This week has been a drag. It's finally Friday, which makes it exactly a week since me and Alex had that little fall out in the hall.
Since then, we've just given each other the cold shoulder. The guys don't really talk to me anymore, but that's understandable. I mean, they are HIS best friends, and plus- wherever he is, they are.
I've been keeping my guard up, but it's actually been really hard without him. Sure, I still have Hayley to talk to, but I still miss Alex. I don't feel like I'm just losing a friend, I feel broken. Like I've lost a piece of me. I thought I wanted to be alone, but now I'm just...lonely. And bitter. And sad.
Alex doesn't seem so happy, either. He's not his usual bubbly self. He'll still put on a smile for everyone; and they may not see it, but I can see clearly that his eyes don't match his grin.
And then on top of that, Lisa and her little cheerleader posse are always all over him now that I'm "not in the picture". And it makes me jealous. Jealous as hell. I don't know why I've been feeling all these emotions lately..I mean, I certainly don't have the right to feel this way on account of the fact that I refused to date the guy while I had the offer. I kind of regret it at times, but then I remember my reasoning behind it. I remember all the guys I've dated who have told me sweet lies and then treated me like absolute shit. But would Alex do that? I don't know. I guess I'll never know, anyway.
The bell rang, signaling that it's my last class of the day. I met Hayley at her locker, and walked with her to music.
"Alright, class! I don't have anything for ya'll to do today, so how about a free live session period!!" Mr. Flyzik announced as we all entered the room.
The class soon erupted in cheers, as they all came barreling in and taking their seats on the floor. Hayley beamed, and took my hand and pulled us closer to the front.
"Oh my God, come on, come on!!" She squealed, plopping down on the floor and pulling me down with her.
"Okay, settle down guys!! Who's gonna perform first?"
Hayley's hand shot up immediately, quicker than all the other many hands in the room.
Flyzik chuckled at that. "Alright Williams, you're up!"
She squealed with joy, and ran up onto the small stage at the front of the classroom, grabbing an acoustic and sitting down the chair, adjusting the mic.
"Okay, hi everybody!! This is a little song I wrote called The Only Exception. Okay!! Here I go!!"
She began to strum the guitar, and soon began to sing beautifully.

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it.

We all began to sway our heads side to side, in time with the music. Her voice sounded heavenly. But then, the lyrics started to get to me.

And my momma swore
That she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

That sounds a lot like me...

But darling,
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone.
Or keep a straight face.

Sounds a lot like the situation I'm in with Alex.

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I have sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Would being with Alex be worth the risk?

Well you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

She continued to sing, and I turned my head to look at Alex, who was sitting across the room. He noticed me looking, and looked back at me and held my gaze for a moment, but then dropped his gaze to the floor. I sighed, and turned back to Hayley, who was finishing up her song.

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.

She strummed the last chord, then she grinned widely as everyone broke into applause.
"Thank you! Thank you!" She giggled and curtsied, then came back and sat beside me.
"That was really awesome, Hayley!" I smiled at her.
"Thanks, doll!" She smiled back at me.
"Okay, okay! Great job, Hayley!" Flyzik applauded her.
"Now, who's next?"

Class continued on with many great performances from my classmates. Then, we were down to the last 15 minutes of class, and some guy named Brendon had just finished a singing a song he wrote (which was really good, by the way).
Flyzik applauded.
"Okay, how many left of you are there? Who wants to go next?"
The class went silent for a moment, then I heard him volunteer from across the room.
"I will." Alex said, as he stood up and started making his way over to the stage, grabbing an acoustic. The class cheered louder than they had the whole class period.
Meanwhile, I felt frozen. I couldn't possibly ignore him now!
He sat down in the chair and cleared his throat.
"Okay, hi. I'm gonna play a little song I've been working on. I call this, Return The Favor." He said with a smug look on his face.
There were a few more WOOs and YEAHs from the crowd, before he strummed the first chord and began to fill the room with his flawless voice.
Oh no,
Look what you've done
Left me
The victim of a hit and run
Picked up and let down
You were never as you led on

Oh shit.

You said just friends and no strings
But that leaves loose ends for old flings
Get back to old days and old flames
You never let burn out

Is this song about...
His eyes fell on mine.

