Kiss Me Again

It's been a week since I've spoken to Tay. The shit I'm feeling right now makes me wanna just hide away from the world and shut everyone out. Which is what I've been doing, pretty much.
Just the memory of that night makes me cringe. My thoughts running in a vicious cycle through my brain after she literally pushed me away and basically told me that we're never gonna happen.
She hates me. I'm a literal dumbass.
Who am I kidding, she wouldn't date me in a million years.
I blew it. Fuck my life.
I mean, she even pulled the whole "It's not you, it's me" card on me!
Christmas with her was absolutely fantastic. We watched movies, and drank hot chocolate and all of that shit! But then I just HAD to suggest we make cookies, and then I just HAD to kiss her...I could have just asked like a normal person, or simply stated that I liked her or something, but NOOOO I had to be a fucking awkward, nervous piece of shit! But honestly, would her answer have changed either way? Probably not. She still thinks I'm disgusting.
The rejection really hit me hard, even more so after I left and was on my way home.
My grasp tightening on the wheel in anger with myself. My heart breaking more and more the realization of the situation set in. I got home and stormed upstairs, punching the wall in my room, then falling to my knees and pulling at my hair.
"I'm not good enough for her. I'm just not good enough..."
Then, my heart's pace picked up. So did my breathing. I began to panic. I couldn't handle the situation. The rejection. I'd never been rejected before, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been such a big deal if it were anyone else. But it was Tay. I've never liked a girl as much as I like her.
My trembling and hyperventilation soon came to a halt. I blacked out.

The whole week, I've been avoiding her. On Monday, though, she ended up being at Jack's locker with the guys in the morning, exchanging gifts and hugging, and laughing their asses off. Probably about what a failure I am. She pretty much stole all my friends that morning, so I had to sadly walk straight to homeroom without being seen. In math, we don't do as much at look at each other. We both stare straight ahead, not daring to let the other think we give two shits about them. Tay stopped coming to eat lunch with us. Though I did tell her that night that we could no longer be friends, her absence in my life really makes me sad.
I don't really talk much in lunch anymore. Heck, I don't even eat much, either! I'll eat a chip and chug down my Gatorade and be done with it. Whenever the guys notice and ask me what's wrong, I just shake my head and stay staring down at my hands. But they soon stopped asking me that, after Zack spoke up and asked, "Oh yeah! Hey Alex, how'd it go with Tay on Christmas?" and I responded by getting up out of my seat and going to just stand outside and get some fresh air.
So basically, the weeks' been pretty unbearable.

Jack had called earlier saying he's coming over, and even though I want to stray from any human interaction, I know he's just gonna show up anyway. I left the door unlocked and went right back to laying sprawled out on my bed, stressing out about the whole situation.
Soon enough, I heard Jack enter from downstairs, and soon was in my bedroom, throwing my pillow at my face.
"Dude!" I groaned in annoyance.
"Don't you 'dude' me!!" Jack retorted, smacking me in the face with the pillow once again, before plopping down next to me.
"I hate seeing you like this, Al..we all do."
I scoffed in response.
"Whatever. It's my fault, I blew it with Tay."
"How'd you blow it?"
"We were having a cute little..kinda romance-y time together! And then we made cookies, a-and I kissed her!"
Jack's eyes widened.
"No way! You kissed her?"
"And this wasn't just any ordinary kiss, Jack, I'm telling ya...but she rejected me. She said it's not gonna happen. That it can't happen. I feel so fucking dumb!" I brought my hands to my face in defeat.
"Dude...that's fucked up. You two are obviously great for each other, why would she do that?"
"I dunno, but it's not her fault, really. You were right, Jack. I should have listened to you. This is what I get for chasing someone who doesn't wanna be caught." I sighed and shook my head, feeling like an idiot.
"Hey! No! Don't go feeling miserable over this girl. She'll come around, I'm sure! And please, do not quote my crappy-ass advice!" He rolled his eyes.
"Ugh, then what fucking advice am I supposed to take?!" I sat up, huffing out of frustration.
"Uhh...I dunno..follow your heart?"
I scowled and turned to narrow my eyes at him.
"Follow my heart?!"
He lifted his hands up in surrender and grinned.
"Hey, that's what they say on all those Disney movies and shit!" He laughed.
I couldn't help but laugh with him.
"I hope your right, Jack...that thing about her coming around."
"Dude, don't worry, she'll admit that she likes you eventually. Maybe you should do some of that sappy shit you like to do, like write her a song or something!" Jack chuckled, patting me on the back.
Now that I think about it, that's actually a great idea!
"Geez, Jack. Who made you such a wise guy?"

Notes

Erm..I think I might have done a little too much rambling in this chapter. I did a bad job today, I'm sowwy.
And I'm also sowwy for breaking Taylex before it even started. Don't hate meeee :P

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Title cred: Never Be What You Want- We Are The In Crowd