Kiss Me Again

It's Christmas morning! At first, I didn't think I'd be as excited this year on account that I've moved away from New York, and the only people I had to spend Christmas with was Jenna and her family. They're like the family I never had. We'd all buy presents for each other, and have dinner and everything. I miss that.
But I am beyond happy that Alex is coming over to spend Christmas with me now. The guys and Hayley are all either out of town or stuck with their parents today, so without him, I'd be all alone while Barbara's out partying or doing God knows what like she does every Christmas.
Alex is coming over in about 2 hours, so that gives me time to get everything ready, and also check the mailbox for gifts.
And like she said, Jenna had delivered! I picked up the package that was labeled:
To Tay Jardine, From The McDougalls.
I smiled and placed it under my little Christmas tree I set up in the living room. I began to place all the presents I bought for my friends under there as well; I guess I'll just have to give them to them at school in a few days.
I fixed up some hot chocolate for both me and Alex, with whip cream and marshmallows, and chocolate chips, even!
I set up the fireplace, blankets, and got out my stack of Christmas movies we can watch while we cuddle- I mean...SIT on the couch together.
He should be over soon, which gives me...only 30 minutes to get ready. Great.
I quickly went upstairs and showered and got ready, putting on an oversized red & white striped sweater, black leggings, and fuzzy Christmas socks that matches the sweater. I looked at myself in the mirror, giggling at the memories of me and Jenna wearing this same exact outfit every Christmas for the past five years. We got the sweaters in a huge size, so that it would take us forever to grow into them. Ha!
All of a sudden, my thoughts are interrupted when I hear the doorbell ring.
Shit, Alex is here.
I quickly checked to make sure my hair was okay, before I ran down the stairs and answered the door. I smiled at the sight.
Alex looked so adorable; holding a huge bag that I assumed was full of presents, and wearing a little Santa hat, identical to the one he held with his free hand that he held out to me.
He blushed and had a shy smile.
"Hey, I-I got you this hat...if you want it.."
I squealed and jumped into his arms giving him a hug, then placed the hat on my head and stuck my tongue out at him.
"Why yes, I DO want the hat, thank you very much! Now come in, it's cold outside!" I cheered and ran into the kitchen while he unloaded his bag under the tree in the living room.
I came back with the hot chocolates, placing them on the coffee table in front of the couch where Alex was sitting, taking off his scarf and leather jacket.
"Mmmm...there's like, marshmallows and everything!" He practically squealed after taking a sip.
I giggled and took a sip of mine. I really do whip up some good hot chocolate.
"So! I thought we could watch a movie or two before we open our presents, sound good?"
"I'm all for it, Jardine!" he said, still engulfed in his drink.
I grinned, and put the first movie in.
We were about 30 minutes into the movie, when Alex nudged my arm with his elbow.
I turned to him, giving him a fake scowl.
"What?! Can't you see I'm TRYING to watch Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer?" I laughed.
He just stuck his lip out in a pout, and showed his empty mug to me, like a little kid.
"Aww, does wittle Awex want some more hot cocoa?"
His lips curved up into a smile, and he nodded eagerly, handing the mug to me.
I rolled my eyes and laughed, getting up to go make a refill for both him and myself.
When I got back, I sat next to Alex on the couch. We both sat with our legs criss-crossed in the seat, our knees touching as we watched the movie.
The movie was almost over when I turned to look at him. He noticed, and stuck his tongue out at me.
I giggled uncontrollably when I noticed he had whipped cream on the tip of his nose. He gave me a puzzled look.
"What? What happened? Is there something on my face?" He started patting his cheeks.
I couldn't contain my laughter, and I frantically nodded, pointing to his nose.
"Y-you've got a little whipped cream there!"
He frowned, then dipped his finger into his mug, and wiped whipped cream on my nose as well.
"There, now you do too!"
I fake gasped, and slapped his arm.
We both just giggled away like little children.

