby, no." She breathed a shaky sigh as she bit her lip and reached up to wipe the tears away, "No, you're right. That wasn't an excuse for anything that I did, but... Babe, I've changed."

"You've changed?" Alex scoffed, "You expect me to believe that? After all the shit you did to me?"

"I-I'm sober now." She tried to convince him but Alex wasn't seeming to have it, "I can prove to you that this wont ever happen again, baby. I promise. I kicked Peter out and we'll never have this problem again."

"You kicked Peter out? Pfft." Alex scoffed, "As if. I don't believe it."

"It wasn't easy," Isobel chuckled, "How about we sit and talk? I can make you something to eat... What do you want? A sandwich? I have those noodles you love so much." Alex's crossed arms dropped at that. His tense, stressed muscles relaxed. Maybe his mother really had changed.

"You remember that from when I was like, ten?" He asked.

"Of course," Isobel said with a smile, "You used to make me get them all the time. How could I forget?"

And Alex -already so fucked up from Oliver and Josh and everything they put him through and the memories of his father beating him flashing through his head -he just couldn't hold anything in. He let the tears he had been holding for the past hour spill over making Isobel frown at him and chuckle a little.

"Babe, they're just noodles."

Alex shook his head and let himself sink down in front of the fridge and sit with his knees drawn to his chest as he breathed in a shaky breath and began sobbing, "That's not it, Mom! I-I just..." He shook his head, "I came back because I-I wa-was going to r-run a-away."

Isobel titled her head questioningly and knelt down beside her son -brushing his hair away like she always did when he was young and upset, well before she started doing drugs, "Why? What happened?"

Alex gave her a look like, "Do you seriously want to know?" And she nodded sadly at him.

He took in a sharp breath of air and swallowed thickly as he stuttered, "I-I g-got raped today."
"What?!" She cried, "Alex! Who did this? What happened?"

Alex began sobbing again -unable to control himself as he buried his face in his hands and cried, "Please don't tell anyone! I don't want anyone to know! Please!"

Isobel took his hands away from his face and lifted his chin up as she said, "Alex, we need to tell someone. The police or something. Where did this happen?"

"S-school. M-Mom, I don't want anyone to know. I-I feel... disgusting." He grimaced and Isobel sighed as she pulled him into her arms and let him sob into her chest as she whispered, "I know, baby, I know. Let's talk about this later. Here, why don't you go take a shower and I'll make your noodles and we can sit and watch movies for the rest of the day, okay?"

Alex nodded weakly as his mother ran her fingers through his hair and pulled back to look at him -wiping the tears from his cheeks as they rolled down they, "Was he safe?" Alex simply shook his head and began sobbing again making Isobel sigh and pull him back into her chest, "I'll get you some pills." Alex nodded and for a moment he was positive he had his mother back and he really really liked that.

Notes

You guys, you guys, you guys....

DID WE FUCKING GET YOU WITH THAT TITLE OR DID WE GET YOU?!

You guys thought we were gonna fix it. You thought we were gonna fix it and it was gonna be another happy chapter didn't you? Don't lie to yourselves. You thought when you read that beautiful title it was all gonna be okay and then we dropped this bomb of depression and smashed it right into the windshield of your car. You didn't even see it coming did you babes? Did ya? Come on, you can tell me. Shay wont judge. Tell me how this made you feel. I want to know.

Go on. Tell me. Tell me how you feel. Whisper it in my ear.... unless that's weird... but you know.... I like to get awkward with you babes... I like to touch your hearts with my hands and rub my fingers over the veins and feel your life pumping.

This note is really weird because it is 3 am here.

Hi.

and bye.

I love you guys.

Shay