Kiss Me Again

Today marks three weeks since Christmas.
Three weeks since the kiss.
Three weeks since Alex has spoken to me.
Three weeks since he's even looked at me.
I miss him like crazy. I miss his stupid jokes and his goofy laugh, and how he could light up a room with his smile, and the way his eyes would instantly brighten when they looked into mine..
Now, I'm convinced he hates my guts. He's been avoiding all contact with me. I've tried texting him..like, just trying to make small conversation and put it all behind us. But he never responded.
And then earlier in the week I tried stopping him in the morning when he sped past my locker to go to homeroom, but he just gave me a pained quick glance, and kept going wherever he was going.
And I wouldn't dare try to sit with them at lunch, it would just be awkward and painful for the both of us.
I told him that night that we couldn't be more than friends, but then he decided we just couldn't be friends at all! That's so unfair!! It's like I had no choice but to be with him, or never talk to him again. He can't do that, right?? I mean- he KISSED me. And I did kiss him back maybe giving him false hope but...UGHHH!!
I don't know what the right thing is anymore. I've always felt a little...attached to Alex, but now my emotions are blowing up even more after he's gone!
It's like I...like him.
No! Don't let him brainwash you, Tay!
But I miss him...
But he wants a relationship..
But maybe I want a relationship..
Wait, no I don't.
No I do not.
I'm so confused as to what I'm supposed to do. This has been the only thing I can focus on in my head right now as I'm sitting in algebra RIGHT NEXT TO HIM.
I snook a peak at him from the corner of my eye. His straightened brown locks falling over his face as he looked down at the equations he was working on. He sat up for a second and looked up at the ceiling, mumbling a bunch of numbers, then returning his attention back to his paper as he quickly jotted it down.
He's so cute...
He looked back up, turning his head and sneaking a glance at me, his cheeks turning red after noticing he'd been caught. I narrowed my eyes at him and turned back to my own paper.
Sure, I miss the guy, but he's gone out of his way to completely shut me out. And even though I may have sort of enjoyed the kiss we shared, I still felt kind of annoyed that he would pull such a thing on me, knowing that I clearly do not want a relationship. And now he's trying to make me feel guilty, even!!
I huffed, and continued doing my math till the bell rang. When I walked out of the classroom and turned to walk down the hall, something grabbed my arm. I turned around and scowled when I saw Alex standing behind me, giving me a concerned look.
"What do you want, Alex?" I snapped, causing him to stumble back a little.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He still looked concerned, reaching up to hold my face in his hands.
This made me completely infuriated, and I pushed his hands away.
"I'm not crying, Alex. I'm not a baby. But you know what? There IS something wrong, and it's simply the fact that you fucking KISSED me, and then completely cut me off. And now you're acting like you care about me? Just fuck off, Alex."
I turned to walk away, when he grabbed my elbow, pulling me back to face him again.
"Hey, you kissed me too, ya know! You went on dates with me, a-and you even flirted with me..you basically led me on! What was I supposed to think?"
I scowled at that.
"FLIRTED with you? DATES?? All of that was friendly and harmless, Alex. Oh, and there's also the fact that I DIDN'T WANT TO DATE YOU!" I spilled out, instantly regretting that last part after seeing the hurt look in his eyes.
"N-no, I didn't mean...I just don't want to date ANYBODY, Alex! Not just you!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever! I know what you fucking meant."
I was back to being angry again.
"What is this fucking guilt trip you're putting on me? Why are you acting so..weird? Why'd you stop talking to me?"
"I've never been rejected before.." He mumbled, hanging his head in defeat.
"I know you're lying if you say don't have any feelings for me at all.."
"WELL I DON'T! Maybe you should get your head out of your ass and accept the fact that not every girl is gonna fall for you, Alex Gaskarth!!"
"I didn't mean it like that..I'm not a fucking narcissist, Tay." He furrowed his brows, giving me an annoyed look.
"I just feel-"
"Well Alex, maybe you should STOP feeling so much, okay? I'm honestly not worth getting feelings for." I cut him off, quickly turning around and walking to the cafeteria.

I didn't mean to get so worked up and defensive. I just don't want to get romantically involved with anyone. I know Alex has a good heart, and I feel like shit for breaking it. But what if we were dating, and we had a fight like that?? I'd be an emotional wreck. Similar to how I am now.
But I still can't help but wonder what it would be like to date Alex. If I'd really regret it if I gave him a chance.
Of course you'd regret it, everyone you date breaks your heart.
My stomach feels like it's tied in knots.
I guess I won't be eating lunch today..
Again.

Notes

Tay has mixed feelings about Alex.
It only took me like almost 2 hours to write this. That's a new record for my shortest time xD
Oh, and I have news...
WE'RE AT THE TOP OF THE 2ND POPULAR PAGE YOU SEXY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
TYSM <333

I like comments :3

Title cred: Exits And Entrances- We Are The In Crowd