"Okay, we've watched two movies. Now how about we go open those presents over by that cozy-looking fireplace?" Alex winked at me.
"That's fine with me!" I shrugged, walking over to the tree.
"Okay, you or me first?"
He shrugged. "That box looks more interesting than mine, you go first."
I nodded, and began to open the huge box from the McDougalls. I smiled when I saw that I got a pair of beanies which were black and gray from Mr. McDougall, a pair of white jeans from Mrs. McDougall, and a pair of blue Beats headphones from Jenna!
"Goddammit, these people know me so well!" I had a huge smile plastered on my face.
"Whoa, who's all that from?"
"My best friend back in New York, and her parents. Her name is Jenna, I've known her since like, 5th grade. She knows me better than anyone!"
"Ah, well she sure does seem like a good friend!" He grinned, but then looked down at the tiny box he was holding.
"I already know what this is, so there's no point in opening it, really."
"No point? What do you mean? Open i-"
"It's a watch." He mumbled, still looking down at the unopened box.
"How do you kn-"
He tossed the box over to me, still looking down at his lap.
I gave him a puzzled look, then looked down at the box and decided to open it. And it indeed, was a watch.
"See? It's a watch. Nothing special. It's from my dad, he gives me the same old gift every year. At least he used to throw in a card, now it's just a plain old watch he throws in the mail from whatever city he's in."
He had a sad expression on his face. I felt absolutely horrible. His dad doesn't seem to care very much about him, and the fact that I just opened up that huge present in front of him makes me feel like the shittiest person on the planet.
I reached over and placed my hand on his.
"I'm sorry. Don't let that bum you out, okay? Look, I got this for you!" I grinned, handing him his presents.
He looked up and narrowed his eyes.
"Hey! You said you wouldn't get me much!" He protested, looking wide-eyed at the two boxes.
"It isn't 'much'!" I laughed, putting finger quotations at the "much".
He rolled his eyes and gave me a half smile before opening them.
"Wow, this is...thanks, Tay!" He smiled at the presents, turning the hat around.
"You like it?" I beamed with happiness.
"I love it." He looked up at me and grinned.
I grinned back at him and held his gaze for a moment.
He looks so cute just sitting there, with his cute little smile, and the way his bangs fall so perfectly over his forehead underneath that Santa hat, oh my God.
He blinked a few times, then turned to pick up a present.
"I uh..this is for you." He smiled shyly, handing me a large, shiny bag.
"Ooooo!" I dug into it, fishing out a maroon hoodie, and a bag of..cookie mix?
I looked up at him to see him laughing to himself.
"Lets bake some sugar cookies!"
"Yay!"
We ran off to the kitchen and started making them.
"Oh my God! I just remembered, I have sprinkles!" I cheered.
He laughed as I excitedly ran into his arms, and then he spun me around. Once he put me down, we still had our arms wrapped around each other, our faces quite close together.
I smiled, getting lost in his brown eyes.
"Tay.." He started.
Just then, the timer bell went off, signaling that the cookies were really. I turned around and squealed, taking them out the oven, and grabbing the sprinkle shaker.
"Tay, I-I got something to tell...or rather, ask you."
I turned around to see him blushing, and nervously looking down at his feet.
"What is it?"
He scratched at the back of his neck, still not looking up.
"I uh...um.."
I walked a bit closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.
"Alex, come on..tell me."
He looked up and stared into my eyes for a second, then took a deep breath.
"I-I...Tay, I really have something to confess to you, b-but I can show you better than I can tell you, obviously..."
He trailed off, looking deeply into my eyes, and slowly walking closer to me, until our faces were only about two inches away from each other.
"Alex, wha-"
I wasn't able to complete my sentence.
I was frozen. I couldn't talk or move, I could only just look into his beautiful brown eyes that were intently looking back at me. I felt him place his hand on my jaw, and he tilted my head up a bit.
His face started getting closer and closer, and he tilted his head a little, and his eyes fluttered closed. I still didn't dare move. I just stood still, and I let him.
I let him kiss me.
The feeling when his lips met mine was incredible. I was still frozen, but eventually came to my senses and closed my eyes as well, and...
I kissed him back.
I was counting in my head that 3 seconds had passed. My brain erupted with feelings.
He's kissing me.
Alex is kissing me.
He's perfect.
I'm kissing him back.
Wait....
I'M KISSING ALEX!!
I quickly pulled away, shoving his chest back.
I instantly missed the feeling of his lips. All that was left was a little tingly feeling from where they were.
"Alex! Alex, no...no, I can't. We can't...no. Just no." I looked down at the floor feeling pissed at myself for both pulling away, and for letting him kiss me in the first place.
I can't get feelings for Alex. That would ruin everything. I can't just set myself up for hurt!!
"W-wow...okay. Okay, that's..that's awesome, just..awesome."
Alex shook his head in frustration, looking at the ground, and began backing out of the kitchen.
"Alex, no...no wait!" I called after him, feeling extra shitty.
He turned around, with the most heartbreaking, most hurt-looking face I have ever seen.
"Alex, it's not because of you, there's nothing wrong with you, it's just...it's me, I just have problems with-"
"No, just- just leave it, I'm going." He snapped, heading to the door.
I followed after him.
"Come on, Alex! It's Christmas! Everything's fine, we'll forget about i-"
"No. You'll forget, but I won't. I'll never forget. I'm not gonna just pretend that everything's okay. Nope! Not again, Tay. I can't be just friends with you, I've figured that out now. I'm sorry for wrecking it. Merry Christmas."
And with that, he walked out the door, slamming it shut.
Leaving his presents and the cookies.
Leaving me all alone to spend the rest of my Christmas locked in my room, crying myself to sleep because he didn't text me goodnight.
Because I fucked everything up.
Because I'm fucked up.
Because I hurt Alex.
Because I'm all alone now.
And it's all my fault.

Notes

Gosh man...
I felt kinda bad writing this because I made you guys wait and get all pumped up just for this to happen.
BUT OH WELL! We'll have to wait a bit longer then! ;D
Don't hate me please.
And could you pwease pwease vote if you haven't already bc that would be really awesome.
I wuv you :3

Thanks! :)

Title cred: Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass- All Time Low