Kiss Me Again

I woke up around noon, still feeling absolutely lazy. I didn't wanna move an inch out of my bed. I decided to take out my phone and just check out all my social media networks. But then I noticed a bunch of worried text messages from Hayley in my inbox.

Hayley- Tay, where'd you go yesterday? U JUST RAN OUT!!
Hayley- Like u can't just skip school, Tay! I know there were like only 10 mins left but STILL!!
Hayley- Hello, earth to Tay!! Are u even alive?!!?? SPEAK TO ME! ARE. YOU. OKAY.

I laughed a little at her insane texts. But it's really nice to know that someone was actually worried about me and cares that much. Hayley's a good friend.
.
Me- I'm FINE, you worrywart! xP

She replied almost instantly.

Hayley- Well EXCUUUUSSEE ME! Sorry for getting a lil WORRIED after my friend practically RAN OUT OF THE CLASSROOM AND DIDNT COME BACK. What was tht even about??
Me- Sorry. He was singing about me and I just couldn't handle it. Didn't mean to ditch ya.
Hayley- Ohh, I get it. Well I would've freaked out too if it makes u feel any better!

I rolled my eyes and let out a laugh.

Me- Uhm, I'm sure you would've freaked out in a much different- more HAPPIER and SQUEALIER manner! xP
Hayley- Oh, shut it you :P

I continued texting Hayley for a while, then just plugged my earphones in and listened to my playlist which took me away for a few hours.
While I listened, I doodled in my notebook, filling up about six pages before I slipped into a pit of boredom, and I simply just closed my eyes and let the melody playing in my ears lure me to sleep.
But soon, my eyes fluttered open at the sound of the front door abruptly opening and slamming shut. Then, I heard a bunch of crashing noises downstairs.
Barbara.
I sighed and got out of bed to go downstairs and try to end whatever drunken episode she was in. But walking was a little hard to do. I felt dizzy and lightheaded.
And this is what I get for wanting to be skinny..
I sighed, deciding I'll just get a bottle of water from the kitchen, as I walked downstairs, only to witness something that I would never want to witness ever in my life.
A drunken Barbara sitting on top of the kitchen counter, knocking things off of it as she kicked her legs open, causing her too tight too short skirt to ride up her hips. And in front of her was a strange, sweaty, hungry-looking man standing in only his boxers; his hands rubbing all over her legs.
"What. The. FUCK?!?" I yelled in disgust.
They both turned their attention to me. Barbara rolled her eyes.
"Oh FUCK OFF, Tay-lurrr!" She slurred.
"I LIVE HERE TOO, YA KNOW!" I retorted, shielding my eyes from the sight.
"Wait- you have kids??" The strange man raised his eyebrows at her.
"Not tonight, I don't! Come on, let's take this upstairs.." She winked at him, then dragged him past me and up the stairs to her bedroom.
I scowled at the memory of what I just witnessed. I can not live like this. Nope.
I quickly grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge, and grabbed one of my hoodies off the couch.
I definitely was not staying here while THAT'S going on!
I quickly took a swig out of my water, and left the house, immediately walking down the sidewalk, heading to a place where I could get away. Where it was quiet at this time of day, and always a peaceful and beautiful sight to me. The park.

