Kiss Me Again

I'm completely shutting myself out from the world. I don't want to talk, I don't want to eat, and I damn sure don't want to sleep.
The only thing I do want, is Alex. But I can't have him, ever again. I'm too late. He belongs to Lisa Ruocco, now. Sadly, my predictions about this whole thing were pretty damn accurate.
I knew that I'd be replaced by her.
I knew she'd get what she wanted in the end.
I knew that she would make him more happier than I did.
He sure did look happy, kissing her and flirting with her right in front of me.
How I feel, I cannot even express in words. Not without breaking down, at least.
I never thought anything could ever hurt this bad. This hurt more than any other breakup. This hurt more than getting back-stabbed by your best friend. This even hurt more than physical pain!
Pain.
It's funny, how you can feel pain, mentally and emotionally. It doesn't physically hurt you; the pain cannot kill you.
It's like being trapped. You feel so much overbearing and excruciating pain, yet it's never ending. You don't die or anything..there's no way to escape the horrible, terrifying feeling.
That is, unless, it drives you to the point where you choose to do it yourself.
Is this what I want?
Is this what I have to do in order to end this pain?
Maybe I shouldn't kill myself..
But, I have an alternative to that.
Not one anyone else would approve of, but it's the only thing that could possibly help me in a situation this severe.
I shakily walked into my bathroom, and shut the door behind me; my cheeks completely wet with tears.
I opened the sink cabinet, and got out a razor. I watched how it glistened, when it reflected on the light.
Don't call me overdramatic. Don't tell me I'm overreacting. She has everything. She's always had it all, but now she has truly everything. I had nothing, and no one. Alex was my everything. But now I'm back to nothing, except I'm truly alone now. I can't stand it.
I am broken. I was broken before, and truly, I always will be. Just more so now, than ever. I'm at my breaking point, and this will help me calm down. It's my release, I need this. I must match the emotional pain, with physical.
And don't call me insane.
I'm just trying to be okay, when obviously, nothing in my life is. I'm far from okay.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, before pressing the blade to my skin, and sliding it across my wrist, on top of my old, semi-faded scars.
I watched as the little red beads appeared, giving me so much relief. I instantly felt a bit more relaxed, knowing that I got what I wanted. But it wasn't enough.
I repeated the task about five more times on my wrist, with the same mantras playing over and over in my head.
"Honestly, nothing could ever hurt more than you."
"You ruined us."
I am a fuck up.
Fuck my life.
I just stood there, staring at my bleeding wrist. I felt satisfied with my "work" in a sick way. I knew I'd feel like shit about it later, so I just savored the moment.
"I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm sorry, Alex." I whispered, as tears shamefully streamed down my face.

*Hayley*
-1 week later-
Things were almost perfect.
Me and my Jacky-poo have been together for a little over a month! But how can you possibly be happy about something like that, when your best friends are suffering from their own break up??
Maybe it's been a month since that whole showcase fiasco, and maybe Alex has "moved on", but Tay is still taking it hard.
She's completely isolated herself from the rest of us. No one really talks to her in the group anymore, except for me. But its usually a one-sided conversation, because she always seems kinda...somewhere else, all the time. And I can talk a looootttt...I mean like, for ageeees and ageeeees!
Maybe I'm annoying her? I don't know, but she just seems really bummed, and it totally puts a damper on my mood.
Another thing that ruins my mood, is that stupid bitch, Lisa. If it weren't for her, we wouldn't even have this mess! The guys would stop acting like they don't know her, and her and Alex would be all cute again, and I wouldn't have to be so torn between my best friend and my boyfriend!!
Ugh. Why'd she have to get in the way of something so freaking adorable??
And I'm SO mad at Alex, for even thinking about dating that whore!! I mean..she ruined the guy's relationship! She hurt Tay in ways that he is just too blind to see. I mean come on, obviously, the girl is a wreck!!
I try to calm down, and focus on not getting burned, as I was straightening my neon-orange hair.
Jack was taking me out to lunch today, so I had to look good for him. Even though he says I look good no matter what, I still must look my best for that cutie patootie!
I put on my bright pink lipstick, and then walked back into my bedroom, to check myself out in my long, huge mirror.
I smoothed out my pink skirt, and strapped on my sandals, just in time to hear the doorbell ring from downstairs.
OH MY GOSH, THAT'S HIM!!
I quickly fixed my hair one last time, before running downstairs and opening the front door.
"JAAACKKYYY!!!" I squealed, jumping into his arms.
He laughed, and picked my petite body up a little bit, as he hugged me back.
Once he put me back down, he pulled back and smiled at me, holding my hands.
"Hey, baby! I missed you!" He grinned.
"I missed you too, babe!" I grinned back even wider.
Even though we just saw each other yesterday.
"You look cute."
"No, YOU do!" I giggled.
Then, we both leaned in and gave each other a kiss, while making a "MWAH" sound.
"Alright, you ready to go?" Jack asked, linking his fingers with mine.
I reached over and grabbed my purse off the little table next to us.
"Ready!"

