By the time I awoke, I was stripped of my clothing entirely. Wearing one of those ugly gowns, I was resting on a bed in a solid white room, nothing but the sound of machines there to comfort me. My memory was lacking. I remember the pain, I remember the look on Steph and Alex's face, but everything else is a blur. With a grunt, I attempt to roll over. I am thankful to find that my mother is with me, even if we don't get along. Just knowing someone is there, someone who can explain.. It lifted a weight of my shoulder.


"Jess, you're awake," she whispered, wiping my hair away from my face. "How do you feel?"


"How long have I been here?" I asked, tossing her question in the trash. "Why am I so sore?"


"You were in an accident," mom frowned. She leaned over the bed to push the red call button. "I don't know the details, I'm just glad you're okay."


I nodded, allowing the silence to fall over us. I was wrong. Her being here is useless. A moment later, there's a small tap on the door and a nurse appears. She's carrying a plastic bag in her hands. I realize this contains the studs and barbells that belong in my body, along with all the bracelets from my wrist. Mother fuck.


Tucking my arm away under the blanket, I look to the nurse as she hands the back off to my mother. She's scanning my chart, judging me every inch of the way.


"Jessica, how are we feeling?"


"Like we need a lot of drugs or my legs chopped off, which ever costs less."


The nurse chuckles and it's totally fake. She drops my chart down on a chair and marches over to me. She pulls on a few wires, tugging at the IV in my hand. My memory starts to return. They gave me that horrible thing in the ambulance. Took them enough tries, I now have holes all over my hand. I even remember telling them men if they couldn't get it in, I'd do it my fucking self.


"We need a urine sample," she bluntly states, handing me a cup. "Can you walk?"


"I don't think so.." I mumble, staring at the cup. They're going to test me for drugs. Shit. "I don't have to pee, either."


"Well, sweetheart, either you can pee or I can get it the hard way."


"Fine then, darling. Can you at least help me get to the fucking bathroom?"


She drops the wires and gives me a cold look. I'm well aware of the fact that I have screwed myself with my mouth, but frankly, I didn't mind.


"Your mom said she was a nurse. She can do it. I'll be back in five minutes."


My mom shakes her head. It's obvious she wants to lecture me, but she knows it won't do any good. Instead, she helps me climb from the bed, where I see the gauze is completely soaked with blood. When my feet hit the floor, mom steadies me so I don't fall. I'm thankful for this, because the moment my weight hit my legs, I thougth I was going to die. Still, I am Jessie, I am not allowed to feel pain. I suck it up and limp out of the room. From here, I can see signs that tell me I'm in the trama section of the ER.


As necessary, I piss into the plastic cup and seal the cap. At least I already knew there was nothing they could say about the drugs in my system. At most, it would go on my chart and I'd be charged for the accident. Big fucking deal.


With the cup in hand, mom helps me drag myself back to the bed. I plop down on it and fight back the tears threatening to spill. I'm also pretty sure that I should have stitches, considering the blood was now dripping for the gauze and down my leg.


"Hello, Jessica!" A chipper doctor comes into the room without warning. I close my legs as best I can and balance myself on the bed. "Pretty banged up, aren't you?"


"Will someone please tell me what's wrong with my face?" I question. I'd had enough of the funny looks. What kind of monster was I? "Is it cut? Bruised?"


"You don't feel the pain?" He asks, stepping closer to me so he could touch my face. I wince at the feeling of his hands. "You, my dear, have a broken nose. Pretty bad one, too. I'd expect those black eyes to stick around for a while. We should probably set it. Mom, are you okay with that?"


Once again, I find myself spacing out. My nose is broken? My eyes are black? I slowly move my hand up to my face and touch the swollen area. The moment my finger touches the brige of my nose, pain runs through my spine. Definitely broken.


"--And just snap it back into place, see?"


"Excuse me?" I breathe, trying to focus on what the man is saying. "You want to do what to my nose?"


"It'll only hurt for a moment," he promises. "Then you'll be all good to heal."


"I'd rather you didn't break my nose again, with all due respect. If there ever comes a day when I'm unhappy with the way it looks, I'll be sure to track you down so you can personally break it again."


He chuckles loudly, to the point where my mom and I both wince. If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that, when I'm in pain, I do not like to be touched or talked to. I would rather deal with it on my own, or with the help of medication, and recover by myself. Naturally, I didn't have that option since I was in the hospital.


"You actually may want to consider seeing a cosmetic doctor," he comments, pointing to my face. "That wound on your lip is certain to scar."