Won't you let me know?
How do I get away?
When you're begging me to stay?
What do you need me to say?
You're anything but ordinary
What do you want me to do?
I've given it all to you
I wish you would
Return the favor

This song is about me.
He's singing about me.
In front of the whole class.

Did you forget what I said
Trainwreck, here we,
Here we go again
Derailed, did I fail
To mention
I put it on the line
Whether you and me could ever be
We'll never see, no
'Cause you keep the lights off
We only do it in the dark

Oh no.
No no no no no.
I can't do this.
I can't.
I got up from my spot on the floor and before I could even think, I quickly exited the classroom and shut the door behind me.
I stood with my back against the wall next to the door.
The music stopped playing.
"She probably went to the bathroom or something, why'd you stop?" I heard Flyzik say.
"What's the point? She's not listening anymore." I heard Alex get up and place his guitar down.
My anxiety was raging at that point. I bolted down the hall, and through the main corridor.
There's only about 10 minutes of school left, I'm sure Flyzik wouldn't mind if I left early.

I got home and ran upstairs, slamming the door behind me.
I collapsed onto my bed, really struggling to keep myself from crying.
Alex hates me, Alex hates me!
I hurt him!
I'm stupid!
How dare I be afraid of getting my heart broken, when I'm the one doing it to him??
I started freaking out and breathing quickly, rocking back and forth.
I'm a monster...
Then, my phone rang. I checked the screen and saw that it was Jenna.
I was in no shape to talk to anyone right now.
But then again, Jenna isn't just anyone. She's my best friend.
I took a deep, shaky breath, then picked up.
"H-hello?"
"TAAAAYYY! HEY BOO!" Her Australian accent beamed through the phone.
"Oh my gosh! We need to catch up, I'm sorry I haven't tried to contact you in weeks, I've just been really busy with school work and stuff. Thanks for the cute Vans, did you get my text? I sent you a picture of how cute they look on me!" She giggled.
"N-no, I haven't..checked it y-yet." I tried to match her cheerful tone, but clearly failed.
"Uh oh..what's wrong, kid?"
"N-nothing's w-wrong.."
"You're stuttering, so yes there is. Maybe I can't see you, but I know you, Jardine. Now spill."
So I did. I told her all about Christmas, and the kiss, and the argument, and the song.
By the end of it, I was bawling my eyes out.
"I-I just..I miss him, and- and..am I wrong? AM I WRONG FOR NOT WANTING TO HURT?"
I sobbed uncontrollably.
"Shh. Don't cry, babe! I think this guy really likes you, that's why he's gone through all the trouble. I don't know the guy, but he doesn't seem bad!"
"But they never do!! They never seem bad, Jenna!"
"Shhh. Don't be afraid of that."
"But how do I not be afraid?? What do I do?"
"Tell me this. Do you trust him?"
I thought about it for a second.
Well he's never given me a reason not to trust him..
"Yes?"
"Does he make you happy?"
I thought of his smile. And his laugh. His cute texts and his stupid jokes. And his warm, protective hugs. He's made me happier than I've been in a while.
"Yes, I think so."
"Well then, can you admit it to yourself that you like him?"
Can I?
"Just ask yourself that. Do you have feelings for Alex, and are you willing to let him in?"
I let that sink in for a moment.
Do I like Alex?
I'd be lying if I said I didn't.
So that's it, then.
I like Alex Gaskarth.
It feels like a weight off my chest to admit it.
"Thanks, Jenna. I really don't think he's a bad guy at all. Definitely not another Oli.."
She started to choke.
"Hey, are you- are you alright?"
"Uh..y-yeah, I just..I gotta go, okay? Talk to you later."
Before I could say anything else, she hung up.
Well that was weird. It sort of sounded like something was wrong..but she's probably fine.
I shrugged it off and laid back down on my bed.

My best friend has helped me realize something that could change everything.
I have feelings for Alex.

And that scares me more than anything.

Notes

*2nd update today*
OMG FINALLY! It literally took me all day to write this chapter..probably because I can't focus for shit xD
So, Tay as finally admitted to herself that she DOES like Alex. But will she do anything about it??
Who knows? ;)

Soooo I think it's safe to say that you all hate me.
BUT I STILL LOVE YOUUUUU <333

Thanks! :)

Title cred: Return The Favor- All Time Low