We soon got to some cute little restaurant, and I was laughing with Jack, while eating a panini.
"Hey, you wanna get dessert? We could get a milkshake or some cake or something.." Jack asked, as he saw our waiter walking towards our table.
I thought about it for a second, and shrugged.
"I dunno, you pick!"
"Well...I guess we're getting both, then!" He shrugged, patting his belly.
I laughed, and watched him as he ordered a slice of chocolate cake, and a large strawberry milkshake for us to share.
He's soooo cute.
Am I the luckiest girl ever, or WHAT?
He thanked the waiter, then looked back at me, catching me watching him.
"Uhh..Hayl, you're staring." He chuckled, as I looked down to try to hide my blush.
"Aw, shit. You're so fucking adorable." He chuckled some more.
"Quit laughing at me!" I whined, blushing even more, but still not able to contain the smile forming on my lips.
"Goddamn, you're gonna make me say it, aren't you?"
I looked up at gave him a puzzled look.
"Say what?"
He took a deep breath, and suddenly couldn't keep eye contact with me.
"Say what, Jack? Why are you getting all nervous??" I was actually getting a bit concerned.
"I uh...I don't know, I.."
"Jacky." I reached over the table, and placed my hand on his.
He took another deep breath, and then finally spoke.
"I-love-you." He quickly spat out, his cheeks reddening.
I blinked a few times, in shock.
"J-Jack...did you just say what I think you just said?" I whispered in disbelief.
"Y-yeah..I'm sorry, it's too soon, right? I shouldn't have-"
"No, I love you too!" I cut off his rambling, and grinned at him.
The smile that stretched across his face, was priceless.
"Really?"
"Really."
"I love you!"
"I love YOU!!"
We both just smiled at each other like idiots, with our blushing cheeks, until the dessert came.
We both picked up a fork, and stuck two straws into the tall milkshake glass. We shared the slice of cake, and split the milkshake with smiles on our faces.
With Jack having his commitment issues and all, it was really surprising to hear him say something so HUGE like that..and especially so early! I guess I'm that one girl who he's ever truly fallen in love with. Who he chose to have an actual relationship with.
And you must be insane, if you think that doesn't make me THE MOST FUCKING HAPPIEST GIRL ON THE PLANET!!!
But then, I thought of Tay.
Telling her about this, isn't going to be as fun as it would if she and Alex were still together. This whole breakup thing is ridiculous, and everyone knows it. I couldn't possibly tell her about me and Jack being in love, and rub it in her face!
I sighed, and fiddled with the straw I was drinking out of.
"Hey, what's wrong, babe? Everything ok?" Jack gave me a concerned look.
"Yeah, I just.." I sighed again.
"What is it, baby?" He took my hand in his, from across the table.
"I just...I'm worried about Tay. She hasn't been speaking to anybody, and sometimes I see her at lunch, and she never eats. She's taking the breakup really hard, and let's face it, she's never gonna get over it, Jack. I don't see why she should, I mean..Tay and Alex are MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! That whole him and Lisa thing is all wrong, and you know it..right??"
"Well fuck yeah, it's wrong! That worries me too..poor girl. And I'm a bit worried about Alex, as well, ya know? You and me both know that before that whole showcase thing, he wouldn't give Lisa a second glance. Maybe he's only going out with her for a different reason?"
"What? You mean he's only doing it to make Tay jealous or something?"
"No no..he wouldn't try to hurt her like that.."
"Well the damage is done already..it's too late to say he's not a dick." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.
"Well..maybe he's only using Lisa to get over Tay."
"You don't think he's over her?"
"Nah..if I know Alex, I know that there's no way in hell, he's over her. She was the only girl he loved, the only thing he really cared about. He still does. He's trying to cover it up, but trust me..he does." Jack reassured me, then took a sip of the milkshake.
I thought for a moment.
If Alex does still actually love Tay, and Tay obviously still loves Alex..we could totally fix this.
"Hey Jack, wanna know how we can be the bestest best friends ever?" I asked, excitedly.
"I don't think bestest is a word, but..how?" He smirked.
"We need to get Tay and Alex back together!! You need to find a way to convince him to talk to her, okay?"
Jack sighed, and gave me a worried look.
"Hayl..that'll be kinda hard to do, I mean...he's a stubborn ass, guy.."
"Jack, pleeeaaasee! I'm begging you! Do you want our best friends to continue doing this to themselves? Being miserable? Because I don't know about you, but it's making me pretty miserable too..." I sighed out of sadness.
"Hey..I'll try. But I can't promise you he'll cooperate. I promise you I'll try, though..they kinda made me wanna throw up at times, but..I miss them being together, too."
"YAY, JACKY!" I got up out of my seat, and ran around the small table to give him a hug.
"I love you!" I giggled.
"I love you, too!" Jack smiled, then pressed his lips against mine.
I really fucking hope this goes well for them.

Notes

So how bout that Hayley action? ;)
If I can't make Taylex fluff, I most DEFINITELY will make Jayley fluff! :3
Did you guys like it? (:

QOTD: Any Pierce The Veil and/or Sleeping With Sirens fans? Anyone going to The World Tour? :)
I love love LOVE Pierce The Veil, and I really like Sleeping with Sirens, too :) I plan on going to the concert when they come to my state in February. I'M FUCKING EXCITED BC GOSH FUCK YES!! & I can't wait for PTV's new album omg I'm dying just waitingggg...xD

Thanks! :)

Title cred: Caraphernelia- Pierce The Veil ft. Jeremy McKinnon