"There's more?" I whisper, my fingers now grazing over my lower lip. It's really sore, but not too swollen. "What happened?"


"Well, your tooth went straight through your lip! It's a clean cut, but you'll be able to notice it for the rest of your life. Had it not been for your braces, you probably wouldn't have any teeth left." With that, he smiles, reaching out to grab my chart. "Let's just cover all your injuries, shall we?"


I nod, fearing that my appearance would be forever ruined by this accident.


"You know about your lip and your nose.. Hmm.. You have a concussion, bruised ribs, a sprain in your wrists. The paramedics believe that this is from you grabbing the, as they worded it, brake on the handle bar.. Severe lacerations on both of your legs, also a cause of the handle bars, and sever bruising on your ankles." Now, he looks up at me with a smile on his face. "You're lucky."


I fight the desire to roll my eyes. He calls this lucky? Sure, I wasn't outrageously damaged, but fuck. My new tires!


"Actually, Jessica, once we attend to those legs, you're free to go."


I nod, uncomfortably shifting my weight. The doctor tosses my chart again and makes his way over to my bed. I wince as he pulls my gown back, poking at my legs. It takes everything me not to punch him. He removes the gauze with what he seemed to think was ease, revealing my horrible wounds.


"Why didn't she get stitches?"


"Because her flesh is missing, see," he applies pressure. "We can't stitch that. There's nothing to stitch! So here's what you need to do. Change the dressing once a day. And this needs to always go back around it," he holds out a purple wrap, with pink hearts on it. My stomach turns. "I'd let the wounds breathe for maybe an hour a day."


I hold my breath as he tends to my wound, tears pooling in my eyes. I hated myself for this, I never cry, but fucking Hell, it hurt. Thankfully, he was done in about five minutes. He signed my chart and glanced to my mother, his face going soft.


"May I have a moment alone with your daughter? I need to speak with her about something. It'll only take a minute then you can help her get dressed and take her home."


My mom didn't like the idea, but she agreed to leave the room. I shifted uncomfortably. Had the results from my test come back already?


"Jessica, you really should have some kind of pain medication because you're going to have a brutal healing process," I glanced up at him, hopeful, but it was instantly shot down. "The problem is, you have several, deep cuts on your wrist. I can't say for sure that these didn't come from the wreck, but just to be sure, I cannot give you the medication. So I'm asking you as your doctor on call.. Do you need to tell us anything?"


"... No. Can I get dressed and go home now?"


"Yes," he signed, jotting something else down on my chart. "Come back if the pain gets any worse. Best of luck to you, Jessica."


As soon as the door closed behind him, I lunged out of bed, tears finally falling down my face from the pain. But I didn't care. I needed my bands and I needed them now. I stuffed each and every band back on my arm where they belonged and even put in my hoops and bars just so no one gets curious. From there, my mom let herself in and helped me dress in a pair of baggy pants and a tee-shirt that Steph had apparently sent for me.


"Where is she?" I asked my mom, clinging to my crutches. "Fuck! I can't use these. It hurts."


"Stay right here, I'll get you a chair."


Mom left, but came back a moment later. I planted my butt in the seat and shot a smug glance to the nurse who refused to help me earlier. My question was answered when we got to the waiting area of the ER. Kelly, Steph, Kris, Alex and Jack were all waiting for me. I sighed in relief, thankful that things wouldn't be awkward with my mom anymore. I hadn't seen the woman in over a month, we didn't have much to talk about in my eyes.


"Baby, you're okay!" Kell's arms wrapped around my frame, making me yelp in pain. "I'm so sorry. Let's get you home."


"Actually, Kelly, I thought she might come home with me tonight."


"No, I don't think so," I glanced at mom. "I'll be home for the forth, I'm staying with them until then."


Mom frowned, but nodded, rolling me out to the car. Behind me, she was talking to Jack and Alex, asking who they were. Alex managed to blurt out that he was my boyfriend which earned me an awkward look from mom. Still, she didn't say a word, instead telling everyone to get in her Trans Am which probably wouldn't fit us all.


"I don't want to sit in front," I looked to Alex, hoping he'd catch on that I just wanted him right now. "Kell, you take it. Kris can sit on your lap."


"No, I'm sitting in back," Kelly giggled, making my blood boil. "Steph and Jack can take front."


And so they did. I ended up behind the passenger seat, Kelly to my left, Kristen on her lap and Alex behind my mom. I told myself it didn't matter, that I'd be home soon where someone was certain to score me some good pills so I could sleep. That's all I needed to do, sleep.

Notes

Off hiatus, at least for now! Big shout out to earthtotiffie for commenting! <3.