I arrived at the park and sighed of content. There was a soft wind blowing, causing the swings to sway up and down, and the sound of a small creaky noise from the chains. The sky was getting a bit darker; it looked as if it were going to rain soon. But I won't stay too long. If it starts to rain, I'll just go to Hayley's.
But as for right now, I just want to be alone with my thoughts.
I sat down on the long wooden bench and held my head in my hands.
My life is just screwed up.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't eat, but my stomach feels absolutely horrible.
I can't date anyone, but I'm starting to get feelings for Alex.
I'm so indecisive.
If I eat, I'll get fat.
If I date Alex, there's a chance I'll get my heart broken and feel even shittier than before, because of the fact that it would be HIM who broke my heart.
I just don't know what to do.
I just...need a sign.
I heard someone sit down on the bench beside me.
Probably someone who wants to escape from their problems as well.
But then, I heard them.
"Tay?!"
I looked up from my hands and turned to the voice.
"Alex?"
My heart started jumping in my chest.
"What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing." I rolled my eyes and looked down at my feet.
There was silence for a while, but then he broke it.
"How about I ask you a better question?"
I turned my attention back to him.
"What?"
"Did you like my performance yesterday?"
"Oh fuck off, Alex!" I scoffed.
"I wrote it for you."
"Yeah, I noticed." I snapped.
"So why'd you leave?"
"Why wouldn't I leave?"
He let out a bitter laugh.
"You know what? I think I know why you left, actually!"
"Oh yeah? Please tell me why, Alex!" I snickered.
"You wanna know why? Because YOU'RE AFRAID, TAY!"
I crossed my arms.
"Oh please!"
"Yeah! YOU ARE! You so FUCKING are! You won't be with me because you're fucking scared! You're too afraid to let anyone in!"
I blinked a few times. That's true. But I can't let him think I'm some baby!
"Oh yeah? Okay, Alex. You keep telling yourself that to make yourself feel better, alright?"
He laughed bitterly and shook his head.
"You can deny it all you want but you know it's true! That kiss...that kiss was special to me. And I know it was special to you too, because if it wasn't, you wouldn't have kissed me back and you wouldn't have ran away yesterday, and you probably wouldn't be here right now thinking over all the shit you run from because YOU'RE FUCKING SCARED, TAY!"
I felt the familiar sting in my eyes.
No, Tay. Don't cry right now. Don't fucking cry.
"YOU'RE FUCKING INSANE, ALEX!"
"I'M INSANE? OKAY, LET'S SEE IF I'M INSANE!"
The next thing I know, he grabbed my face and pushed our lips together in a hungry kiss.
I felt shock at first, but then I gave in and kissed him back just as hard.
I don't know what came over me.
In that moment, I just wanted Alex's lips on mine. I just wanted to get away from my fears and my problems and just forget the world.
The feeling of his lips hungrily moving against mine just felt...right.
I tangled my fingers in his hair and scooted closer to him.
It was like I was in a trance.
Then, I felt his tongue attack my lower lip. I broke away.
We both slowly pulled apart, trying to catch our breaths.
But then I realized what just happened. And what could happen if I was with him.
And then I began to feel afraid again. And then I felt stupid because I kissed him and I just wanted to kiss him again and again but I knew I couldn't because of my constant fear that it's all a lie.
"A-Alex.."
"Now look me in the eyes..and TELL ME you didn't feel anything from that."
My eyes started to sting again.
"A-Alex, I can't." I averted my eyes from his.
He gave me a look of disbelief.
"Please don't lie to me, Tay. Just say it. Say it!"
"SAY WHAT?" I snapped, feeling frustrated with myself.
"Say you'll be with me! It's the only thing I want, and I know you want it too so just..admit it."
"Alex, I don't think you understand. I've been used, and lied to, and every guy who convinces me to let them in drops me like trash. I feel worse and worse about myself everyday, I don't need this right now!!"
He fell silent while I tried to compose myself.
"But don't you trust me?"
I remembered what Jenna told me yesterday.
"Do you trust him?"
My lip started to quiver as I tried to keep myself from breaking down.
"I have too many problems I need to sort out with myself first..I'm sorry."
He furrowed his brows and stared at me, dumbfounded.
"This is bullshit." He started getting off the bench.
"Alex...please understand!!" My eyes filled up with tears.
"Just another wasted kiss that meant absolutely nothing." He shook his head and started walking away.
"ALEX!!" I screamed, letting my tears stream down my face.
He stopped walking and turned around.
"But I'll wait for you, Tay Jardine. When you figure out what you really want, I'll be here. And when you're sad, I'll be here. I'll always be there for you until you realize that I'm never gonna hurt you."
And with that, he walked off and soon disappeared into the darkness that was setting in.
It started pouring rain, but it was only disguise for the tears endlessly falling out of my eyes, and drowning my cheeks.
I do trust you, Alex.
I do want to be with you.
I just don't deserve it.
I deserve no one.

Notes

OOPS! I DID IT AGAIN!!! *runs away*
I'm sorry you guys, this hurts me (almost) as much as it hurts you. I wanna make them all cute and fluffy but I can't! Grrrr :P

WE'RE ON THE POPULAR PAGE AND I SERIOUSLY DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD EVER HAPPEN BC I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A REALLY SHITTY JOB BUT THIS REALLY GIVES ME MUCH NEEDED CONFIDENCE AND I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR READING, THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME OMG <333333 (we're at the bottom of the 1st page and could easily get pushed off but idec right now I'm so happy don't judge meh)

Thanks! :)

Title cred: Jasey Rae- All Time Low